I'm a Gossip and So Are You

We're going to need a bigger boat..

2009-07-14T22:02:00.000-07:00

So sharks kinda freak me out.
I watch Shark Week with my feet up on the couch. I watch Jaws for the sole purpose of confronting my fears.
So this fine day, I happen to be reading Gawker and stumble upon this little tidbit of info.
I fucking knew it!
Dude. Serial Killers. Sharks of the world unite and take over. It's like their telling the world that their 4 4 will make sure that all your kids don't grow.
Bitches man. All of em.

Look at him, mocking me.

Yes, Fuck Each Other's Mom is Priceless

2009-05-09T22:08:00.001-07:00

I heart you JC.

2009-05-07T15:16:00.000-07:00

I Heart Bill Hader..

2009-04-26T16:31:00.000-07:00

Peace be with you my homie Bea Arthur..

2009-04-25T17:11:00.000-07:00

RIP Golden Girl

Caca Poo Poo Pee Pee Shire

2009-03-11T19:03:00.000-07:00

Hola Homies.

I have purposefully not commented on the Academy Awards because honestly, they were pretty blah.

I did like the former winners of best actor/actress honoring each individual nominee and then welcoming the winner into their fraternity/sorority.

I loved me some Marion Cotillard cause she is cute and French.
She has a little girl voice that does not annoy me because she actually speaks this way.
This is not some put on voice that folks use when speaking to a baby and/or their boo and/or an animal.
You know the one, cause you have used it, don’t lie.

Plus she looked lovely.

If I were hyperactive breather Kate Winslet, I would have chosen not to pose with Maid Marion.
Girlfriend is dope and makes Winslet look old and frumpy.
Or maybe it was the freaking Mother of the Bride dress that Winslet wore?
Either way, you chose wrong Winslet.

My man Jackman did a pretty good job.
A little too song and dance for me, but I dug him.
Helps that he is hot and talented.
Also, he is freaking' Wolverine.
I mean shit man, have you seen the preview for that movie?
Or this picture?

No, not that one!
Ha! What a total goober, no?

This one.

Yeah, me likey.

I was bummed that Mickey Rourke did not win and Douche Penn did.
I mean, to be real, real, real, real real, real, this was to be Rourke's last chance at an Oscar.
It was like The Wrestler was an autobiographical documentary of Rourke's messed up life of too many drugs and too many Chihuahua's.
Oh, and too much plastic surgery.
So much in fact, that his face has melted onto itself to the point where I cannot distinguish between Rourke and Wayne Newton fish.
Observe.

Reece Witherspoon’s dress made her look like a burned out Ice Capades dancer.
What the f' was this?

Compared to this?

Aw hell to the no.
Dude, you are dating Jake G.
Even though I, and a good percentage of the world, thinks you are his beard.
Show up Reece.
Stop looking like you have mom jeans underneath that abomination.

I dug the vintage dress worn by Penelope Cruz.

The dress made me happy and brought back memories of cotton candy.
Except that this cotton candy was white and really, really old.
Probably smelled like moth balls.
Ew.

Moving on..

Of course Halle Berry was a fox.

Have you seen her baby?

I mean honestly.
That kid is too pretty for words.
Well I don't have words to say because I have stuffed my face with Oreo's in despair over a mere baby who is like ten times better looking then me.
You are not making me feel good Berry.

Moving on..

Anne Hathaway did not win anything and I can say hallelujah.
She did some dance number with Hugh that made her look like the drama geek she is.
Keep singing and not eating sister.
Me-ow.

Evan Rachel Wood looked washed out and tore up.

She did spend the day with Manson, or so I've heard, so that could explain it.

My biggest complaint?
Freaking Jennifer Aniston.
Dude.
You are on the grandest stage, with all eyes on you and what you are wearing.
Because of course, your ex-husband and his hot piece of a girlfriend are going to walk the red carpet and look AMAZING.
Witness.

So what do you wear and who do you bring?

Um.
First, what the hell with the dress?
It looks like something an 80-year-old Cougar would pick up at Cache.

Second, is that a braid in your hair?
You are a classy, older lady.
No braids Aniston.
I know you are a gigantic hippie, but there is a time and a place for that and it was not on the red carpet.
Wait. There is no place for hippies.

And you brought John Mayer?
Really?
Come by yourself next time cause this dude is doing you no favors.
I mean he makes obnoxious faces when he plays his guitar, makes false and embarrassing comments about his sexual prowess and is BFF with Pete Wentz.
Yes, that Pete Wentz. The one that married it and is often mistaken as a hobbit who over shares.

So, in summation, this years AA's were whatever.
Some of the speeches were good, no one looked too awful and I was bored to tears.
What was the upside to this snooze fest?
No Diablo Cody.
Freaking BONUS!

Make me a bicycle clown..

2009-02-06T20:43:00.000-08:00

So Christian Bale went all Joan Crawford on some poo poo dude on the set of Terminator Salvation, which everyone heard, commented and made fun of, and then made the next logical step and re-remixed the tantrum.
And then.. Christian Bale called into the Kevin and Bean show on KROQ in LA to say he had a bad day.
Yeah, no and then.
So this was semi-cool but still.
Look, I have had a hard-on for Bale ever since Empire of the Sun, where I dreamed he would look past my Ozzy Osborne hair, headgear and lack of boobage.
But now I am kind of over him.
He is super high maintenance.
Bale is that "actor guy."
You know the one who takes himself and his "craft" way too seriously?
Dude.
No mi gusta anymore.
And you know what CB?
I don't like your Batman voice, or your strange capped chomper lisp or the obvious bullshit that was Harsh Times.
Harsh. Times. Was. A. Peace. Of. Diarrhea. Homes.
Yeah, that's right Bale, I am just not that into you.

Peace.

Let us play separated at birth...

2009-02-06T19:54:00.000-08:00

Nelly Furtarded..

Jude Law in drag for a new movie..

Am I right?

Keyser Söze

2009-01-27T18:26:00.000-08:00

you remember that time when I totally went method actor, smoked crack, blew some guys and you couldn't keep me off the pole?
And the answer to your question is yes, that was method acting..
whatever

It was all a dream, I used to read Word Up magazine..

2009-01-19T18:31:00.000-08:00

Brief tidbit on the epic fail that is Joaquin.
So word is the JP has asked Sean Combs to produce his rap album.
This explains why they were hanging out in Florida.
Still no word on why the banana clip but whateves.
In an attempt to ruin himself even more then he already has, JP performed his rapping antics in front of people.
Actual real people.
Once he finished, JP falls on his ass, literally.

A lot of folks think this whole bye good to acting and hello failure to a rap career is a joke.
Like Casey Affleck is not filming a documentary on the downfall of JP but instead a mockumentary.
Like they will release this at Sundance next year and everyone will laugh, give bro hugs and rainbows will shoot outta people's asses.

I cannot jump on this bandwagon and call shenanigans on this theory..
Fact - Joaquin is bat shit crazy.
Fact - Casey Affleck is not that funny.
Fact - Casey Affleck is not that funny.
Fact - They both are tools.

I think Casey Affleck is filming this to show Joaquin what a complete ass he has turned into and to remind him that he can stop the madness.

But that may be giving Affleck and his bitch face of a wife more credit then needed.

Anywho, watch the video and decide..
Witness....

Um, actually, my lip, that's a cold sore. And I've never had a cold sore before, so I cried.

2009-01-14T19:18:00.000-08:00

Hello friends.

I needed to take a breaky-poo in order to digest the Golden Globes and Drew Barrymore's hair.
Yeah, WTF indeed.

First let me say that I really like the dress.
However, in this situation that's like me saying she has a really great personality but her face is ass.
I mean this bitch was on some serious drogas cause she was all jittery and giggly and plain old stupid.
Stupid enough to stick her finger in a light socket and fry the shit outta her hair.
I don't dislike the Barrymore.
I just don't like her that much.
It seems that her BFF Cameron Douchiaz is not too happy with the DB either.
Lainey, the queen of overexaggeration, had this little tidbit of info.
Do I believe it?
Honestly, I think these two bitches have just finally gotten as sick of each other as I have of them.
How could you not?
One talks like a baby 90% of the time, bangs eighty dudes at once and is not all there in the acting department.
The other is a complete idiot who can't act her way outta a paper bag and has a face that looks like it was hit by a pan or thrown into a vat of chemical waste which in turn made her into Batman's arch-enemy.

Oh, and the Douchiaz wore this..

No Me Gusta.
It's like the same f'ng dress she wears to every event cause she is too f'ng high to realize that it is the same fucking dress she wears to every event.

Likes and Dislikes?

Tracy Morgan was fabulous.

As was Tina Fey.

As was Sacha Baron Cohen, who was way too funny for those holier-than-thou phony bolognas.

Happy for the Slumdog.

Kate Winslet.
I have always liked her and she looked fabulous.

But after some thought, she annoyed me a bit.
With the first win she basically was like, yo, I deserve this shit and you haven't given it to me, so here is my middle finger and I told you I was awesome so suck it.
To some degree she was genuine with the second win but she basically laid out her not so secret love for Leo, which was kinda sweet but awkward and her husband was kind of like there to witness the whole thing and make me more uncomfortable.
I felt like I was watching something that I shouldn't have and it made me feel weird.
Like that one time when this dude, who I always thought was a gay but was married, got really drunk at my homas wedding and pretty much eye fucked every dude in the room and then some.

Moving on..
Happy for that crazy fucker Rourke.
He kept it real and I dig that about him.

Liked Sandra Bullock, she was clever and funny and one of the best dressed of the evening.

I kinda wanted to do something with her hair though.
I also would have liked to tell her to stop doing romantic comedies but remembered that she was not that hot at dramatic films and so I didn't.

Ricky Gervais was good times.

I love me some Danny Boyle. Totally teary eyed when he was talking about his kids.

Um, Sally Hawkins = PJ Harvey = eat something to stop your teeth from taking up half your face.

The Boss never ages and his wife is too cute.

So happy Mama Mia won nothing and neither did Hathaway. I spit in her general direction.

Steven Spielberg was a bore.

Colin Ferrell went on and on and on for. way. too. fucking. long.

Douchiaz and Say Hello to Your Mutha for Me. Ugh, I loathe you both. Hate you both and your faces.

Emma Thompson and Dustin Hoffman.. awkward.

Thought the Heath win was deserved and Christopher Nolan was on point but the video clip and golf claps from folks was way annoying and self serving.
Half those fuckers in that room shared some sort of drugs with that dude or supplied it to him, so, yeah, jog on.

and finally..

dude.
really?
really?
My homa Nichole made a great call on this ho but after seeing the photos again I totally forgot cause this is just plain shit.
Shit.
Cannot say anything more.

Oh, one more..
I will put my complete and totally dislike of Evan Rachel Wood aside to say that she looked fabulous..

nothing more..

Except Pineapple Express was awesome. Yes, I am totally late in the game but whateves.
Danny McBride is my hero.
The new freaking judge on Top Chef, British food critic Toby Young, is a complete and total schmarmy tool who takes his nonsensical analogies to the extreme and is and will always be friendless.
Oh, and The Screen Actors Guild Awards will be televised on January 25 and we will keep it real until then.

