Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Tracy Jordan: I love you so much I'm going to take you behind the middle school and get you pregnant.

Hello folks..

I spent time in super gossip land and feel as if I was given the keys to gossip heaven.
So much awesome and maybe not so awesome news..


The New York Post dishes serious dirt the day after big events.
Like for real, real, real, real, real dirt.
This dish comes from the Metropolitan Museum's Costume Institute gala from the other night.
You know the one where Eva Longwhoretown wore the dress I will covet forever?
Anywho, I guess there were some pissy pants at the ball and you can read about it here.




This is a sad story cause it's all about my Liv.
Seems things aren't going so well in hubby land.
Girlfriend didn't wear her ring to the Met Costume Ball and has been spilling the beans to her homas that the marriage may have been too fast, too furious.
The story can be read here.
Note to the writer at the New York Daily News, last time I checked Liv has one son with her soon to be ex, not two daughters.
Get it right douchey writer who does not care about my Liv and doesn't bother to fact check every little bit of her life.
I mean whatever on that douche.




This little story is about Cameron Douchiaz and her ho-town ways.
Defamer lists Cam Douches current and former conquests, including current squeeze, ginger kid and Nicky Hilton reject Kevin Connolly.
Except for Gerard Butler, I wouldn't be too proud of any of these booty calls.
We are talking bottom of the barrel here.
And I heard that Gerard was all, "No mi gusta the Cameron. Her face hurts my eyes."
Or something to that effect.


On a happier and hotter note, Common will be in the new Terminator film with another hott piece, Christian Bale.
Nice.
Whoever did the casting for this film should run for President cause I would vote their ass in..



So remember a while back when I asked why in the hell Keira "Poo Face" Knightley always looks the same in every photo?
You know like Zoolander but not cause she is so, so lame.
Well, Poo Face answered that very question and gave the most asinine reason.
I mean whatever on this chick, right?
Just say that you are bitter and give love a bad name and I will sleep better at night, Poo Face.




Time to stalk celebs via Gawker Stalker:


George Clooney
300 W 57TH ST
May 7th, 2008 @ 1pm
Just saw George Clooney at the Hearst Building - HE IS SO DREAMY! One HECK
of a GOOD LOOKING MAN. He stopped and chatted with US.... MMMMMM....

Julia Roberts
LEXINGTON AVE & 30TH ST
May 7th, 2008 @ 1pm
Spotted Julia Roberts with husband Danny along with Phinneas and Hazel
finishing up lunch at Penelope. No signs of Henry.


Blake and Penn (Gossip Girl)
119 7TH AVE
May 6th, 2008 @ 10pm
Having a candle lit dinner at cafeteria. Holding hands the whole bit. Though
he kept her waiting a good ten minutes before waltzing in to commence full
on canoodling
Joshua Jackson (Um, Pacey)!
BROOME ST & MERCER ST
May 6th, 2008 @ 9pm
Diane Kruger and Joshua Jackson shopping in Georgia Tapert Living in Soho.
Diana was perusing while Jackson stayed in the front of the store talking on
his cell. Jackson is just as good looking in person!!


Hilary Duff
9TH AVE & LITTLE WEST 12TH ST
May 6th, 2008 @ 8pm
Saw Hillary Duff having dinner at Revel. Hillary was wearing a solid pound
of eye make-up, dining with two hipsters and one plain looking girl with
braid ... Amish, perhaps? I like her more for not surrounding herself with
super hot people.


Clive Owen
5TH AVE & 40TH ST
May 6th, 2008 @ 5pm
Clive Owen on the set of a movie. Absolutely GORGEOUS in person!! Tall, tan,
with piercing blue/green eyes. He was just hanging in a director's type
chair and is just delicious. I never realized how hot this man is. He has
officially moved to the top of my list!



Julia Roberts
PARK AVE S & E 31ST ST
May 6th, 2008 @ 10am
I just saw Julia Roberts on the corner of East 31st street and Park ave
south. They are filming a movie there today. She is so pretty.


Uma Thurman
6TH AVE & VANDAM ST
May 6th, 2008 @ 10am
I just saw Uma Thurman on Vandam Street (at Sixth Avenue) filming her
upcoming movie, "Motherhood." She was filming her scenes inside a
Volvo-looking car. She had red hair and looked great! And strangely very
tall! Looked kinda uncomfortable with something in the car when I passed.
Two cops on set too, prob to ward off the stalkers, but the street and
sidewalk aren't blocked off. (Dude. Has this person ever seen Uma Thurman in
any photo or perhaps next to her creepy, dirty hipster, dumb ass of an
ex-husband? She¹s like towers over everyone. This person must be a foreigner
and have no T.V., and I don¹t trust them).


