Stay gold, Ponyboy.

Word.

Folks it is a new year, a new start and a new me.
For reals, you ask?
No.
Same shit dudes, different day.

I do wish that Joaquin Phoenix would have had that conversation with himself this year and had in fact decided that hells yes, it is time for a new start.
Once he reached this epiphany, he would then promptly call me to discuss a possible intervention.

But, alas, it is not to be.
No, Joaquin has decided to take his fucking circus sideshow freakathon on tour.
Spotted this time around in Miami, Fatty is found hanging out with the biggest dumb fucks on the planet, Sean Combs and Brett Ratner.
I refuse to call the former of the two tools anything but his freaking given name and none of this bullshit AKA stuff.
Moving on..

Behold, the end of a once beauteous man whom I thought very fondly of and at one time would have considered carrying his babies.







Let us dissect each and every one of these photos, shall we?

First off, Casey Affleck, Sean Combs and the artist previously known as Joaquin Phoenix before his stomach ate him.
What the hell are these three doing together?
Yes, I know that Stupido Affleck is helping film the train wreck.
But Sean Combs?
He looks like he has seen the devil in Joaquin.
Possibly because Joaquin is the devil and straight up told Sean Combs that his soul was nearly not worth enough and that killing Big Poppa was a huge mistake as the rap community and this here blogger miss his music genius.


I don't understand how Casey Affleck, who is married to Joaquin's sister, thinks that this new Joaquin transformation is going well.
Like does he look at Joaquin and think, gee this dude looks better then he has in years, and I for one am jealous at what a gigantic fat fucking lard ass drugged out, comatose shell of a man he has become.
Fuck you Affleck, I hope your career goes the way of the dinosaur.
Literal translation, like your brother Ben's.
Zing!


Next, Affleck, Grasso and Brett Ratner.
Dude, I am beginning to think these photos were taken in hell.
Ratner?
First off, get some Soul Glo for that shit ass jheri curl homes.
Secondly, what has that dude ever done but ruin filmmaking, take food from babies mouths and make me wish I were God's own personal warrior so that I could take that fucker out.


Finally.
My man.
Did anyone happen to notice that he is, in fact, wearing a banana clip?
Yes, I will give him props for the banana clip in question being very fancy.
However, I am saddened by it all and the fanciness is only a passing conciliation for the whole package.

Dude what the fuck happened?
Why does he look like he ate a whole family?
Why do his eyes look like they are boring into my soul and then whatever leftovers I have on my plate?
Why did he tag Ratner for the power of the jheri curl?
Is it really that humid in Miami and these two are not within reach of some sort of hair product to tame that shit?
Why can I not lock the Joaquin in a basement, not my own as that would be kidnapping, and replay Someone Saved My Life Tonight by Elton John, over and over and over again until he loses his shit for reals and comes back to me to look like this?



Whateves.
This will all end in sadness.
I will now just look at my Teen Beat pictures of the old Joaquin and say, stay gold Ponyboy. Stay gold forevah.



On a happier note, my favorite over at Crazy Days and Nights has revealed some of his blind items.
The one about Billy Idol and Alec Baldwin/Tina Fey make me muy triste.
The rest are pretty fabulous in more ways then one.
Enjoy and if you would like to read the whole shebang, http://www.crazydaysandnights.net/.
Peaces Greases.



This B list actor and sometime director, now married was once in a highly publicized relationship. While on location in another country the actor found himself in the VIP room of a member’s only gentleman’s club. Rumors swirled about what happened that night and ended up costing his relationship, but the popular guess was second or third base, at best. What really happened was captured on tape by a security camera of the actor, two ladies, and a lot of um let’s say marital aids of all varieties.

When one of the ladies let it ‘slip’ after the encounter that it was all recorded on security camera the actor demanded the tape from the club owner. After several phone calls and exchanges of all sorts the actor left with tape in hand.

But what the actor didn’t know was that the club had made several copies before the actor even knew it existed and he was just one of several actors caught in the same scam at the exclusive anything goes club. The whereabouts of the other tapes are unknown but I’m sure wherever they are, they came at a high price.

Ben Affleck



Even an A lister gets unlucky sometimes. There was some previous discussion whether this individual is actually A list. If he isn't A then he is right on the cusp. Apparently all the women surrounding his table thought he was A list or at least wanted him to think so. Allegedly dating someone everyone thought he was behaving himself except in the drinking department until a model walked by. He immediately ran over to the model and began trying to hit on her. Apparently though she didn't know who he was. When he informed her drunkenly who he was and what he had been in, she said, "I don't really care. Plus if you need to list your accomplishments to get a date, you really have not accomplished all that much." It would have been nice if this had been a quiet conversation, but unfortunately for our film actor the entire group surrounding the table all heard it. Nice.

Gerard Butler




A list actress. Hell, she isn't just an actress, she is also a producer and a very successful one at that. About three months ago our actress was in downtown LA and was headed for dinner. She saw a family that was huddled about 50 feet from the restaurant. Obviously homeless, the dad had a sign while the mom watched their two children. Our actress could have just gone into her dinner, but, instead walked over to the family and started asking them about their life. It was during this that one of her dinner companions also showed up at the restaurant. Through no fault of their own this family was stuck. This actress could have walked away, but instead she canceled her dinner plans, got the family to a hotel and got them some food. Over the course of the next week she found them a place to live, hired the husband for her company, helped the mom get the kids in school and found a job for the mom as well.

Drew Barrymore



Former A list rock singer. Now, just someone we love to sing with at clubs and see in the odd film cameo is going blind.

Billy Idol




Last week, this A list director of some very huge films was shooting his new movie. After work, our director went to a local restaurant (as was his routine) where he picked up two local floozies. After buying them a few drinks and impressing them with his big-shot “I’m a Big Hollywood Director” come-on, our director took the two tramps back to his hotel for a night of debauchery. Little did our director know what he was getting himself into!

Turns out that this pair of hometown hotties weren’t as dumb as our director thought. In fact, there were certified pros, if you get my meaning. (Word has it ugly pros, too – but hey, whattaya want.)

Anyway, flash forward a few hours

Our director wakes up the next morning feeling all kinds of groggy. He discovers his wallet missing, and worst of all – his laptop stolen. On the purloined laptop was reportedly the script to his new movie and several highly secret, ultra-confidential, For-His-Eyes-Only visual FX sequences for the new movie that could be leaked any day now. Not surprisingly, the studio is furious with our director and his utter lack of discretion.

Michael Bay



What film brother/sister duo in an upcoming blockbuster film are having to keep their relationship secret because of fears that the general public will not make the distinction between film and real life?

Robert Pattinson/Nikki Reed




This A list actor who had some serious health and emotional issues last year, but was allegedly on the straight and narrow either doesn't care or had a huge slip over the weekend. At the same party that brought us two blinds from yesterday, our actor managed to consume almost an entire bottle of vodka all by himself. Sweet and very quiet was how the spy described him.

Owen Wilson




Now for something juicier and we will stay at NBC. This time a comedy where the two stars of this hit show used to laugh and get along and just be best pals. Well best pals to the extent people can fake being best pals. However now it is to the point where the only time they communicate is through their lines on the set. The other problem is that other cast members are having to pick sides and if you speak to one, then the other won't speak to you. Yes, these are adults.

Tina Fey & Alec Baldwin




This vegetarian A list rock star has been on and off with his baby mama. She thinks they are on. He apparently thinks they are off as he was off with this former B list actress from a hit television show who loves taking care of strangers in the park.

Anthony Kiedis, Laura Prepon






***Photos from the fabulous Dlisted website and Joaquin Phoenix fansite.