Project Runway 5.1

Hola Mujeres..
Season 5 of Project Runway started last Wednesday without excitement or hoopla or Heidi shaking her tatas and giggling at the camera.
Instead we met the designers and their personalities.

Some standouts, in a good way..

- Leanne - a little mousey, a little quiet, but kicks ass in the design department.
Her dresses are pretty radical and if she pulls her personality outta her ass, we got us a winner.

- Kelli - a little retro, maybe a little extra from the movie Crybaby, but proved her chops during the challenge.

- Daniel - a little short, a little too quiet, but he can make a dress outta plastic cups and it looked good today.


Some maybe, kinda, could be okay, but I don’t want to pass judgment yet in case they totally blow it and suck ass..

- Emily - a little too into the Let's Get Physical video wearing a rope bandana on her head that made me wanna vomit.
But, she could totally grow on me even though during her intro, we never saw her designs and that could = caca for Em-dog.

- Keith - a little creepy, a little loves Heidi too much, but he made a nice dress and I will add him here cause I don't hate him yet.

- Terri - a little, I got nothing on this one, but she made a sweater outta mop heads and I was impressed.

- Wesley - a little this dude worked for Marc Jacobs and that gives him some sort of street cred, so I am giving him three episodes even though he wears really short, tight, shorts that make me think of murfs and possible skid marks.

- Joe - just because he is peacing out after episode five and I don't care either way.

- Kenley - a little on the verge of making me dislike her but I am keeping this generous heart of mine open.

- Jennifer - the least designory looking person on the show.
She did handle herself nicely as she was coming out of the shower to Tim Gunn, so she gets some points there.



Some whom I hope will perish in fiery flames, with Nina Garcia nightmares, and a bad case of explosive diarrhea..


- Blayne - it's a major appliance not a name, or as I like to call him Crack Baby, has smoked one too many doobies and is the bastardization of Spicoli.
His designs suck, he sucks and most importantly his tan sucks.
He will annoy me for episodes to come, as he is the catchphrase of season 5.
I am not the least bit happy about that.


- Jerell - I. Cannot. Stand. Him. That is it, end of story.


- Suede - Remember "The Jimmy Episode" from Seinfeld?
Remember how Jimmy had that awful habit of talking about himself in the third person?
Remember how you would get idiot shivers from Jimmy and would think that there would be no human being, with a shred of decency, that would possibly speak that way?
Yeah, well meet Suede.

- Korto - If this woman would smile and maybe show some sort of, I don't know, emotion, she would not be in the shit pile.
But Korto's got perma poo face and therefore I bid her good day.

Stella –
Um.
Yeah.
This one is a piece of work.
She whines, has gigantic thunder thigh- badonkadonk combo, wears clown pants and her hair is a severe burn victim.
But what it really comes down to is that voice.
The one that keeps you up at night and makes your skin crawl.
Her voice irritates and grates at me, like crabs or gonorrhea.
I hate her okay, plain and simple.


We have met the new crop, we can move on.
The challenge, brought to you by Mr. Fabulous himself Austin Scarlet from Season 1, was a redo of the very first challenge of Season 1, making something using material from New York City grocery store Gristedes.

Shots of the kids shopping and..

Fast-forward to Parsons where most of the designers choose tablecloths as their fabric and Tim is super disappointed, as am I.

Speaking of disappointed, was anyone else when Stella didn't just peace out after realizing that she purchased piece of shit garbage bags?

I wanted her to roll out so bad, but to my dismay, she stayed and pieced together this crap.

Nice Stella.
I say you stick around until episode four and then go down in flames reminiscent of the ones you stitch on the side of those totally nuoriginal piece of crap leather pants you "design."
Leathaaaaaaaaa....


Some people who actually tried...

Winner - Kellie

This was made out of vacuum bags and coffee filters.
Home girl bleached the bags and burned a pattern into the filters.
The boobage area is not my fave, but this girl knocked it out of the park.
So clever and thoughtful and she seems somewhat humble so I give her a serious high five.
For now.


Runner-Up - Daniel

This dress was made out of plastic cups.
Dudes.
The guy went to work, ironed every cup and connected the dots to make a pretty awesome dress.
Daniel and his creativity impressed me and really all that matters is to impress me and make me feel like a winner.
Done and done.


Nicely Done - Wesley

This creation by Wesley totally made up for his clown shorts.

Have I ever shared with you my complete disgust for those who wear loafers without socks + super tight and short, man shorts?
This is like the ultimate insult to my very being.
The complete disregard for dignity runs right up there with being a hippie and so, in closing, Wesley’s outfit made me vomit in my mouth a little.
It was not until I saw his creation that I could look past his utter lack of fashion sense which totally made him resemble Damien of Omen fame.
Anywho, tablecloth + fly swatter = radical and may make me forget his clown pants.