Stay gold, Ponyboy.

2009-01-03T15:12:00.001-08:00

Word.

Folks it is a new year, a new start and a new me.
For reals, you ask?
No.
Same shit dudes, different day.

I do wish that Joaquin Phoenix would have had that conversation with himself this year and had in fact decided that hells yes, it is time for a new start.
Once he reached this epiphany, he would then promptly call me to discuss a possible intervention.

But, alas, it is not to be.
No, Joaquin has decided to take his fucking circus sideshow freakathon on tour.
Spotted this time around in Miami, Fatty is found hanging out with the biggest dumb fucks on the planet, Sean Combs and Brett Ratner.
I refuse to call the former of the two tools anything but his freaking given name and none of this bullshit AKA stuff.
Moving on..

Behold, the end of a once beauteous man whom I thought very fondly of and at one time would have considered carrying his babies.

Let us dissect each and every one of these photos, shall we?

First off, Casey Affleck, Sean Combs and the artist previously known as Joaquin Phoenix before his stomach ate him.
What the hell are these three doing together?
Yes, I know that Stupido Affleck is helping film the train wreck.
But Sean Combs?
He looks like he has seen the devil in Joaquin.
Possibly because Joaquin is the devil and straight up told Sean Combs that his soul was nearly not worth enough and that killing Big Poppa was a huge mistake as the rap community and this here blogger miss his music genius.

I don't understand how Casey Affleck, who is married to Joaquin's sister, thinks that this new Joaquin transformation is going well.
Like does he look at Joaquin and think, gee this dude looks better then he has in years, and I for one am jealous at what a gigantic fat fucking lard ass drugged out, comatose shell of a man he has become.
Fuck you Affleck, I hope your career goes the way of the dinosaur.
Literal translation, like your brother Ben's.
Zing!

Next, Affleck, Grasso and Brett Ratner.
Dude, I am beginning to think these photos were taken in hell.
Ratner?
First off, get some Soul Glo for that shit ass jheri curl homes.
Secondly, what has that dude ever done but ruin filmmaking, take food from babies mouths and make me wish I were God's own personal warrior so that I could take that fucker out.

Finally.
My man.
Did anyone happen to notice that he is, in fact, wearing a banana clip?
Yes, I will give him props for the banana clip in question being very fancy.
However, I am saddened by it all and the fanciness is only a passing conciliation for the whole package.

Dude what the fuck happened?
Why does he look like he ate a whole family?
Why do his eyes look like they are boring into my soul and then whatever leftovers I have on my plate?
Why did he tag Ratner for the power of the jheri curl?
Is it really that humid in Miami and these two are not within reach of some sort of hair product to tame that shit?
Why can I not lock the Joaquin in a basement, not my own as that would be kidnapping, and replay Someone Saved My Life Tonight by Elton John, over and over and over again until he loses his shit for reals and comes back to me to look like this?

Whateves.
This will all end in sadness.
I will now just look at my Teen Beat pictures of the old Joaquin and say, stay gold Ponyboy. Stay gold forevah.

On a happier note, my favorite over at Crazy Days and Nights has revealed some of his blind items.
The one about Billy Idol and Alec Baldwin/Tina Fey make me muy triste.
The rest are pretty fabulous in more ways then one.
Enjoy and if you would like to read the whole shebang, http://www.crazydaysandnights.net/.
Peaces Greases.

This B list actor and sometime director, now married was once in a highly publicized relationship. While on location in another country the actor found himself in the VIP room of a member’s only gentleman’s club. Rumors swirled about what happened that night and ended up costing his relationship, but the popular guess was second or third base, at best. What really happened was captured on tape by a security camera of the actor, two ladies, and a lot of um let’s say marital aids of all varieties.

When one of the ladies let it ‘slip’ after the encounter that it was all recorded on security camera the actor demanded the tape from the club owner. After several phone calls and exchanges of all sorts the actor left with tape in hand.

But what the actor didn’t know was that the club had made several copies before the actor even knew it existed and he was just one of several actors caught in the same scam at the exclusive anything goes club. The whereabouts of the other tapes are unknown but I’m sure wherever they are, they came at a high price.

Ben Affleck

Even an A lister gets unlucky sometimes. There was some previous discussion whether this individual is actually A list. If he isn't A then he is right on the cusp. Apparently all the women surrounding his table thought he was A list or at least wanted him to think so. Allegedly dating someone everyone thought he was behaving himself except in the drinking department until a model walked by. He immediately ran over to the model and began trying to hit on her. Apparently though she didn't know who he was. When he informed her drunkenly who he was and what he had been in, she said, "I don't really care. Plus if you need to list your accomplishments to get a date, you really have not accomplished all that much." It would have been nice if this had been a quiet conversation, but unfortunately for our film actor the entire group surrounding the table all heard it. Nice.

Gerard Butler

A list actress. Hell, she isn't just an actress, she is also a producer and a very successful one at that. About three months ago our actress was in downtown LA and was headed for dinner. She saw a family that was huddled about 50 feet from the restaurant. Obviously homeless, the dad had a sign while the mom watched their two children. Our actress could have just gone into her dinner, but, instead walked over to the family and started asking them about their life. It was during this that one of her dinner companions also showed up at the restaurant. Through no fault of their own this family was stuck. This actress could have walked away, but instead she canceled her dinner plans, got the family to a hotel and got them some food. Over the course of the next week she found them a place to live, hired the husband for her company, helped the mom get the kids in school and found a job for the mom as well.

Drew Barrymore

Former A list rock singer. Now, just someone we love to sing with at clubs and see in the odd film cameo is going blind.

Billy Idol

Last week, this A list director of some very huge films was shooting his new movie. After work, our director went to a local restaurant (as was his routine) where he picked up two local floozies. After buying them a few drinks and impressing them with his big-shot “I’m a Big Hollywood Director” come-on, our director took the two tramps back to his hotel for a night of debauchery. Little did our director know what he was getting himself into!

Turns out that this pair of hometown hotties weren’t as dumb as our director thought. In fact, there were certified pros, if you get my meaning. (Word has it ugly pros, too – but hey, whattaya want.)

Anyway, flash forward a few hours

Our director wakes up the next morning feeling all kinds of groggy. He discovers his wallet missing, and worst of all – his laptop stolen. On the purloined laptop was reportedly the script to his new movie and several highly secret, ultra-confidential, For-His-Eyes-Only visual FX sequences for the new movie that could be leaked any day now. Not surprisingly, the studio is furious with our director and his utter lack of discretion.

Michael Bay

What film brother/sister duo in an upcoming blockbuster film are having to keep their relationship secret because of fears that the general public will not make the distinction between film and real life?

Robert Pattinson/Nikki Reed

This A list actor who had some serious health and emotional issues last year, but was allegedly on the straight and narrow either doesn't care or had a huge slip over the weekend. At the same party that brought us two blinds from yesterday, our actor managed to consume almost an entire bottle of vodka all by himself. Sweet and very quiet was how the spy described him.

Owen Wilson

Now for something juicier and we will stay at NBC. This time a comedy where the two stars of this hit show used to laugh and get along and just be best pals. Well best pals to the extent people can fake being best pals. However now it is to the point where the only time they communicate is through their lines on the set. The other problem is that other cast members are having to pick sides and if you speak to one, then the other won't speak to you. Yes, these are adults.

Tina Fey & Alec Baldwin

This vegetarian A list rock star has been on and off with his baby mama. She thinks they are on. He apparently thinks they are off as he was off with this former B list actress from a hit television show who loves taking care of strangers in the park.

Anthony Kiedis, Laura Prepon

***Photos from the fabulous Dlisted website and Joaquin Phoenix fansite.

Ciao Bello..

2008-12-17T19:12:00.000-08:00

FYI.. Fabio from this season's Top Chef is the fucking biggity bomb.
Just watch him.
Do it.
It's like your chonies just want to come off and find him and live with his chonies.

In case you don't know whom in the hell I am rambling about, Fabio is the Italian dude on Top Chef.

He is fabulous.
Now mind you, I am not a particular fan of Italians.
Never trust one, totally full of shit and shenanigans.
Like my Grandpa who told everyone that he used to play tennis with Benito Mussolini.
Not only was this little over share complete and total bullshit, um, not something to be proud of Gramps.

Anywho back to my little Italian Stallion.
He is charming and funny and sweet and is 30 but looks like he is 45 and doesn't understand English phrases but pretends to and has good teeth and loves to cook, and to tell me that I'm pretty.
He also is the personal chef of Captain Kirk himself, William Shatner.
Dude.
That makes him even cooler.

I hope he wins.
Maybe he will renew my faith in Italians.
Probably not cause they are all bastards.
Bastards who played tennis with evil dictators that dug Nazi's.
I'm just saying.

And here we go...

2008-12-09T18:36:00.001-08:00

The nominees for The 66th Annual Golden Globe Awards will be announced Thursday, December 11 at the butt crack of dawn.

Honestly, I am not super excited for the awards season this year.
Movies were meh with only a few exceptions and television has delivered a bunch of poo poo.
Dudes, if Katherine Heigl is still on television and getting film work, you know the world is going to hell in a hand basket and there is nothing good to come from Hollywood.

Anywho, below are my picks for this season's film nominees and possible winners.

Best Actress -

Kate Winslet may be nominated for Revolutionary Road but as The Critics Choice nominations have shown, that may not be the case.

Critics Choice is a good barometer for who will be nominated for a Golden Globe and/or Academy Award.
Or so they say.
Like you didn't know that.
Sorry.

Moving on..

My hope is that Anne Hathaway does not win a damn thing.
Yes, she will be nominated for Rachel Getting Married, a pretentious film that does not need to add an S to Rachel.
But please, please, as God is my own personal warrior, do not let this bitch win.

Angelina may be nominated but won't win, due to the fact that no one saw The Changeling and the world is better for it.
Who wants to see a downer of a film with no chance for a happy ending?
Because let's face it, when Clint directs a movie the ending will be void of warm fuzzies.

Now Angelina will win the award for best looking couple at any event on planet earth as witnessed at the Benjamin Button premiere last night.

Whatever.
How is it that these two are way too good looking for my own good?
They procreate and adopt children who are way too good looking for my own good.
It's not fair and I should receive some sort of stipend from the government for this kind of abuse.

They say that Meryl Streep will be nominated for her portrayal as a nun on a mission from God in the movie Doubt.
Streep can be awesome-o but I don't go out to see her films and I don't particularly think she is all that, all the time.
What I am saying is that when I said she was awesome-o, I lied.
Have you seen the commercials for Mama Mia?
No not the film, just the commercial.
Cause if you see the film, I guarantee, you will become mentally retarded.
That's a fact.
Look it up.

I vote for Cate Blanchett for just being rad.
Oh, and she may be fabulous in the Button movie, I don’t know.
I just want her to start dressing fabulous again.

Moving on..

Best Actor -

The Rourke looks like a sure-fire nominee and cross my fingers, a winner.
Have you seen the the preview?
I mean this shit makes me cry every time I see it.
I have a cold heart people and this melts it.

Side bar:
Is it me or does Rourke remind you of Charlize Theron in Monster?

Except this is no character.
This is what Rourke really looks like.
Every day.
24/7.
No makeup, that's his real freaking face.
No, I'm not kidding.

