Sew Me What You Workin' With- EP #1

A thanks to Entertainment Weekly for the info on the designers and US Weekly for the images.

CHRISTIAN, 21


Hometown Annapolis, Md.
Résumé Newly minted design-school grad.
Fashion Must Amazing blazer
Tim Says! Of this season's youngest, ''it's seldom in my years of teaching
that I would say this, but Christian is a prodigy. He is a fashion
prodigy.''



What I say:
Okay, so the kid has super, super craptastical hair.
He's bitchy.
He dresses like Buffalo Bill naked style in Silence of the Lambs.
His suit concoction was better on the model then off.
Do I like him?
Maybe.
The jury is still out and I give him half a douche.


VICTORYA, 34

Hometown Winchester, Va.
Résumé: Spent six years in Europe working as a...journalist.
Fashion Must Patent-leather ankle boots and colorful tights
Tim Says! ''She's dogged, determined, tenacious.'' Ahem, would that be code
for difficult? ''You'll see. You will see.''


What I say:
I liked her portfolio of designs.
I liked the dress she made.
I liked the little details like the bow on the arms.
But the ho whines and complains and that is going to wear thin on me.
She seems to be lacking in the personality department.
I give her half a douche.



KEVIN, 31

Hometown Fairfield, N.J.
Résumé Learned how to sew from his aunt Ida and worked for cousin Susana
Monaco.
Fashion Must Cool vintage boots
Tim Says! ''He is very serious, sometimes too much so. I feel like
delivering that Nina Garcia line, 'Lighten up! It's just fashion!'''

What I say:
From his photo this dude looks like a douche.
He decided to tell everyone up front that he was not a homosexual but forget to tell them that he was a douche.
I do not remember his final design so that should say something.
I think they wanted to make this guy this years Jeffrey Sebelia.
Which he is not.
Not. Even. Close. Bud.
Plus he's short. That will play a part later.
I give this guy a whole douche.



JILLIAN, 26

Hometown Selden, N.Y.
Résumé Designed for Rugby Ralph Lauren and Searle.
Fashion Must A sweater-dress with colored tights
Tim Says! ''[Her aesthetic] is girly, flirtatious; not unlike Betsey Johnson
and Diane von Furstenberg, she's her own muse.''

What I say:
Douche.
Total.
She irritates me from the frickin get go.
Why?
Could it be her Ogilvie Home Perm?
Or her choice of sweater dress and colorful tights as a fashion must?
Or was it her choice of culottes ?
Is it her all around demeanor?
I see bad things coming from this one.
Mark my words.
Mark em. Down. On a piece of paper.
I give this one a straight up douche award.


MARION, 40

Hometown Tyler, Tex.
Résumé Has his own fashion collection, and a home-decor shop in Dallas.
Fashion Must Thin stretch suspenders
Tim Says! ''Designers design. If you can design a house, you can design
fashion. If you can design a table setting, you can design fashion.''


What I say:
First, what the heck is Tim saying up above?
Two, I don't remember anything about this dude other then he is 40, works at a flower shop and has had some surgery.
Serious, serious surgery.
Can't remember anything else.
So I give this one douche freedom until I see more to make a call or his face melts from the surgery.



KIT, 26

Hometown Los Angeles
Résumé Stylist with her own edgy line, Kit Pistol.
Fashion Must Balenciaga fringed scarf
Tim Says! ''She's had a lot of experience with clothes, so she knows what
looks good. She's a risk taker, which I applaud, but it also means you're at
risk.''


What I say:
This one may get on my nerves.
She hasn't done anything that impresses me yet or pisses me off.
Her design was not one of my faves but I will let that pass at the moment.
I am not a fan of her use of pistol in her name.
I give her half a douche for the pistol thing.


RICKY, 35

Hometown Escondido, Calif.
Résumé Lingerie designer who worked on the sweet-nothing lines of Oscar de
la Renta and Vera Wang.
Fashion Must Gloves
Tim Says! ''Ricky understands construction ‹ lingerie is all about the
details, so he has that sensibility.''


What I say:
This dude does not look like he's 35, which works in his favor.
What doesn't is that he cried. About fashion.
I thought his lingerie dress wasn't bad.
It was a bit boring but they did ask for these folks to show their personalities.
So does that mean that he is boring?
He did recognize that he should have done a better job, so I give him some props for that.
However he gets half a douche cause he cried.
Over fashion.




SIMONE, 32

Hometown San Francisco
Résumé Worked under a couturier in Paris.
Fashion Must Organic wool
Tim Says! ''The real success or failure of the challenge happens [during
fabric shopping] at Mood. Simone's textile aptitude is just especially well
honed.''

