Stay gold, Ponyboy.

Word.

Folks it is a new year, a new start and a new me.
For reals, you ask?
No.
Same shit dudes, different day.

I do wish that Joaquin Phoenix would have had that conversation with himself this year and had in fact decided that hells yes, it is time for a new start.
Once he reached this epiphany, he would then promptly call me to discuss a possible intervention.

But, alas, it is not to be.
No, Joaquin has decided to take his fucking circus sideshow freakathon on tour.
Spotted this time around in Miami, Fatty is found hanging out with the biggest dumb fucks on the planet, Sean Combs and Brett Ratner.
I refuse to call the former of the two tools anything but his freaking given name and none of this bullshit AKA stuff.
Moving on..

Behold, the end of a once beauteous man whom I thought very fondly of and at one time would have considered carrying his babies.







Let us dissect each and every one of these photos, shall we?

First off, Casey Affleck, Sean Combs and the artist previously known as Joaquin Phoenix before his stomach ate him.
What the hell are these three doing together?
Yes, I know that Stupido Affleck is helping film the train wreck.
But Sean Combs?
He looks like he has seen the devil in Joaquin.
Possibly because Joaquin is the devil and straight up told Sean Combs that his soul was nearly not worth enough and that killing Big Poppa was a huge mistake as the rap community and this here blogger miss his music genius.


I don't understand how Casey Affleck, who is married to Joaquin's sister, thinks that this new Joaquin transformation is going well.
Like does he look at Joaquin and think, gee this dude looks better then he has in years, and I for one am jealous at what a gigantic fat fucking lard ass drugged out, comatose shell of a man he has become.
Fuck you Affleck, I hope your career goes the way of the dinosaur.
Literal translation, like your brother Ben's.
Zing!


Next, Affleck, Grasso and Brett Ratner.
Dude, I am beginning to think these photos were taken in hell.
Ratner?
First off, get some Soul Glo for that shit ass jheri curl homes.
Secondly, what has that dude ever done but ruin filmmaking, take food from babies mouths and make me wish I were God's own personal warrior so that I could take that fucker out.


Finally.
My man.
Did anyone happen to notice that he is, in fact, wearing a banana clip?
Yes, I will give him props for the banana clip in question being very fancy.
However, I am saddened by it all and the fanciness is only a passing conciliation for the whole package.

Dude what the fuck happened?
Why does he look like he ate a whole family?
Why do his eyes look like they are boring into my soul and then whatever leftovers I have on my plate?
Why did he tag Ratner for the power of the jheri curl?
Is it really that humid in Miami and these two are not within reach of some sort of hair product to tame that shit?
Why can I not lock the Joaquin in a basement, not my own as that would be kidnapping, and replay Someone Saved My Life Tonight by Elton John, over and over and over again until he loses his shit for reals and comes back to me to look like this?



Whateves.
This will all end in sadness.
I will now just look at my Teen Beat pictures of the old Joaquin and say, stay gold Ponyboy. Stay gold forevah.



On a happier note, my favorite over at Crazy Days and Nights has revealed some of his blind items.
The one about Billy Idol and Alec Baldwin/Tina Fey make me muy triste.
The rest are pretty fabulous in more ways then one.
Enjoy and if you would like to read the whole shebang, http://www.crazydaysandnights.net/.
Peaces Greases.



This B list actor and sometime director, now married was once in a highly publicized relationship. While on location in another country the actor found himself in the VIP room of a member’s only gentleman’s club. Rumors swirled about what happened that night and ended up costing his relationship, but the popular guess was second or third base, at best. What really happened was captured on tape by a security camera of the actor, two ladies, and a lot of um let’s say marital aids of all varieties.

When one of the ladies let it ‘slip’ after the encounter that it was all recorded on security camera the actor demanded the tape from the club owner. After several phone calls and exchanges of all sorts the actor left with tape in hand.

But what the actor didn’t know was that the club had made several copies before the actor even knew it existed and he was just one of several actors caught in the same scam at the exclusive anything goes club. The whereabouts of the other tapes are unknown but I’m sure wherever they are, they came at a high price.

Ben Affleck



Even an A lister gets unlucky sometimes. There was some previous discussion whether this individual is actually A list. If he isn't A then he is right on the cusp. Apparently all the women surrounding his table thought he was A list or at least wanted him to think so. Allegedly dating someone everyone thought he was behaving himself except in the drinking department until a model walked by. He immediately ran over to the model and began trying to hit on her. Apparently though she didn't know who he was. When he informed her drunkenly who he was and what he had been in, she said, "I don't really care. Plus if you need to list your accomplishments to get a date, you really have not accomplished all that much." It would have been nice if this had been a quiet conversation, but unfortunately for our film actor the entire group surrounding the table all heard it. Nice.

