Hasta Lasagna, Don't Get Any On Ya..

good evening.
it's about that time folks.
that's right, it's go time.


first off, Vagina Heigl strikes again.
did I mention how I loathe and despise this woman?
look, My Father the Hero was a decent flick and I think I liked her for about a second.
but now I wish she would go the way of the dinosaur.
her latest grievance was during her promotional tour for the hideous 27 Dresses.
during her interview with the hott piece that is Letterman, Vagina ripped her new husband a new one, dissed her film and came out looking like a complete pirate hooker.
defamer seems to loathe the Vagina as much as I do and has footage of the interview so that you can join in the hate club



Us Weekly is confirming reports that the Jolie is pregnant.
I think the confirmation is all a ploy to excuse Jolie from answering for the hippie jam festival dress she wore to the SAG Awards.
Read more aquí




five head threw Jessica Alba a baby shower.
this worries me.
i would not want five head near my unborn child, it would be like voluntarily sleeping with herpes.
look at the photos of Alba all pregnant like and wearing the unholiest of unholy...stretchy pants.



Some blind items.. what's your guess?


Crazy Days and Nights

#1 Our HIV+ singer was asked by her local health department who she had sex with so they could be notified. There are some rumors that this list is up for sale.

#2 This aging Academy Award nominated actor is really starting to show even more signs that he may not have all his faculties. Lately he has been trying to make purchases with gold coins instead of cash. No one knows if he is truly crazy or a genius since the past few times he has attempted to use the coins, the owners of the store just let him have his purchases for free after he threw a fit about how he didn't believe in cash or credit anymore and that he was returning to the past. Uh huh.

#3 This A list actor/actress married couple. How does the couples thing work? I think that if one is a B+ lister and the other is probably a B+ lister but formerly A list, and they both have A list name recognition, that they should be an A list couple. That was a long way to go for telling you that it seems that our actor recently got the actress pregnant. I think it does usually work that way except in the movie Junior. Our actress miscarried, and since then our actor has gone off the deep end. It looked like he was headed off the deep end before the miscarriage, but he has been using it as an excuse to justify his behavior and his absences.

#4 He is an A list actor by definition, and he is certainly paid up towards the top of the acting list. It is a good thing he is getting paid a lot because he is not getting laid a lot. Oh, he tries, but our funnyman has a real problem getting the party started so to speak. The women usually try their best, but our actor inevitably sends them on their way with an apology and gets back to doing what is causing the problem in the first place.

A gimme..

Page Six:
Which model-turned-actress, who is on her second actor husband, relaxes between shoots with a bong made from an enormous two-liter plastic soda bottle?

(Rebecca Romijn anyone?)


Defamer Privacy Watch 2008!!
bring it



how bout some scoop from the SAG Awards?
Crazy Days and Nights has a spy who attends these award shows, blogs about them and the guess is that it's Christina Applegate.
if this is the case, then Applegate has seriously gained some cool points..
read her recap la derecha aquí



Christopher Nolan, director of Batman Begins and the upcoming The Dark Knight, paid tribute to Heath Ledger in the latest issue of Newsweek.
You can read an excerpt here



Um, if this is true I am going to shit twice and die.



Um, if this is true, someone up there likes me. I mean really, really likes me.



Michael Ausiello over at tvguide.com, has some scoop on the strike and a possible end being near.
He had this to say in his Ask Ausiello columnt:
Question: I hear that the strike is over! Is it true?— Danouk
Ausiello: Nothing's official, but the buzz is that a tentative agreement has been reached, with an announcement coming as early as tomorrow. But it's hard to tell what's solid intel and what's just spin. To wit: In the past 24 hours, one source close to the negotiations insisted that talk of a resolution was way premature. "There's no deal," maintained my spy. "That's just misinformation put out by the AMPTP to pressure the WGA." But moments before I put this column to bed, I heard from another very plugged-in source that the deal is done. Short story shorter: There's cause for optimism, but not celebration. Yet.

Sweet bro's..


usted desea mirar las fotos?
que bueno!

Courtesy of Us Weekly..


Biel.
not liking the blond hair.
washes her out.
I like her, she doesn't bother me and she isn't a terrible actress.
actually since she is with the JT, his magic has rubbed of on her and she can do no wrong.
plus the Diaz hates her and I despise the Diaz so good times..
SIDE BAR: his magic and rubbing off on her was a poor choice of words and I apologize for that.





Liv.
I miss her.
she is so lovely and seems like a normal person and mom.
i want her hair.
um, you're a weird hair stalker.