Do you want a before picture of Rourke?
Before the drugs, steroids and boxing pulvarization?

No words for this.

Next...

The Pitt.
Should have won for 12 Monkeys.
Definitely for Fight Club.
I have not seen this Benjamin Button, but I do like the baby moustache he is rocking and think that he is lovely and endearing and funny and a non-douche.
So.
Yeah.

No on Clint.
He is old and he wins everything, so no.
The guy has like eight Academy Awards, Santa Barbara and got away with the, I'm an old man so I can stare at your boobs Angelina Jolie, so he's all good.

No on the Frank Langella.
I am not convinced of his Nixon and who really cares about Nixon anyway?
Is he even relevant anymore?
Ha!
Facial Nixon!

Michael Sheen should be nominated.

My vote...
Rourke.
Or else he will go ape shit and that may be just as good as him trying to give an acceptance speech sober style.

Supporting Actress -

Tomei will be nominated and may win for The Wrestler thereby ridding her of the stigma as the, wait. what?, winner for My Cousin Vinny.

However, Winslet needs a freaking Oscar and if she is going to get it by being a naked, jail bait screwing Nazi, as she is in The Reader, then so be it.

My vote..
Winslet.

Supporting Actor -

Ledger would be fabulous and sad at the same time.
He was radical in The Dark Night, had an amazing career ahead of him, a lovely daughter and ex-lady friend and his dumb ass should not have been into the drogas.
But whateves.
He didn't call me when the chips were down, he called an Olsen and that in and of itself equals an epic failure.

Next please..

Robert Downey Jr. could be the dark horse as he kicked some serious ass in Tropic Thunder and this is his freaking year.
Josh Brolin ruled the school as the insecure, possibly closeted, on the brink of losing his shit character, Dan White in the movie Milk.

Side bar:
Dude, remember that one time when Brolin hit his wife?
I am so sad about that.
To get over my feelings of disgust for his actions, I will only appreciate Brolin's acting skills.
Not his husband skills.

I vote for...
Ledger.

Moving on..

Best Picture and Director -

My hope?
Slumdog Millionaire.
Dudes.
Danny Boyle is one of my favorites.
His films are fabulous, Cillian Murphy is in most of them, he helps lepers and the elderly alike and it's really all about me so..
Boyle for the win.

Those are my picks.
We shall receive the nominations on Thursday and the winners on January 11.

Peaces Greases.

P.S.
Can they give the Lifetime Achievement award to Kevin Bacon?
This man has to deal with "The Closer" in every aspect of his life.
If that does not merit an award, his eight billion movie roles should.

And I raaannn, I ran so far away, and in my heart, in my heart you'll stay.

2008-12-08T19:44:00.000-08:00

Please watch it and love it and own it and work it and cut and paste it..
I want to have 1000 Samberg babies..

Incredibad this way

wang, schlong, dong, johnson, pecker, woody, chode

2008-11-28T10:05:00.000-08:00

Dudes.
Buenos Noches.

It looks like Kristen Stewart is back in the news.
A writer from the Chicago Sun Times felt the necessity to talk
shit.
Quickly followed up by Lainey, stirring the pot by comparing Stewart to Joaquin Phoenix.

Dude.
In response to the first article, yes, the girl is a gigantic train wreck when it comes to interviews, possibly stemming from her overuse of "big words" and her inability to enjoy life, let alone complete a sentence.
But cut her a little slack.
Imagine someone asking you for the billionth time why you chose the hott Brit to be the leading man (duh!), what it was like to play a simple girl with zero cajones and why the hott Brit felt the need to make a 180 year-old vamp sound like a guido.
Actually, I wish someone would ask that freaking question.

In response to the second quip, the girl is 18, socially retarded, thinks she has indie cred and likes to smoke weed to forget the pain that is Twilight.
Comparing her to the JP is absolutely ridiculous.
I mean this kid watched his brother die, tried to recover from the loss by changing his name from Leif to Joaquin, only to find that he couldn't recover with just a name change because he would always live in his brother's shadow, to the point that he has succumbed to the demons which have left him a shell of a man.

I lost it for the Joaquin after Walk the Line.

He was handsome, slim, dedicated and solid as a rock, rock, rock, rock, rock, rock.

Now he's a pudgy burn out, with a serious drug problem - which in and of itself is beyond me -, who thinks making a documentary about his ultimate downward spiral and life as a "rapper" is worth anyone's time and makes me vomit whenever I see photos of him and his attempt at spelling Good Bye.

Clever, you fuck.
The guy thinks he's a rapper.
A. Rapper.
If this kid has not gone over the deep end, then the addition of Casey Affleck as his director on this documentary of evil should help convince you.

All of this has made me so sad, so I read
this.

Skip ahead to page 4 and read Stephanie Meyer's take on the "dazzle" scene from Twilight the movie.
Man I wish this ho would shut. the. fuck. up.
Agreed, the scene should have been better, but you and your “novel” are not the fucking second coming, so be happy with what you got.
Give this biyotch fangirls and she turns into an auteur that thinks she will be relevant in 5 years time.
Ugh. Meyer, I spit in your general direction.

Most importantly, as an FYI, next time you attend the premiere of your film, phone a friend, use a lifeline, please get help from someone who will put you in front of a mirror to tell you that you look like a manatee in a shrug.

Moving on, it looks like the Pooptrow and hubby may be on the outs.
According to this article, the Pooper is making it with tool, a power tool.

Sure she is married to a tool now, but I guess you can never get enough tool.

This dude looks like that guy in those penis enlargement commercials, Bob?

Yep, this guy..

Looks like I may have been too harsh.
Gwynnie may be leaving her tool of a husband for a dick of a trust fund baby..

One more thing, have you seen the Adidas commercial with the house party that I wish I attended, like every day, but wasn’t cool enough to get invited to?
No?
enjoy kids
FYI, the song is Beggin’ a remix done by Madcon.

I got skills, I'll be back.

Peaces Greases..

the bionic, the bomb, the puff, the blow, the herb, the cronic, the sweet Mary Jane, the shit, Ganja, split, reefa,

2008-11-26T08:08:00.000-08:00

So, saw the gigantic piece of caca known as the Twilight movie.
I am so out like Casino.
Cash my chips in dudes; the love has left the building.

That does not mean that I don't check in on the kids from the film, whose lives are totally and completely up shit creek.

This includes the lovely and marginally talented Kristen Stewart.
Girlfriend is 18, surly and in the middle of a media shit storm that she is totally not prepared for.
Plus, the little indie movie she thought she was making, has made $70 million dollars in the opening weekend alone and that my friends equals three more craptastical films to look forward to.
So what does a girl with serious social anxiety do to take the edge off a bad career move?
She smokes weed on the front steps of her home with her oily bohunk of a boyfriend.
Front steps.
Not in the backyard.
Not in the comfort of ones own home.
Nope, right there, on the front steps.
Where the photogs are camped out to study her every move.
Her PR peeps are going to be so mad at her.
For more photos click here.

Sad.
Girlfriend needs an intervention.
I volunteer and would like to discuss the following:
1. Her relationship with Nikki Reed. A nice girl but a total succubus who cannot seem to get any other roles in films other then those directed by Catherine Hardwicke.
2. Her relationship with that oily bohunk of hers, of whom she has been with since she was 14. Why, oh why she is still with the kid from Sky High?

As a lovely friend pointed out, he always looks like he is headed to a casting of Grease.

3. Oh, and of course this bit of info of gossip from Lainey.
Dudes.
I condone this whole-heartedly.
I mean, look at the dude..

Wake up San Francisco.
In the immortal words of Vanilla Ice, drop the zero and get with the hero.

On another note, those rumors about Joseph Gordon Levitt and Evan Rachel Wood, are just that, rumors.
Yes, they both have two first names, and are actors.
But no, no dating.
Have you seen her recently?

um. yeah. at a loss for words.

All right girls and boys have yourselves a fabulous turkey day..

be back soon.

peaces greases.

Huh huh huh hu-uh huh I know this much is true ...

2008-11-13T20:11:00.000-08:00

Ok.
So, a few weeks ago I spilled my guts and told the world (or the three people that read this blog,) that I had read and was sucked (HA!) into the world of Twilight.
Since that blog entry, I have vomited my way through the other two books in the series, New Moon and Eclipse, and can’t bring myself to read the fourth, Breaking Dawn.

Um, all I can say is wow.
Wow that Stephanie Meyer was given the green light to continue to write three more books.

Now I am not going to get on my soapbox, but for fuck’s sake!
Did anyone take the time to read the manuscripts before unleashing this crap on teenage girls?
Maybe someone could have let Meyer in on the fact that female protagonist can have identities other then being some dudes bitch, have interests and opinions outside of their stalker boyfriends, enjoy dressing in clothes other then sweats and flannel shirts and need not create drama in their lives in order to push a story along.

Could Meyer have created a duller more one-dimensional character that is Bella Swan for her legions of fans?

How about creating a hott piece of vampire ass in the first book only to turn around and make the dude into a wiener-less, shell of a man, whose retarded girlfriend straight up stomps on his heart, whines and complains about everything and makes out with his mortal enemy.
Does he lose the zero and get with the hero?
No, he forgives and stays with her cause he loooooves her and her totally boring, fashionably challenged and socially retarded
ways.

And honestly, what is up with not allowing these two to hump?
I mean, maybe if they humped, Bella wouldn't be such a tool and Edward would get his Rhett Butler on.

Uhh!
Why did I read this?
I care enough to blog about this crap and that is total sad clown face.

Really, the only reason I am hanging on is because of this guy.

Yes, this dude is hot, hot, hot.
HOT.
Damn Gina hot.
Like putting him in the Twilight movie as Edward was a bad idea because one cannot help but think that Bella and Edward would hump in the first five minutes of the film cause he is so. damn. hot.

I just don’t want him to speak.
Total nerd alert.
Shhh.
Just stand there.

I digress.
This shit is lame.
I am lame for reading it.
I won’t mention it again.

Except.
Damn.
He is hot.

VIVA Barack Obama!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-11-04T20:26:00.000-08:00

Enough said...

I'd do it if I could, I hope you know I would...

2008-10-17T19:28:00.000-07:00

word bitches.
um, first let us take a moment to rewind to the age of headgear, pining for an oily bohunk and the hot bitch known as Jordan Catalano.
this should bring back amazingly awesome memories.
i liked Danes at this point, wanted to bone down with Leto or, excuse me, Jordan Catalano, and totally loved the Buffalo Tom song playing in the background that I downloaded it TONIGHT!

Project Runway is ovah.
Leanne won.
Big whoop.
Like we didn't see that coming from the very beginning.
What I didn't see coming was how much I would want Leanne to wash her hair from now until, um, forever.
Geez girl, things are not that bad in hipster nation that you could not buy Prell for like $1.50 at Walgreens and go to town on that oil slick.
Shit, bitch.

Chevron's Q&A here

Oh, and, Kenley?
I loathe you more then the two people on the top of my list that I actually know, hate and hope will burn in hell for all eternity and then some.
Take care of that thing your face does and jog on.

