word bitches.
um, first let us take a moment to rewind to the age of headgear, pining for an oily bohunk and the hot bitch known as Jordan Catalano.
this should bring back amazingly awesome memories.
i liked Danes at this point, wanted to bone down with Leto or, excuse me, Jordan Catalano, and totally loved the Buffalo Tom song playing in the background that I downloaded it TONIGHT!
Project Runway is ovah.
Leanne won.
Big whoop.
Like we didn't see that coming from the very beginning.
What I didn't see coming was how much I would want Leanne to wash her hair from now until, um, forever.
Geez girl, things are not that bad in hipster nation that you could not buy Prell for like $1.50 at Walgreens and go to town on that oil slick.
Shit, bitch.
Chevron's Q&A here
Oh, and, Kenley?
I loathe you more then the two people on the top of my list that I actually know, hate and hope will burn in hell for all eternity and then some.
Take care of that thing your face does and jog on.
Kenley's exit interview from EW this a way
Korto,
Mi gusta.
And girl, you looked good at Bryant Park but your clothes kinda didn't.
Korto's peace out ovah here
Honestly, what has any winner of PR, with the exception of my main man Siriano, ever done with their lives?
So be stoked that you were on the last season on Bravo before the switch happens to the ovary snatching channel and peace out.
I am chocked full of gossip for you kids and I will share.
But for now, watch My So Called Life clips and dream of Catalano for eva.
Peaces Greases..
Friday, October 17, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Heroes 3.2
Few things.
One, how freaking awesome is it that Bitchy is Sydog's mom..?
Two, how awesome was Sydog, trying to be good for five minutes and then not?
Three, how chubtastic was the retard blond speedster in her super suit?
Four, Tracy and Niki are twinner test tube babies, created in a lab.
Five, ODB = super badass as per usual.
Six, the preview for next week with Sydog all Jewish house mother and shit.
Seven, the return of Soul Glo for two long seconds.
Radical.
One, how freaking awesome is it that Bitchy is Sydog's mom..?
Two, how awesome was Sydog, trying to be good for five minutes and then not?
Three, how chubtastic was the retard blond speedster in her super suit?
Four, Tracy and Niki are twinner test tube babies, created in a lab.
Five, ODB = super badass as per usual.
Six, the preview for next week with Sydog all Jewish house mother and shit.
Seven, the return of Soul Glo for two long seconds.
Radical.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Heroes - S3 Episode 1
The two-hour season premiere of Heroes was tonight and I must say that those two hours were better then all of Season 2 combined.
So much good poop and of course, bad diarrhea.
The Good:
Sylar coming back, looking lean and mean, cutting peeps brains open, fucking shit up.
Mohindog, taking serum to finally gain super powers and some balls, becomes a bad ass with super strength, penis and peeling power.
Elle, all combustible and shit, losing papa Ned Ryerson, getting shit on by Bitchy which insures her most definitely coming over from the dark side.
Bitchtastic Peterelli, revealing her seeing the future super power, remaining bitchy and wrinkly while doing so.
Nathan, alive, with too much plastic surgery, so much so that his teeth are uber white and protruding, loving the Lord with his imaginary friend Linderman.
ODB out of cell number 5, ready to riggidy role son!
Claire all unfeeling, with a touch of dramatic acting and a dash of poo strain face.
Hottrelli, not so hot with the scar across his face, but then is hott when he doesn't have it, totally fucking up the space/time continuum.
Not Nikki, split personality free without a memory, living in a deluxe apartment in the sky, turning people into ice without trying as witnessed by her murder of the Great American Hero!
Claire's white trash mom who ends up being a fire starter, wicked fire starter.
Plus…
The new super bad villains.
Bitchy revealing that she is Sylar's homa.
Bitchy seeing the future villains straight up murdering the Heroes asses.
All and all the season premiere was fabulous and worth the wait for me to go from nerd to nerd alert.
The Bad:
The freaking super fast blond.
Bitch, please.
Try taking an acting class or two and not from Dora the Explorer.
Her hair is terrible, her red sweat suit, awful and her stupid face with added pout looks like a talking anus.
I hope she dies.
Stat.
The Vato shell that Peter Petrelli was put into.
Um, hi.
Could the Heroes casting director maybe picked up the dude from Training Day that talks about getting his shit pushed in, instead of this dude?
I mean come on.
I would have totally bought it coming from that dude.
ORALE!
Hiro.
I dunno.
He bothers me.
