the bionic, the bomb, the puff, the blow, the herb, the cronic, the sweet Mary Jane, the shit, Ganja, split, reefa,

So, saw the gigantic piece of caca known as the Twilight movie.
I am so out like Casino.
Cash my chips in dudes; the love has left the building.

That does not mean that I don't check in on the kids from the film, whose lives are totally and completely up shit creek.

This includes the lovely and marginally talented Kristen Stewart.
Girlfriend is 18, surly and in the middle of a media shit storm that she is totally not prepared for.
Plus, the little indie movie she thought she was making, has made $70 million dollars in the opening weekend alone and that my friends equals three more craptastical films to look forward to.
So what does a girl with serious social anxiety do to take the edge off a bad career move?
She smokes weed on the front steps of her home with her oily bohunk of a boyfriend.
Front steps.
Not in the backyard.
Not in the comfort of ones own home.
Nope, right there, on the front steps.
Where the photogs are camped out to study her every move.
Her PR peeps are going to be so mad at her.
For more photos click here.

Sad.
Girlfriend needs an intervention.
I volunteer and would like to discuss the following:
1. Her relationship with Nikki Reed. A nice girl but a total succubus who cannot seem to get any other roles in films other then those directed by Catherine Hardwicke.
2. Her relationship with that oily bohunk of hers, of whom she has been with since she was 14. Why, oh why she is still with the kid from Sky High?


As a lovely friend pointed out, he always looks like he is headed to a casting of Grease.

3. Oh, and of course this bit of info of gossip from Lainey.
Dudes.
I condone this whole-heartedly.
I mean, look at the dude..

Wake up San Francisco.
In the immortal words of Vanilla Ice, drop the zero and get with the hero.





On another note, those rumors about Joseph Gordon Levitt and Evan Rachel Wood, are just that, rumors.
Yes, they both have two first names, and are actors.
But no, no dating.
Have you seen her recently?

um. yeah. at a loss for words.


All right girls and boys have yourselves a fabulous turkey day..


be back soon.

peaces greases.

No, you can't give a build-up like that and not deliver..

Ok.
I have a confession to make.
I have been wrapped up in ... gulp ...Twilight.
Yes, I broke the fuck down.
It has been a downward spiral of evil and shame.
I hate myself and feel dirty about reading this deliciously entertaining smut.
I want to take a shower and if it involves vampire hott piece Edward Cullen, all the better.

If you don't know what in the heck Twilight is, witness.

I feel like a 12-year-old with pimples, that smells like pee and always forgets to wear her headgear.
I mean honestly.

I totally cock blocked myself from reading this.
Didn't want to jump on the bandwagon.
Wanted to be a rebel.
Then I buckled because I wondered how is it that this book is so freaking popular and from the fanatics addictive?

So, I read it and here is the 411.

Low Points:
First off, I don't want to knock on the S. Meyer fandom but homegirl kinda writes like poo.
She climbs up to Big Word Mountain and yells out the baddest ones she can.
So many situations were I barfed over the cheese factor and found myself keeping count on how many times she used the words dazzling, beautiful and statuesque.

Plus, Meyer cannot dress a character to save her life.
Bella, the protagonist, the object of Edward's affections, the human girl that breaks him, wears a flannel at some point in the story.
Edward, the hottness, wears a white, mock turtleneck.
Um, this dude is so not freaking Bobby Brown circa 1992, jammin' on the one, ok.

High Points:
Meyer is a phenom in the storyteller department.
You can't put the book down because you have to know what's going to happen next.
It's like she doused the book with crack.

The characters are interesting; there is drama plus a little action/adventure.
People glowing and shit.
Sexual tension and intrigue.
Prom!

Most importantly, the vampire dude character guy?
Majorly crush worthy.
He smells necks and traces his figure around jaw lines.
He watches you sleep and writes songs for your ass.
He drives fancy cars, saves his ho and I am sure would look good in a suit.
As evidenced here by Robert Pattinson, Edward in the film, along with the other cast members.


The love story is pretty fabulous too.
Kinda like Leonardo and Claire in that Romeo and Juliet redo, were you just about lost your shit over the romantico and wanted to straight commit suicide for your high school boyfriend Randy..
No?


As far as the film goes..
Kristen Stewart and the above-mentioned Rob Pattinson play the leads in the film adaptation.

The two look good together.
Pretty surprised and how lovely Stewart turned out.
I thought she would go the rough route like her mentor Jodi Foster.

Don't get me started on Robert Pattinson aka Cedric Diggory.
Um..
Observe My Ho Fo' Sho'-




The other folks in the cast are straight outta the CW, look like they have bad weaves and cannot hold a candle to, I want to pat him on his sweet ass, Pattinson.


Anywho, read the Twilight if you're down.
But I warn you, you may lose friends, significant others, $85 for the four book series and street cred.
Major, major Nerd Alert.

P.S. The movie comes out November 21 and I am so there it's insane.


Photos courtesy of bellaandedward.com, InStyle and Just Jared.