Honarable Mention - Terri
Damn Gina made the top out of mop heads and the bottom out of tablecloth.
I think one could wear this out and feel close to normal.
Plus, Ms. T. is kinda sassy and I think she may be kinda rad so I might pull for her.



The Bad..
Besides Stella, Crack Baby really stepped up to the shitty plate.

WTF?
I mean seriously, right?
Home girl looks like she fast forwarded 50 years and wore her Depends as outer garments.
She looks like a granny who hasn't taken care of business in her nether region, doesn't give a fuck and walks around showing the world her whoha.
It looks like a white cat, which happened to be wearing a pink beanie, committed suicide on her stomach.
Whateves, it's awful and I hope he knows it.


Loser - Jerry

I didn't mention Jerry in the contestant intros cause frankly the dude got kicked off the first round so he can fuck off.
Anywho, this is one big piece of shit, right?
Jerome talked a big game, but in the end his model's face really says it all.
Wear this and you will turn into a retard.




Next week..
Natalie Portman is a judge and some other stuff happens.
Awesome.
See you next time ;)

"What's so cool about my website? Well, I like to think of it like a really rad bridge.."

Please, please check out this website.

And Now, the Moment You've All Been Waiting For

Dudes.
Bradical and Ambrolina had the super twins on Saturday, and lo and behold it was a boy and a girl.
Knox and Vivienne.
Dudes.
Mini-Bradical and Mini-Ambrolina to take over the world.
France totally celebrated like in the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy and the A-Team are leaving the Emerald City to straight murder the Wicked Witch and the midgets are all going ape shit and there's like a parade and ticker tape and glitter and poop.
Um, just like that.
Anywho congrats oh blessed familia Jolie-Pitt..



In even happier news, the new designers for Project Runway Season 5 can be found ovah here.
Radical.
I am pumped.




Oh big, big news.
Jimmy Kimmel finally got wise and broke up with that vajayjay Silverman.
It was mutual but I think Kimmel realized that Silverman was a douche and was totally using him for publicity and really that isn't saying much.
So yeah, total slow gossip night.




WHITE CHOLA WATCH..


Still pregnant...




More photos of Sienna Sluttastic Miller and Balls Getty have surfaced.
This time Sluttastic is on a boat showing the world what made her leader of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee.
Where is that worst case scenario STD I wished upon both of these fools?
Any day now Jesus...





The seriously best news of the day belongs to Katherine Hateable.
Word on the street is that Hateable is about to get the ax in the worst way.. Death by something.
I am hoping that once she loses the role that made her famous - due to her constant bitching and moaning - peeps will start to realize what a complete and total fucktard she is and stop hiring her stupid ass.
So worst case STD for Sluttastic and a serious case of career poocano for Hateable and my work will be done here.




Okay, two more days till Project Runway!!!!
Yeehaw..
See you then,
xoxo

"Hey nerds, guess who has two thumbs, speaks limited French and hasn't cried once today: This Mua!"

Hello!
I hope you all had a faboo July 4.
Fireworks, hotdogs, gossip?


Our dude at Crazy Days and Nights delivered the goods on July 4 by revealing some of his blind items.
Most, to be honest, were crapolla.

The crème de la crème can be found below..


This must have happened about six months ago now. Chicago. In one corner you have a B list actor. Married. For now. A list name recognition. How about A+ name recognition. Anyway, our actor was in town doing some press, making some friends, drinking a little bit. Hey just because it is a kindness doesn't mean that it is going to be lovely dovey. He shouldn't, but he does. So, our actor befriended a few of the waitresses at this particular establishment. One of them came up to him and was talking about how some guy had ordered Cristal or something for his girlfriend for their six month anniversary or something and he then realized he had left his wallet at home. Our actor told the waitress to say that the manager had picked up the bill and our actor paid it. Our actor had such a good time doing that nice thing that he decided to pick up every tab in the place that night. He didn't announce it or scream it because then everyone would have just ordered and ordered. Instead, he spoke with the manager and as each person settled their bill they were told it was on the house and thanks for being such a good customer when instead each tab was actually paid for by the actor. Final bill? About $10,000. Plus tip. He is always a good tipper.

- Ben Affleck



At this point this the only thing keeping this on and off screen couple from that NY teen show together are the cameras and the publicity they get for being together.

- Blake Lively & Penn Badgley


#1 - How about another adventure from our actor from yesterday? Not as interesting, but still fun in a car wreck kind of way. Film Festival. Toronto actually. Yay Canada. Party for the premiere of one of his films. Drinks until he is passed out and his manager carries him to his room. Like I said. Not as interesting but hopefully will provide some insight into yesterday.


#2 - You try coming to work like this actor and lets see how long you keep your job, let alone get lots and lots of ass kissing.