He should have practiced his, eyes tightly shut to convey the stoppage of time acting skill in the mirror this summer cause I am not buying it.
Porkman.
Is there a reason he is around other then Felicity nostalgia?
Cause I aint feeling it this season and my patients better not be tried.
Maya all hotastic and tan with a heavier accent then the last time we saw her, wearing super tight white capris, yellow halfie and stripper platforms to match.
Why is she still here?
To look like she shops at the tween section at Forever 21, looking fake and bake while doing so?
Figure it out folks and quick.
Questions?
What happened to Soul Glow?
How did Not Nikki come back?
What happened to Super Cousin without plot development?
What happened to Chompers aka Molly?
Next week..
More shit happens and things go down.
So stoked.
Peaces Greases..
So much good poop and of course, bad diarrhea.
The Good:
Sylar coming back, looking lean and mean, cutting peeps brains open, fucking shit up.
Mohindog, taking serum to finally gain super powers and some balls, becomes a bad ass with super strength, penis and peeling power.
Elle, all combustible and shit, losing papa Ned Ryerson, getting shit on by Bitchy which insures her most definitely coming over from the dark side.
Bitchtastic Peterelli, revealing her seeing the future super power, remaining bitchy and wrinkly while doing so.
Nathan, alive, with too much plastic surgery, so much so that his teeth are uber white and protruding, loving the Lord with his imaginary friend Linderman.
ODB out of cell number 5, ready to riggidy role son!
Claire all unfeeling, with a touch of dramatic acting and a dash of poo strain face.
Hottrelli, not so hot with the scar across his face, but then is hott when he doesn't have it, totally fucking up the space/time continuum.
Not Nikki, split personality free without a memory, living in a deluxe apartment in the sky, turning people into ice without trying as witnessed by her murder of the Great American Hero!
Claire's white trash mom who ends up being a fire starter, wicked fire starter.
Plus…
The new super bad villains.
Bitchy revealing that she is Sylar's homa.
Bitchy seeing the future villains straight up murdering the Heroes asses.
All and all the season premiere was fabulous and worth the wait for me to go from nerd to nerd alert.
The Bad:
The freaking super fast blond.
Bitch, please.
Try taking an acting class or two and not from Dora the Explorer.
Her hair is terrible, her red sweat suit, awful and her stupid face with added pout looks like a talking anus.
I hope she dies.
Stat.
The Vato shell that Peter Petrelli was put into.
Um, hi.
Could the Heroes casting director maybe picked up the dude from Training Day that talks about getting his shit pushed in, instead of this dude?
I mean come on.
I would have totally bought it coming from that dude.
ORALE!
Hiro.
I dunno.
He bothers me.
He should have practiced his, eyes tightly shut to convey the stoppage of time acting skill in the mirror this summer cause I am not buying it.
Porkman.
Is there a reason he is around other then Felicity nostalgia?
Cause I aint feeling it this season and my patients better not be tried.
Maya all hotastic and tan with a heavier accent then the last time we saw her, wearing super tight white capris, yellow halfie and stripper platforms to match.
Why is she still here?
To look like she shops at the tween section at Forever 21, looking fake and bake while doing so?
Figure it out folks and quick.
Questions?
What happened to Soul Glow?
How did Not Nikki come back?
What happened to Super Cousin without plot development?
What happened to Chompers aka Molly?
Next week..
More shit happens and things go down.
So stoked.
Peaces Greases..
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
No, you can't give a build-up like that and not deliver..
Ok.
I have a confession to make.
I have been wrapped up in ... gulp ...Twilight.
Yes, I broke the fuck down.
It has been a downward spiral of evil and shame.
I hate myself and feel dirty about reading this deliciously entertaining smut.
I want to take a shower and if it involves vampire hott piece Edward Cullen, all the better.
If you don't know what in the heck Twilight is, witness.
I feel like a 12-year-old with pimples, that smells like pee and always forgets to wear her headgear.
I mean honestly.
I totally cock blocked myself from reading this.
Didn't want to jump on the bandwagon.
Wanted to be a rebel.
Then I buckled because I wondered how is it that this book is so freaking popular and from the fanatics addictive?
So, I read it and here is the 411.
Low Points:
First off, I don't want to knock on the S. Meyer fandom but homegirl kinda writes like poo.
She climbs up to Big Word Mountain and yells out the baddest ones she can.
So many situations were I barfed over the cheese factor and found myself keeping count on how many times she used the words dazzling, beautiful and statuesque.
