Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Cause I want and I need and I love...Animal

Ho's

How are you all?

SIDEBAR:

Today a manrista at Starbucks hit on me.
Before you get all owww, let me tell you about this man's hair.
It went way freaking old school.
Remember when your sister bought that horsehair shampoo that was supposed to make human hair grow exponentially?
Was that just my sister?
Anyways, this dude has OD'd on that shit.
I mean we are talking Crystal Gayle meets Kenny G meets SJP circa Square Pegs.
Basically this guy was a hot piece.
He handed me my tea and told me he had honey in the back if I wanted some.
I told him no thank you and he said to come back any time to get it.
All I kept thinking about was how his freaking bizarro hair probably found it's way in my tea and now is growing a hair tree in my stomach.

SIDEBAR ENDETH


Soooo let's get to the gossip shall we?


According to Page Six, Renee Zellweger bought some chick who works at Saks some shoes.
The Z and the retailer were chit chatting about a pair of Manolo's and 15 minutes later Scrunchy Town purchased those same Manolo's for makeup artist Wendy Faracino.
Well how nice.
I mean what a thoughtful gift.
Maybe makeup artist Wendy Faracino can return the favor and help Renee be less scrunchy.
I like the girl but she needs help in that departmento big time.
Here is a pic of Renee and her scrunch going to the gym..

Example
Source




Milo Ventimiglia of Heroes denies that he is makin' sweet love to Claire Bear of Heroes.
I would to if I were a 30 year-old man and making it with an 18 year-old bitchy midget who wore a hideous dress to the Emmy's that made her look like she was smuggling some illegal across the border.
The Whole Story


Example
Source


Keira Babyhead Knightly is on the cover or Allure for Roctober.
She complains.
A lot.
Babyhead discusses how she hates walking the red carpet because she doesn't like being judged, doesn't own a scale, which makes people hate her and how her profession is pretty f'n lame.
Awesome.
I mean what a truly brilliant human being.
I have an idea for you KK.
Why don't you take another photo with your face all pout town and add a little far off, ADD, dreamy look.
Then do an interview where you cry about how your life is a big piece, you make millions to wear a corset and make out with Johnny Depp and you are naturally skinny, wanna fight about it?
Better yet, why don't you go to hell and die.
You have made my list Knightley you freakin' fucktard.
wah wah wah




Heath Ledger is on the prizowl- A Ho's Tale
Photo Courtesy



KiKi the Fangtastical is killing another man softly- I Vant to Suck the Life Outta You
Photo Courtesy



Good news everyone.
The Hoff is getting his own show.
It's gonna be tight y'all..
Bring it on Hoff

Here are some celebrity sightings brought to you by Defamer.
Thank you Defamer...
PrivacyWatch


I will now leave you with the most amazing thing I have ever seen.
Please comment because there are just no words for this.
Awesome

We will discuss tomorrow..


Peaces Greases..

4 comments:

Ephraim and Rachel said...

manrista hair tree? you can probably make some serious $$ from selling the seedlings me thinks.

Anonymous said...

I don't know which sister you are talking about but this sister never purchased horse hair shampoo..for the record..

b. said...

totally remember the horse hair shampoo! did not buy it but was tempted.
i'm a little grossed out thinking about rachel's comment and where the manrista's seedlings would come from....

Unknown said...

Dude, my mom used to buy the horse hair shampoo...for the DOG. That ish is nasty, but now that I think of it, he did have really long and shiny hair. Hmmm...

As for the P.Diddy/Puff Daddy/D-baggy ad, well, that's a whole nutha' ball game my friend. The uber lame kind.