Drew and her boyfriend for the next couple months or 1 to 2 years tops, Justin the Mac dude.
this will all end in tears.
i'm not hoping or wishing for it but it will.
this girl can't keep a man and for some gosh forsaken reason she hangs with the Diaz and her pizza face.





Stefani.
hiding her belly of love.
i heard a rumor that the gavin was not aware of the trying to get pregnant.
i mean, like he didn’t know that the stefani was taking a breaky poo from the whole birth control thing.
i wonder if those dudes from the no doubt knew about it?
cause the stefani is their freakin meal ticket and now that she is embarazado, aint no way in heck she is going to be jammin the ska.
no way.


alrighty folks that is it for me this evening.
enjoy the news and keep on being the big deals that you are, handsome devils..

Someone is pregnant...

pregnancia

2008 SAG Awards

SAG Awards were tonight.
Kinda lackluster but people dressed up and that should count for something.
Um, did I tell you how much I love the Daniel Day Lewis?
The dude is a freaking amazing and humble actor.
A couple of days ago he was on Oprah for the 2008 Academy Award Nominees show.
He spent his time praising Heath Ledger and mourning his loss.
Tonight in his acceptance speech, he honored Heath Ledger again and dedicated his award to him.
Here is the speech in its entirety:

DANIEL DAY-LEWIS: Thank you. I’m very, very proud of this. Thank you so much for giving it to me. And I’m very proud to be included in that group of wonderful actors this year.

You know, for as long as I can remember, the thing that gave me a sense of wonderment, of renewal, the thing that teased me with the question, how is such a thing possible, and then dare you to go back into the arena of one more time, with longing and self-doubt, jostling in the balance. It’s always been the work of other actors, and there are many actors in this room tonight, including my fellow nominees who have given that sense of regeneration and…

Heath Ledger gave it to me. [applause] In “Monster’s Ball,” that character that he created, it seemed to be almost like an unformed being, retreating from themselves, retreating from his father, from his life, even retreating from us, and yet we wanted to follow him, and yet we’re scared to follow him almost. It was unique. And then, of course, in “Brokeback Mountain,” he was unique, he was perfect. [applause] And that scene in the trailer at the end of the film is as moving as anything that I think I’ve ever seen. And I’d like to dedicate this to Heath Ledger. So, thank you very much. Thank you so much. [applause].

What a classy dude.



Another classy dude is Ryan Gosling.
Yep, he is totally a hott piece and a good actor too.
He and his sister, his date for the evening, wore black ribbons in remembrance of Heath Ledger.


I guess other stuff happened like some other people won in the other categories.
Here is the list of the winners as well as a brief rundown of the show.



I know, I know, what the hell were they wearing?

Well, rumor has it that Angelina is pregnant with twins.
The dress she wore tonight did nothing to dispel those rumors.

The dress is vintage Hermès and no me gusta.
This looks like a really expensive hippie dress complete with tie dye and the ability to make me want hide in the fetal position in a corner.
I loathe hippies.
She does look happy and that's better then looking like she smells poo as she has been known to do in the past.

During the show, Brad and Angie were practicing their sexy time moves.


The photo above is very reminiscent of the Critics Choice Awards where the two were totally scamming at the table.
Angelina and Brad remind me of Caroline Mulford and Jake Ryan.
Remember that scene in 16 Candles where Randy and Samantha are in the locker room ogling Caroline?
You don't?
Well lookey what I got here to jog your memory!

Samantha:
I swear to God, Caroline Mulford
had to flunk about nine grades.

Randy:
Truly makes me ill.

Samantha
She's perfect.
Practically impossible to cut up.
She's supposedly real sweet.

Randy:
Brother's deaf, and everybody
in the world worships her.

Samantha:
And she's going with Jake.
Oh, I'm gonna kill myself.

Switch out Caroline for Angelina and add something about saving Africa, then switch out Jake with Brad and it all makes sense.
Do you see it?
I totally do.
Totally.



America Ferrera was at the awards too.
She looked very perty wearing Monique Lhuillier, whose name I cannot pronounce to save my life.
I loved the dress and hair and have to say this was much better then last year's green number, which I thought made her look frumpy.



Oscar nominated actress Ellen Page was present at the SAG Award for her work in the Juno.
She looked all right, wearing Zac Posen, who mi gustaria mucho.
I think she looks like she feels a bit awkward wearing dresses and just learned how to walk in the heels for the first time.
I mean, I guess I should cut the girl a break, she is Canadian.
Yes, that is the last time I will make a comment about Ellen Page being Canadian and that somehow makes her a complete retard or something.
I think she's swell.