A list film actor. Yes, A-list, no ifs ands or buts. Well, if he had stuck with what made him famous he probably wouldn't have made it to A-list but he adapted. Latest film. Not a great film. First day. Table reading. Our actor showed up for it and was so drunk he could barely stand. No one who was setting everything up would come near him because you could smell him a mile away. He kept stumbling and falling everywhere. Affectionate to everyone. Lots of hugs and kisses. Finally managed to get the actor in a seat. He then started mumbling incoherently and the crews were trying to figure out what he was saying. Then he takes a package out of his jacket pocket...it was a mushed up burrito. He held it up to one of the crew and said "look....what is this?" So she looks and tells him it's a burrito...with chicken...he couldn't comprehend this AT ALL. She went and got him a soda and a sandwich. She was trying to get him into some kind of shape for the reading. It wasn't looking good. Oh, did I mention that he rode his motorcycle to the place? Yeah...good...right? Well, everyone LOVED him...said it was one of his best readings ever...he was brilliant. On and one it went, even though no one had been able to understand one word that came out of his mouth.

- #1 and #2 - Keanu Reeves



This A list film actor. I was thinking about it, but he definitely has opened movies on his own. Action though. That is kind of like women opening a horror film and being called A list. Oh, well, everyone knows him, and when I say know him, you know him. You know, (points eyes)down there. Well seems that our actor is a very generous sort to women on the street who he is attracted to. When he meets someone he likes and likes a great deal, he gives them his card. On the back of the card is a 1-800 number to a credit card concierge with a note that says, "buy something as beautiful and exotic as you... my treat xoxo". There is a pre-set spending limit on the gift.

- Gerard Butler



The summer this B list film actress who I love to rag on as of late was in Shakespeare in the Park, she lived in the building. The building is in Manhattan that was home to many celebs on a permanent basis or just while they were doing a stint in a play or something. So, our actress lived in the building that summer under an assumed name because she didn't want to be bothered. Fine...who cares. No one in the building really cared about famous people living there. There was no mail room at this building, but rather a concierge who gave out mail. All of the mail was in pigeon holes and generally, the concierge knew you and got your mail as you came to the desk. Sometimes there were a few people there so you had to wait. Fine...well, not fine for our actress. Once, while a person was getting their mail and chatting with the concierge for a moment, he got the mail and told the person they had a package in the back so he was going to get it. Before he went to get the package, our actress came up and asked for her stuff. She was told to wait since there was another person there ahead of her. She didn't like that at all. So she said, I can't wait and I want my stuff now. The concierge ignored her. She was so steamed and unfortunately, the person ahead of our actress in line had to ride in the elevator together. She had previously asked the security guard if she could have the elevator to herself. He promptly told her that that is not how things work in the building...but in a really nice way.

- Natalie Portman



Here's another ass. This involves an Academy Award winning actress/supporting actress. The building was set up such that there was a doorway that went from the elevator bank to the hall. One day a resident was going from the elevator to the hall and our actress was going the other way. Well, they didn't see each other and our actress bashed through the door and hit the resident in the head. Ok, mistake...fine...well...not so fine..our actress said "get out of my way." Yeah, not ok. So, the resident told her to watch it because the resident lived there etc etc and the resident thought that our actress was really rude. The woman with her apologized profusely. The resident told her there was NO reason for her to apologize because she didn't do anything. The resident pointed to our actress and said "She's the one who should be apologizing." The resident kept being ignored by our actress while the assistant just kept apologizing.

- Marisa Tomei



On that note, let me reveal another piece of turd, Ryan Adams.
Yes, he’s the dude that totally had a fan thrown out of a concert cause the fan kept calling out for Bryan Adams songs.
Yes, he’s the dude that I abhor, as do most people in the world, and you will too after reading this.
You see Mandy Moore, who I have a great affinity for, began dating le douche about 6 months ago.
Dude breaks up with her and releases a statement to OK! Magazine which can be read below..

"Mandy is one of those genuinely sweet angelic people you wish to meet your whole life. I am grateful for our friendship and how it allowed us both to grow and learn more.

Unfortunately I am allergic to paparazzi and have found the best antidote to that sort of nonsense is staying behind the guitar and typewriter, staying close to my support group of friends and band mates and not engaging in activities that prevent me from taking care of myself or others," he says. "I found the entire speculation and subsequent photographs and intrusions terrifying and only wish to live as normal a life as possible, so that I might always remain punk as fuck AND sober.”


Wait.
Did that dude write punk as fuck?
Is that a typo or did I read that right?
So let me get this straight.
You want the paparazzi to stay the hell away from you and yet you choose to release a statement in OK! Magazine to explain why you ended a relationship that frankly no one gives a shit about?
On top of that, you go a little TMI and reveal that this breakup was done in order to remain sober.
Really?
Last time I checked, the classy way to break up with a person is to say your peace to that person and be done with it.
Not release a statement to a notoriously paparazzi driven magazine and add fuel to the gossip fire by noting that you are trying to stay sober.
This dude gives me douche chills.
If I had five minutes with Mandy Moore, I would cleanse her relationship soul with some serious Some Kind of Wonderful action, mixed with some 16 Candles and a dash of Love Actually.
Mandy, llama me!