Plus, Meyer cannot dress a character to save her life.
Bella, the protagonist, the object of Edward's affections, the human girl that breaks him, wears a flannel at some point in the story.
Edward, the hottness, wears a white, mock turtleneck.
Um, this dude is so not freaking Bobby Brown circa 1992, jammin' on the one, ok.
High Points:
Meyer is a phenom in the storyteller department.
You can't put the book down because you have to know what's going to happen next.
It's like she doused the book with crack.
The characters are interesting; there is drama plus a little action/adventure.
People glowing and shit.
Sexual tension and intrigue.
Prom!
Most importantly, the vampire dude character guy?
Majorly crush worthy.
He smells necks and traces his figure around jaw lines.
He watches you sleep and writes songs for your ass.
He drives fancy cars, saves his ho and I am sure would look good in a suit.
As evidenced here by Robert Pattinson, Edward in the film, along with the other cast members.
The love story is pretty fabulous too.
Kinda like Leonardo and Claire in that Romeo and Juliet redo, were you just about lost your shit over the romantico and wanted to straight commit suicide for your high school boyfriend Randy..
No?
As far as the film goes..
Kristen Stewart and the above-mentioned Rob Pattinson play the leads in the film adaptation.
The two look good together.
Pretty surprised and how lovely Stewart turned out.
I thought she would go the rough route like her mentor Jodi Foster.
Don't get me started on Robert Pattinson aka Cedric Diggory.
Um..
Observe My Ho Fo' Sho'-
The other folks in the cast are straight outta the CW, look like they have bad weaves and cannot hold a candle to, I want to pat him on his sweet ass, Pattinson.
Anywho, read the Twilight if you're down.
But I warn you, you may lose friends, significant others, $85 for the four book series and street cred.
Major, major Nerd Alert.
P.S. The movie comes out November 21 and I am so there it's insane.
Photos courtesy of bellaandedward.com, InStyle and Just Jared.
I have a confession to make.
I have been wrapped up in ... gulp ...Twilight.
Yes, I broke the fuck down.
It has been a downward spiral of evil and shame.
I hate myself and feel dirty about reading this deliciously entertaining smut.
I want to take a shower and if it involves vampire hott piece Edward Cullen, all the better.
If you don't know what in the heck Twilight is, witness.
I feel like a 12-year-old with pimples, that smells like pee and always forgets to wear her headgear.
I mean honestly.
I totally cock blocked myself from reading this.
Didn't want to jump on the bandwagon.
Wanted to be a rebel.
Then I buckled because I wondered how is it that this book is so freaking popular and from the fanatics addictive?
So, I read it and here is the 411.
Low Points:
First off, I don't want to knock on the S. Meyer fandom but homegirl kinda writes like poo.
She climbs up to Big Word Mountain and yells out the baddest ones she can.
So many situations were I barfed over the cheese factor and found myself keeping count on how many times she used the words dazzling, beautiful and statuesque.
Plus, Meyer cannot dress a character to save her life.
Bella, the protagonist, the object of Edward's affections, the human girl that breaks him, wears a flannel at some point in the story.
Edward, the hottness, wears a white, mock turtleneck.
Um, this dude is so not freaking Bobby Brown circa 1992, jammin' on the one, ok.
High Points:
Meyer is a phenom in the storyteller department.
You can't put the book down because you have to know what's going to happen next.
It's like she doused the book with crack.
The characters are interesting; there is drama plus a little action/adventure.
People glowing and shit.
Sexual tension and intrigue.
Prom!
Most importantly, the vampire dude character guy?
Majorly crush worthy.
He smells necks and traces his figure around jaw lines.
He watches you sleep and writes songs for your ass.
He drives fancy cars, saves his ho and I am sure would look good in a suit.
As evidenced here by Robert Pattinson, Edward in the film, along with the other cast members.
The love story is pretty fabulous too.
Kinda like Leonardo and Claire in that Romeo and Juliet redo, were you just about lost your shit over the romantico and wanted to straight commit suicide for your high school boyfriend Randy..
No?
As far as the film goes..
Kristen Stewart and the above-mentioned Rob Pattinson play the leads in the film adaptation.
The two look good together.
Pretty surprised and how lovely Stewart turned out.
I thought she would go the rough route like her mentor Jodi Foster.
Don't get me started on Robert Pattinson aka Cedric Diggory.
Um..
Observe My Ho Fo' Sho'-
The other folks in the cast are straight outta the CW, look like they have bad weaves and cannot hold a candle to, I want to pat him on his sweet ass, Pattinson.