Alright peace out homies, mi gustaria mucho mas.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Good Times..

Dudes.
I started this entry in April and now it's May and whateves, I'm back.



So Jay-Z is married, Robin Wright Penn is an idiot and not to be a total Debbie Downer but freakin' Project Runway is moving to Lifetime.
Yes Lifetime.
The place where woman go to lose their ovaries.
I lost mine when I heard I would have to go to the channel of womanly doom.
I guess the producers will be abandoning ship after season 5, which thankfully will still be on the Bravo.
Read about their departure and share in the sadness


ScarJo is getting married to Beefcake Reynolds.
I dunno know about this one
I mean first off, have you seen the video of ScarHo's cover of Falling Down by Tom Waits?
No?
FYI, watch it during the day, eat some Mexican food then some ice cream cause this one hurts
Reynolds is hot and all but no mi gusta as una persona.
Mi gusta como una gorgeouso bodyo.
Whateves.
The marriage/divorce will play out in due time.


Did you kids see photos of the Costume Institute Gala last night?
No?
Okay.


I told you all how much I hate, hate, hate Eva Longwhoretown, right?
But, damn gina, her dress was just too freakin' radical.
Hate her. Not the dress.
Check it..

Gown by Marchesa - Fabulous
Douche who is wearing it - Craptastical

Gisele -

Dude. I ate like a million Whoppers and then saw this and felt like a heifer.
Well, I would look at her any day and feel like a heifer.

Julia -

I don't like the Julia Roberts.
Barfaroo can’t even describe it.
But the girl cleans up and with Armani by her side she is golden.
One thing, the dress is a bit matronly. Needs more tatta formation.

Diana Kruger -

She looks lovely and to top it off, in the background is my main man Pacey.
Dude. I love me some Pacey.
These two are pretty cute together.
I cannot say a bad word when Pacey is around.


Katie "I Lost My Shit" Holmes -

Dude.
WTF.
What is this?
Why is she wearing blue shoes?
Why is she channeling Pat in Love is a Battlefield and totally ruining it for me?
What the heck is she wearing?
WTF Dawson!
I mean this is some bullshit.


Jennifer C. -

Dude.
Why does she look like a man?
I love her most of the time but she just looks like she could take out Beefcake Reynolds.
And where is that husband of hers?
He might have made this ensemble somewhat decent.
Actually, no. No he would not have.


Hayden and Beard -

Dude.
She looks like she called up my mom to cut her hair the way she did when I was 10.
Those bangs are hideous.
And her gay is awful.

Liv -

Did I already scare you with the stalking of the Liv?
I want her to be my BFF pronto pants.
She is so back, it's insane.
For a while there she fell off the face of the earth but she is back and radical.
I heart her.

Bobblehead Ricci -

She looks good.
Fabulous.
Love it.
Well, except for her gigantic head and teeny body.
But whateves.
You win some, you lose like a thousand pounds.

Claire Danes -

You know Danes is on my list.
However, she looks very, very good here..
I recently watched Little Women and honestly, she ruled it dudes.
Ruled it in a My So Called Life Angela Chase way.
She made Winona good and that’s a task and a half.

SIDE BAR..
Speaking of Little Women, and if you haven't read it skip this, but why in the F did Jo marry the freakin' German and not Laurie?
Dudes.
It irks me every time.
Lame.
Laurie was way better then the freakin German or whatever and he loved her so much and then he like faked married Amy to be near Jo.
You know?
Bitches man, all of em'.
SIDE BAR ENDETH..

But now Danes blows.
Except in this dress with the Rodriguez.
Everyone would look good with a Rodriguez.


All right sisters and brothers.
I will take care to update this blog cause it can take my life but it will never take my freedommm.......

p.s.
My idol Amy Pohler and her fabulous super awesome husband Will Arnett are having un bambino.
Rad.
Congrats Amy and Will.
I say congrats cause I totally know she reads this blog and hope that one day she will adopt me.

Peaces Greases..


***Photos courtesy of People and In Style...