Kenley's exit interview from EW this a way

Korto,
Mi gusta.
And girl, you looked good at Bryant Park but your clothes kinda didn't.

Korto's peace out ovah here

Honestly, what has any winner of PR, with the exception of my main man Siriano, ever done with their lives?
So be stoked that you were on the last season on Bravo before the switch happens to the ovary snatching channel and peace out.

I am chocked full of gossip for you kids and I will share.
But for now, watch My So Called Life clips and dream of Catalano for eva.

Peaces Greases..

Heroes 3.2

2008-09-29T19:51:00.000-07:00

Few things.

One, how freaking awesome is it that Bitchy is Sydog's mom..?

Two, how awesome was Sydog, trying to be good for five minutes and then not?

Three, how chubtastic was the retard blond speedster in her super suit?

Four, Tracy and Niki are twinner test tube babies, created in a lab.

Five, ODB = super badass as per usual.

Six, the preview for next week with Sydog all Jewish house mother and shit.

Seven, the return of Soul Glo for two long seconds.

Radical.

Heroes - S3 Episode 1

2008-09-22T19:34:00.000-07:00

The two-hour season premiere of Heroes was tonight and I must say that those two hours were better then all of Season 2 combined.
So much good poop and of course, bad diarrhea.

The Good:

Sylar coming back, looking lean and mean, cutting peeps brains open, fucking shit up.

Mohindog, taking serum to finally gain super powers and some balls, becomes a bad ass with super strength, penis and peeling power.

Elle, all combustible and shit, losing papa Ned Ryerson, getting shit on by Bitchy which insures her most definitely coming over from the dark side.

Bitchtastic Peterelli, revealing her seeing the future super power, remaining bitchy and wrinkly while doing so.

Nathan, alive, with too much plastic surgery, so much so that his teeth are uber white and protruding, loving the Lord with his imaginary friend Linderman.

ODB out of cell number 5, ready to riggidy role son!

Claire all unfeeling, with a touch of dramatic acting and a dash of poo strain face.

Hottrelli, not so hot with the scar across his face, but then is hott when he doesn't have it, totally fucking up the space/time continuum.

Not Nikki, split personality free without a memory, living in a deluxe apartment in the sky, turning people into ice without trying as witnessed by her murder of the Great American Hero!

Claire's white trash mom who ends up being a fire starter, wicked fire starter.

Plus…
The new super bad villains.
Bitchy revealing that she is Sylar's homa.
Bitchy seeing the future villains straight up murdering the Heroes asses.

All and all the season premiere was fabulous and worth the wait for me to go from nerd to nerd alert.

The Bad:
The freaking super fast blond.
Bitch, please.
Try taking an acting class or two and not from Dora the Explorer.
Her hair is terrible, her red sweat suit, awful and her stupid face with added pout looks like a talking anus.
I hope she dies.
Stat.

The Vato shell that Peter Petrelli was put into.
Um, hi.
Could the Heroes casting director maybe picked up the dude from Training Day that talks about getting his shit pushed in, instead of this dude?
I mean come on.
I would have totally bought it coming from that dude.
ORALE!

Hiro.
I dunno.
He bothers me.
He should have practiced his, eyes tightly shut to convey the stoppage of time acting skill in the mirror this summer cause I am not buying it.

Porkman.
Is there a reason he is around other then Felicity nostalgia?
Cause I aint feeling it this season and my patients better not be tried.

Maya all hotastic and tan with a heavier accent then the last time we saw her, wearing super tight white capris, yellow halfie and stripper platforms to match.
Why is she still here?
To look like she shops at the tween section at Forever 21, looking fake and bake while doing so?
Figure it out folks and quick.

Questions?

What happened to Soul Glow?
How did Not Nikki come back?
What happened to Super Cousin without plot development?
What happened to Chompers aka Molly?

Next week..
More shit happens and things go down.
So stoked.

Peaces Greases..

No, you can't give a build-up like that and not deliver..

2008-09-17T18:56:00.000-07:00

Ok.
I have a confession to make.
I have been wrapped up in ... gulp ...Twilight.
Yes, I broke the fuck down.
It has been a downward spiral of evil and shame.
I hate myself and feel dirty about reading this deliciously entertaining smut.
I want to take a shower and if it involves vampire hott piece Edward Cullen, all the better.

If you don't know what in the heck Twilight is, witness.

I feel like a 12-year-old with pimples, that smells like pee and always forgets to wear her headgear.
I mean honestly.

I totally cock blocked myself from reading this.
Didn't want to jump on the bandwagon.
Wanted to be a rebel.
Then I buckled because I wondered how is it that this book is so freaking popular and from the fanatics addictive?

So, I read it and here is the 411.

Low Points:
First off, I don't want to knock on the S. Meyer fandom but homegirl kinda writes like poo.
She climbs up to Big Word Mountain and yells out the baddest ones she can.
So many situations were I barfed over the cheese factor and found myself keeping count on how many times she used the words dazzling, beautiful and statuesque.

Plus, Meyer cannot dress a character to save her life.
Bella, the protagonist, the object of Edward's affections, the human girl that breaks him, wears a flannel at some point in the story.
Edward, the hottness, wears a white, mock turtleneck.
Um, this dude is so not freaking Bobby Brown circa 1992, jammin' on the one, ok.

High Points:
Meyer is a phenom in the storyteller department.
You can't put the book down because you have to know what's going to happen next.
It's like she doused the book with crack.

The characters are interesting; there is drama plus a little action/adventure.
People glowing and shit.
Sexual tension and intrigue.
Prom!

Most importantly, the vampire dude character guy?
Majorly crush worthy.
He smells necks and traces his figure around jaw lines.
He watches you sleep and writes songs for your ass.
He drives fancy cars, saves his ho and I am sure would look good in a suit.
As evidenced here by Robert Pattinson, Edward in the film, along with the other cast members.

The love story is pretty fabulous too.
Kinda like Leonardo and Claire in that Romeo and Juliet redo, were you just about lost your shit over the romantico and wanted to straight commit suicide for your high school boyfriend Randy..
No?

As far as the film goes..
Kristen Stewart and the above-mentioned Rob Pattinson play the leads in the film adaptation.

The two look good together.
Pretty surprised and how lovely Stewart turned out.
I thought she would go the rough route like her mentor Jodi Foster.

Don't get me started on Robert Pattinson aka Cedric Diggory.
Um..
Observe My Ho Fo' Sho'-

The other folks in the cast are straight outta the CW, look like they have bad weaves and cannot hold a candle to, I want to pat him on his sweet ass, Pattinson.

Anywho, read the Twilight if you're down.
But I warn you, you may lose friends, significant others, $85 for the four book series and street cred.
Major, major Nerd Alert.

P.S. The movie comes out November 21 and I am so there it's insane.

Photos courtesy of bellaandedward.com, InStyle and Just Jared.

By the Power of Greyskull...

2008-08-21T17:35:00.000-07:00

Before we begin the gossip..

Please see Step Brothers because, in a word, mind blowing.

Yes, that was two but whateves.

On another movie note, have any of you 5 people who read this blog seen Tropic Thunder?
Robert Downey Jr. was fabulous.
As far as the movie goes, I liked it but did not love it.
Point is, and I know I am going to burn, burn, burn for this one, Tom
Cruise was, dare I say, awesome.
Serious folks.
He did a great job, he was funny, spot on and the boy can dance Cher.
Watch it before you boil my rabbit.

White Chola finally popped out what I hoped would have been a mini cholita but was disappointed to find out it was a mini cholito.
Yes, Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale was born this morning and his name sucks serious, serious asshole.
You can read all the details here.

Moving on to the best. news. ever.
Hooray.

Did you kids hear this very sweet news that melted my cold, cold cynical heart?
If I had kids, I would groom them to find these dudes sons and daughters and make sexy time with them.
That would be their task in life.
No Olympians in this family.
Just bitches and ho's...

On a Michelle Williams note, Ms. Thang is currently dating none other then Spike Jonze.
You can read about their love affair aqui.
I totally approve of this.
Spike Jonze was married to Sofia Coppola and dated Drew Barrymore so the dude needs a break from the douchers.

It looks like Slutastic Miller has stopped making friends.
Yes to some this may seem mean and cruel and shitay.
I think walking around with a dirty va-jay-jay and humping every married man who has a weiner proves to be #1 in the bad move department.
My guess was this was done by Sadie Frost (Jude Law's ex-wife) and her team of rich, drugged out, ho's.
This was totally Sadie’s version of toilet papering.

Dudes.
So not to toot my own horn or anything but I so called this like last year!

Picture Side Bar -

Milla and her baby Ever

She looks good and baby looks good and they both make me feel like I hit the wall like 10 years ago.

Not so good?

WTF!
I mean it looks like Meg Ryan and a fish had sexual intercourse and popped out this thing.
Goes to show that nothing good came of your sexy time with Russell Crowe, Meg Ryan. Nothing.

Kate Hudson.
Yes, I loathe her.
But that is beside the point.
Homegirl forgot to take care of business in the armpit department.
Maybe she's sweating out a pregnancy test.
With all the men she has been through this month who knows who the baby daddy is.
Awwww snap!

So Nicole Kidman had a baby like two weeks ago and I call BULLSHIT.
Shenanigans.
No way did this woman, who can barely stand straight due to her lack of food consumption, push out a human being from her pee pee and live.
No way you live Kidman, no way.

Oh. Hi.
I didn't see you there paparazzo.
I was totally incognito with my hufunkingmungous headphones, taking a walk in a very crowded Beverly Hills.
Yeah, that's how I roll.

Jennifer Garner wearing the dress equivalent of Mom Jeans.

I'm out homies..
The Olympics are almost over and I can have some semblance of a life back..

Photos courtesy of US Weekly, OMG, DListed and Defamer.

How Do You Say... Poop?

2008-07-26T21:03:00.000-07:00

I'm going to come right out there and say it.
This season's Project Runway sucks big giant hairy donkey balls.
It is mucho, mucho terrible to the tenth power.

I mean just a load of crap.
I am truly, truly vexed folks.
It has been increasingly difficult to muster the wherewithal to write about Project Runway this season.
I just used some big ass words so you know things suck.

The designs are not blowing me away by any means.
There is not one person to like and so, so many to loathe.
Stella needs to burn in leathah hell.
Korto is poo face all. the. time.
Daniel's taste is at the high end of shit.
I want to straight up pull and Ivan Drago and break you Kenley.
Joe is a complete and total ignorant doucher.
Third Person needs to take his ginormous tard of a personality and jog on.
Leanne is lacking anything close to a personality let alone some serious cojones.
Keith reminds me of someone not to leave your children alone with.
Jerell wears a freaking Peter Pan hat, is annoying as hell and designs such pieces of crap that even his model cannot keep a straight face wearing his clown clothes.

The only saving grace is Terri because her designs are pretty descent and her vocabulary is off the freaking hook.
An honorable mention goes out to Blayne, cause he is straight up crazy and knows it, his designs are so bizarre and awful they make me chuckle and anyone who calls Stella a leatha face receives a get of jail free card from me.