Gerard Butler




A list actress. Hell, she isn't just an actress, she is also a producer and a very successful one at that. About three months ago our actress was in downtown LA and was headed for dinner. She saw a family that was huddled about 50 feet from the restaurant. Obviously homeless, the dad had a sign while the mom watched their two children. Our actress could have just gone into her dinner, but, instead walked over to the family and started asking them about their life. It was during this that one of her dinner companions also showed up at the restaurant. Through no fault of their own this family was stuck. This actress could have walked away, but instead she canceled her dinner plans, got the family to a hotel and got them some food. Over the course of the next week she found them a place to live, hired the husband for her company, helped the mom get the kids in school and found a job for the mom as well.

Drew Barrymore



Former A list rock singer. Now, just someone we love to sing with at clubs and see in the odd film cameo is going blind.

Billy Idol




Last week, this A list director of some very huge films was shooting his new movie. After work, our director went to a local restaurant (as was his routine) where he picked up two local floozies. After buying them a few drinks and impressing them with his big-shot “I’m a Big Hollywood Director” come-on, our director took the two tramps back to his hotel for a night of debauchery. Little did our director know what he was getting himself into!

Turns out that this pair of hometown hotties weren’t as dumb as our director thought. In fact, there were certified pros, if you get my meaning. (Word has it ugly pros, too – but hey, whattaya want.)

Anyway, flash forward a few hours

Our director wakes up the next morning feeling all kinds of groggy. He discovers his wallet missing, and worst of all – his laptop stolen. On the purloined laptop was reportedly the script to his new movie and several highly secret, ultra-confidential, For-His-Eyes-Only visual FX sequences for the new movie that could be leaked any day now. Not surprisingly, the studio is furious with our director and his utter lack of discretion.

Michael Bay



What film brother/sister duo in an upcoming blockbuster film are having to keep their relationship secret because of fears that the general public will not make the distinction between film and real life?

Robert Pattinson/Nikki Reed




This A list actor who had some serious health and emotional issues last year, but was allegedly on the straight and narrow either doesn't care or had a huge slip over the weekend. At the same party that brought us two blinds from yesterday, our actor managed to consume almost an entire bottle of vodka all by himself. Sweet and very quiet was how the spy described him.

Owen Wilson




Now for something juicier and we will stay at NBC. This time a comedy where the two stars of this hit show used to laugh and get along and just be best pals. Well best pals to the extent people can fake being best pals. However now it is to the point where the only time they communicate is through their lines on the set. The other problem is that other cast members are having to pick sides and if you speak to one, then the other won't speak to you. Yes, these are adults.

Tina Fey & Alec Baldwin




This vegetarian A list rock star has been on and off with his baby mama. She thinks they are on. He apparently thinks they are off as he was off with this former B list actress from a hit television show who loves taking care of strangers in the park.

Anthony Kiedis, Laura Prepon






***Photos from the fabulous Dlisted website and Joaquin Phoenix fansite.

"Hey nerds, guess who has two thumbs, speaks limited French and hasn't cried once today: This Mua!"

Hello!
I hope you all had a faboo July 4.
Fireworks, hotdogs, gossip?


Our dude at Crazy Days and Nights delivered the goods on July 4 by revealing some of his blind items.
Most, to be honest, were crapolla.

The crème de la crème can be found below..


This must have happened about six months ago now. Chicago. In one corner you have a B list actor. Married. For now. A list name recognition. How about A+ name recognition. Anyway, our actor was in town doing some press, making some friends, drinking a little bit. Hey just because it is a kindness doesn't mean that it is going to be lovely dovey. He shouldn't, but he does. So, our actor befriended a few of the waitresses at this particular establishment. One of them came up to him and was talking about how some guy had ordered Cristal or something for his girlfriend for their six month anniversary or something and he then realized he had left his wallet at home. Our actor told the waitress to say that the manager had picked up the bill and our actor paid it. Our actor had such a good time doing that nice thing that he decided to pick up every tab in the place that night. He didn't announce it or scream it because then everyone would have just ordered and ordered. Instead, he spoke with the manager and as each person settled their bill they were told it was on the house and thanks for being such a good customer when instead each tab was actually paid for by the actor. Final bill? About $10,000. Plus tip. He is always a good tipper.

