Well, what I had said was I'm in the math club, uh, the Latin, and the physics club... physics club.

Dudes.
So Jessica Retardalba stopped living in sin and then delivered her husband's meal ticket, Honor.
My Liv and her husband split.
I had minor surgery on what doctors call a "triple nipple" and all is well in the world.

Except if you are Mike Myers.
Entertainment Weekly wrote this article about Myers being a complete and total prick face.
Aww Mike, why?
Why are you a crazy, margarine loving, jealous much, piece of caca?
This makes me sad.

However, not even close to how sad this blind item makes me, cause you totally know who it is.
Dude.
Your son is beyond hott.
Your career is in super awesome overdrive.
Most importantly, you are the mayor of rad town.
Why in the hell would you want to go back to breaking into people's homes, sleeping in their kid's teeny tiny bed, smelling of poop, herpes and broken dreams, only to be sent to jail to get ass raped?
If this is blind item is true, I'm going to deny it for RDJ cause I love him too much.


In other not so blind item news, the New York Daily News had this blurb the other day:
“Which starlet with an often-troubled boyfriend actually plays for the other team — and puts up with her boy toy's habits to maintain hetero appearances?”
Then Crazy Days and Nights wrote this little ditty about Anne Hathaway.
So what am I trying to say?
Anne Hathaway likes Italian schmucks who enjoy stealing money and looking like he's 45 when he's 29 and maybe, just maybe, likes the lady parts.



Some lady parts Hathaway could be into, are those of the ladies embroiled in this nasty bit of gossip.
Looks like Jennifer Aniston has been drinking the John Mayer Kool-Aid and become a complete and total doucheorama.




Speaking of whore faces, Sarah Larson is now single and showing the world her wicked smarts.
What a fabulous, fabulous, piece of work.
Thank the G that the Cloonster wised up before the ho got knocked up and named their daughter Honor.
Oh, I went there.




Giselle is on the cover of GQ and again she makes me want to throw up that whole bag of Baked Lays I ate for dinner.
The article is all about how Leo broke her heart and how Tom Brady is, well, whatever.
Sorry Tommy, Leo is in Giselle's heart por vida.

I know how you feel Giselles, Leo will por vida be in my heart as the lovable retard who could shimmy up a water tower like nobody's business..



Speaking of retarded, Katherine Fucktard Heigl has struck again.
Chickenhead called out the writers of Grey's Anatomy for not giving her decent enough material too work with this season and as a greater fuck you, took herself out of Emmy contention.
Dude.
Why won't this chick remove herself from the vicinity of my area?
I wish someone would pin her down and crap in her face.
Well, I guess somebody is a bit classier then me, and wrote an open letter in New York Magazine to tell Heigl to check her bratitude.
It may not be literal poo but the lady still straight up shit in Heigl's face and that is all I could have asked for.





Picture Sidebar -


Number two on my Shit List is now dating Lance Armstrong.
I think the Tour De France should strip Lance of his trophies for dating this ho.
Lance, I bid you good day.



Do you feel douche chills?
Number four and five on my Shit List together at last.
It's like wonder crap activates in the form of dirty, shitastic hippie and anorexia, poo face.
If that Giselle photo doesn't make me barf, this just did.


Um, I C Weiner..






Bilson before her lapse in clothing judgment and after, looking pretty faboo.



Have you seen Natalie Portman and her dirty, stinky, drum circle loving, boyfriend of a hippie Devendra Banhart?


I bet that dog thinks Devendra's crotch smells like hot dogs.



I'm out friends.. I will leave you with this question, what kind of person applies for a job at Medieval Times?
Peaces Greases..

**Photos courtesy of http://www.laineygossip.com/, People, US Weekly and Just Jared.