Moving on..,
Nicole Kidman and her sperm donor Keith Urban had una bambina on Monday morning.
Was she not just pregnant?
Whateves, maybe this will make her a bit more relatable to the peeps.
I wonder if baby Sunday lost her shit when she looked at her Mom’s face for the first time?
Cause Kidman's looking pretty tore up and I would not be surprised if that kid asked to be held by Dad more often then by Mom.




In other baby news, Matthew McConaughey and his homa had a baby boy Monday night.
Boy's name?
Levi.
Yes, Levi.
Sure the dude could have named the kid something even worse like Bongos or Weed or Drunk Face.
But Levi?
That kid is now forever destined to be hot and dumb and hot and Levi, just Levi.

I would have preferred Drunk Face but that's why I'm not having kids, so, yeah.





Drew Barrymore and that cutie Justin Long have ended their love affair.
This news makes me happy if only that Long won't have to be near Cammie Douchiaz and have that rash rub off on him.
I mean Drew used to be somewhat tolerable until she did those movies with Douchiaz and now she makes me want to vomit.
I'm sure he's heartbroken.
But Justin, dude, look at the bright side, no douche rash from Cammie and to be honest, Drew is starting to look a little, um, well, slow in the face.
She did you a real favor mi amigo.





So, the photo above was taken of Jake G. and Reece W. at a Jack Johnson concert, brought to you by Lainey's Gossip.
Whateves, I still think that my years of "Gay Jake" conspiracy theories will be validated.
But more importantly, the dude is at a Jack Johnson concert.
Jack Johnson folks, nothing even remotely cool about seeing this guy in concert.
Reece has really taken this white bread, conservative, polo and puka shell necklace wearing thing to an extreme.
Again, I feel like vomiting.




Where did this little vixen go?
I mean we could of hung out, talked about whether I should cut bangs or not and gossip about Phillipoo.


Now she's lookin' like the "hip" Mom at church and I am not down..





Did I mention that the new season of Project Runway starts Wednesday, July 16!
Hooray!!
My life has purpose!
Project Runway is totally the fashion god's own personal warrior.
PR is my crack, my Jigga, my Rafael Nadal..



Side bar..

Does Rafa own any other color then white?
I mean he always wears white pantalones del fuego when he plays and kicks ass at the tennis.
He always wears white chonies that I can be seen through his white pantalones del fuego and that he picks outta his sweet Spaniard ass cuando ello juego a la tennis.
Now white trunks.
I guess I'm gonna have to roll out to the Majorca and teach his sweet piece about the color wheel and shit.

Side bar endeth..




Rumor has it the Bradical and Anbrolina’s sacred babes are due next Tuesday.
Have you ever noticed that none of the kids, adopted or birthed, are unattractive?
They are all perfecto in their own way, gorgeous.
Maybe Drew should start hanging out with those kids and lick their tears or whatever to stop the progression of slow face.
Just a thought.




Um.
Mr. Gosling supposedly has a new girlfriend and honestly she looks kinda sloppy.
I'm just sayin’.
The only woman I can tolerate him with is the Gosling.
Otherwise, I bid you good day sloppy.






Dude, White Chola has not popped yet!
Hurry that shit up White Chola!
I gotta know if it's a girl so I can stop you from turning her into a baby chola.
So give that baby an exit scrategy pronto pants!




A while back that piece o' crap Ted C. at E! said that Ben and Jen were heading to the land of divorce.
Now comes this news.
Who knows what to believe?
What I do believe is that JenGar and Reece W. need to stop the madness.
Stop being quitters.
Stop wearing Mom Jeans.
Stop falling into the Gap.
Just. Stop.



I’m out.
A lo me gusta..

Peaces Greases...


**Photos courtesy of People, Just Jared, Lainey Gossip and celebritygossip.net.

I thought it was a joke, I even wrote it down in my diary. Veronica had a very funny joke today. I laughed at it later that night!

Yo,
My homas.
I would like to begin this entry with my Jigga man.
Yes, the HOVA was the headlining act for Glastonbury this year.
Unfortunately that news did not make those with bad teeth, or who you normies call Brits, happy.
One dirty bitch of a Brit who was particularly vocal about his unhappiness was Mr. Noel Gallagher.
For those of you who are saying who the fuck is Noel Gallagher, and I know there are many, Gallagher makes up half of the douche brothers that are Oasis.
To read what was said, click here.
Anywho, H to the Izzo performed and basically kicked so much ass it was straight up retarded.
Best part, his first song was a cover of Wonderwall.
Fab.
To watch just some of the awesomeness and a glimpse at B shaking her thang, click here
There are about eight parts to the show, but watch it, cause as he says, my name is Jay Z and I am pretty fucking awesome.