Mind you I am not the only one who thinks this season is shit.
Us Weekly interviewed last year's winner and my own personal bodyguard Christian Siriano, on what he thought of this year's crop of crap.
Siriano said, "They kind of annoy me this season! I actually met everyone, and they're all great, but I just really don't know about the clothes this year. Maybe I just need to see more episodes — then I'll really judge!" He added that there's no "Rami, or Gillian [last season's finalists]. I felt like a lot of our cast members were a little more up to par than what I've been seeing, but we'll see! I hope it gets better."

I wonder if maybe this season is purposefully crappy cause PR is moving to the ovary stripping channel next season and they are giving an F U to Bravo.

I am just disappointed that they are giving me the F U too.
I don't deserve this shit Bravo.
You better man up, get some better episodes or I will be peacing out and watching reruns of Michael Phelps and those other dudes rule it in the 4 x 100 relay, cause that shit is for real, real, real, real, real!

Project Runway 5.1

2008-07-20T16:14:00.000-07:00

Hola Mujeres..
Season 5 of Project Runway started last Wednesday without excitement or hoopla or Heidi shaking her tatas and giggling at the camera.
Instead we met the designers and their personalities.

Some standouts, in a good way..

- Leanne - a little mousey, a little quiet, but kicks ass in the design department.
Her dresses are pretty radical and if she pulls her personality outta her ass, we got us a winner.

- Kelli - a little retro, maybe a little extra from the movie Crybaby, but proved her chops during the challenge.

- Daniel - a little short, a little too quiet, but he can make a dress outta plastic cups and it looked good today.

Some maybe, kinda, could be okay, but I don’t want to pass judgment yet in case they totally blow it and suck ass..

- Emily - a little too into the Let's Get Physical video wearing a rope bandana on her head that made me wanna vomit.
But, she could totally grow on me even though during her intro, we never saw her designs and that could = caca for Em-dog.

- Keith - a little creepy, a little loves Heidi too much, but he made a nice dress and I will add him here cause I don't hate him yet.

- Terri - a little, I got nothing on this one, but she made a sweater outta mop heads and I was impressed.

- Wesley - a little this dude worked for Marc Jacobs and that gives him some sort of street cred, so I am giving him three episodes even though he wears really short, tight, shorts that make me think of murfs and possible skid marks.

- Joe - just because he is peacing out after episode five and I don't care either way.

- Kenley - a little on the verge of making me dislike her but I am keeping this generous heart of mine open.

- Jennifer - the least designory looking person on the show.
She did handle herself nicely as she was coming out of the shower to Tim Gunn, so she gets some points there.

Some whom I hope will perish in fiery flames, with Nina Garcia nightmares, and a bad case of explosive diarrhea..

- Blayne - it's a major appliance not a name, or as I like to call him Crack Baby, has smoked one too many doobies and is the bastardization of Spicoli.
His designs suck, he sucks and most importantly his tan sucks.
He will annoy me for episodes to come, as he is the catchphrase of season 5.
I am not the least bit happy about that.

- Jerell - I. Cannot. Stand. Him. That is it, end of story.

- Suede - Remember "The Jimmy Episode" from Seinfeld?
Remember how Jimmy had that awful habit of talking about himself in the third person?
Remember how you would get idiot shivers from Jimmy and would think that there would be no human being, with a shred of decency, that would possibly speak that way?
Yeah, well meet Suede.

- Korto - If this woman would smile and maybe show some sort of, I don't know, emotion, she would not be in the shit pile.
But Korto's got perma poo face and therefore I bid her good day.

Stella –
Um.
Yeah.
This one is a piece of work.
She whines, has gigantic thunder thigh- badonkadonk combo, wears clown pants and her hair is a severe burn victim.
But what it really comes down to is that voice.
The one that keeps you up at night and makes your skin crawl.
Her voice irritates and grates at me, like crabs or gonorrhea.
I hate her okay, plain and simple.

We have met the new crop, we can move on.
The challenge, brought to you by Mr. Fabulous himself Austin Scarlet from Season 1, was a redo of the very first challenge of Season 1, making something using material from New York City grocery store Gristedes.

Shots of the kids shopping and..

Fast-forward to Parsons where most of the designers choose tablecloths as their fabric and Tim is super disappointed, as am I.

Speaking of disappointed, was anyone else when Stella didn't just peace out after realizing that she purchased piece of shit garbage bags?

I wanted her to roll out so bad, but to my dismay, she stayed and pieced together this crap.

Nice Stella.
I say you stick around until episode four and then go down in flames reminiscent of the ones you stitch on the side of those totally nuoriginal piece of crap leather pants you "design."
Leathaaaaaaaaa....

Some people who actually tried...

Winner - Kellie

This was made out of vacuum bags and coffee filters.
Home girl bleached the bags and burned a pattern into the filters.
The boobage area is not my fave, but this girl knocked it out of the park.
So clever and thoughtful and she seems somewhat humble so I give her a serious high five.
For now.

Runner-Up - Daniel

This dress was made out of plastic cups.
Dudes.
The guy went to work, ironed every cup and connected the dots to make a pretty awesome dress.
Daniel and his creativity impressed me and really all that matters is to impress me and make me feel like a winner.
Done and done.

Nicely Done - Wesley

This creation by Wesley totally made up for his clown shorts.

Have I ever shared with you my complete disgust for those who wear loafers without socks + super tight and short, man shorts?
This is like the ultimate insult to my very being.
The complete disregard for dignity runs right up there with being a hippie and so, in closing, Wesley’s outfit made me vomit in my mouth a little.
It was not until I saw his creation that I could look past his utter lack of fashion sense which totally made him resemble Damien of Omen fame.
Anywho, tablecloth + fly swatter = radical and may make me forget his clown pants.

Honarable Mention - Terri
Damn Gina made the top out of mop heads and the bottom out of tablecloth.
I think one could wear this out and feel close to normal.
Plus, Ms. T. is kinda sassy and I think she may be kinda rad so I might pull for her.

The Bad..
Besides Stella, Crack Baby really stepped up to the shitty plate.

WTF?
I mean seriously, right?
Home girl looks like she fast forwarded 50 years and wore her Depends as outer garments.
She looks like a granny who hasn't taken care of business in her nether region, doesn't give a fuck and walks around showing the world her whoha.
It looks like a white cat, which happened to be wearing a pink beanie, committed suicide on her stomach.
Whateves, it's awful and I hope he knows it.

Loser - Jerry

I didn't mention Jerry in the contestant intros cause frankly the dude got kicked off the first round so he can fuck off.
Anywho, this is one big piece of shit, right?
Jerome talked a big game, but in the end his model's face really says it all.
Wear this and you will turn into a retard.

Next week..
Natalie Portman is a judge and some other stuff happens.
Awesome.
See you next time ;)

"What's so cool about my website? Well, I like to think of it like a really rad bridge.."

2008-07-15T17:24:00.000-07:00

Please, please check out this website.

And Now, the Moment You've All Been Waiting For

2008-07-13T12:56:00.000-07:00

Dudes.
Bradical and Ambrolina had the super twins on Saturday, and lo and behold it was a boy and a girl.
Knox and Vivienne.
Dudes.
Mini-Bradical and Mini-Ambrolina to take over the world.
France totally celebrated like in the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy and the A-Team are leaving the Emerald City to straight murder the Wicked Witch and the midgets are all going ape shit and there's like a parade and ticker tape and glitter and poop.
Um, just like that.
Anywho congrats oh blessed familia Jolie-Pitt..

In even happier news, the new designers for Project Runway Season 5 can be found ovah here.
Radical.
I am pumped.

Oh big, big news.
Jimmy Kimmel finally got wise and broke up with that vajayjay Silverman.
It was mutual but I think Kimmel realized that Silverman was a douche and was totally using him for publicity and really that isn't saying much.
So yeah, total slow gossip night.

WHITE CHOLA WATCH..

Still pregnant...

More photos of Sienna Sluttastic Miller and Balls Getty have surfaced.
This time Sluttastic is on a boat showing the world what made her leader of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee.
Where is that worst case scenario STD I wished upon both of these fools?
Any day now Jesus...

The seriously best news of the day belongs to Katherine Hateable.
Word on the street is that Hateable is about to get the ax in the worst way.. Death by something.
I am hoping that once she loses the role that made her famous - due to her constant bitching and moaning - peeps will start to realize what a complete and total fucktard she is and stop hiring her stupid ass.
So worst case STD for Sluttastic and a serious case of career poocano for Hateable and my work will be done here.

Okay, two more days till Project Runway!!!!
Yeehaw..
See you then,
xoxo

"Hey nerds, guess who has two thumbs, speaks limited French and hasn't cried once today: This Mua!"

2008-07-09T18:28:00.000-07:00

Hello!
I hope you all had a faboo July 4.
Fireworks, hotdogs, gossip?

Our dude at Crazy Days and Nights delivered the goods on July 4 by revealing some of his blind items.
Most, to be honest, were crapolla.

The crème de la crème can be found below..

This must have happened about six months ago now. Chicago. In one corner you have a B list actor. Married. For now. A list name recognition. How about A+ name recognition. Anyway, our actor was in town doing some press, making some friends, drinking a little bit. Hey just because it is a kindness doesn't mean that it is going to be lovely dovey. He shouldn't, but he does. So, our actor befriended a few of the waitresses at this particular establishment. One of them came up to him and was talking about how some guy had ordered Cristal or something for his girlfriend for their six month anniversary or something and he then realized he had left his wallet at home. Our actor told the waitress to say that the manager had picked up the bill and our actor paid it. Our actor had such a good time doing that nice thing that he decided to pick up every tab in the place that night. He didn't announce it or scream it because then everyone would have just ordered and ordered. Instead, he spoke with the manager and as each person settled their bill they were told it was on the house and thanks for being such a good customer when instead each tab was actually paid for by the actor. Final bill? About $10,000. Plus tip. He is always a good tipper.

- Ben Affleck

At this point this the only thing keeping this on and off screen couple from that NY teen show together are the cameras and the publicity they get for being together.

- Blake Lively & Penn Badgley

#1 - How about another adventure from our actor from yesterday? Not as interesting, but still fun in a car wreck kind of way. Film Festival. Toronto actually. Yay Canada. Party for the premiere of one of his films. Drinks until he is passed out and his manager carries him to his room. Like I said. Not as interesting but hopefully will provide some insight into yesterday.

#2 - You try coming to work like this actor and lets see how long you keep your job, let alone get lots and lots of ass kissing.

A list film actor. Yes, A-list, no ifs ands or buts. Well, if he had stuck with what made him famous he probably wouldn't have made it to A-list but he adapted. Latest film. Not a great film. First day. Table reading. Our actor showed up for it and was so drunk he could barely stand. No one who was setting everything up would come near him because you could smell him a mile away. He kept stumbling and falling everywhere. Affectionate to everyone. Lots of hugs and kisses. Finally managed to get the actor in a seat. He then started mumbling incoherently and the crews were trying to figure out what he was saying. Then he takes a package out of his jacket pocket...it was a mushed up burrito. He held it up to one of the crew and said "look....what is this?" So she looks and tells him it's a burrito...with chicken...he couldn't comprehend this AT ALL. She went and got him a soda and a sandwich. She was trying to get him into some kind of shape for the reading. It wasn't looking good. Oh, did I mention that he rode his motorcycle to the place? Yeah...good...right? Well, everyone LOVED him...said it was one of his best readings ever...he was brilliant. On and one it went, even though no one had been able to understand one word that came out of his mouth.