My girl Tina Fey looked smokin' hot tonight in an Alberta Ferretti cocktail dress.
She won an award too and I think I saw Ryan Gosling giving her the sweet eye.
Nice.




The Beckinsale wore a Luisa Beccaria gown and I think looked very pretty albeit a bit pale.
Beckinsale is a knock out though and according to Claire Danes not so cool.
During the filming of Brokedown Palace, Danes said that she hoped to make friends with Beckinsale but “That was wrong. We didn't. She's complicated. She's prickly".
At the time, I was Team Danes.
I now realize that I was drinking the My So Called Life Kool-Aid, was all up in Claire Danes' grill cause she was freaking Angela Chase and that Kate Beckinsale probably saw what a skeezer Danes would become and stayed clear of that hose beast.
Okay.
Um.
Yeah, so here's Kate looking sassy...




Does Michelle Pfeiffer ever age?
Ever?
She wore a Versace dress with matching Christian Louboutin shoes and I am so a fan of that Christian Louboutin.



Cate Blanchett.
Girl is preggers and I do not like the dress.
Blanchett is my girl but this dress just ain't happening.
I feel like it looks like a comforter that was on sale at Ross.
She will step it up at the Oscars, I mean throw me a freaking bone Blanchett.


Dude, welcome to my favorite sandwich.
The Bardem and The Mortensen.
Delish..




Really, that was it.
Remember, The Academy Awards are on February 23.
There will be someone wearing something super craptastical, there just has to be….



**Photos borrowed from People.com with the exception of the Jolie/Pitt scamming session and Gosling, which was borrowed from PageSix.com

Three for the Price of Uno

Quick recaps of The Runway..


Episode 7- What A Girl Wants
The Challenge: Some bitches from a prep school have the designers make their prom dress.


Christian had the worst of the lot, some ho who thought she was all up in the game and critiqued every bit of the monstrosity that was created for her.
Christian was not without blame, as he totally gave into the major bratitude and almost quit.
I think he secretly created the piece of poop the girl was stuck wearing just to make her the Carrie of the prom set.


All of the dresses were really craptastical.
The girls looked super matronly and could have purchased something better at Chicos for shit's sake.
Chico's, it's my jam.


Anywho, the least craptastical in the judge’s eyes was Victorya's blue, bedazzler.
I can't say I had a favorite as I thought all of the dresses made me want to vomit.



The most vomitous of all was I'm Not Gay.
Dude, girl looked like she was mother of the freaking bride in a Vegas shotgun wedding and the only store that was open was Burlington Coat Factory.
Bad.
Because of this and all of I'm Not Gay's many atrocities, he was aufed.
But not before he told all who would listen that they would see his collection one day and he was gonna reach for the stars and catch em.
I was waiting for some random in the audience to yell, "You suck!" in the stunned silence that followed this declaration of lunacy.



Episode 8- En Grade!
Randomly selected team challenge.
Each team had to create an avant-garde outfit based on their model's hair.
Yep.
I said based on hair.
The teams were later told to create a second, ready to wear outfit, based on the avant-garde design.
This one actually ended up being kinda cool.
Except that Kit was paired with Crytardo and that = all kinds of bad.


Rami also ended up looking like complete turd as he took Sweet P to the mat.
Although Sweet P is kind of pusstastic.
She doesn't stand up for herself and is really, very passive.


Anywho, her ready to wear dress was super cute and got an A+ from the judges.
Since Rami decided to take on the avant-garde piece, for the most part by himself, the judges gave him a thumbs dizown.



Chris and Christian.
Lordy, lordy, lordy.
The avant-garde dress was somethin', somethin'.
Ridiculous, really.
I wanted that dress for my high school reunion.
Andie freaking Walsh wanted that hott piece to bug out Blane.
Christian is a genius bitch of a designer, plain and simple.
Chris helped but you know it was all that little midge with the Japanese Harajuku Lovers haircut.
The judges agreed and gave those dudes the high five and Christian immunity for the next challenge.


Dudes.
I know I hate Jillian with a severe passion but the coat she created was dope.
That is all I am going to say about that.



Kit.
Muy, muy triste.
I don't understand what she was trying to do but whatever it was it did not translate into good.
I can't even blame the dress on Crytardo.
Everything else yes, but the dress was all Kit.
It was bad.
Like Holly Hobbie, Strawberry Shortcake and Scarlett O'Hara's dresses morphed into one and out came a poop patchwork.
So sad.
Kit got the boot and that blows cause I liked her.
In her interview with Entertainment Weekly, Kit took responsibility for the poop patchwork but she also said that she never received any direction from the judges.
I agree.
They never praised her nor did they give her constructive criticism.
Read more here.