Que lastima.
Sienna Whoretown Miller is at it again.
Dude, this one is a mother f'ing piece of work.
I kinda want her to get herpes.
She probably already has it, but a girl can wish, so damned hard, that this f'er would get like the meanest case of herpes and maybe, I dunno, her skin would melt off.
Is that wrong?
Don't get me started on that freaking Getty.
I didn't know that dude still existed.
Now I'm not so bummed that he bit the big one in Young Guns 2.
I wish a pox of crabs on that dude and whatever will make it burn when he pees.
Like burn real, real bad.


So you heard that Madonna and that guy that she's married to are heading for splitsville, yes?
People, among other tabloids, are following this life or death story at every turn.
The latest?
Mr. Madonna flew to the NYC to hang with her.
You know, I would totally divorce Madonna too.
Look, she totally ruined my career, made me fat and bloated, didn't teach my stepdaughter the art of waxing and has started to look like a dude.

What happened to the Madonna of Borderline or Burning Up?
What happened to the bad dye job, halfies and dancing her ass, ass off?
If I were Mr. M, I would say hasta la pasta to Like a Virgin and hello to Guy Ritchie, the dude the world forgot existed.
Cause honestly, I think I see wiener and that = no me gusta...

Truth be told, I think this is all publicity stunt for Mr. Madonna's new movie coming out entitled RocknRolla.
You can check out the preview here.
This one is supposed to resurrect his career.
I wonder how he's going to resurrect his balls from Madonna's man hands?




Dudes.
Rose McGowan dumped Robert Rodriguez on his hiney.
Nice.
.
I think he finally took that cowboy hat off in mourning.
Let us walk through what he did wrong shall we?
Rose had an affair with the dude, dude dumps his wife and their sixteen children, dude puts her in all of his movies, movies tank, dude can't get funding for his new movies which happen to have her as the star, she gives him the finger and basically his life becomes a giant poocano.
I believe that this is one instance when a poocano is a good thing.
Just because your wiener thinks she's a super special actress doesn't mean the world does.
So.... um... way to go douchey magoo.




According to US Weekly, Naomi Watts and Cotton Weary are knocked up.
....
Really, who cares right?
I mean Cotton hasn't done anything fabulous since, well, Scream 3.
He is playing Sabretooth in the new X-Men film, but I am not going to get all nerd alert on you so...jog on.
Watts has been playing downtrodden women who have sex with the Edward Norton cause they have to.
Plus she will always be Nicole Kidman’s BFF and when you have that train wreck as a BFF, your actions are pretty much null and void.
So...congrats to those two, I guess.



Speaking of babies..
Angelina is straight up at the hospital, in Paris, ready to bring two new blobs into the world.
Great.
I'm on the edge of my freaking' seat, waiting for two more beautiful, rich children.
Can't wait to be chocked full of hate and envy for more two year-olds.
I'm super pumped.



Um.
Best. News. Ever.
RAD.



Photo Side Bar -



Um, hi Liv.
My fakey BFF and her half sister Chelsea attended the Givenchy show in Paris.
Dude, who knew Steven Tyler could make more then one good-looking kid?
Side Bar:
Liv turned 31 yesterday and I swear there was a freaking rainbow that stretched from Paris to my house.
The rainbow gave me a high five and straight up told me I was the coolest.
Thanks Liv, but it is you who are the coolest.
xo




So let me get this straight.
I am going to dump my attractive, charming, chamilllionaire wife and super cute kids to be with this hippie tub town who happens to be wearing my Mom's moomoo.
Seriously right?
I mean, come the fuck on.
A herpes pox on you Phillipoo.




Well aint that a bitch!
Fangerton wearing my main man Obama's pin on her geeross, vampiro, hipster shirt.
I bet Obama felt the cold hand of death, wrapping around his hott looking heart, until Fangerton removed that pin from her dirty, nasty, crappy boobs.
I despise her.
A stake through your heart Fangerton.



Retardalba.
Velour sweat pants.
Thunder thighs.
Today was a good day..




Okay kids, have a fabulous July 4.
Be prepared because the super awesome dude at Crazy Days and Nights will be revealing his blind items and it is going to be balls to the wall..

Peaces Greases..


***Photo credit to Lainey's Gossip, People, US Weekly and Crazy Days and Nights.

Well, what I had said was I'm in the math club, uh, the Latin, and the physics club... physics club.

Dudes.
So Jessica Retardalba stopped living in sin and then delivered her husband's meal ticket, Honor.
My Liv and her husband split.
I had minor surgery on what doctors call a "triple nipple" and all is well in the world.

Except if you are Mike Myers.
Entertainment Weekly wrote this article about Myers being a complete and total prick face.
Aww Mike, why?
Why are you a crazy, margarine loving, jealous much, piece of caca?
This makes me sad.