- #1 and #2 - Keanu Reeves

This A list film actor. I was thinking about it, but he definitely has opened movies on his own. Action though. That is kind of like women opening a horror film and being called A list. Oh, well, everyone knows him, and when I say know him, you know him. You know, (points eyes)down there. Well seems that our actor is a very generous sort to women on the street who he is attracted to. When he meets someone he likes and likes a great deal, he gives them his card. On the back of the card is a 1-800 number to a credit card concierge with a note that says, "buy something as beautiful and exotic as you... my treat xoxo". There is a pre-set spending limit on the gift.

- Gerard Butler

The summer this B list film actress who I love to rag on as of late was in Shakespeare in the Park, she lived in the building. The building is in Manhattan that was home to many celebs on a permanent basis or just while they were doing a stint in a play or something. So, our actress lived in the building that summer under an assumed name because she didn't want to be bothered. Fine...who cares. No one in the building really cared about famous people living there. There was no mail room at this building, but rather a concierge who gave out mail. All of the mail was in pigeon holes and generally, the concierge knew you and got your mail as you came to the desk. Sometimes there were a few people there so you had to wait. Fine...well, not fine for our actress. Once, while a person was getting their mail and chatting with the concierge for a moment, he got the mail and told the person they had a package in the back so he was going to get it. Before he went to get the package, our actress came up and asked for her stuff. She was told to wait since there was another person there ahead of her. She didn't like that at all. So she said, I can't wait and I want my stuff now. The concierge ignored her. She was so steamed and unfortunately, the person ahead of our actress in line had to ride in the elevator together. She had previously asked the security guard if she could have the elevator to herself. He promptly told her that that is not how things work in the building...but in a really nice way.

- Natalie Portman

Here's another ass. This involves an Academy Award winning actress/supporting actress. The building was set up such that there was a doorway that went from the elevator bank to the hall. One day a resident was going from the elevator to the hall and our actress was going the other way. Well, they didn't see each other and our actress bashed through the door and hit the resident in the head. Ok, mistake...fine...well...not so fine..our actress said "get out of my way." Yeah, not ok. So, the resident told her to watch it because the resident lived there etc etc and the resident thought that our actress was really rude. The woman with her apologized profusely. The resident told her there was NO reason for her to apologize because she didn't do anything. The resident pointed to our actress and said "She's the one who should be apologizing." The resident kept being ignored by our actress while the assistant just kept apologizing.

- Marisa Tomei

On that note, let me reveal another piece of turd, Ryan Adams.
Yes, he’s the dude that totally had a fan thrown out of a concert cause the fan kept calling out for Bryan Adams songs.
Yes, he’s the dude that I abhor, as do most people in the world, and you will too after reading this.
You see Mandy Moore, who I have a great affinity for, began dating le douche about 6 months ago.
Dude breaks up with her and releases a statement to OK! Magazine which can be read below..

"Mandy is one of those genuinely sweet angelic people you wish to meet your whole life. I am grateful for our friendship and how it allowed us both to grow and learn more.

Unfortunately I am allergic to paparazzi and have found the best antidote to that sort of nonsense is staying behind the guitar and typewriter, staying close to my support group of friends and band mates and not engaging in activities that prevent me from taking care of myself or others," he says. "I found the entire speculation and subsequent photographs and intrusions terrifying and only wish to live as normal a life as possible, so that I might always remain punk as fuck AND sober.”

Wait.
Did that dude write punk as fuck?
Is that a typo or did I read that right?
So let me get this straight.
You want the paparazzi to stay the hell away from you and yet you choose to release a statement in OK! Magazine to explain why you ended a relationship that frankly no one gives a shit about?
On top of that, you go a little TMI and reveal that this breakup was done in order to remain sober.
Really?
Last time I checked, the classy way to break up with a person is to say your peace to that person and be done with it.
Not release a statement to a notoriously paparazzi driven magazine and add fuel to the gossip fire by noting that you are trying to stay sober.
This dude gives me douche chills.
If I had five minutes with Mandy Moore, I would cleanse her relationship soul with some serious Some Kind of Wonderful action, mixed with some 16 Candles and a dash of Love Actually.
Mandy, llama me!

Moving on..,
Nicole Kidman and her sperm donor Keith Urban had una bambina on Monday morning.
Was she not just pregnant?
Whateves, maybe this will make her a bit more relatable to the peeps.
I wonder if baby Sunday lost her shit when she looked at her Mom’s face for the first time?
Cause Kidman's looking pretty tore up and I would not be surprised if that kid asked to be held by Dad more often then by Mom.

In other baby news, Matthew McConaughey and his homa had a baby boy Monday night.
Boy's name?
Levi.
Yes, Levi.
Sure the dude could have named the kid something even worse like Bongos or Weed or Drunk Face.
But Levi?
That kid is now forever destined to be hot and dumb and hot and Levi, just Levi.

I would have preferred Drunk Face but that's why I'm not having kids, so, yeah.

Drew Barrymore and that cutie Justin Long have ended their love affair.
This news makes me happy if only that Long won't have to be near Cammie Douchiaz and have that rash rub off on him.
I mean Drew used to be somewhat tolerable until she did those movies with Douchiaz and now she makes me want to vomit.
I'm sure he's heartbroken.
But Justin, dude, look at the bright side, no douche rash from Cammie and to be honest, Drew is starting to look a little, um, well, slow in the face.
She did you a real favor mi amigo.

So, the photo above was taken of Jake G. and Reece W. at a Jack Johnson concert, brought to you by Lainey's Gossip.
Whateves, I still think that my years of "Gay Jake" conspiracy theories will be validated.
But more importantly, the dude is at a Jack Johnson concert.
Jack Johnson folks, nothing even remotely cool about seeing this guy in concert.
Reece has really taken this white bread, conservative, polo and puka shell necklace wearing thing to an extreme.
Again, I feel like vomiting.

Where did this little vixen go?
I mean we could of hung out, talked about whether I should cut bangs or not and gossip about Phillipoo.

Now she's lookin' like the "hip" Mom at church and I am not down..

Did I mention that the new season of Project Runway starts Wednesday, July 16!
Hooray!!
My life has purpose!
Project Runway is totally the fashion god's own personal warrior.
PR is my crack, my Jigga, my Rafael Nadal..

Side bar..

Does Rafa own any other color then white?
I mean he always wears white pantalones del fuego when he plays and kicks ass at the tennis.
He always wears white chonies that I can be seen through his white pantalones del fuego and that he picks outta his sweet Spaniard ass cuando ello juego a la tennis.
Now white trunks.
I guess I'm gonna have to roll out to the Majorca and teach his sweet piece about the color wheel and shit.

Side bar endeth..

Rumor has it the Bradical and Anbrolina’s sacred babes are due next Tuesday.
Have you ever noticed that none of the kids, adopted or birthed, are unattractive?
They are all perfecto in their own way, gorgeous.
Maybe Drew should start hanging out with those kids and lick their tears or whatever to stop the progression of slow face.
Just a thought.

Um.
Mr. Gosling supposedly has a new girlfriend and honestly she looks kinda sloppy.
I'm just sayin’.
The only woman I can tolerate him with is the Gosling.
Otherwise, I bid you good day sloppy.

Dude, White Chola has not popped yet!
Hurry that shit up White Chola!
I gotta know if it's a girl so I can stop you from turning her into a baby chola.
So give that baby an exit scrategy pronto pants!

A while back that piece o' crap Ted C. at E! said that Ben and Jen were heading to the land of divorce.
Now comes this news.
Who knows what to believe?
What I do believe is that JenGar and Reece W. need to stop the madness.
Stop being quitters.
Stop wearing Mom Jeans.
Stop falling into the Gap.
Just. Stop.

I’m out.
A lo me gusta..

Peaces Greases...

**Photos courtesy of People, Just Jared, Lainey Gossip and celebritygossip.net.

I thought it was a joke, I even wrote it down in my diary. Veronica had a very funny joke today. I laughed at it later that night!

2008-06-30T18:59:00.000-07:00

Yo,
My homas.
I would like to begin this entry with my Jigga man.
Yes, the HOVA was the headlining act for Glastonbury this year.
Unfortunately that news did not make those with bad teeth, or who you normies call Brits, happy.
One dirty bitch of a Brit who was particularly vocal about his unhappiness was Mr. Noel Gallagher.
For those of you who are saying who the fuck is Noel Gallagher, and I know there are many, Gallagher makes up half of the douche brothers that are Oasis.
To read what was said, click here.
Anywho, H to the Izzo performed and basically kicked so much ass it was straight up retarded.
Best part, his first song was a cover of Wonderwall.
Fab.
To watch just some of the awesomeness and a glimpse at B shaking her thang, click here
There are about eight parts to the show, but watch it, cause as he says, my name is Jay Z and I am pretty fucking awesome.

Que lastima.
Sienna Whoretown Miller is at it again.
Dude, this one is a mother f'ing piece of work.
I kinda want her to get herpes.
She probably already has it, but a girl can wish, so damned hard, that this f'er would get like the meanest case of herpes and maybe, I dunno, her skin would melt off.
Is that wrong?
Don't get me started on that freaking Getty.
I didn't know that dude still existed.
Now I'm not so bummed that he bit the big one in Young Guns 2.
I wish a pox of crabs on that dude and whatever will make it burn when he pees.
Like burn real, real bad.

So you heard that Madonna and that guy that she's married to are heading for splitsville, yes?
People, among other tabloids, are following this life or death story at every turn.
The latest?
Mr. Madonna flew to the NYC to hang with her.
You know, I would totally divorce Madonna too.
Look, she totally ruined my career, made me fat and bloated, didn't teach my stepdaughter the art of waxing and has started to look like a dude.

What happened to the Madonna of Borderline or Burning Up?
What happened to the bad dye job, halfies and dancing her ass, ass off?
If I were Mr. M, I would say hasta la pasta to Like a Virgin and hello to Guy Ritchie, the dude the world forgot existed.
Cause honestly, I think I see wiener and that = no me gusta...

Truth be told, I think this is all publicity stunt for Mr. Madonna's new movie coming out entitled RocknRolla.
You can check out the preview here.
This one is supposed to resurrect his career.
I wonder how he's going to resurrect his balls from Madonna's man hands?

Dudes.
Rose McGowan dumped Robert Rodriguez on his hiney.
Nice.
.
I think he finally took that cowboy hat off in mourning.
Let us walk through what he did wrong shall we?
Rose had an affair with the dude, dude dumps his wife and their sixteen children, dude puts her in all of his movies, movies tank, dude can't get funding for his new movies which happen to have her as the star, she gives him the finger and basically his life becomes a giant poocano.
I believe that this is one instance when a poocano is a good thing.
Just because your wiener thinks she's a super special actress doesn't mean the world does.
So.... um... way to go douchey magoo.