Anywho, read the Twilight if you're down.
But I warn you, you may lose friends, significant others, $85 for the four book series and street cred.
Major, major Nerd Alert.
P.S. The movie comes out November 21 and I am so there it's insane.
Photos courtesy of bellaandedward.com, InStyle and Just Jared.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
By the Power of Greyskull...
Before we begin the gossip..
Please see Step Brothers because, in a word, mind blowing.
Yes, that was two but whateves.
On another movie note, have any of you 5 people who read this blog seen Tropic Thunder?
Robert Downey Jr. was fabulous.
As far as the movie goes, I liked it but did not love it.
Point is, and I know I am going to burn, burn, burn for this one, Tom
Cruise was, dare I say, awesome.
Serious folks.
He did a great job, he was funny, spot on and the boy can dance Cher.
Watch it before you boil my rabbit.
White Chola finally popped out what I hoped would have been a mini cholita but was disappointed to find out it was a mini cholito.
Yes, Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale was born this morning and his name sucks serious, serious asshole.
You can read all the details here.
Moving on to the best. news. ever.
Hooray.
Did you kids hear this very sweet news that melted my cold, cold cynical heart?
If I had kids, I would groom them to find these dudes sons and daughters and make sexy time with them.
That would be their task in life.
No Olympians in this family.
Just bitches and ho's...
On a Michelle Williams note, Ms. Thang is currently dating none other then Spike Jonze.
You can read about their love affair aqui.
I totally approve of this.
Spike Jonze was married to Sofia Coppola and dated Drew Barrymore so the dude needs a break from the douchers.
It looks like Slutastic Miller has stopped making friends.
Yes to some this may seem mean and cruel and shitay.
I think walking around with a dirty va-jay-jay and humping every married man who has a weiner proves to be #1 in the bad move department.
My guess was this was done by Sadie Frost (Jude Law's ex-wife) and her team of rich, drugged out, ho's.
This was totally Sadie’s version of toilet papering.
Dudes.
So not to toot my own horn or anything but I so called this like last year!
Picture Side Bar -
Milla and her baby Ever
She looks good and baby looks good and they both make me feel like I hit the wall like 10 years ago.
Not so good?
WTF!
I mean it looks like Meg Ryan and a fish had sexual intercourse and popped out this thing.
Goes to show that nothing good came of your sexy time with Russell Crowe, Meg Ryan. Nothing.
Kate Hudson.
Yes, I loathe her.
But that is beside the point.
Homegirl forgot to take care of business in the armpit department.
Maybe she's sweating out a pregnancy test.
With all the men she has been through this month who knows who the baby daddy is.
Awwww snap!
So Nicole Kidman had a baby like two weeks ago and I call BULLSHIT.
Shenanigans.
No way did this woman, who can barely stand straight due to her lack of food consumption, push out a human being from her pee pee and live.
No way you live Kidman, no way.
Oh. Hi.
I didn't see you there paparazzo.
I was totally incognito with my hufunkingmungous headphones, taking a walk in a very crowded Beverly Hills.
Yeah, that's how I roll.
Jennifer Garner wearing the dress equivalent of Mom Jeans.
I'm out homies..
The Olympics are almost over and I can have some semblance of a life back..
Photos courtesy of US Weekly, OMG, DListed and Defamer.
Please see Step Brothers because, in a word, mind blowing.
Yes, that was two but whateves.
On another movie note, have any of you 5 people who read this blog seen Tropic Thunder?
Robert Downey Jr. was fabulous.
As far as the movie goes, I liked it but did not love it.
Point is, and I know I am going to burn, burn, burn for this one, Tom
Cruise was, dare I say, awesome.
Serious folks.
He did a great job, he was funny, spot on and the boy can dance Cher.
Watch it before you boil my rabbit.
White Chola finally popped out what I hoped would have been a mini cholita but was disappointed to find out it was a mini cholito.
Yes, Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale was born this morning and his name sucks serious, serious asshole.
You can read all the details here.
Moving on to the best. news. ever.
Hooray.
Did you kids hear this very sweet news that melted my cold, cold cynical heart?
If I had kids, I would groom them to find these dudes sons and daughters and make sexy time with them.
That would be their task in life.
No Olympians in this family.
Just bitches and ho's...
On a Michelle Williams note, Ms. Thang is currently dating none other then Spike Jonze.
You can read about their love affair aqui.
I totally approve of this.
