Cautionary Tale of Two Blondies 2.9

What did we learn from this episode?

Learned thing #1:
Raj is such a freaking douchey whiney bitch.
That guy would sell his own family out to The Company if they questioned his decisions, clothing choice or his random hard to place accent.
Let's catch up with this worthless piece of jerry curl.
Raj decides to go to the dark side and help Ned and Powder capture the Cheertator Tot.
By the by, Powder is Ned's "daughter."
Powder is the muscle for the ODB takedown and this ho better back the f off cause ODB ain't going down without a fight.
Neither am I Heroes writers. Neither am I.


Learned thing #2:
When will Cheertator, Mom with the Freaky Lip, Raj and the whole freaking nation realize what a straight up gangStar ODB is?
Cheertator isn't going anywhere damn it and decides to put her whole family at risk for David Copperfield.
Yep, Copperfield.
The dude that hasn't gotten laid in like ever and pretends to be the smooth operator but comes off as a desperate virgin, who can't drive.
Tator gets in a tiff with the man, the myth, and the legend by telling ODB she doesn't want to become his experiment and oh, that she hates him.
Straight up tells ODB that she hates him.
Um, hi, Claire?
My name is Reason.
Um, your pops has saved your ass about a dozen times, died for you once, had his memory erased, let you choose your family and your own adventure, got you a car and has tried to keep you from the bad people that want to make you into one of The Rage monkeys in 28 Weeks Later.
So, uh, try and recognize that you cannot roll with ODB and you will be regretting your obvious juvenile outburst later.
Anywho, Tator finds Copperfield and lays it on the line cause somehow in the period of like 3 days the two are in love and ODB is some evil stepmother that wants to keep them apart.
She tells him that she cares about him and isn’t trying to lure him back the man with the horn rimmed glasses.
Copperfiled tells Claire that he doesn't believe her and to go suck a dong.
Claire cries or some crap and mopes around in her cheer outfit.


Learned Thing #3:
So there was this one guy by the name of Anakin Skywalker.
He met some dude whose face got all melty and weird and had teeth that looked like Kramer in that Seinfeld episode where he had a cigar bar in his apartment for like 3 days.
Remember?
Anywho, Skywalker was tempted by greed and power and ended getting burned alive and losing an arm.
Plus dude lost custody of his kids and had to speak through a vamped up hole in his throat.
Upside? James Earle Jones was his voice.
Point being, the dude got f'd by believing he was radder then he was and giving into power and greed that came along with his super radical Jedi power.
Not to ruin it but Skywalker bites the big one and all cause he switched to the dark side.
My point?
Porkman is heading to the dark side.
I see Porkman totally having to make a decision at the season finale between being good or being evil.
You see Parkman is using his mind reading power of persuasion ability to new extremes.
He makes Poltergeist eat her cereal and wish that one day her teeth will not totally engulf her whole face.
He also persuades Bitchy Petrelli to give up the whole kitten caboodle by naming a friend she swore to protect.
Things are looking real bad for the Porkman and for me who may have to see more then I wanted of this character for the remainder of the season.


Learned Thing #4
Hiro came back to the present and then left again to try save his pops life.
We learned that Mom of Hiro died, Hott Monroe killed papa Zulu and Hiro has now decided that he will avenge his father’s death by finding Hott Monroe and chop suey his ass.


Learned Thing #5
ODB is one bad mother f'er. But we knew that already so let's move on.
Powder, Raj and Ned have a plan to take the Claire and do something to her.
Maybe erase David Copperfield from her memory and those of the viewers at home?
Please?
ODB and Raj meet up in secret where ODB basically tells Raj that he is a complete and total retard and that The Company is totally brainwashing him.
David Copperfield, who has now teamed up with ODB after an after school special moment, stops ODB from shooting Raj and then helps him kidnap Powder.
Ned ends up talking CB into him kidnapping her when he shows up at her house after first trying to kidnap her at school.
Eventually the ying and yang fathers agree to exchange their daughters.
But not before Ned takes some of Claire's super blood and ODB tortures Powder with a bucket of water while divulging that Ned was not as great a pops as Powder thinks he is.
At the exchange, CB and Powder meet, David Copperfield grabs Claire and flys off with her and Raj, the stupid asshole that he is, fulfills Mr. Isaac's painting and shoots the ODB in the eye.
Dude.
What the hell?
I mean why would one do that?
Honestly, how did Raj become a semi likeable character with a backbone to a totally worthless character with a jerry curl and no balls?
I had about 2 minutes of panic until the very end of the episode where we see ODB without shirt, lying on a gurney with a hole in his eye.
Attached to his arm is an IV with Claire's blood.
The whole in the eye regenerates and ODB pops up from the gurney and totally gangster style says, "Oh, shit."



Next week, I reach through the TV and kill Raj.
But not before kicking him in the balls just to see if he has any.