However, not even close to how sad this blind item makes me, cause you totally know who it is.
Dude.
Your son is beyond hott.
Your career is in super awesome overdrive.
Most importantly, you are the mayor of rad town.
Why in the hell would you want to go back to breaking into people's homes, sleeping in their kid's teeny tiny bed, smelling of poop, herpes and broken dreams, only to be sent to jail to get ass raped?
If this is blind item is true, I'm going to deny it for RDJ cause I love him too much.


In other not so blind item news, the New York Daily News had this blurb the other day:
“Which starlet with an often-troubled boyfriend actually plays for the other team — and puts up with her boy toy's habits to maintain hetero appearances?”
Then Crazy Days and Nights wrote this little ditty about Anne Hathaway.
So what am I trying to say?
Anne Hathaway likes Italian schmucks who enjoy stealing money and looking like he's 45 when he's 29 and maybe, just maybe, likes the lady parts.



Some lady parts Hathaway could be into, are those of the ladies embroiled in this nasty bit of gossip.
Looks like Jennifer Aniston has been drinking the John Mayer Kool-Aid and become a complete and total doucheorama.




Speaking of whore faces, Sarah Larson is now single and showing the world her wicked smarts.
What a fabulous, fabulous, piece of work.
Thank the G that the Cloonster wised up before the ho got knocked up and named their daughter Honor.
Oh, I went there.




Giselle is on the cover of GQ and again she makes me want to throw up that whole bag of Baked Lays I ate for dinner.
The article is all about how Leo broke her heart and how Tom Brady is, well, whatever.
Sorry Tommy, Leo is in Giselle's heart por vida.

I know how you feel Giselles, Leo will por vida be in my heart as the lovable retard who could shimmy up a water tower like nobody's business..



Speaking of retarded, Katherine Fucktard Heigl has struck again.
Chickenhead called out the writers of Grey's Anatomy for not giving her decent enough material too work with this season and as a greater fuck you, took herself out of Emmy contention.
Dude.
Why won't this chick remove herself from the vicinity of my area?
I wish someone would pin her down and crap in her face.
Well, I guess somebody is a bit classier then me, and wrote an open letter in New York Magazine to tell Heigl to check her bratitude.
It may not be literal poo but the lady still straight up shit in Heigl's face and that is all I could have asked for.





Picture Sidebar -


Number two on my Shit List is now dating Lance Armstrong.
I think the Tour De France should strip Lance of his trophies for dating this ho.
Lance, I bid you good day.



Do you feel douche chills?
Number four and five on my Shit List together at last.
It's like wonder crap activates in the form of dirty, shitastic hippie and anorexia, poo face.
If that Giselle photo doesn't make me barf, this just did.


Um, I C Weiner..






Bilson before her lapse in clothing judgment and after, looking pretty faboo.



Have you seen Natalie Portman and her dirty, stinky, drum circle loving, boyfriend of a hippie Devendra Banhart?


I bet that dog thinks Devendra's crotch smells like hot dogs.



I'm out friends.. I will leave you with this question, what kind of person applies for a job at Medieval Times?
Peaces Greases..

**Photos courtesy of http://www.laineygossip.com/, People, US Weekly and Just Jared.

Tracy Jordan: I love you so much I'm going to take you behind the middle school and get you pregnant.

Hello folks..

I spent time in super gossip land and feel as if I was given the keys to gossip heaven.
So much awesome and maybe not so awesome news..


The New York Post dishes serious dirt the day after big events.
Like for real, real, real, real, real dirt.
This dish comes from the Metropolitan Museum's Costume Institute gala from the other night.
You know the one where Eva Longwhoretown wore the dress I will covet forever?
Anywho, I guess there were some pissy pants at the ball and you can read about it here.




This is a sad story cause it's all about my Liv.
Seems things aren't going so well in hubby land.
Girlfriend didn't wear her ring to the Met Costume Ball and has been spilling the beans to her homas that the marriage may have been too fast, too furious.
The story can be read here.
Note to the writer at the New York Daily News, last time I checked Liv has one son with her soon to be ex, not two daughters.
Get it right douchey writer who does not care about my Liv and doesn't bother to fact check every little bit of her life.
I mean whatever on that douche.




This little story is about Cameron Douchiaz and her ho-town ways.
Defamer lists Cam Douches current and former conquests, including current squeeze, ginger kid and Nicky Hilton reject Kevin Connolly.
Except for Gerard Butler, I wouldn't be too proud of any of these booty calls.
We are talking bottom of the barrel here.
And I heard that Gerard was all, "No mi gusta the Cameron. Her face hurts my eyes."
Or something to that effect.


On a happier and hotter note, Common will be in the new Terminator film with another hott piece, Christian Bale.
Nice.
Whoever did the casting for this film should run for President cause I would vote their ass in..