Spike Jonze was married to Sofia Coppola and dated Drew Barrymore so the dude needs a break from the douchers.
It looks like Slutastic Miller has stopped making friends.
Yes to some this may seem mean and cruel and shitay.
I think walking around with a dirty va-jay-jay and humping every married man who has a weiner proves to be #1 in the bad move department.
My guess was this was done by Sadie Frost (Jude Law's ex-wife) and her team of rich, drugged out, ho's.
This was totally Sadie’s version of toilet papering.
Dudes.
So not to toot my own horn or anything but I so called this like last year!
Picture Side Bar -
Milla and her baby Ever
She looks good and baby looks good and they both make me feel like I hit the wall like 10 years ago.
Not so good?
WTF!
I mean it looks like Meg Ryan and a fish had sexual intercourse and popped out this thing.
Goes to show that nothing good came of your sexy time with Russell Crowe, Meg Ryan. Nothing.
Kate Hudson.
Yes, I loathe her.
But that is beside the point.
Homegirl forgot to take care of business in the armpit department.
Maybe she's sweating out a pregnancy test.
With all the men she has been through this month who knows who the baby daddy is.
Awwww snap!
So Nicole Kidman had a baby like two weeks ago and I call BULLSHIT.
Shenanigans.
No way did this woman, who can barely stand straight due to her lack of food consumption, push out a human being from her pee pee and live.
No way you live Kidman, no way.
Oh. Hi.
I didn't see you there paparazzo.
I was totally incognito with my hufunkingmungous headphones, taking a walk in a very crowded Beverly Hills.
Yeah, that's how I roll.
Jennifer Garner wearing the dress equivalent of Mom Jeans.
I'm out homies..
The Olympics are almost over and I can have some semblance of a life back..
Photos courtesy of US Weekly, OMG, DListed and Defamer.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
How Do You Say... Poop?
I'm going to come right out there and say it.
This season's Project Runway sucks big giant hairy donkey balls.
It is mucho, mucho terrible to the tenth power.
I mean just a load of crap.
I am truly, truly vexed folks.
It has been increasingly difficult to muster the wherewithal to write about Project Runway this season.
I just used some big ass words so you know things suck.
The designs are not blowing me away by any means.
There is not one person to like and so, so many to loathe.
Stella needs to burn in leathah hell.
Korto is poo face all. the. time.
Daniel's taste is at the high end of shit.
I want to straight up pull and Ivan Drago and break you Kenley.
Joe is a complete and total ignorant doucher.
Third Person needs to take his ginormous tard of a personality and jog on.
Leanne is lacking anything close to a personality let alone some serious cojones.
Keith reminds me of someone not to leave your children alone with.
Jerell wears a freaking Peter Pan hat, is annoying as hell and designs such pieces of crap that even his model cannot keep a straight face wearing his clown clothes.
The only saving grace is Terri because her designs are pretty descent and her vocabulary is off the freaking hook.
An honorable mention goes out to Blayne, cause he is straight up crazy and knows it, his designs are so bizarre and awful they make me chuckle and anyone who calls Stella a leatha face receives a get of jail free card from me.
Mind you I am not the only one who thinks this season is shit.
Us Weekly interviewed last year's winner and my own personal bodyguard Christian Siriano, on what he thought of this year's crop of crap.
Siriano said, "They kind of annoy me this season! I actually met everyone, and they're all great, but I just really don't know about the clothes this year. Maybe I just need to see more episodes — then I'll really judge!" He added that there's no "Rami, or Gillian [last season's finalists]. I felt like a lot of our cast members were a little more up to par than what I've been seeing, but we'll see! I hope it gets better."
I wonder if maybe this season is purposefully crappy cause PR is moving to the ovary stripping channel next season and they are giving an F U to Bravo.
I am just disappointed that they are giving me the F U too.
I don't deserve this shit Bravo.
You better man up, get some better episodes or I will be peacing out and watching reruns of Michael Phelps and those other dudes rule it in the 4 x 100 relay, cause that shit is for real, real, real, real, real!
This season's Project Runway sucks big giant hairy donkey balls.
It is mucho, mucho terrible to the tenth power.
I mean just a load of crap.
I am truly, truly vexed folks.
It has been increasingly difficult to muster the wherewithal to write about Project Runway this season.
I just used some big ass words so you know things suck.
The designs are not blowing me away by any means.
There is not one person to like and so, so many to loathe.
Stella needs to burn in leathah hell.
Korto is poo face all. the. time.