Episode 9- Even Designers Get The Blues

The challenge this week was to have the designers create an iconic look using Levi's and white cotton all the while giving props to the Levi's 501 legacy.


Christian.
As usual the dude blew my mind.
He made a jean biker type jacket, took some jeans, made new jeans and used the old jean jacket's sleeve to make the bottoms of those jeans.
Priceless.
Totally ruled.


Sweet P really surprised me.
She created a dress that did not look like it was made out of jean.
It was chic and simple and really cuuute.
Credit Tim with letting Sweet P know that making a jean wedding dress a la Stevie Nicks circa 1983, would not have been great idea.



Okay.
Um.
Crytardo was in my good graces for two seconds by making a very decent design.
There, I said it.
Then I lost the love when he cried for the nine billionth time this season.
Stop. fucking. crying!
Just like your variety of clown hats, it does no one any good at all.


Jillian.
When asked about Christian, Jillian said that he was immature.
Half way through the show, Jillian cries because she keeps poking herself with needles.
Then she cries cause she was too ambitious because she decided to make a jacket. Again.
Then she continues with the zero personality tour.
Immature. Why don't you wake up and smell what you shoveling?
At the runway, The Poodle gets berated by the judges for her poor judgment and design and I am happy for two seconds cause I cannot stand her.
She is, in a word, boredom.
She can design and dress (with the exception of the overalls), but she is absolutely void of anything.
Am I done, hells no.
No me gusta the poodle, no me gusta por vida.


In the end, Victorobot is out.
I can't say that I am not pleased.
Crytardo won and cried.
I can say I was pleased by the design but not by the crying or the hat.
Or his teeth.


Next week, six are left and I see Christian taking this thing to the bitter end.

For nothing now can ever come to any good...

More on the Heath Ledger.
New York Times
Gawker answers some questions..
Q & A
People, TMZ and US Weekly are posting photos of Ledger's body being wheeled out of the apartment building where he was found as well as photos of Michelle Williams and Matilda Ledger leaving the airport in Sweden and then arriving in New York.
Oh by the by, these photographers and these freaking morally bankrupt websites will burn, burn, burn in hell.
Dude.
I know that I am eating up this gossip because it is so shocking and so sad and so unnecessary.
But I don't think it's appropriate to have paparazzi hounding a woman who lost someone who was the father of her baby, and I'm speculating, possibly the love of her life, to catch a tear or a distressed glance.
These people are springing the news on other celebrities at Sundance just to get their shocking reaction and dissecting every bit of this dudes life in order to win the pissing contest.
I know I am bit hypocritical relaying all of these stories but I truly am trying to separate the tasteless from the informative.
And all of this is just sad poop.
I mean I don't know the guy, he could have caused this by taking too many drugs but all and all this does = lame.
I am going to get off the soapbox and try and recap some Project Runway cause I wanna be as shallow as humanly possible..
Also, reading this, makes me feel like I am taking things a bit too seriously.
I totally need some Tim Gunn time.

I am sure you all have heard..

Heath Ledger passed away today.
This is all kinds of sad.
There have been varied reports on the who, what, when, where and why.
The Daily Mail has a synopsis of Ledger's last months and it seems that he was abusing drugs and very, very depressed.
It also appears that the dude had pneumonia and was having trouble sleeping.
A bottle of perscription drugs and over the counter medicine was found at the scene.
This is all super lame cause he had a daughter and a promising career.
An autopsy is scheduled for tomorrow however it will take several weeks for the cause of death to be revealed.
You can read the article here
Page Six has more info on the drugs that were found on scene and The Ledger's mental condition at the time of his death.
E! Online has reactions from friends and family, here
The New York Times has the most comprehensive coverage.
Side Bar: Earlier reports said that the apartment that Ledger was found in was Mary Kate Olsen's.
This has been proven to be a load of bunk.
The Olsen connection was through the masseuse who found Ledger AND CALLED MARY KATE TO ASK WHAT TO DO!
What in the fuck do you think you should do?
Unless Mary Kate is freaking God or the Devil and she can bring someone back from the dead, one has no business calling the bitch for advice.
I mean, CPR?
Or call the paramedics for shits sake..
Anywho, sorry to bring it way down.
Peaces Greases..

DUDES! NO FREAKING WAY!

Aw Crap
Totally Sad

Academy Award Nominations..