According to US Weekly, Naomi Watts and Cotton Weary are knocked up.
....
Really, who cares right?
I mean Cotton hasn't done anything fabulous since, well, Scream 3.
He is playing Sabretooth in the new X-Men film, but I am not going to get all nerd alert on you so...jog on.
Watts has been playing downtrodden women who have sex with the Edward Norton cause they have to.
Plus she will always be Nicole Kidman’s BFF and when you have that train wreck as a BFF, your actions are pretty much null and void.
So...congrats to those two, I guess.

Speaking of babies..
Angelina is straight up at the hospital, in Paris, ready to bring two new blobs into the world.
Great.
I'm on the edge of my freaking' seat, waiting for two more beautiful, rich children.
Can't wait to be chocked full of hate and envy for more two year-olds.
I'm super pumped.

Um.
Best. News. Ever.
RAD.

Photo Side Bar -

Um, hi Liv.
My fakey BFF and her half sister Chelsea attended the Givenchy show in Paris.
Dude, who knew Steven Tyler could make more then one good-looking kid?
Side Bar:
Liv turned 31 yesterday and I swear there was a freaking rainbow that stretched from Paris to my house.
The rainbow gave me a high five and straight up told me I was the coolest.
Thanks Liv, but it is you who are the coolest.
xo

So let me get this straight.
I am going to dump my attractive, charming, chamilllionaire wife and super cute kids to be with this hippie tub town who happens to be wearing my Mom's moomoo.
Seriously right?
I mean, come the fuck on.
A herpes pox on you Phillipoo.

Well aint that a bitch!
Fangerton wearing my main man Obama's pin on her geeross, vampiro, hipster shirt.
I bet Obama felt the cold hand of death, wrapping around his hott looking heart, until Fangerton removed that pin from her dirty, nasty, crappy boobs.
I despise her.
A stake through your heart Fangerton.

Retardalba.
Velour sweat pants.
Thunder thighs.
Today was a good day..

Okay kids, have a fabulous July 4.
Be prepared because the super awesome dude at Crazy Days and Nights will be revealing his blind items and it is going to be balls to the wall..

Peaces Greases..

***Photo credit to Lainey's Gossip, People, US Weekly and Crazy Days and Nights.

Well, what I had said was I'm in the math club, uh, the Latin, and the physics club... physics club.

2008-06-18T18:19:00.000-07:00

Dudes.
So Jessica Retardalba stopped living in sin and then delivered her husband's meal ticket, Honor.
My Liv and her husband split.
I had minor surgery on what doctors call a "triple nipple" and all is well in the world.

Except if you are Mike Myers.
Entertainment Weekly wrote this article about Myers being a complete and total prick face.
Aww Mike, why?
Why are you a crazy, margarine loving, jealous much, piece of caca?
This makes me sad.

However, not even close to how sad this blind item makes me, cause you totally know who it is.
Dude.
Your son is beyond hott.
Your career is in super awesome overdrive.
Most importantly, you are the mayor of rad town.
Why in the hell would you want to go back to breaking into people's homes, sleeping in their kid's teeny tiny bed, smelling of poop, herpes and broken dreams, only to be sent to jail to get ass raped?
If this is blind item is true, I'm going to deny it for RDJ cause I love him too much.

In other not so blind item news, the New York Daily News had this blurb the other day:
“Which starlet with an often-troubled boyfriend actually plays for the other team — and puts up with her boy toy's habits to maintain hetero appearances?”
Then Crazy Days and Nights wrote this little ditty about Anne Hathaway.
So what am I trying to say?
Anne Hathaway likes Italian schmucks who enjoy stealing money and looking like he's 45 when he's 29 and maybe, just maybe, likes the lady parts.

Some lady parts Hathaway could be into, are those of the ladies embroiled in this nasty bit of gossip.
Looks like Jennifer Aniston has been drinking the John Mayer Kool-Aid and become a complete and total doucheorama.

Speaking of whore faces, Sarah Larson is now single and showing the world her wicked smarts.
What a fabulous, fabulous, piece of work.
Thank the G that the Cloonster wised up before the ho got knocked up and named their daughter Honor.
Oh, I went there.

Giselle is on the cover of GQ and again she makes me want to throw up that whole bag of Baked Lays I ate for dinner.
The article is all about how Leo broke her heart and how Tom Brady is, well, whatever.
Sorry Tommy, Leo is in Giselle's heart por vida.

I know how you feel Giselles, Leo will por vida be in my heart as the lovable retard who could shimmy up a water tower like nobody's business..

Speaking of retarded, Katherine Fucktard Heigl has struck again.
Chickenhead called out the writers of Grey's Anatomy for not giving her decent enough material too work with this season and as a greater fuck you, took herself out of Emmy contention.
Dude.
Why won't this chick remove herself from the vicinity of my area?
I wish someone would pin her down and crap in her face.
Well, I guess somebody is a bit classier then me, and wrote an open letter in New York Magazine to tell Heigl to check her bratitude.
It may not be literal poo but the lady still straight up shit in Heigl's face and that is all I could have asked for.

Picture Sidebar -

Number two on my Shit List is now dating Lance Armstrong.
I think the Tour De France should strip Lance of his trophies for dating this ho.
Lance, I bid you good day.

Do you feel douche chills?
Number four and five on my Shit List together at last.
It's like wonder crap activates in the form of dirty, shitastic hippie and anorexia, poo face.
If that Giselle photo doesn't make me barf, this just did.

Um, I C Weiner..

Bilson before her lapse in clothing judgment and after, looking pretty faboo.

Have you seen Natalie Portman and her dirty, stinky, drum circle loving, boyfriend of a hippie Devendra Banhart?

I bet that dog thinks Devendra's crotch smells like hot dogs.

I'm out friends.. I will leave you with this question, what kind of person applies for a job at Medieval Times?
Peaces Greases..

**Photos courtesy of http://www.laineygossip.com/, People, US Weekly and Just Jared.

Tracy Jordan: I love you so much I'm going to take you behind the middle school and get you pregnant.

2008-05-07T18:19:00.000-07:00

Hello folks..

I spent time in super gossip land and feel as if I was given the keys to gossip heaven.
So much awesome and maybe not so awesome news..

The New York Post dishes serious dirt the day after big events.
Like for real, real, real, real, real dirt.
This dish comes from the Metropolitan Museum's Costume Institute gala from the other night.
You know the one where Eva Longwhoretown wore the dress I will covet forever?
Anywho, I guess there were some pissy pants at the ball and you can read about it here.

This is a sad story cause it's all about my Liv.
Seems things aren't going so well in hubby land.
Girlfriend didn't wear her ring to the Met Costume Ball and has been spilling the beans to her homas that the marriage may have been too fast, too furious.
The story can be read here.
Note to the writer at the New York Daily News, last time I checked Liv has one son with her soon to be ex, not two daughters.
Get it right douchey writer who does not care about my Liv and doesn't bother to fact check every little bit of her life.
I mean whatever on that douche.

This little story is about Cameron Douchiaz and her ho-town ways.
Defamer lists Cam Douches current and former conquests, including current squeeze, ginger kid and Nicky Hilton reject Kevin Connolly.
Except for Gerard Butler, I wouldn't be too proud of any of these booty calls.
We are talking bottom of the barrel here.
And I heard that Gerard was all, "No mi gusta the Cameron. Her face hurts my eyes."
Or something to that effect.

On a happier and hotter note, Common will be in the new Terminator film with another hott piece, Christian Bale.
Nice.
Whoever did the casting for this film should run for President cause I would vote their ass in..

So remember a while back when I asked why in the hell Keira "Poo Face" Knightley always looks the same in every photo?
You know like Zoolander but not cause she is so, so lame.
Well, Poo Face answered that very question and gave the most asinine reason.
I mean whatever on this chick, right?
Just say that you are bitter and give love a bad name and I will sleep better at night, Poo Face.

Time to stalk celebs via Gawker Stalker:

George Clooney
300 W 57TH ST
May 7th, 2008 @ 1pm
Just saw George Clooney at the Hearst Building - HE IS SO DREAMY! One HECK
of a GOOD LOOKING MAN. He stopped and chatted with US.... MMMMMM....

Julia Roberts
LEXINGTON AVE & 30TH ST
May 7th, 2008 @ 1pm
Spotted Julia Roberts with husband Danny along with Phinneas and Hazel
finishing up lunch at Penelope. No signs of Henry.

Blake and Penn (Gossip Girl)
119 7TH AVE
May 6th, 2008 @ 10pm
Having a candle lit dinner at cafeteria. Holding hands the whole bit. Though
he kept her waiting a good ten minutes before waltzing in to commence full
on canoodling
Joshua Jackson (Um, Pacey)!
BROOME ST & MERCER ST
May 6th, 2008 @ 9pm
Diane Kruger and Joshua Jackson shopping in Georgia Tapert Living in Soho.
Diana was perusing while Jackson stayed in the front of the store talking on
his cell. Jackson is just as good looking in person!!

Hilary Duff
9TH AVE & LITTLE WEST 12TH ST
May 6th, 2008 @ 8pm
Saw Hillary Duff having dinner at Revel. Hillary was wearing a solid pound
of eye make-up, dining with two hipsters and one plain looking girl with
braid ... Amish, perhaps? I like her more for not surrounding herself with
super hot people.

Clive Owen
5TH AVE & 40TH ST
May 6th, 2008 @ 5pm
Clive Owen on the set of a movie. Absolutely GORGEOUS in person!! Tall, tan,
with piercing blue/green eyes. He was just hanging in a director's type
chair and is just delicious. I never realized how hot this man is. He has
officially moved to the top of my list!

Julia Roberts
PARK AVE S & E 31ST ST
May 6th, 2008 @ 10am
I just saw Julia Roberts on the corner of East 31st street and Park ave
south. They are filming a movie there today. She is so pretty.

Uma Thurman
6TH AVE & VANDAM ST
May 6th, 2008 @ 10am
I just saw Uma Thurman on Vandam Street (at Sixth Avenue) filming her
upcoming movie, "Motherhood." She was filming her scenes inside a
Volvo-looking car. She had red hair and looked great! And strangely very
tall! Looked kinda uncomfortable with something in the car when I passed.
Two cops on set too, prob to ward off the stalkers, but the street and
sidewalk aren't blocked off. (Dude. Has this person ever seen Uma Thurman in
any photo or perhaps next to her creepy, dirty hipster, dumb ass of an
ex-husband? She¹s like towers over everyone. This person must be a foreigner
and have no T.V., and I don¹t trust them).

Alright peace out homies, mi gustaria mucho mas.

Good Times..

2008-05-06T19:26:00.000-07:00

Dudes.
I started this entry in April and now it's May and whateves, I'm back.

So Jay-Z is married, Robin Wright Penn is an idiot and not to be a total Debbie Downer but freakin' Project Runway is moving to Lifetime.
Yes Lifetime.
The place where woman go to lose their ovaries.
I lost mine when I heard I would have to go to the channel of womanly doom.
I guess the producers will be abandoning ship after season 5, which thankfully will still be on the Bravo.
Read about their departure and share in the sadness

ScarJo is getting married to Beefcake Reynolds.
I dunno know about this one
I mean first off, have you seen the video of ScarHo's cover of Falling Down by Tom Waits?
No?
FYI, watch it during the day, eat some Mexican food then some ice cream cause this one hurts
Reynolds is hot and all but no mi gusta as una persona.
Mi gusta como una gorgeouso bodyo.
Whateves.
The marriage/divorce will play out in due time.