So remember a while back when I asked why in the hell Keira "Poo Face" Knightley always looks the same in every photo?
You know like Zoolander but not cause she is so, so lame.
Well, Poo Face answered that very question and gave the most asinine reason.
I mean whatever on this chick, right?
Just say that you are bitter and give love a bad name and I will sleep better at night, Poo Face.




Time to stalk celebs via Gawker Stalker:


George Clooney
300 W 57TH ST
May 7th, 2008 @ 1pm
Just saw George Clooney at the Hearst Building - HE IS SO DREAMY! One HECK
of a GOOD LOOKING MAN. He stopped and chatted with US.... MMMMMM....

Julia Roberts
LEXINGTON AVE & 30TH ST
May 7th, 2008 @ 1pm
Spotted Julia Roberts with husband Danny along with Phinneas and Hazel
finishing up lunch at Penelope. No signs of Henry.


Blake and Penn (Gossip Girl)
119 7TH AVE
May 6th, 2008 @ 10pm
Having a candle lit dinner at cafeteria. Holding hands the whole bit. Though
he kept her waiting a good ten minutes before waltzing in to commence full
on canoodling
Joshua Jackson (Um, Pacey)!
BROOME ST & MERCER ST
May 6th, 2008 @ 9pm
Diane Kruger and Joshua Jackson shopping in Georgia Tapert Living in Soho.
Diana was perusing while Jackson stayed in the front of the store talking on
his cell. Jackson is just as good looking in person!!


Hilary Duff
9TH AVE & LITTLE WEST 12TH ST
May 6th, 2008 @ 8pm
Saw Hillary Duff having dinner at Revel. Hillary was wearing a solid pound
of eye make-up, dining with two hipsters and one plain looking girl with
braid ... Amish, perhaps? I like her more for not surrounding herself with
super hot people.


Clive Owen
5TH AVE & 40TH ST
May 6th, 2008 @ 5pm
Clive Owen on the set of a movie. Absolutely GORGEOUS in person!! Tall, tan,
with piercing blue/green eyes. He was just hanging in a director's type
chair and is just delicious. I never realized how hot this man is. He has
officially moved to the top of my list!



Julia Roberts
PARK AVE S & E 31ST ST
May 6th, 2008 @ 10am
I just saw Julia Roberts on the corner of East 31st street and Park ave
south. They are filming a movie there today. She is so pretty.


Uma Thurman
6TH AVE & VANDAM ST
May 6th, 2008 @ 10am
I just saw Uma Thurman on Vandam Street (at Sixth Avenue) filming her
upcoming movie, "Motherhood." She was filming her scenes inside a
Volvo-looking car. She had red hair and looked great! And strangely very
tall! Looked kinda uncomfortable with something in the car when I passed.
Two cops on set too, prob to ward off the stalkers, but the street and
sidewalk aren't blocked off. (Dude. Has this person ever seen Uma Thurman in
any photo or perhaps next to her creepy, dirty hipster, dumb ass of an
ex-husband? She¹s like towers over everyone. This person must be a foreigner
and have no T.V., and I don¹t trust them).


Alright peace out homies, mi gustaria mucho mas.

Good Times..

Dudes.
I started this entry in April and now it's May and whateves, I'm back.



So Jay-Z is married, Robin Wright Penn is an idiot and not to be a total Debbie Downer but freakin' Project Runway is moving to Lifetime.
Yes Lifetime.
The place where woman go to lose their ovaries.
I lost mine when I heard I would have to go to the channel of womanly doom.
I guess the producers will be abandoning ship after season 5, which thankfully will still be on the Bravo.
Read about their departure and share in the sadness


ScarJo is getting married to Beefcake Reynolds.
I dunno know about this one
I mean first off, have you seen the video of ScarHo's cover of Falling Down by Tom Waits?
No?
FYI, watch it during the day, eat some Mexican food then some ice cream cause this one hurts
Reynolds is hot and all but no mi gusta as una persona.
Mi gusta como una gorgeouso bodyo.
Whateves.
The marriage/divorce will play out in due time.


Did you kids see photos of the Costume Institute Gala last night?
No?
Okay.


I told you all how much I hate, hate, hate Eva Longwhoretown, right?
But, damn gina, her dress was just too freakin' radical.
Hate her. Not the dress.
Check it..

Gown by Marchesa - Fabulous
Douche who is wearing it - Craptastical

Gisele -

Dude. I ate like a million Whoppers and then saw this and felt like a heifer.
Well, I would look at her any day and feel like a heifer.

Julia -

I don't like the Julia Roberts.
Barfaroo can’t even describe it.
But the girl cleans up and with Armani by her side she is golden.
One thing, the dress is a bit matronly. Needs more tatta formation.

Diana Kruger -

She looks lovely and to top it off, in the background is my main man Pacey.
Dude. I love me some Pacey.
These two are pretty cute together.
I cannot say a bad word when Pacey is around.