The List

Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns.

You want the good gossip or the bad gossip first?

We will start with the bad..

Lily Allen has had a miscarriage.
That blows.
More info can be found here


Looks like Nicole Kidman sucks as a mom.
According to this dude who wrote a tell-all book about Tom Cruise, Nicole could care less about her adopted children, Isabella, 15, and Connor, 12.
I dunno, I am not a Kidman hater.
Tom Cruise.
That is a whole different story.
I loathe him.
But Kidman seems like she cares about her face, being that she is addicted to the botox, so why not her kids?
Hold the phone.
Side bar: Have you seen Kidman lately?
Her face is starting to scare me big time.

I hope she doesn't blame the new baby about her failing face.
Anywho, the whole story is here for your perusal.
Photo borrowed from Pagesix.com.



Amy Winehouse is a crack smoking chicken head.
Well maybe not that last part.
The Sun, the British tabloid that broke the Kate Moss coke snorting story of the year, has photos of Wino smoking crack.
Yes, crack.
I suppose this all makes sense.
Wino looks tore up, is hurting in so many directions and reminds me Ms. Crabtree on South Park.
,
If you would like to see the self destruction that is the Wino, you can read about it Here
Whitney ain't got nothing on this one.


**Ms. Crabtree borrowed from Wikipedia, The List of Staff and South Park Elementary

This may be bad bews for you but good for me.
If you have read this fine blog, you may have noticed that I have a trifecta of hate for some Hollywood ho-bags.
The hate has grown to a fivefecta.
Not a word, I know, but in my land it is.
As you may know, Kiki Fangerton, Kate I Loathe You Hudson and Gwyneth Pooptrow were the original trifecta.
Added to the list were Eva Longhoria and Sienna Run of The Miller to create the fivefecta.
Well, I now have a sixfecta by adding Katherine Heigl to the ever growing list.
This girl is a piece of fucking work.
I mean you don't get on my list for nothing..
Her many offenses include: The props she gave to herself for coming to the defense of her friend T.R. Knight when he was outed and dirty name called by his costar, the bitchy correction of the announcer who said her name wrong at the Emmy's, the TMI in every interview, the diss of the movie and television show that made her a star and of course her husband that totally wears makeup and looks like a woodland creature with
severe chest hair.
I see her career, as well as the others on the sixtecta, going the way of the Pooptrow and her hospital visit last week.
Reading between the lines, the shitter people, the shitter.


Photo of the chest hair borrowed from People.



Now on to happier news.


Looks like Scarlett is getting hitched.
According to the New York Daily News via Dlisted, ms. thing and the man with the abs of steel, are planning to make it legal.
If I were Alanis I would be losing it in a corner and then write a song about it and then get all Lilith Fair on Johanson.


Tomorrow the Academy Awards will be announced and it looks like the strike could be over


Finally, I leave you with some tips from Dr. Steve Brule. Enjoy, be happy and peaces greases..

The Emancipation of Elyse Sewell

Did you want an update on Domestic Violence Hipster Watch 2008?
Well, Ms. Sewell has left us the juicy update and vows to never discuss Marty or their relationship on her Livejournal again.
Damage has been done ANTM.
Let the bodies hit the floor.
Everyone hates your wanna-be hipster, midget man hands, carni of an ex-boyfriend.
Taken from Elyse's Livejournal that you can find here is a recap.
Whateves.
The pout should say it all.
In case it doesn't..no me gusta.

Some Golden Globe Winners, Gossip and a Baby..

Dudes.
Gossip.
Sorda.
Not that good.
But whateves.
I mean, you can decide.



Golden Globe winners were announced today during a freakin press conference.
Total cheap style.
Stupid butt hole strike.

The winners:



Best Motion Picture, Drama
Atonement


Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama
Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood


Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama
Julie Christie, Away from Her


Best Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy
Sweeney Todd


Best Actor, Musical or Comedy
Johnny Depp, Sweeney Todd


Best Actress, Musical or Comedy
Marion Cotillard, La Vie en Rose


Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture
Cate Blanchett, I'm Not There


Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture
Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men


Best Director
Julian Schnabel, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly


Best Screenplay
Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, No Country for Old Men


Best Foreign Language Film
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (France/U.S.)


