Time is Not on Heroes Side #207

So I understand that naked Peter was a big part of last week’s episode.
But he isn't a piece of meat.
He's a piece of man meat.
Some sweet, delicious, man meat.
If you read the interview with Heroes Creator Tim Kring, it looks like the he and the writers understand that these last six episodes have kinda blown doors down so man meat was apropos.
I guess I should recap the rest of the show cause some cool crap happened.
I guess.

Porkman.
I liked it when Porkman was Felicity's funny buddy Sean Blumberg.
Blumberg who lived in a loft and had dreams of making cashola while Hott Town Ben Covington slept in a room he never paid for if only with his hotness.
But as Porkman, I gotta say, he aint doin it for me.
He has that constant wide eye stare accompanied by a whine that grates at me and a stomach that looks like he ate that baby that his wife on the show was impregnated by another man with.
Make sense?
So Porkman and The Man Without a Face Patrelli (MWAF) arrive at The Company to warn Ned Ryerson that he is F'd.
Get it?
Cause Ned is next to die due to the red F on his picture.
Or is that an S?
For now it's F cause I want the joke to work.
You see, I'm a joke maker.
Anywho, Raj, Ni with one K i and Ned sit in a room as Porkman and MWAF Petrelli warn them of Papa Porkman's arrival.
Raj wants to take Ned far away from here but Ned ain't havin it and wants to have Papa Porkman taken down with the virus goo and wants Porkman to handle it.
You see, Porkman has the same abilities that Papa Porkman does but he doesn't know it.
Ned wants Porkman to take his pops down, have Raj inject the virus into Pops and then have Raj cure Pops of his ills.
Porkman believes this all to be impossible.
So he goes and cries it up to Poltergeist Molly, who is in a coma cause of the Porkman..
He tells her that he is sorry for asking her to find his da-da and for not taking her to a dentist to have her teeth filed down.
Then Porkman tells Poltergeist that he loves her and he does it with his mind!
Poltergeist blips on the monitor that is monitoring her which encourages Porkman to tell her he loves her again and asks if she can hear him.
It looks like Porkman can be just like his Pops except hopefully not all psycho and poo.

MWAF and Ned have some time to chitchat while Porkman is apologizing and professing his love.
MWAF snoops around Ned's office and sees boxes with dead peoples names on it, like Linderman and Mr. Sulu.
MWF asks Ned about these folks and the box with the non-dead Adam Monroe.
The same Adam Monroe that left Peter that note from last week that said that The Company were a bunch of phony's and no trusty.
Ned explains that Adam is a mystery wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in an enigma.
Basically Adam was the leader of the pack and he got a little overzealous and then tried to kill everyone.
So the Heroes locked his ass up and he escaped and is now exacting his revenge on those that did that thing that they did.
Ned explains that Adam is the puppet master and Pop Porkman is his fat little balding puppet.
Nate Dog tells Ned that they deserve what they get, to go to hell and die and that he doesn't give a crap.
Ned tells Nate Dog that he should give a crap cause of Peter.
Peter, Ned says, is ALIVE.
Dun, dun dun...


Peter.
Peter and Chipmunk.
Apocalypse Now, NYC.
Dudes come in HAZMAT suits.
Peter has a sweet, sweet shower scene.
Super naked style.
This lasts for many, many minutes.
Then many more minutes cause I rewound the DVR like 8 times.
Peter is being hosed down to decontaminate his hott body from the VD that he might have gotten from that Irish chipmunk.
Actually there was a serious plague in future NYC by the name of the Shanti Virus.
Does that ring a bell?
Yep, you guessed it, the very one that The Company is all hopped up on.
Peter learns this from some dude in the know who has a badge who also tells Peter that Peter died back in the day.
The dude then shows Peter some dead bodies through a window that has a biohazard sign at the bottom corner.


The same biohazard sign that ODB finds in a painting done by Mr. Isaac of Peter looking at dead bodies through a window with a biohazard sign at the bottom of it.
ODB looks through the paintings and calls up Raj.
ODB's all, "Yo, has The Company given you a gun?"
Raj is all, "No, what the f dude?"
ODB explains to Raj that one of the paintings shows Raj with a broken nose and holding a smoking gun.
Raj gets all offended and Ni with one k i walk in.
Raj hangs up the phone but not before telling ODB that he loves him and hopes that he will be on the show forever.
No, that did not happen but I f'ing hope that it does.


Claire Bear.
CB wakes up by picking up her phone to find a text from David Copperfield.
Dude. This guy is fucking creepazoid.
I mean he doesn't eat, sleep, brush his hair or use deodorant!
Anywho, dude asks if the C-dog wants some breakfast cause he happens to be downstairs hanging out with CB's Mom with the F'd up Lip.
CB flips out and tells homeboy that he can't do that shit.
David Copperfield gets all sad and spazzy.
DC says something about wanting to be part of Claire's life and that she can no longer look, speak or acknowledge just about anyone cause he is all she needs.
Or did I think that is what he said?
Claire takes the beating, says she's sorry and they eat some waffles or whateves.
Years later, CB and DC have that stupid ass Garden State moment, where they share CB's ear phones and make out.
RETARDED.
As this happens ODB comes on home, looking heavy cause he is worried about freaking dying.
DC sees, "the man with the horn rimmed glasses," and freaks out on Claire.
Then he fly's his ass on out CB's backyard and hopefully our T.V. viewing for the rest of the season.
Laters, Mom with the Freakish Lip let's the cat outta the bag about CB and David Copperfield.
ODB flips out, tells the fam that they need to roll outta Cali cause peeps will be after them.
CB gives ODB the finger and whines that she will never go with the family, NEVER, NEVER!!!!

We will end this recap with four things.

1. Bitchy Petrelli shows up in the future to help Peter... remember...
And he does.
Sorda. I mean he remembers her and how to keep his shirt on which I think is lame.
2. N i with one k and an I thinks she's cured but she isn't.
She sees D.L. and f's up the whole Papa Porkman fiasco by attacking everyone with her super human strength and then to stop herself, injects herself with the goo virus.
And Raj being the douche that he is cannot cure Niki cause his blood doesn't work.
He also decides to tell The Company about his work with ODB that he will help The Company find the Claire cause her super regeneration power may be able to save N i with one k i and others who will be infected by the goo virus.
What. A. Douche.
3. Porkman saves the day by trapping his dads in his own nightmare and pulling Poltergeist Molly back to reality.
4. Hiro leaves the pretty, pretty princess and returns to the pretty, pretty MAndo. MAndo tells the H-town that pops is dead and the world is in some chaos.


Next week..
things are explained.
maybe.
and to think that Heroes is actually getting pretty decent and could possibly be ovah until next year makes me sad.
Sad until next week when I see the mandatory Peter Hottrelli without his shirt off.