wang, schlong, dong, johnson, pecker, woody, chode

Dudes.
Buenos Noches.

It looks like Kristen Stewart is back in the news.
A writer from the Chicago Sun Times felt the necessity to talk
shit.
Quickly followed up by Lainey, stirring the pot by comparing Stewart to Joaquin Phoenix.

Dude.
In response to the first article, yes, the girl is a gigantic train wreck when it comes to interviews, possibly stemming from her overuse of "big words" and her inability to enjoy life, let alone complete a sentence.
But cut her a little slack.
Imagine someone asking you for the billionth time why you chose the hott Brit to be the leading man (duh!), what it was like to play a simple girl with zero cajones and why the hott Brit felt the need to make a 180 year-old vamp sound like a guido.
Actually, I wish someone would ask that freaking question.

In response to the second quip, the girl is 18, socially retarded, thinks she has indie cred and likes to smoke weed to forget the pain that is Twilight.
Comparing her to the JP is absolutely ridiculous.
I mean this kid watched his brother die, tried to recover from the loss by changing his name from Leif to Joaquin, only to find that he couldn't recover with just a name change because he would always live in his brother's shadow, to the point that he has succumbed to the demons which have left him a shell of a man.

I lost it for the Joaquin after Walk the Line.

He was handsome, slim, dedicated and solid as a rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock.

Now he's a pudgy burn out, with a serious drug problem - which in and of itself is beyond me -, who thinks making a documentary about his ultimate downward spiral and life as a "rapper" is worth anyone's time and makes me vomit whenever I see photos of him and his attempt at spelling Good Bye.

Clever, you fuck.
The guy thinks he's a rapper.
A. Rapper.
If this kid has not gone over the deep end, then the addition of Casey Affleck as his director on this documentary of evil should help convince you.

All of this has made me so sad, so I read
this.

Skip ahead to page 4 and read Stephanie Meyer's take on the "dazzle" scene from Twilight the movie.
Man I wish this ho would shut. the. fuck. up.
Agreed, the scene should have been better, but you and your “novel” are not the fucking second coming, so be happy with what you got.
Give this biyotch fangirls and she turns into an auteur that thinks she will be relevant in 5 years time.
Ugh. Meyer, I spit in your general direction.


Most importantly, as an FYI, next time you attend the premiere of your film, phone a friend, use a lifeline, please get help from someone who will put you in front of a mirror to tell you that you look like a manatee in a shrug.


Moving on, it looks like the Pooptrow and hubby may be on the outs.
According to this article, the Pooper is making it with tool, a power tool.

Sure she is married to a tool now, but I guess you can never get enough tool.


This dude looks like that guy in those penis enlargement commercials, Bob?


Yep, this guy..



Looks like I may have been too harsh.
Gwynnie may be leaving her tool of a husband for a dick of a trust fund baby..

One more thing, have you seen the Adidas commercial with the house party that I wish I attended, like every day, but wasn’t cool enough to get invited to?
No?
enjoy kids
FYI, the song is Beggin’ a remix done by Madcon.


I got skills, I'll be back.


Peaces Greases..

the bionic, the bomb, the puff, the blow, the herb, the cronic, the sweet Mary Jane, the shit, Ganja, split, reefa,

So, saw the gigantic piece of caca known as the Twilight movie.
I am so out like Casino.
Cash my chips in dudes; the love has left the building.

That does not mean that I don't check in on the kids from the film, whose lives are totally and completely up shit creek.

This includes the lovely and marginally talented Kristen Stewart.
Girlfriend is 18, surly and in the middle of a media shit storm that she is totally not prepared for.
Plus, the little indie movie she thought she was making, has made $70 million dollars in the opening weekend alone and that my friends equals three more craptastical films to look forward to.
So what does a girl with serious social anxiety do to take the edge off a bad career move?
She smokes weed on the front steps of her home with her oily bohunk of a boyfriend.
Front steps.
Not in the backyard.
Not in the comfort of ones own home.
Nope, right there, on the front steps.
Where the photogs are camped out to study her every move.
Her PR peeps are going to be so mad at her.
For more photos click here.

Sad.
Girlfriend needs an intervention.
I volunteer and would like to discuss the following:
1. Her relationship with Nikki Reed. A nice girl but a total succubus who cannot seem to get any other roles in films other then those directed by Catherine Hardwicke.
2. Her relationship with that oily bohunk of hers, of whom she has been with since she was 14. Why, oh why she is still with the kid from Sky High?


As a lovely friend pointed out, he always looks like he is headed to a casting of Grease.

3. Oh, and of course this bit of info of gossip from Lainey.
Dudes.
I condone this whole-heartedly.
I mean, look at the dude..

Wake up San Francisco.
In the immortal words of Vanilla Ice, drop the zero and get with the hero.





On another note, those rumors about Joseph Gordon Levitt and Evan Rachel Wood, are just that, rumors.
Yes, they both have two first names, and are actors.
But no, no dating.
Have you seen her recently?

um. yeah. at a loss for words.


All right girls and boys have yourselves a fabulous turkey day..


be back soon.

peaces greases.

Huh huh huh hu-uh huh I know this much is true ...

Ok.
So, a few weeks ago I spilled my guts and told the world (or the three people that read this blog,) that I had read and was sucked (HA!) into the world of Twilight.
Since that blog entry, I have vomited my way through the other two books in the series, New Moon and Eclipse, and can’t bring myself to read the fourth, Breaking Dawn.

Um, all I can say is wow.
Wow that Stephanie Meyer was given the green light to continue to write three more books.


Now I am not going to get on my soapbox, but for fuck’s sake!
Did anyone take the time to read the manuscripts before unleashing this crap on teenage girls?
Maybe someone could have let Meyer in on the fact that female protagonist can have identities other then being some dudes bitch, have interests and opinions outside of their stalker boyfriends, enjoy dressing in clothes other then sweats and flannel shirts and need not create drama in their lives in order to push a story along.


Could Meyer have created a duller more one-dimensional character that is Bella Swan for her legions of fans?

How about creating a hott piece of vampire ass in the first book only to turn around and make the dude into a wiener-less, shell of a man, whose retarded girlfriend straight up stomps on his heart, whines and complains about everything and makes out with his mortal enemy.
Does he lose the zero and get with the hero?
No, he forgives and stays with her cause he loooooves her and her totally boring, fashionably challenged and socially retarded
ways.

And honestly, what is up with not allowing these two to hump?
I mean, maybe if they humped, Bella wouldn't be such a tool and Edward would get his Rhett Butler on.

Uhh!
Why did I read this?
I care enough to blog about this crap and that is total sad clown face.

Really, the only reason I am hanging on is because of this guy.

Yes, this dude is hot, hot, hot.
HOT.
Damn Gina hot.
Like putting him in the Twilight movie as Edward was a bad idea because one cannot help but think that Bella and Edward would hump in the first five minutes of the film cause he is so. damn. hot.

I just don’t want him to speak.
Total nerd alert.
Shhh.
Just stand there.

I digress.
This shit is lame.
I am lame for reading it.
I won’t mention it again.


Except.
Damn.
He is hot.

VIVA Barack Obama!!!!!!!!!!!

Enough said...