Best Animated Film
Ratatouille


Best Original Score
Dario Marianelli, Atonement


Best Original Song
"Guaranteed," Into the Wild


Best Series, Drama
Mad Men


Best Actor, Drama Series
Jon Hamm, Mad Men


Best Actress, Drama Series
Glenn Close, Damages


Best Series, Comedy or Musical
Extras


Best Actress, Comedy or Musical Series
Tina Fey, 30 Rock


Best Actor, Comedy or Musical Series
David Duchovny, Californication


Best Supporting Actress, Series, Miniseries or TV Movie
Samantha Morton, Longford


Best Supporting Actor, Series, Miniseries or TV Movie
Jeremy Piven, Entourage


Best Miniseries or TV Movie
Longford


Best Actress, Miniseries or TV Movie
Queen Latifah, Life Support


Best Actor, Miniseries or TV Movie
Jim Broadbent, Longford


Um.
Okay.
Was the fix in or what!
Did anyone see Longford?
Queen Latifah wins an award?
Julian Schnabel beat the Cohen's and Paul T. Anderson?
I love me some Ricky Gervais but Extras for Best Comedy?
David Duchovny wins Best Actor in a Comedy? Really? Over Baldwin and Carell? Really?
Jeremy Piven! Again!
This is awful!
I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!





Hoping to not have to repeat the press conference boredom of the Golden Globes, Jorge Clooney has taken matters in his own hott and capable hands,
The dude and some of his elite Hollywood homies are gang banging the WGA and Hollywood producers into ending this douche of a strike.
Clooney is totally radical.
You can read all about Guitarmageddon here
This totally reminds me of the Spanish Language News Team in Anchorman.

Those dudes were balls to the wall.
One just hopes that Clooney and crew saw Anchorman, bring machetes and brass knuckles to the party instead of smiles and handshakes and wrap this shit up.
Source



It looks like Adam Brody has a new Summer.
Brody is a hott piece.
Serious.
I gotta say, I did heart the Bilson and Brody match up.
They were the couple in high school that you wanted to hate but couldn't cause the dude was hot and the lady dressed really well.
It helps that the Bilson is super pretty too. Says some dumb shit but she's pretty.
Anywho, Brody is dating an Aussie and you can check her out Here



Christina Aguilera and her unfortunate but very sweet and loving husband had their offspring on Saturday.
The bambino has been named Max Liron Bratman.
Side bar: Um, is Max’s middle name pronounced Lee Ron?
Good times for the Aguilera/Bratman clan.
If you want to pretend that you and Christina are friends, a video has been made for her fans and a letter thanking everyone for well wishes can be found here


I'm done.
Tomorrow is Monday and I need to revel the sweet scent of freedom for a few more hours.


Peaces Greases.

Make Me the Winner of Another Realty Program Where My Career Will End Two Weeks After the Show Ends.

so I finally got around to watching Make Me a Supermodel on the Bravo.
whateves.
nothing else is on, okay.
anywho, Tyson Beckford and Niki Taylor host the show that promises to find the next male and female supermodel.
five head must be pissed
first, Niki Taylor.
girl, time has not been kind.
she was so lovely and I envied her and there still might be a little somethin somethin there.
but her face is looking a little tore up and plastic surgery has not been a girl’s best friend.
look, I revel in watching the bitch that is time slowly take the beauty and hotness from once great supermodels that were the shit.
it makes me feel better about me.
two, the judges of this fine program should be taking a look in the mirror and then getting their asses in the gym, to some doctors, a holy man and then my house for their final critique.
the lady judge from the modeling agency that gives the contract to the winner, has some teef, and by teef I mean girl looks like she smuggled more then the 28 plus 4 molars allowed.
teef slowly dismantled these girls I could not help but notice that perhaps she should have said no to that last donut or seven.
three, the Finalist and all the info.
my faves on the boy’s side are Perry and Ben.
Ben cause his story is pretty rad and he seems totally genuine. no, not like the rapper.
the girls are Holly and Jacki.
both are lovely but Holly is the cutest and her pops cried when she won.
sometimes that is all I need to melt my cruel, bitter heart.
until the office and 30 rock returns, make me a supermodel is looking pretty, pretty good.
Niki Taylor, not so much.

Critics' Choice Award winners, i guess...

McNinja Source

Monday was the Critic's Choice Awards.
Wow.
Awesome.
Whateves.
Boring.
Blah, blah, blabcakes.