- Ben Affleck



At this point this the only thing keeping this on and off screen couple from that NY teen show together are the cameras and the publicity they get for being together.

- Blake Lively & Penn Badgley


#1 - How about another adventure from our actor from yesterday? Not as interesting, but still fun in a car wreck kind of way. Film Festival. Toronto actually. Yay Canada. Party for the premiere of one of his films. Drinks until he is passed out and his manager carries him to his room. Like I said. Not as interesting but hopefully will provide some insight into yesterday.


#2 - You try coming to work like this actor and lets see how long you keep your job, let alone get lots and lots of ass kissing.

A list film actor. Yes, A-list, no ifs ands or buts. Well, if he had stuck with what made him famous he probably wouldn't have made it to A-list but he adapted. Latest film. Not a great film. First day. Table reading. Our actor showed up for it and was so drunk he could barely stand. No one who was setting everything up would come near him because you could smell him a mile away. He kept stumbling and falling everywhere. Affectionate to everyone. Lots of hugs and kisses. Finally managed to get the actor in a seat. He then started mumbling incoherently and the crews were trying to figure out what he was saying. Then he takes a package out of his jacket pocket...it was a mushed up burrito. He held it up to one of the crew and said "look....what is this?" So she looks and tells him it's a burrito...with chicken...he couldn't comprehend this AT ALL. She went and got him a soda and a sandwich. She was trying to get him into some kind of shape for the reading. It wasn't looking good. Oh, did I mention that he rode his motorcycle to the place? Yeah...good...right? Well, everyone LOVED him...said it was one of his best readings ever...he was brilliant. On and one it went, even though no one had been able to understand one word that came out of his mouth.

- #1 and #2 - Keanu Reeves



This A list film actor. I was thinking about it, but he definitely has opened movies on his own. Action though. That is kind of like women opening a horror film and being called A list. Oh, well, everyone knows him, and when I say know him, you know him. You know, (points eyes)down there. Well seems that our actor is a very generous sort to women on the street who he is attracted to. When he meets someone he likes and likes a great deal, he gives them his card. On the back of the card is a 1-800 number to a credit card concierge with a note that says, "buy something as beautiful and exotic as you... my treat xoxo". There is a pre-set spending limit on the gift.

- Gerard Butler



The summer this B list film actress who I love to rag on as of late was in Shakespeare in the Park, she lived in the building. The building is in Manhattan that was home to many celebs on a permanent basis or just while they were doing a stint in a play or something. So, our actress lived in the building that summer under an assumed name because she didn't want to be bothered. Fine...who cares. No one in the building really cared about famous people living there. There was no mail room at this building, but rather a concierge who gave out mail. All of the mail was in pigeon holes and generally, the concierge knew you and got your mail as you came to the desk. Sometimes there were a few people there so you had to wait. Fine...well, not fine for our actress. Once, while a person was getting their mail and chatting with the concierge for a moment, he got the mail and told the person they had a package in the back so he was going to get it. Before he went to get the package, our actress came up and asked for her stuff. She was told to wait since there was another person there ahead of her. She didn't like that at all. So she said, I can't wait and I want my stuff now. The concierge ignored her. She was so steamed and unfortunately, the person ahead of our actress in line had to ride in the elevator together. She had previously asked the security guard if she could have the elevator to herself. He promptly told her that that is not how things work in the building...but in a really nice way.

- Natalie Portman



Here's another ass. This involves an Academy Award winning actress/supporting actress. The building was set up such that there was a doorway that went from the elevator bank to the hall. One day a resident was going from the elevator to the hall and our actress was going the other way. Well, they didn't see each other and our actress bashed through the door and hit the resident in the head. Ok, mistake...fine...well...not so fine..our actress said "get out of my way." Yeah, not ok. So, the resident told her to watch it because the resident lived there etc etc and the resident thought that our actress was really rude. The woman with her apologized profusely. The resident told her there was NO reason for her to apologize because she didn't do anything. The resident pointed to our actress and said "She's the one who should be apologizing." The resident kept being ignored by our actress while the assistant just kept apologizing.

- Marisa Tomei



On that note, let me reveal another piece of turd, Ryan Adams.
Yes, he’s the dude that totally had a fan thrown out of a concert cause the fan kept calling out for Bryan Adams songs.
Yes, he’s the dude that I abhor, as do most people in the world, and you will too after reading this.
You see Mandy Moore, who I have a great affinity for, began dating le douche about 6 months ago.
Dude breaks up with her and releases a statement to OK! Magazine which can be read below..

