"Hey nerds, guess who has two thumbs, speaks limited French and hasn't cried once today: This Mua!"

Hello!
I hope you all had a faboo July 4.
Fireworks, hotdogs, gossip?


Our dude at Crazy Days and Nights delivered the goods on July 4 by revealing some of his blind items.
Most, to be honest, were crapolla.

The crème de la crème can be found below..


This must have happened about six months ago now. Chicago. In one corner you have a B list actor. Married. For now. A list name recognition. How about A+ name recognition. Anyway, our actor was in town doing some press, making some friends, drinking a little bit. Hey just because it is a kindness doesn't mean that it is going to be lovely dovey. He shouldn't, but he does. So, our actor befriended a few of the waitresses at this particular establishment. One of them came up to him and was talking about how some guy had ordered Cristal or something for his girlfriend for their six month anniversary or something and he then realized he had left his wallet at home. Our actor told the waitress to say that the manager had picked up the bill and our actor paid it. Our actor had such a good time doing that nice thing that he decided to pick up every tab in the place that night. He didn't announce it or scream it because then everyone would have just ordered and ordered. Instead, he spoke with the manager and as each person settled their bill they were told it was on the house and thanks for being such a good customer when instead each tab was actually paid for by the actor. Final bill? About $10,000. Plus tip. He is always a good tipper.

- Ben Affleck



At this point this the only thing keeping this on and off screen couple from that NY teen show together are the cameras and the publicity they get for being together.

- Blake Lively & Penn Badgley


#1 - How about another adventure from our actor from yesterday? Not as interesting, but still fun in a car wreck kind of way. Film Festival. Toronto actually. Yay Canada. Party for the premiere of one of his films. Drinks until he is passed out and his manager carries him to his room. Like I said. Not as interesting but hopefully will provide some insight into yesterday.


#2 - You try coming to work like this actor and lets see how long you keep your job, let alone get lots and lots of ass kissing.

A list film actor. Yes, A-list, no ifs ands or buts. Well, if he had stuck with what made him famous he probably wouldn't have made it to A-list but he adapted. Latest film. Not a great film. First day. Table reading. Our actor showed up for it and was so drunk he could barely stand. No one who was setting everything up would come near him because you could smell him a mile away. He kept stumbling and falling everywhere. Affectionate to everyone. Lots of hugs and kisses. Finally managed to get the actor in a seat. He then started mumbling incoherently and the crews were trying to figure out what he was saying. Then he takes a package out of his jacket pocket...it was a mushed up burrito. He held it up to one of the crew and said "look....what is this?" So she looks and tells him it's a burrito...with chicken...he couldn't comprehend this AT ALL. She went and got him a soda and a sandwich. She was trying to get him into some kind of shape for the reading. It wasn't looking good. Oh, did I mention that he rode his motorcycle to the place? Yeah...good...right? Well, everyone LOVED him...said it was one of his best readings ever...he was brilliant. On and one it went, even though no one had been able to understand one word that came out of his mouth.

- #1 and #2 - Keanu Reeves



This A list film actor. I was thinking about it, but he definitely has opened movies on his own. Action though. That is kind of like women opening a horror film and being called A list. Oh, well, everyone knows him, and when I say know him, you know him. You know, (points eyes)down there. Well seems that our actor is a very generous sort to women on the street who he is attracted to. When he meets someone he likes and likes a great deal, he gives them his card. On the back of the card is a 1-800 number to a credit card concierge with a note that says, "buy something as beautiful and exotic as you... my treat xoxo". There is a pre-set spending limit on the gift.

- Gerard Butler



The summer this B list film actress who I love to rag on as of late was in Shakespeare in the Park, she lived in the building. The building is in Manhattan that was home to many celebs on a permanent basis or just while they were doing a stint in a play or something. So, our actress lived in the building that summer under an assumed name because she didn't want to be bothered. Fine...who cares. No one in the building really cared about famous people living there. There was no mail room at this building, but rather a concierge who gave out mail. All of the mail was in pigeon holes and generally, the concierge knew you and got your mail as you came to the desk. Sometimes there were a few people there so you had to wait. Fine...well, not fine for our actress. Once, while a person was getting their mail and chatting with the concierge for a moment, he got the mail and told the person they had a package in the back so he was going to get it. Before he went to get the package, our actress came up and asked for her stuff. She was told to wait since there was another person there ahead of her. She didn't like that at all. So she said, I can't wait and I want my stuff now. The concierge ignored her. She was so steamed and unfortunately, the person ahead of our actress in line had to ride in the elevator together. She had previously asked the security guard if she could have the elevator to herself. He promptly told her that that is not how things work in the building...but in a really nice way.

- Natalie Portman



Here's another ass. This involves an Academy Award winning actress/supporting actress. The building was set up such that there was a doorway that went from the elevator bank to the hall. One day a resident was going from the elevator to the hall and our actress was going the other way. Well, they didn't see each other and our actress bashed through the door and hit the resident in the head. Ok, mistake...fine...well...not so fine..our actress said "get out of my way." Yeah, not ok. So, the resident told her to watch it because the resident lived there etc etc and the resident thought that our actress was really rude. The woman with her apologized profusely. The resident told her there was NO reason for her to apologize because she didn't do anything. The resident pointed to our actress and said "She's the one who should be apologizing." The resident kept being ignored by our actress while the assistant just kept apologizing.