The winners were:

Best Picture
No Country for Old Men

Best Actor
Daniel Day-Lewis - There Will Be Blood

Best Actress
Julie Christie - Away From Her

Best Supporting Actor
Javier Bardem - No Country for Old Men

Best Supporting Actress
Amy Ryan - Gone Baby Gone

Best Acting Ensemble
Hairspray

Best Director
Joel Coen and Ethan Coen - No Country for Old Men

Best Writer
Diablo Cody - Juno

Best Animated Feature
Ratatouille

Best Young Actor
Ahmad Khan Mahmoodzada - The Kite Runner

Best Young Actress
Nikki Blonsky - Hairspray

Best Comedy Movie
Juno

Best Family Film
Enchanted

Best Picture Made for Television
Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee

Best Documentary
Sicko

Best Foreign Language Film
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Best Song
"Falling Slowly", Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova - Once

Best Composer
Jonny Greenwood - There Will Be Blood


Some folks showed up:



The Cloonster sans lady friend.
The boy can dress Cher.
He looks pretty, pretty good.
Emile Hirsch, the kid from Into the Wild and in the first pic with Georgey Boy, is a shorty.
I wonder if he has midget man hands like Hayden?
Maybe they attend MMHA or Midget Man Hands Anonymous meetings to get over the midget?





The new It Girl, Ellen Page.
Sometimes I like and other times, not so much.
A time I did like her was the other night on Letterman.
EP explained that she currently lives in a former whore house that happens to be haunted.
When she comes home late at night, she expects to a skanky ghost at the top of her stairs.
Her delivery was very dry and sarcastic and it made Dave laugh, which I like.
Anywho, this one is reaching for the stars and catching em.
I also read that she may play for the other team or whateves.
I mentioned this to a friend, yes I have them, and she said, "Well, she is Canadian."






Soccer Mom Holmes.
Love the dress, love the shoes, love the bag, love everything.
She looks good but where is that Joey that we all loved to hate to love.
Again, I blame Van Der Beek.
VAN DER BEEK!!
Sidebar: The other night on the Sci Fi channel, a made for T.V. movie entitled Eye of the Beast.
The movie was about a killer squid terrorizing a small town.
The dude who battles the the squid?
Van Der Beek.
Van Der Beek's career?
Ovah.

Priceless.
Source








The Bardem.
Dude.
Hott.
I have grown to heart this dude mucho.
Have you seen No Country for Old Men?
Good times and Bardem hit it out of the park.
I see an Academy Award in this piece's future.
If the Academy Awards happens at all that is. Dun, Dun, Dunnnnn...
Perhaps Bardem will bring the Penelope Cruz as his date, I mean he brought her to the beach I can't see why he won't bring her to an awards show.







So, I've been on the fence about these two.
Last year's Golden Globes did not put Jolie in my favor as I thought she looked like she smelled poo throughout the whole red carpet walk.
And the complete and total alienation and diss of Shiloh, I cannot begin to forgive.
However these two look happy and healthy here and the Jolie looks alive with no poo scent in sight.
I also give Brad high fives on the facial hair.





More pictures of other celebs not attending the Critic's Choice Awards, you ask?
You got it..



The Russell and the River looking rad in the NYC..





The Berry and her gorgeous spawn that is growing in her perfect yet not a terribly good actress womb.





Dude, I love this guy.
21 Jumpstreet por vida..





You know those kids on the back of milk cartons that are missing?
I think Russell Crowe ate them.



I am out homies.
Hope you are all happy, healthy and far away from Russell Crowe.
If you're not careful, you could become fourth meal.
Peaces Greases



***Any image not tagged with Just Jared was borrowed from People and Us Weekly..

yep, this just happened.

No me gusta the HP and MV.
Have you looked at Hayden's hands?
She has midget hands.
So what's the big deal, you may say?
They are dudes. midget. hands.
She has dude midget man hands.
And she is 18 for Christ's sake.
MV went from Alexis Bledel to this ho?
What in the heck can they have to talk about other then Heroes, midget man hands and dolphins, which HP is trying to save but even the dolphins don't want her help cause of the midget man hands.
Freaks em out.
Throws off their sonar and shit.

Try saying midget man hands three times fast..


Source of the Carni

duh.

Child of Botox

Not my day folks..

first some bitches run me off the road then flip me off in their freakin clown car and then this Bullshit
this day will go down in history as the day that I confirm my hate for bitches, clowns and the freaking Writer's Strike.

Eye Thought This Episode Would Be Crappy But It Actually Was Sweet Like Candy #4.6

This week's challenge found the kids creating a garment out of whatever loot they pocketed at the Hershey's Store in Times Square.
At first, I thought this challenge was complete and total garbage.
I mean crap.
Like someone ran outta ideas and was driven to boozing one night, then in a fit of alcoholic "clarity" came up with this gem.
Anywho, at the Hershey's store the designers had five minutes and zero budget to grab what they could and design fabulousness.
First off, the Hershey Lady was super freakin creepy.
I tend to despise folks who use "company kid speak" when speaking to adults.
Like you meet someone who works for Disney and they tell you to have a supercalafragalistic expialadocious day or whatever the hell.
This Hershey lady says something like a have a super ooey gooey chocolateey fun day or some shit and it annoyed the hell outta me.
Moving on, the designers get back to the school of design and get their ooey gooey on.