Daniel's taste is at the high end of shit.
I want to straight up pull and Ivan Drago and break you Kenley.
Joe is a complete and total ignorant doucher.
Third Person needs to take his ginormous tard of a personality and jog on.
Leanne is lacking anything close to a personality let alone some serious cojones.
Keith reminds me of someone not to leave your children alone with.
Jerell wears a freaking Peter Pan hat, is annoying as hell and designs such pieces of crap that even his model cannot keep a straight face wearing his clown clothes.
The only saving grace is Terri because her designs are pretty descent and her vocabulary is off the freaking hook.
An honorable mention goes out to Blayne, cause he is straight up crazy and knows it, his designs are so bizarre and awful they make me chuckle and anyone who calls Stella a leatha face receives a get of jail free card from me.
Mind you I am not the only one who thinks this season is shit.
Us Weekly interviewed last year's winner and my own personal bodyguard Christian Siriano, on what he thought of this year's crop of crap.
Siriano said, "They kind of annoy me this season! I actually met everyone, and they're all great, but I just really don't know about the clothes this year. Maybe I just need to see more episodes — then I'll really judge!" He added that there's no "Rami, or Gillian [last season's finalists]. I felt like a lot of our cast members were a little more up to par than what I've been seeing, but we'll see! I hope it gets better."
I wonder if maybe this season is purposefully crappy cause PR is moving to the ovary stripping channel next season and they are giving an F U to Bravo.
I am just disappointed that they are giving me the F U too.
I don't deserve this shit Bravo.
You better man up, get some better episodes or I will be peacing out and watching reruns of Michael Phelps and those other dudes rule it in the 4 x 100 relay, cause that shit is for real, real, real, real, real!
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Project Runway 5.1
Hola Mujeres..
Season 5 of Project Runway started last Wednesday without excitement or hoopla or Heidi shaking her tatas and giggling at the camera.
Instead we met the designers and their personalities.
Some standouts, in a good way..
- Leanne - a little mousey, a little quiet, but kicks ass in the design department.
Her dresses are pretty radical and if she pulls her personality outta her ass, we got us a winner.
- Kelli - a little retro, maybe a little extra from the movie Crybaby, but proved her chops during the challenge.
- Daniel - a little short, a little too quiet, but he can make a dress outta plastic cups and it looked good today.
Some maybe, kinda, could be okay, but I don’t want to pass judgment yet in case they totally blow it and suck ass..
- Emily - a little too into the Let's Get Physical video wearing a rope bandana on her head that made me wanna vomit.
But, she could totally grow on me even though during her intro, we never saw her designs and that could = caca for Em-dog.
- Keith - a little creepy, a little loves Heidi too much, but he made a nice dress and I will add him here cause I don't hate him yet.
- Terri - a little, I got nothing on this one, but she made a sweater outta mop heads and I was impressed.
- Wesley - a little this dude worked for Marc Jacobs and that gives him some sort of street cred, so I am giving him three episodes even though he wears really short, tight, shorts that make me think of murfs and possible skid marks.
- Joe - just because he is peacing out after episode five and I don't care either way.
- Kenley - a little on the verge of making me dislike her but I am keeping this generous heart of mine open.
- Jennifer - the least designory looking person on the show.
She did handle herself nicely as she was coming out of the shower to Tim Gunn, so she gets some points there.
Some whom I hope will perish in fiery flames, with Nina Garcia nightmares, and a bad case of explosive diarrhea..
- Blayne - it's a major appliance not a name, or as I like to call him Crack Baby, has smoked one too many doobies and is the bastardization of Spicoli.
His designs suck, he sucks and most importantly his tan sucks.
He will annoy me for episodes to come, as he is the catchphrase of season 5.
I am not the least bit happy about that.
- Jerell - I. Cannot. Stand. Him. That is it, end of story.
- Suede - Remember "The Jimmy Episode" from Seinfeld?
Remember how Jimmy had that awful habit of talking about himself in the third person?
Remember how you would get idiot shivers from Jimmy and would think that there would be no human being, with a shred of decency, that would possibly speak that way?
Yeah, well meet Suede.
- Korto - If this woman would smile and maybe show some sort of, I don't know, emotion, she would not be in the shit pile.
But Korto's got perma poo face and therefore I bid her good day.
Stella –
Um.
Yeah.
This one is a piece of work.
She whines, has gigantic thunder thigh- badonkadonk combo, wears clown pants and her hair is a severe burn victim.
But what it really comes down to is that voice.