- Marisa Tomei



On that note, let me reveal another piece of turd, Ryan Adams.
Yes, he’s the dude that totally had a fan thrown out of a concert cause the fan kept calling out for Bryan Adams songs.
Yes, he’s the dude that I abhor, as do most people in the world, and you will too after reading this.
You see Mandy Moore, who I have a great affinity for, began dating le douche about 6 months ago.
Dude breaks up with her and releases a statement to OK! Magazine which can be read below..

"Mandy is one of those genuinely sweet angelic people you wish to meet your whole life. I am grateful for our friendship and how it allowed us both to grow and learn more.

Unfortunately I am allergic to paparazzi and have found the best antidote to that sort of nonsense is staying behind the guitar and typewriter, staying close to my support group of friends and band mates and not engaging in activities that prevent me from taking care of myself or others," he says. "I found the entire speculation and subsequent photographs and intrusions terrifying and only wish to live as normal a life as possible, so that I might always remain punk as fuck AND sober.”


Wait.
Did that dude write punk as fuck?
Is that a typo or did I read that right?
So let me get this straight.
You want the paparazzi to stay the hell away from you and yet you choose to release a statement in OK! Magazine to explain why you ended a relationship that frankly no one gives a shit about?
On top of that, you go a little TMI and reveal that this breakup was done in order to remain sober.
Really?
Last time I checked, the classy way to break up with a person is to say your peace to that person and be done with it.
Not release a statement to a notoriously paparazzi driven magazine and add fuel to the gossip fire by noting that you are trying to stay sober.
This dude gives me douche chills.
If I had five minutes with Mandy Moore, I would cleanse her relationship soul with some serious Some Kind of Wonderful action, mixed with some 16 Candles and a dash of Love Actually.
Mandy, llama me!



Moving on..,
Nicole Kidman and her sperm donor Keith Urban had una bambina on Monday morning.
Was she not just pregnant?
Whateves, maybe this will make her a bit more relatable to the peeps.
I wonder if baby Sunday lost her shit when she looked at her Mom’s face for the first time?
Cause Kidman's looking pretty tore up and I would not be surprised if that kid asked to be held by Dad more often then by Mom.




In other baby news, Matthew McConaughey and his homa had a baby boy Monday night.
Boy's name?
Levi.
Yes, Levi.
Sure the dude could have named the kid something even worse like Bongos or Weed or Drunk Face.
But Levi?
That kid is now forever destined to be hot and dumb and hot and Levi, just Levi.

I would have preferred Drunk Face but that's why I'm not having kids, so, yeah.





Drew Barrymore and that cutie Justin Long have ended their love affair.
This news makes me happy if only that Long won't have to be near Cammie Douchiaz and have that rash rub off on him.
I mean Drew used to be somewhat tolerable until she did those movies with Douchiaz and now she makes me want to vomit.
I'm sure he's heartbroken.
But Justin, dude, look at the bright side, no douche rash from Cammie and to be honest, Drew is starting to look a little, um, well, slow in the face.
She did you a real favor mi amigo.





So, the photo above was taken of Jake G. and Reece W. at a Jack Johnson concert, brought to you by Lainey's Gossip.
Whateves, I still think that my years of "Gay Jake" conspiracy theories will be validated.
But more importantly, the dude is at a Jack Johnson concert.
Jack Johnson folks, nothing even remotely cool about seeing this guy in concert.
Reece has really taken this white bread, conservative, polo and puka shell necklace wearing thing to an extreme.
Again, I feel like vomiting.




Where did this little vixen go?
I mean we could of hung out, talked about whether I should cut bangs or not and gossip about Phillipoo.


Now she's lookin' like the "hip" Mom at church and I am not down..





Did I mention that the new season of Project Runway starts Wednesday, July 16!
Hooray!!
My life has purpose!
Project Runway is totally the fashion god's own personal warrior.
PR is my crack, my Jigga, my Rafael Nadal..



Side bar..

Does Rafa own any other color then white?
I mean he always wears white pantalones del fuego when he plays and kicks ass at the tennis.
He always wears white chonies that I can be seen through his white pantalones del fuego and that he picks outta his sweet Spaniard ass cuando ello juego a la tennis.
Now white trunks.
I guess I'm gonna have to roll out to the Majorca and teach his sweet piece about the color wheel and shit.

Side bar endeth..




Rumor has it the Bradical and Anbrolina’s sacred babes are due next Tuesday.
Have you ever noticed that none of the kids, adopted or birthed, are unattractive?
They are all perfecto in their own way, gorgeous.
Maybe Drew should start hanging out with those kids and lick their tears or whatever to stop the progression of slow face.
Just a thought.




Um.
Mr. Gosling supposedly has a new girlfriend and honestly she looks kinda sloppy.
I'm just sayin’.
The only woman I can tolerate him with is the Gosling.
Otherwise, I bid you good day sloppy.






Dude, White Chola has not popped yet!
Hurry that shit up White Chola!
I gotta know if it's a girl so I can stop you from turning her into a baby chola.
So give that baby an exit scrategy pronto pants!




A while back that piece o' crap Ted C. at E! said that Ben and Jen were heading to the land of divorce.
Now comes this news.
Who knows what to believe?
What I do believe is that JenGar and Reece W. need to stop the madness.
Stop being quitters.
Stop wearing Mom Jeans.
Stop falling into the Gap.
Just. Stop.



I’m out.
A lo me gusta..

Peaces Greases...


**Photos courtesy of People, Just Jared, Lainey Gossip and celebritygossip.net.