Christian of course comes up with something super badass.
I mean the dude has no shame and his designs don't either.
This thing was dope.
Christian took Reese's Peanut Butter Cup holder thingy's and created a gorgeous brown halter creation.
He made a freakin hat and bracelet to match.
Plus he was done in like five minutes.
I loved it, the judges thought it was aiight and Christian moved on to the next round.


Chris did a faboo job too if only cause he could have gone carni style and didn't.
Homeboy took Hershey pillows and Twizzler pillows and created a tube dress with the Hershey and Twizzler logos interspliced on the front of the dress.
I was happy to see that Chris took the judges advice last week and didn't go all bozo the clown.
The judges agreed, Chris stays, and that can only make me happy..



Kit made a punk rock shirt and skirt outfit.
The top was made from Kit Kat labels.
See, cause her name is Kit and she branded the outfit with her name all ovah it.
She used Hershey Bar covers for the skirt bottom.
This wasn't my favorite but the design showed creativity and hard work and I like the girl so me gusta.
The judges gave Kit a high five and she will live to see another day..



Rami.
At first I thought Rami's creation looked like a futuristic, Blade Runner, vinyl ho-town dress.
After a second look, I thought it looked like a futuristic, Blade Runner, vinyl ho-town dress.
But his piece was really detailed, fit the model perfectly, and he made a freakin clutch outta candy, that after a third look I could not help but love the ho-ness of it.
The judges agreed and Rami was the winner!!!


Jillian.
Is she awake most of the time?
Can she emote?
Am I picking on her?
Yes.
However as I have mentioned before, the girl dresses well 50% of the time and each week her designs continue to impress so that gives me some leverage.
This week it looked like curtains for our little poodle but she proved me wrong again.
Girlfriend made a bodice and skirt outta Twizzlers.
Except the Twizzlers kept falling off the skirt.
After much whining on her part, irritation on my part, and help on her model's part, Jillian's creation made it down the runway without a hitch.
The piece looked pretty rad so I guess I'll give her a semi-five, until next week when she will drive me to fits of rage again.




Elisa.
Homegirl is loopy, right?
Little did I know that the lady got hit by a car and was in a freakin coma for weeks.
Not to say that that is why she is the way she is but I'm sure it didn't help.
Yes, yes, I am totally a heartless bitch. I look at this as taking one for the team because I am sure you all were thinking the same thing so don't judge me.
So Elisa created a dress that looks like un grand piece of poo poo, no?
This thing was a disaster.
If she took the shiny armband pieces perhaps it would have looked better.
Actually no, no it would not have.
It would not have at all.
I will not go further because I don't want to bore you more then this dress did me. Aww snap!
The judges were in agreement, thought the dress was as crappy as I and millions of Americans did, and finally gave Elisa the boot.
Namaste Elisa, namaste.




Observations:

Sweet P is nice and all but she second-guesses herself and the stuff she makes ain't passing the muster.
The first dress she made in this episode was pretty awesome.
I liked the pieces of the glass on the bodice and the materials she picked were a hell of a lot more interesting that what she ended up with.
But as per usual she changed her mind and in Tim's words creates a dress that looks like a maxi pad.
A maxi pad.
That is the lowest compliment of lowest compliments.
Not a tampon or a panty liner but a maxi pad, the dinosaur of feminine sanitary products.
Sweet P you totally got burned by Tim.
Facial.

Roboticon Victoryacon has lost me forever.
No me gusta.
This creation was just a piece.
You know why it didn't work?
Cause girlfriend is completely and totally void of any emotion and is absolutely uninterested in people or life in general.
Did you see the way she made her model walk down the runway?
Totally how the peeps on her planet walk.
You gave yourself away Roboticon Victoryacon.
Game over man, game over.



How absolutely cuuute is Zac Posen.
I lurv him.
I wanted to take him and put him in my pocket.
(image borrowed from www.notablebiographies.com)

This challenge ended up being one of my favorites.
Not because Elisa was booted you vultures but because the designers showed the viewing public what they could do with out of the box materials and also what they were made of.
Balls to the wall folks.



Next week, Ricky Crytardo cries.
I for one cannot wait.