Um, actually, my lip, that's a cold sore. And I've never had a cold sore before, so I cried.

Hello friends.

I needed to take a breaky-poo in order to digest the Golden Globes and Drew Barrymore's hair.
Yeah, WTF indeed.



First let me say that I really like the dress.
However, in this situation that's like me saying she has a really great personality but her face is ass.
I mean this bitch was on some serious drogas cause she was all jittery and giggly and plain old stupid.
Stupid enough to stick her finger in a light socket and fry the shit outta her hair.
I don't dislike the Barrymore.
I just don't like her that much.
It seems that her BFF Cameron Douchiaz is not too happy with the DB either.
Lainey, the queen of overexaggeration, had this little tidbit of info.
Do I believe it?
Honestly, I think these two bitches have just finally gotten as sick of each other as I have of them.
How could you not?
One talks like a baby 90% of the time, bangs eighty dudes at once and is not all there in the acting department.
The other is a complete idiot who can't act her way outta a paper bag and has a face that looks like it was hit by a pan or thrown into a vat of chemical waste which in turn made her into Batman's arch-enemy.

Oh, and the Douchiaz wore this..

No Me Gusta.
It's like the same f'ng dress she wears to every event cause she is too f'ng high to realize that it is the same fucking dress she wears to every event.



Likes and Dislikes?

Tracy Morgan was fabulous.

As was Tina Fey.

As was Sacha Baron Cohen, who was way too funny for those holier-than-thou phony bolognas.

Happy for the Slumdog.

Kate Winslet.
I have always liked her and she looked fabulous.


But after some thought, she annoyed me a bit.
With the first win she basically was like, yo, I deserve this shit and you haven't given it to me, so here is my middle finger and I told you I was awesome so suck it.
To some degree she was genuine with the second win but she basically laid out her not so secret love for Leo, which was kinda sweet but awkward and her husband was kind of like there to witness the whole thing and make me more uncomfortable.
I felt like I was watching something that I shouldn't have and it made me feel weird.
Like that one time when this dude, who I always thought was a gay but was married, got really drunk at my homas wedding and pretty much eye fucked every dude in the room and then some.

Moving on..
Happy for that crazy fucker Rourke.
He kept it real and I dig that about him.

Liked Sandra Bullock, she was clever and funny and one of the best dressed of the evening.

I kinda wanted to do something with her hair though.
I also would have liked to tell her to stop doing romantic comedies but remembered that she was not that hot at dramatic films and so I didn't.


Ricky Gervais was good times.

I love me some Danny Boyle. Totally teary eyed when he was talking about his kids.


Um, Sally Hawkins = PJ Harvey = eat something to stop your teeth from taking up half your face.



The Boss never ages and his wife is too cute.

So happy Mama Mia won nothing and neither did Hathaway. I spit in her general direction.

Steven Spielberg was a bore.

Colin Ferrell went on and on and on for. way. too. fucking. long.

Douchiaz and Say Hello to Your Mutha for Me. Ugh, I loathe you both. Hate you both and your faces.

Emma Thompson and Dustin Hoffman.. awkward.

Thought the Heath win was deserved and Christopher Nolan was on point but the video clip and golf claps from folks was way annoying and self serving.
Half those fuckers in that room shared some sort of drugs with that dude or supplied it to him, so, yeah, jog on.

and finally..

dude.
really?
really?
My homa Nichole made a great call on this ho but after seeing the photos again I totally forgot cause this is just plain shit.
Shit.
Cannot say anything more.


Oh, one more..
I will put my complete and totally dislike of Evan Rachel Wood aside to say that she looked fabulous..


nothing more..


Except Pineapple Express was awesome. Yes, I am totally late in the game but whateves.
Danny McBride is my hero.
The new freaking judge on Top Chef, British food critic Toby Young, is a complete and total schmarmy tool who takes his nonsensical analogies to the extreme and is and will always be friendless.
Oh, and The Screen Actors Guild Awards will be televised on January 25 and we will keep it real until then.