The one that keeps you up at night and makes your skin crawl.
Her voice irritates and grates at me, like crabs or gonorrhea.
I hate her okay, plain and simple.
We have met the new crop, we can move on.
The challenge, brought to you by Mr. Fabulous himself Austin Scarlet from Season 1, was a redo of the very first challenge of Season 1, making something using material from New York City grocery store Gristedes.
Shots of the kids shopping and..
Fast-forward to Parsons where most of the designers choose tablecloths as their fabric and Tim is super disappointed, as am I.
Speaking of disappointed, was anyone else when Stella didn't just peace out after realizing that she purchased piece of shit garbage bags?
I wanted her to roll out so bad, but to my dismay, she stayed and pieced together this crap.
Nice Stella.
I say you stick around until episode four and then go down in flames reminiscent of the ones you stitch on the side of those totally nuoriginal piece of crap leather pants you "design."
Leathaaaaaaaaa....
Some people who actually tried...
Winner - Kellie
This was made out of vacuum bags and coffee filters.
Home girl bleached the bags and burned a pattern into the filters.
The boobage area is not my fave, but this girl knocked it out of the park.
So clever and thoughtful and she seems somewhat humble so I give her a serious high five.
For now.
Runner-Up - Daniel
This dress was made out of plastic cups.
Dudes.
The guy went to work, ironed every cup and connected the dots to make a pretty awesome dress.
Daniel and his creativity impressed me and really all that matters is to impress me and make me feel like a winner.
Done and done.
Nicely Done - Wesley
This creation by Wesley totally made up for his clown shorts.
Have I ever shared with you my complete disgust for those who wear loafers without socks + super tight and short, man shorts?
This is like the ultimate insult to my very being.
The complete disregard for dignity runs right up there with being a hippie and so, in closing, Wesley’s outfit made me vomit in my mouth a little.
It was not until I saw his creation that I could look past his utter lack of fashion sense which totally made him resemble Damien of Omen fame.
Anywho, tablecloth + fly swatter = radical and may make me forget his clown pants.
Honarable Mention - Terri
Damn Gina made the top out of mop heads and the bottom out of tablecloth.
I think one could wear this out and feel close to normal.
Plus, Ms. T. is kinda sassy and I think she may be kinda rad so I might pull for her.
The Bad..
Besides Stella, Crack Baby really stepped up to the shitty plate.
WTF?
I mean seriously, right?
Home girl looks like she fast forwarded 50 years and wore her Depends as outer garments.
She looks like a granny who hasn't taken care of business in her nether region, doesn't give a fuck and walks around showing the world her whoha.
It looks like a white cat, which happened to be wearing a pink beanie, committed suicide on her stomach.
Whateves, it's awful and I hope he knows it.
Loser - Jerry
I didn't mention Jerry in the contestant intros cause frankly the dude got kicked off the first round so he can fuck off.
Anywho, this is one big piece of shit, right?
Jerome talked a big game, but in the end his model's face really says it all.
Wear this and you will turn into a retard.
Next week..
Natalie Portman is a judge and some other stuff happens.
Awesome.
See you next time ;)
Season 5 of Project Runway started last Wednesday without excitement or hoopla or Heidi shaking her tatas and giggling at the camera.
Instead we met the designers and their personalities.
Some standouts, in a good way..
- Leanne - a little mousey, a little quiet, but kicks ass in the design department.
Her dresses are pretty radical and if she pulls her personality outta her ass, we got us a winner.
- Kelli - a little retro, maybe a little extra from the movie Crybaby, but proved her chops during the challenge.
- Daniel - a little short, a little too quiet, but he can make a dress outta plastic cups and it looked good today.
Some maybe, kinda, could be okay, but I don’t want to pass judgment yet in case they totally blow it and suck ass..
- Emily - a little too into the Let's Get Physical video wearing a rope bandana on her head that made me wanna vomit.
But, she could totally grow on me even though during her intro, we never saw her designs and that could = caca for Em-dog.
- Keith - a little creepy, a little loves Heidi too much, but he made a nice dress and I will add him here cause I don't hate him yet.
- Terri - a little, I got nothing on this one, but she made a sweater outta mop heads and I was impressed.
- Wesley - a little this dude worked for Marc Jacobs and that gives him some sort of street cred, so I am giving him three episodes even though he wears really short, tight, shorts that make me think of murfs and possible skid marks.
- Joe - just because he is peacing out after episode five and I don't care either way.