Katie "I Lost My Shit" Holmes -

Dude.
WTF.
What is this?
Why is she wearing blue shoes?
Why is she channeling Pat in Love is a Battlefield and totally ruining it for me?
What the heck is she wearing?
WTF Dawson!
I mean this is some bullshit.


Jennifer C. -

Dude.
Why does she look like a man?
I love her most of the time but she just looks like she could take out Beefcake Reynolds.
And where is that husband of hers?
He might have made this ensemble somewhat decent.
Actually, no. No he would not have.


Hayden and Beard -

Dude.
She looks like she called up my mom to cut her hair the way she did when I was 10.
Those bangs are hideous.
And her gay is awful.

Liv -

Did I already scare you with the stalking of the Liv?
I want her to be my BFF pronto pants.
She is so back, it's insane.
For a while there she fell off the face of the earth but she is back and radical.
I heart her.

Bobblehead Ricci -

She looks good.
Fabulous.
Love it.
Well, except for her gigantic head and teeny body.
But whateves.
You win some, you lose like a thousand pounds.

Claire Danes -

You know Danes is on my list.
However, she looks very, very good here..
I recently watched Little Women and honestly, she ruled it dudes.
Ruled it in a My So Called Life Angela Chase way.
She made Winona good and that’s a task and a half.

SIDE BAR..
Speaking of Little Women, and if you haven't read it skip this, but why in the F did Jo marry the freakin' German and not Laurie?
Dudes.
It irks me every time.
Lame.
Laurie was way better then the freakin German or whatever and he loved her so much and then he like faked married Amy to be near Jo.
You know?
Bitches man, all of em'.
SIDE BAR ENDETH..

But now Danes blows.
Except in this dress with the Rodriguez.
Everyone would look good with a Rodriguez.


All right sisters and brothers.
I will take care to update this blog cause it can take my life but it will never take my freedommm.......

p.s.
My idol Amy Pohler and her fabulous super awesome husband Will Arnett are having un bambino.
Rad.
Congrats Amy and Will.
I say congrats cause I totally know she reads this blog and hope that one day she will adopt me.

Peaces Greases..


***Photos courtesy of People and In Style...

Tracy Jordan: I'm gonna make you a mix tape. You like Phil Collins?

Dudes.
I've missed you all so much.
So, so, so much.
And since our last meeting, so, so, so much has happened.


Christian won Project Runway and is a huge success and everyone wants to be his BFF por vida.
The win was well deserved cause the dude brought it like the Rancho Carne Toro's.
I mean, the mini man made Victoria Poo Face Beckham smile.
One should win the Purple Heart for that shit.
I like this PR win and am very happy about it..
If you are feaning for some more of the feirce, check out his website


Rumors are swirling that Bradical and Angelinical were married in New Orleans.
But they didn't.
So, no story there my friends.
If you would like to read about the non-marriage, check it here


Have we talked about George Clooney's gf?
I'm sure we have.
Have we talked about how she's kinda, how do I put this nicely, Pretty Woman without the snappy comebacks cause she has the personality of paper?
Well, gather around children and talk of the Sarah shall we?
Girlfriend used to live it up in Vegas until my main man Cloonester took her out, dressed her up, got her a passport stamped with countries other then whoresville and made her somewhat respectable.
Now we all know that it would only be a matter of time until someone would release photos of Sarah in black, thigh high boots, a pink shrinky shirt that looped into a short black skirt that put the ho in whore.
Okay, so not really, but close enough.
To see Sarah prior to her refwhoremation, check this out


Orlando Bloom is dating a pretty lady.
The 411 is this way


I got some sweet Privacy Watch for you right here my friends



Dudes.
A little blurb went out a couple of days ago that the Ryan Phillippe and Abbie Cornish are with child.
Who is Abbie Cornish?
Oh just the girl that broke Reece Witherspoon's back.
The dirty bird that is Phillippe has been with a lot of the ladies during his marriage to the Witherspoon, but this one drove Reece to divorce court.
Anywho, the Cornish is laying low and the original blurb was taken down.
But leave it to Defamer to keep the gossip flames burning and post this
Me gusta la Defamer muchismo mas.


How bout a photo sidebar..

Jessica Alba is ready to pop.

I about lost my shit when I saw this dress.
Terrible.
What the hell is this she is wearing?
**Photo provided by Celebutopia


Fergie turned 33 this last week.


Um, girl has got to be 50 something.
I mean, she peed onstage people.
Peed onstage = Depends = Fergie 50 not 33.
**Photo provided by Celebutopia



The Stefani's out and about.





Cammie D has gotten fuglier.
I mean, girl is not aging well at all.
Am I right or just mean?

**Photo provided by Celebutopia



Finally, Suri and Shiloh.

I see cutting and teen pregnancy in their futures.





That is all for now my homies..
Later skaters..