"Mandy is one of those genuinely sweet angelic people you wish to meet your whole life. I am grateful for our friendship and how it allowed us both to grow and learn more.

Unfortunately I am allergic to paparazzi and have found the best antidote to that sort of nonsense is staying behind the guitar and typewriter, staying close to my support group of friends and band mates and not engaging in activities that prevent me from taking care of myself or others," he says. "I found the entire speculation and subsequent photographs and intrusions terrifying and only wish to live as normal a life as possible, so that I might always remain punk as fuck AND sober.”


Wait.
Did that dude write punk as fuck?
Is that a typo or did I read that right?
So let me get this straight.
You want the paparazzi to stay the hell away from you and yet you choose to release a statement in OK! Magazine to explain why you ended a relationship that frankly no one gives a shit about?
On top of that, you go a little TMI and reveal that this breakup was done in order to remain sober.
Really?
Last time I checked, the classy way to break up with a person is to say your peace to that person and be done with it.
Not release a statement to a notoriously paparazzi driven magazine and add fuel to the gossip fire by noting that you are trying to stay sober.
This dude gives me douche chills.
If I had five minutes with Mandy Moore, I would cleanse her relationship soul with some serious Some Kind of Wonderful action, mixed with some 16 Candles and a dash of Love Actually.
Mandy, llama me!



Moving on..,
Nicole Kidman and her sperm donor Keith Urban had una bambina on Monday morning.
Was she not just pregnant?
Whateves, maybe this will make her a bit more relatable to the peeps.
I wonder if baby Sunday lost her shit when she looked at her Mom’s face for the first time?
Cause Kidman's looking pretty tore up and I would not be surprised if that kid asked to be held by Dad more often then by Mom.




In other baby news, Matthew McConaughey and his homa had a baby boy Monday night.
Boy's name?
Levi.
Yes, Levi.
Sure the dude could have named the kid something even worse like Bongos or Weed or Drunk Face.
But Levi?
That kid is now forever destined to be hot and dumb and hot and Levi, just Levi.

I would have preferred Drunk Face but that's why I'm not having kids, so, yeah.





Drew Barrymore and that cutie Justin Long have ended their love affair.
This news makes me happy if only that Long won't have to be near Cammie Douchiaz and have that rash rub off on him.
I mean Drew used to be somewhat tolerable until she did those movies with Douchiaz and now she makes me want to vomit.
I'm sure he's heartbroken.
But Justin, dude, look at the bright side, no douche rash from Cammie and to be honest, Drew is starting to look a little, um, well, slow in the face.
She did you a real favor mi amigo.





So, the photo above was taken of Jake G. and Reece W. at a Jack Johnson concert, brought to you by Lainey's Gossip.
Whateves, I still think that my years of "Gay Jake" conspiracy theories will be validated.
But more importantly, the dude is at a Jack Johnson concert.
Jack Johnson folks, nothing even remotely cool about seeing this guy in concert.
Reece has really taken this white bread, conservative, polo and puka shell necklace wearing thing to an extreme.
Again, I feel like vomiting.




Where did this little vixen go?
I mean we could of hung out, talked about whether I should cut bangs or not and gossip about Phillipoo.


Now she's lookin' like the "hip" Mom at church and I am not down..





Did I mention that the new season of Project Runway starts Wednesday, July 16!
Hooray!!
My life has purpose!
Project Runway is totally the fashion god's own personal warrior.
PR is my crack, my Jigga, my Rafael Nadal..



Side bar..

Does Rafa own any other color then white?
I mean he always wears white pantalones del fuego when he plays and kicks ass at the tennis.
He always wears white chonies that I can be seen through his white pantalones del fuego and that he picks outta his sweet Spaniard ass cuando ello juego a la tennis.
Now white trunks.
I guess I'm gonna have to roll out to the Majorca and teach his sweet piece about the color wheel and shit.

Side bar endeth..




Rumor has it the Bradical and Anbrolina’s sacred babes are due next Tuesday.
Have you ever noticed that none of the kids, adopted or birthed, are unattractive?
They are all perfecto in their own way, gorgeous.
Maybe Drew should start hanging out with those kids and lick their tears or whatever to stop the progression of slow face.
Just a thought.




Um.
Mr. Gosling supposedly has a new girlfriend and honestly she looks kinda sloppy.
I'm just sayin’.
The only woman I can tolerate him with is the Gosling.
Otherwise, I bid you good day sloppy.






