A Little Strange on the Side 2.4

Heroes dun dun dun dun dun dun dun Heroes.. (Think of the theme song to He-man when you do the dun dun part)


Bennet Hizouse.

BA ODB is staring at that piece of shit painting that shows him with a freaking hole in his eye as his daughter is making out in the background.
Claire is a dirty bird.
Mom Who Talks Out the Side of Her Mouth walks in the room and ODB asks her if Claire is makin it with a dude.
Claire walks in and ODB asks if she is riding someone's pole.
Claire gets all liar and lies and says no.
Cause what is she going to say. Yeah dad, I'm dating this stalker who took me on The Neverending Story ride in the sky and wants to straight murder your ass cause you dissected him for The Company.
Uh no.


Poltergeist Molly and her woodchuck teeth wake from a dream.
The dream features that F thing the HottPants P to the E to the trelli had on his neck and is also featured on the death photos that the original heroes are getting before their demise.
Matt Porkman, cause you know homeboy has been gorging food or switched places with his ex-wife and is giving birth any day now, runs in the room and tries to calm the woodchuck.
Raj and Porkman have a lovah's moment and Raj goes in to sing to Molly as Porkman watches with sweet, sweet lust from the corner.


Grizzly man Petrelli comes to visit his kids at their school to tell them about their grandma being in the hospital.
Grizzly man has to talk to them through the gates because he is not allowed to see them.
He tells his sons that he will be home soon.
Then he gets all weepy and thinks about cutting some trees and entering a logging contest.


Ghetto Booty, Alejandro and their sidekick Derek are driving.
The car abruptly stops on the road as some dude is lying on the road.
Who can it be?
It is non other then...
Sylar.
Now, does someone want to explain to me how in the hell Sylar got out of Gilligan’s Island?
Cause it looked like he was surrounded by nothing but trees.
Perhaps after the commercial I will find some clarity.
Cause I aint the only one confused.
I mean unless after eating Candice's brain he was able to retain her eating ability and ate his way through the forest.
Just a thought.



Some kid from Good Burger wakes Sol Glo up.
They go down to breakfast where Grandma Uhura cooks breakfast.
We find out that Sol Glo, Grandma Uhura, Good Burger and Good Burger's sister live in New Orleans.
Good Burger wants some cash for a pay-per-view wrestling match.
Blah, blah, blah no cash from the family.
Grandma Uhura blathers on about good TV or whatever.
Good Burger's sister laughs at the cooking show that Grandma is watching and at the chef's making a rose outta a tomato.
I assume this will come in handy later.
Sol Glo tells Good Burger he can help a brother out.
Boring.


Bitchy Petrelli is in the hospital with The Chief and Porkman.
Bitchy looks less like a Mexican whore and more like, well, just a whore.
She confesses to killing Mr. Sulu.
I guess the police think she tried to kill herself due to her guilt as her wounds from the attack at the station were found to be self-inflicted.
Which is not true cause the Invisible Space Ghost from Coast to Coast did it while Bitchy was in custody.
Porkman listens to Bitchy's thoughts as she tells him to write down the confession and let this go,
Bitchy, through her thoughts, tells Porkman that if the cops keep digging they will find out about the heroes and what they can do.
Then she repeats let it go like to twenty times.
Dude, the guy can listen to your thoughts.
He isn't deaf you freakin idiot.
I think he got it and no, he won't let it go. Cause Porkman has got that look in his eye and it isn’t the look of lust that he gave Raj.
That's the look, that's the look, the look of I'm on the case and I'm not letting you take the fall Bitchy,


CB is asked by some ho to join the cheerleading squad.
I mean we all saw this coming.
Claire could not be Claire if she wasn't "The Cheerleader"
West meets up with CB and she breaks the news that they can't hang out anymore.
West asks if it was because they flew together and maybe that freaked Claire out.
Dude.
Cause we flew together?
How can any actor say that with a straight face?
CB says her parents are overprotective.
Actually, Claire is thinking that my dad was the one that probed your ass.
West coaxes Claire into one more night. Just give me on more night, cause I can't wait forever.
Ah Phil, you have made this scene so much better.


Shaved off his beard Petrelli yells at Porkman about interrogating his moms in the hospital.
Porkman takes NP to the side and tells him he can read thoughts and he knows that Bitchy is innocent but the other cops will arrest her.
NP and Porkman start freaking out as they figure out that Bitchy, Poltergeist Molly, the F symbol and the Heroes are all connected.
The two decide to team up but first NP wants some time with his mutha.
Bitchy explains that she confessed to killing Mr. Sulu because it's time to pay the price.
NP tells her to help him help her and to show him the money. Not that last part, I lied. Sorry.
Bitchy tells Peter that just cause he shaved does not make him clean and sober and that he needs to enter a program.
So the plot thickens.
The cops cuff Bitchy and she is wheeled out like a paraplegic whore.
I know dudes; hell has a place for me and the writers of Heroes if they kill of ODB.


Ghetto Booty, Alejandro, Derek and Sylar are on a...ROAD TRIP!!! Owwwww.. How fun!
Sylar lies that he was robbed and is returning to America and Ghetto spills the beans about going to America to find Raj's dad.
Wow, what a small world.
Sylar is going back to New York and he knows Dr. Suresh and he will take Ghetto and Alejandro to him.
He fails to tell them that he know Suresh cause he killed the dude but that is a minor, minor detail.
Sylar lies again and says his name is Gabriel. Liar.
Ghetto gets all Jesus freak and thanks God for this miracle and for showing them the path.
God laughs at this cause the path leads to Ghetto's head being sliced open.
Alejandro thinks something stinks in Denmark.
I think the end is near for Derek.
Sylar gets all weirdo cause his Sylar watch is broken.
Ghetto's booty is tired of sitting on this long car ride.