- Kenley - a little on the verge of making me dislike her but I am keeping this generous heart of mine open.
- Jennifer - the least designory looking person on the show.
She did handle herself nicely as she was coming out of the shower to Tim Gunn, so she gets some points there.
Some whom I hope will perish in fiery flames, with Nina Garcia nightmares, and a bad case of explosive diarrhea..
- Blayne - it's a major appliance not a name, or as I like to call him Crack Baby, has smoked one too many doobies and is the bastardization of Spicoli.
His designs suck, he sucks and most importantly his tan sucks.
He will annoy me for episodes to come, as he is the catchphrase of season 5.
I am not the least bit happy about that.
- Jerell - I. Cannot. Stand. Him. That is it, end of story.
- Suede - Remember "The Jimmy Episode" from Seinfeld?
Remember how Jimmy had that awful habit of talking about himself in the third person?
Remember how you would get idiot shivers from Jimmy and would think that there would be no human being, with a shred of decency, that would possibly speak that way?
Yeah, well meet Suede.
- Korto - If this woman would smile and maybe show some sort of, I don't know, emotion, she would not be in the shit pile.
But Korto's got perma poo face and therefore I bid her good day.
Stella –
Um.
Yeah.
This one is a piece of work.
She whines, has gigantic thunder thigh- badonkadonk combo, wears clown pants and her hair is a severe burn victim.
But what it really comes down to is that voice.
The one that keeps you up at night and makes your skin crawl.
Her voice irritates and grates at me, like crabs or gonorrhea.
I hate her okay, plain and simple.
We have met the new crop, we can move on.
The challenge, brought to you by Mr. Fabulous himself Austin Scarlet from Season 1, was a redo of the very first challenge of Season 1, making something using material from New York City grocery store Gristedes.
Shots of the kids shopping and..
Fast-forward to Parsons where most of the designers choose tablecloths as their fabric and Tim is super disappointed, as am I.
Speaking of disappointed, was anyone else when Stella didn't just peace out after realizing that she purchased piece of shit garbage bags?
I wanted her to roll out so bad, but to my dismay, she stayed and pieced together this crap.
Nice Stella.
I say you stick around until episode four and then go down in flames reminiscent of the ones you stitch on the side of those totally nuoriginal piece of crap leather pants you "design."
Leathaaaaaaaaa....
Some people who actually tried...
Winner - Kellie
This was made out of vacuum bags and coffee filters.
Home girl bleached the bags and burned a pattern into the filters.
The boobage area is not my fave, but this girl knocked it out of the park.
So clever and thoughtful and she seems somewhat humble so I give her a serious high five.
For now.
Runner-Up - Daniel
This dress was made out of plastic cups.
Dudes.
The guy went to work, ironed every cup and connected the dots to make a pretty awesome dress.
Daniel and his creativity impressed me and really all that matters is to impress me and make me feel like a winner.
Done and done.
Nicely Done - Wesley
This creation by Wesley totally made up for his clown shorts.
Have I ever shared with you my complete disgust for those who wear loafers without socks + super tight and short, man shorts?
This is like the ultimate insult to my very being.
The complete disregard for dignity runs right up there with being a hippie and so, in closing, Wesley’s outfit made me vomit in my mouth a little.
It was not until I saw his creation that I could look past his utter lack of fashion sense which totally made him resemble Damien of Omen fame.
Anywho, tablecloth + fly swatter = radical and may make me forget his clown pants.
Honarable Mention - Terri
Damn Gina made the top out of mop heads and the bottom out of tablecloth.
I think one could wear this out and feel close to normal.
Plus, Ms. T. is kinda sassy and I think she may be kinda rad so I might pull for her.
The Bad..
Besides Stella, Crack Baby really stepped up to the shitty plate.
WTF?
I mean seriously, right?
Home girl looks like she fast forwarded 50 years and wore her Depends as outer garments.
She looks like a granny who hasn't taken care of business in her nether region, doesn't give a fuck and walks around showing the world her whoha.
It looks like a white cat, which happened to be wearing a pink beanie, committed suicide on her stomach.
Whateves, it's awful and I hope he knows it.
Loser - Jerry
I didn't mention Jerry in the contestant intros cause frankly the dude got kicked off the first round so he can fuck off.
Anywho, this is one big piece of shit, right?
Jerome talked a big game, but in the end his model's face really says it all.
Wear this and you will turn into a retard.
Next week..
Natalie Portman is a judge and some other stuff happens.
Awesome.
See you next time ;)
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