Dude, White Chola has not popped yet!
Hurry that shit up White Chola!
I gotta know if it's a girl so I can stop you from turning her into a baby chola.
So give that baby an exit scrategy pronto pants!




A while back that piece o' crap Ted C. at E! said that Ben and Jen were heading to the land of divorce.
Now comes this news.
Who knows what to believe?
What I do believe is that JenGar and Reece W. need to stop the madness.
Stop being quitters.
Stop wearing Mom Jeans.
Stop falling into the Gap.
Just. Stop.



I’m out.
A lo me gusta..

Peaces Greases...


**Photos courtesy of People, Just Jared, Lainey Gossip and celebritygossip.net.

Well, what I had said was I'm in the math club, uh, the Latin, and the physics club... physics club.

Dudes.
So Jessica Retardalba stopped living in sin and then delivered her husband's meal ticket, Honor.
My Liv and her husband split.
I had minor surgery on what doctors call a "triple nipple" and all is well in the world.

Except if you are Mike Myers.
Entertainment Weekly wrote this article about Myers being a complete and total prick face.
Aww Mike, why?
Why are you a crazy, margarine loving, jealous much, piece of caca?
This makes me sad.

However, not even close to how sad this blind item makes me, cause you totally know who it is.
Dude.
Your son is beyond hott.
Your career is in super awesome overdrive.
Most importantly, you are the mayor of rad town.
Why in the hell would you want to go back to breaking into people's homes, sleeping in their kid's teeny tiny bed, smelling of poop, herpes and broken dreams, only to be sent to jail to get ass raped?
If this is blind item is true, I'm going to deny it for RDJ cause I love him too much.


In other not so blind item news, the New York Daily News had this blurb the other day:
“Which starlet with an often-troubled boyfriend actually plays for the other team — and puts up with her boy toy's habits to maintain hetero appearances?”
Then Crazy Days and Nights wrote this little ditty about Anne Hathaway.
So what am I trying to say?
Anne Hathaway likes Italian schmucks who enjoy stealing money and looking like he's 45 when he's 29 and maybe, just maybe, likes the lady parts.



Some lady parts Hathaway could be into, are those of the ladies embroiled in this nasty bit of gossip.
Looks like Jennifer Aniston has been drinking the John Mayer Kool-Aid and become a complete and total doucheorama.




Speaking of whore faces, Sarah Larson is now single and showing the world her wicked smarts.
What a fabulous, fabulous, piece of work.
Thank the G that the Cloonster wised up before the ho got knocked up and named their daughter Honor.
Oh, I went there.




Giselle is on the cover of GQ and again she makes me want to throw up that whole bag of Baked Lays I ate for dinner.
The article is all about how Leo broke her heart and how Tom Brady is, well, whatever.
Sorry Tommy, Leo is in Giselle's heart por vida.

I know how you feel Giselles, Leo will por vida be in my heart as the lovable retard who could shimmy up a water tower like nobody's business..



Speaking of retarded, Katherine Fucktard Heigl has struck again.
Chickenhead called out the writers of Grey's Anatomy for not giving her decent enough material too work with this season and as a greater fuck you, took herself out of Emmy contention.
Dude.
Why won't this chick remove herself from the vicinity of my area?
I wish someone would pin her down and crap in her face.
Well, I guess somebody is a bit classier then me, and wrote an open letter in New York Magazine to tell Heigl to check her bratitude.
It may not be literal poo but the lady still straight up shit in Heigl's face and that is all I could have asked for.





Picture Sidebar -


Number two on my Shit List is now dating Lance Armstrong.
I think the Tour De France should strip Lance of his trophies for dating this ho.
Lance, I bid you good day.



Do you feel douche chills?
Number four and five on my Shit List together at last.
It's like wonder crap activates in the form of dirty, shitastic hippie and anorexia, poo face.
If that Giselle photo doesn't make me barf, this just did.


Um, I C Weiner..






Bilson before her lapse in clothing judgment and after, looking pretty faboo.



Have you seen Natalie Portman and her dirty, stinky, drum circle loving, boyfriend of a hippie Devendra Banhart?


I bet that dog thinks Devendra's crotch smells like hot dogs.



I'm out friends.. I will leave you with this question, what kind of person applies for a job at Medieval Times?
Peaces Greases..

**Photos courtesy of http://www.laineygossip.com/, People, US Weekly and Just Jared.