Sol Glo's lady relative Monica sings Whitney chops tomatoes and talks to her coworker about getting out. Getting anywhere, getting all the way to the F...B...I.
Actually she talks about losing everything to Katrina and taking the managers test at the fast food chain she works.
She hopes this will lead to her going back to school and moving the family out of New Orleans.
Her friend poo poo's the idea.
Nice friend.
As Monica is talking she makes a flower out of the tomato she is cutting.
Just like on TV. I told you guys!
Looks like Sol Glo may not be the only family member with a power.
Dun Dun Dun!
Monica's manager pulls her aside to tell her she won't make it as a manager.
She is sad and I am too cause this plot line is LAME.


CB lies and says she is going to library to write a report about libraries.
Good one dude. Do you know who your dad is?
You can't roll with that Claire.
She tells ODB she will walk to school to write her paper.
ODB smells something rotten and follows CB only to lose her as West whisks her away.
LAME. Again. LAME.


Nathan and Porkman.
Looking at photos.
Porkman and NP are sharing. Actually Porkman is.
Come to find out that Porkman's ex-wife was pregnant with the dude she cheated on Porkman with.
Nice.
NP finds the photo with all the oldie but goodie heroes on it.
Almost all of the peeps in the photo are dead.
Except for Bitchy, Ned Ryerson or Bob as he is called on the show, some lady and dun dun dun, Porkman's dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Dude.
Plot just got good and then we come back to Monica and a montage of the Katrina disaster.
LAME.
Monica wants out of New Orleans cause she feels like she is meant for greatness.
I smell Sol Glo robbing banks and helping the fam out.


CB and West atop the Hollywood sign.
CB chitchats about life before California and wanting to trust someone.
West tells her to trust him.
To do that he wants her to jump from the Hollywood sign. Way to go Romeo.
So she does.
And he catches her.
LAME.
He tells her that he never wants anyone to hurt her.
They kiss and I run to the bathroom to barf.


Sol Glo gets pay per view for Good Burger.
Monica comes home and is sad.
Sol Glo and Monica have a tender moment as Monica stares at the wrestling and gets all hero town and shit and you know she is going to use the moves she saw on TV on someone cause her power is the ability to see something and copy it.
Got it.
Phew.

Porkman, Raj and Poltergeist.
Porkman tells them that he needs to find his dad cause there is some deep doo doo going on and he thinks his dad is a part of it.
You see, Porkman's dad left when he was 13 cause he stole a lot of money and was wanted by some folks.
Porkman shows the group photo and points out his dad to Poltergeist and Raj and Poltergeist freaks.
She tells them that Porkman's dad is the nightmare man she sees, um, in her nightmares.
Dun, dun, dun!!!!


NP is looking at pictures of his hotter, younger brother.
He tells Hottpants' picture that he is going to make things right.
Then he looks at himself in the mirror and that leathery, burned, kid from the Mask looking dude is looking back.
NP goes all rage against the machines and punches the mirror while yelling at the Mask dude to get away from him.
Looks like somebody get f'd up when he took Peter to never, never land.
Yep, looks like it.


CB and West.
Please. Make. This. Scene. A. Quickie.
West encourages Claire to lie to ODB so they can see each other again.
I don't like that kid. Not one bit.


Mexico.
Derek finds a newspaper with a photo of Ghetto and Alejandro with the words Murder on it.
Derek freaks and tells Sylar they need to ditch them.
Sylar tells Derek to go call the po-po and then turns around and straight up murders his ass.
I told you Derek ya douche.
Sylar plays it straight and asks the wonder twins to tell him the truth cause Derek is calling the police.
Ghetto starts to freak out and gets the black shit in her eyes and Sylar starts to feel the effects.
Sweet Valley High shows off their wares to Sylar and Alejandro saves the day. Again.
Sylar gets that evil gleam in his eye as he tells Ghetto and her bro that he understands what they are going through and will help them.
Help them die.


Claire and ODB.
Claire lies and tells ODB that she was late cause she tried out for the cheerleading squad.
ODB accepts his daughters cheerleading dreams but makes her promise that she cannot date for now.
She agrees but feels like poop.
The Haitian shows up to tell ODB that he has a lead on the paintings and that they are in the Ukraine.
So he has to lie to his fam.
Which is fine cause I lurv him and he cannot do anything wrong. Ever.


Raj, Porkman and Poltergeist.
Porkman has got to find his pops to see if he is a murdering bastard.
Raj gets all, Porkman you have daddy issues and you can't use Poltergeist to find your pop.
Porkman's all, whateves I'm trying to help.
Poltergeist gets all; I'll help you Porkman just promise me you'll lay off the fat.


Monica is closing up the burger joint for the night.
Dude breaks in.
She uses the wrestling move that she saw on TV to take that bitch down.
I told you.


Back to Porkman, Raj, Poltergeist.
Poltergeist gets all trance town and finds Porkman's dad's homestead.
She freaks and says the nightmare dude is coming for her.
She then goes into some coma as Parkman hears her thoughts and she is screaming for help....



Next week,
Veronica Mars finally shows up.
Hottpants eyes get all Storm from X-men and his shirt is off. Again. Owww...
Porkman's ex-wife shows up with some gigantic freaking baby.
Nathan sees Hottpants.
And I will not be able to recap until the middle of next week.
Sorry.
Call me Kutch!
Later Skaters..

xo