What I say:
Total, total douche.
First off, snaggle teeth.
Second, snaggle brow.
Third, Simone Le Blanc? More like Si More Le Poo Poo.
Fourth, bitch acted like her designs and general way of life was all namaste and shit.
Girl, you are looking like your 50.
You got bad hair, bad brows and some bad teeth.
You made an ill fitting and ill-conceived frock paired with a jacket that looked like something a fourth grader designed for The Bratz collection.
So your ass got served and I am happier for it.



CHRIS, 44

Hometown San Francisco
Résumé Costume designer whose worked with Cirque du Soleil and Madonna.
Fashion Must Bright colors
Tim Says! ''He can infuse clothes with whimsy, some Schiaparelli-like wit.
But where's the line between fashion and costume?''


What I say:
I am on the fence with the Chris.
His dress was better then I thought it would be.
However it also looked like it was choking the model and could have been purchased at Contempo Casuals.
He could surprise me but I wouldn't be upset if he got the boot either.
Douche freedom for now.



CARMEN, 37


Hometown Charlotte, N.C.
Résumé Launched Sistahs of Harlem and coauthored T-Shirt Makeovers.
Fashion Must A multipurpose scarf
Tim Says! Big-personality alert: ''Let me put it this way ‹ if everyone were
Carmen, I would've run for the hills!''


What I say:
Me no likey the Carmen.
Her comment about how being a fashion designer was only natural because she was some unknown model was retarded.
Wearing clothes and then turning around and reviving the local puffy paint T-shirt kiosk at the mall does not make one a fashion icon.
Her personality rubs me the wrong way and it looks like Tim isn't a fan either and he loves everyone.
Well not everyone but not Carmen and I am cool with that.
She gets a total douche.


JACK, 38

Hometown Seattle
Résumé Focus on menswear, with a design stint at Tommy Hilfiger.
Fashion Must A sugar daddy
Tim Says! ''He's very adept at tailoring, which is certainly needed in
womenswear.'' Bonus: ''He's charismatic, funny, and incredibly likable.''


What I say:
Whatever.




ELISA, 42



Hometown El Paso
Résumé Avant-garde designer discovered by Vogue.
Fashion Must A great pair of boots
Tim Says! ''Her conflict was, Is this fashion or wearable art? She really
wanted to debate that. You'll see it on the runway and in the workroom.''



What I say:
This one is too easy.
What can I say that you haven't already thought of.
The color of the dress was great.
The rainbow of poo coming outta the bottom, not so much.
The fact is this chick is a loon and will stay around for the viewer's amusement.
No reason for any douche call cause she is in enough trouble as it is.





RAMI, 31


Hometown Ramallah, Jerusalem
Résumé Well-known red-carpet-gown designer.
Fashion Must Hot leather boots
Tim Says! ''His presence is like Cassie on A Chorus Line, like 'I can dance
circles around these people.' Guess what? The others are really good.''



What I say:

This guy can make a dress damn it.
And the boy can dress Cher.
But this guy is way full of himself.
Will he be a one trick pony?
Perhaps.
Do I want to call him rama lama ding dong?
Already done.
I think this dude is in the running for America's Next Top Project Runway Winner.
I also think that this dude will end up being in the final four and end up getting the boot.
He is the one person I don't hate too much, so no douche for him.





KATHLEEN (A.K.A. SWEET P), 46


Hometown Los Angeles
Résumé Designs for Harkham, previously for mall chain Bebe.
Fashion Must A dress
Tim Says! For the biker (she used to ride with Hell's Belles) and rabid
Sonny and Cher fan: ''It's always a matter of who she's going to be for this
challenge.''



What I say:
Um.
Eh on this one.
I like that she took her shoes of to run for the fabric.
Her dress, I don't remember.
I don't care either way though.
I will leave the douche call for a later date.


STEVEN, 30



Hometown Chicago
Résumé Textile preparator at the Museum of Science and Industry.
Fashion Must A cardinal red trench
Tim Says! ''He could pierce the tension in the workroom with his levity.
Sometimes I'd say, 'Steven, don't you have anything funny to say?'''



What I say:
This guy is across between a mouse, Crispin Glover without the awesomeness and Milton Waddams of Office Space.
Dude has no personality whatsoever and seems so timid and weird.
He reminds me of Todd Cleary.
You know, the painting was a gift, Todd. I'm taking it with me.
Whatever on this one and his purple and pink polo’s
Douche.
To the extreme.




I don't really love or even like anyone in the cast this season.
Last year I had favorites right off the bat and this year I am hoping that someone will come around and make be believe in Heidi and Tim's abilities.
I love me some Tim but if he had a hand in the casting he is going down with the frickin ship too.
I guess we shall see.
I did miss Michael Kors and his fake and bake.
I am hoping that someone stops the butchering of the catchphrase make it work.
Cause writing it on the dry erase board does not make it any less annoying.
Nina Garcia.
No. Mi. Gusta.
Heidi looks great for having 80 babies.
And, well, that's about it.
Till next week homeslices..