Did you kids see photos of the Costume Institute Gala last night?
No?
Okay.

I told you all how much I hate, hate, hate Eva Longwhoretown, right?
But, damn gina, her dress was just too freakin' radical.
Hate her. Not the dress.
Check it..

Gown by Marchesa - Fabulous
Douche who is wearing it - Craptastical

Gisele -

Dude. I ate like a million Whoppers and then saw this and felt like a heifer.
Well, I would look at her any day and feel like a heifer.

Julia -

I don't like the Julia Roberts.
Barfaroo can’t even describe it.
But the girl cleans up and with Armani by her side she is golden.
One thing, the dress is a bit matronly. Needs more tatta formation.

Diana Kruger -

She looks lovely and to top it off, in the background is my main man Pacey.
Dude. I love me some Pacey.
These two are pretty cute together.
I cannot say a bad word when Pacey is around.

Katie "I Lost My Shit" Holmes -

Dude.
WTF.
What is this?
Why is she wearing blue shoes?
Why is she channeling Pat in Love is a Battlefield and totally ruining it for me?
What the heck is she wearing?
WTF Dawson!
I mean this is some bullshit.

Jennifer C. -

Dude.
Why does she look like a man?
I love her most of the time but she just looks like she could take out Beefcake Reynolds.
And where is that husband of hers?
He might have made this ensemble somewhat decent.
Actually, no. No he would not have.

Hayden and Beard -

Dude.
She looks like she called up my mom to cut her hair the way she did when I was 10.
Those bangs are hideous.
And her gay is awful.

Liv -

Did I already scare you with the stalking of the Liv?
I want her to be my BFF pronto pants.
She is so back, it's insane.
For a while there she fell off the face of the earth but she is back and radical.
I heart her.

Bobblehead Ricci -

She looks good.
Fabulous.
Love it.
Well, except for her gigantic head and teeny body.
But whateves.
You win some, you lose like a thousand pounds.

Claire Danes -

You know Danes is on my list.
However, she looks very, very good here..
I recently watched Little Women and honestly, she ruled it dudes.
Ruled it in a My So Called Life Angela Chase way.
She made Winona good and that’s a task and a half.

SIDE BAR..
Speaking of Little Women, and if you haven't read it skip this, but why in the F did Jo marry the freakin' German and not Laurie?
Dudes.
It irks me every time.
Lame.
Laurie was way better then the freakin German or whatever and he loved her so much and then he like faked married Amy to be near Jo.
You know?
Bitches man, all of em'.
SIDE BAR ENDETH..

But now Danes blows.
Except in this dress with the Rodriguez.
Everyone would look good with a Rodriguez.

All right sisters and brothers.
I will take care to update this blog cause it can take my life but it will never take my freedommm.......

p.s.
My idol Amy Pohler and her fabulous super awesome husband Will Arnett are having un bambino.
Rad.
Congrats Amy and Will.
I say congrats cause I totally know she reads this blog and hope that one day she will adopt me.

Peaces Greases..

***Photos courtesy of People and In Style...

Tracy Jordan: I'm gonna make you a mix tape. You like Phil Collins?

2008-03-29T17:08:00.000-07:00

Dudes.
I've missed you all so much.
So, so, so much.
And since our last meeting, so, so, so much has happened.

Christian won Project Runway and is a huge success and everyone wants to be his BFF por vida.
The win was well deserved cause the dude brought it like the Rancho Carne Toro's.
I mean, the mini man made Victoria Poo Face Beckham smile.
One should win the Purple Heart for that shit.
I like this PR win and am very happy about it..
If you are feaning for some more of the feirce, check out his website

Rumors are swirling that Bradical and Angelinical were married in New Orleans.
But they didn't.
So, no story there my friends.
If you would like to read about the non-marriage, check it here

Have we talked about George Clooney's gf?
I'm sure we have.
Have we talked about how she's kinda, how do I put this nicely, Pretty Woman without the snappy comebacks cause she has the personality of paper?
Well, gather around children and talk of the Sarah shall we?
Girlfriend used to live it up in Vegas until my main man Cloonester took her out, dressed her up, got her a passport stamped with countries other then whoresville and made her somewhat respectable.
Now we all know that it would only be a matter of time until someone would release photos of Sarah in black, thigh high boots, a pink shrinky shirt that looped into a short black skirt that put the ho in whore.
Okay, so not really, but close enough.
To see Sarah prior to her refwhoremation, check this out

Orlando Bloom is dating a pretty lady.
The 411 is this way

I got some sweet Privacy Watch for you right here my friends

Dudes.
A little blurb went out a couple of days ago that the Ryan Phillippe and Abbie Cornish are with child.
Who is Abbie Cornish?
Oh just the girl that broke Reece Witherspoon's back.
The dirty bird that is Phillippe has been with a lot of the ladies during his marriage to the Witherspoon, but this one drove Reece to divorce court.
Anywho, the Cornish is laying low and the original blurb was taken down.
But leave it to Defamer to keep the gossip flames burning and post this
Me gusta la Defamer muchismo mas.

How bout a photo sidebar..

Jessica Alba is ready to pop.

I about lost my shit when I saw this dress.
Terrible.
What the hell is this she is wearing?
**Photo provided by Celebutopia

Fergie turned 33 this last week.

Um, girl has got to be 50 something.
I mean, she peed onstage people.
Peed onstage = Depends = Fergie 50 not 33.
**Photo provided by Celebutopia

The Stefani's out and about.

Cammie D has gotten fuglier.
I mean, girl is not aging well at all.
Am I right or just mean?

**Photo provided by Celebutopia

Finally, Suri and Shiloh.

I see cutting and teen pregnancy in their futures.

That is all for now my homies..
Later skaters..

You know, GOB, you might want to start acting like the President. You're beginning to alienate some of the employees.

2008-03-02T18:59:00.000-08:00

Hi folks.
Let's catch up shall we..

Academy Awards were last weekend.
Marion Cotillard.
I love, love, love, amour d'amour, amour d'amour her.
Her dress was utter perfection and to be honest only she could have pulled it off..
Her speech for winning Best Actress was honest and lovely and I think she is the shit.
Stare at her..

Um, also, not only is this lady a babe but her boyfriend is a stone cold fox.
His name is Guillaume Canet and he is a frenchy, an actor and he's hot.
I have placed some photos of them for your perusal..
Yep, they are totally making out in the second one..

**Photos provided by IMDB and the fashion spot..

Daniel Day won for best actor and I was happy.
His shoes stick out like a sore thumb but whateves.
His wife looked like she purchased her dress at Craptastical Patchwork of Poo R Us, but I still love the bitch.

**Photos provided by IMDB

Tilda Swinton was the surprise win.
What did not surprise me was the terrible, terrible potato sack of goth she wore.

This made up for it..

**Photo provided by EW and Jezebel

My Javier won for Supporting Actor and he = rad.
He looked good, said some truly beautiful shit in Spanish during his acceptance speech and drank Pacifico's with his Penelope at the after party.
Good form Javier..

**Photo provided by People

Who looked good you asked?
I must say there were only a few.

Garner cleaned up nicely.
I don't like the bottom of the dress too much.
But from the waist up, she looks decent.

Don't get all crazy.
I still don't like her.
I am sad to say that Ben not being there has not put any more of my faith in their marriage.
But whateves let her have a life.
And if things don't work out with Ben, there is always Gary Busey.

I liked the Swank dress too.
You know, I have never found her to be funny or thought her personality was all that fabulous.
However, her banter with Seacrest Out was pretty good and she did not seem all fake and bake.
So I'll give her a high five and walk away in hopes she doesn't ruin it by not thanking me in a Oscar winning speech.

My BFF Keri Russell looked pretty faboo.
Her man love was with her and that always makes me happy.
She was very witty and funny during the Seacrest Out chitchat.
But she always is.
As usual Keri = awesome.

**photos provided by People

The bad were bad.

Cami D looked like poo.
Girl, brush your hair and take an f'ing shower.
It is not difficult.
You turn the water on, pour some shampoo on your hand; rub your hands together and then put that on your hair.
Rinse.
Then you use this thing called soap to clean off the stink.
Rinse.
If you cannot do that, you cannot function in life and I bid you good day.

Ellen. Page.
No me gusta.

She looked old, uncomfortable, unhappy and outside the cool boundary.
She is too young to look fug.

Speaking of outside the cool boundary, Diablo Cody.

Look, I've decided that I just don't like the girl.

From her suffocating girl love for Page, to the constant reminders that she was a stripper, to the vagina high leopard dress, to the awkward, "I just won the science fair prize," speed walk off the stage after winning the Oscar, which, by the way, will lead to her sure fire demise.
You see she didn’t have to be a stripper to pay the bills.
She did it cause she wanted to be clever.
She didn't have to wear the vagina high leopard dress.
She wore it to fill the "cool" indie writer against conformity role.
She didn't have to release her nudie pics online.
She did it cause she's a douche and realized that her reputation was getting a bad rap cause she dissed Stuart Wiseman and won an Oscar which in turn labeled her a sell out.
Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on the chick.
So I will let Andy Samberg do it for me.
I love me some Andy.
I don't love me some Cody.

P.S. My post on Diablo Cody = meow.

**Photos provided by People and Just Jared

Moving on...

The season finale of Project Runway is this Wednesday.
What has been missed?
Crytardo got the boot.
Then he came back on the reunion show and looked like a complete and total asshole.
A PR viewer wrote in and asked why in the hell Crytardo cried like a freakin river.
Crytardo made some call about women crying all the time or whateves and I hoped that somehow, someway, Crytardo would implode.

Sweet Pea got the boot as well and I was happy.
She really needed to get the fuck out.
She whined and babied her way through every challenge and stressed me out during the process.
The woman has no backbone.
Until the reunion show where she basically told everyone how rad she was and how celebrities think she is the shit and I wished somehow, someway, Tim would cut the bitch.

And then there was Carmen.
Um.
Girlfriend was bummed cause no one missed her and everyone and their mom dissed her talent.
She cried a lot, made weird painful faces and gave Heidi lip.
I was hoping that somehow, someway Santiago would come out on the runway, throw some water on Carmen and watch as she cried that she was melting, melting..

Finally Victoroboticon.
Wow.
This one is a piece of work.
All I have to say is what Heidi had to say, "Victorya is a little uptight, no?"
Totally.
Lame.
Robot.

Christian won the fan favorite and $10,000.
Michael Knight brought the check out along with the 25 pounds he has gained since last season.

This week’s show was Part 1 of the finale.
Rami, Christian, Chris and Jillian were the finalist.
Until Chris showed Heidi, Michael Kors and Nina his collection of, "I make dresses for old ladies using velvet and human hair."
Really?
Come on Chris.
You needed to bring it and you brought Chico's.
So Rami, Jillian and Christian are headed to Bryant Park and the winner will be revealed next week...

That is all I have and I don't have anymore.
Until next time, peaces greases..

Another day, another Dakota Fanning Bitchtastic Story..

2008-02-15T17:23:00.001-08:00

Hi folks..

On to the gossip.

So Dakota Fanning.
She freaks the shit outta me and I assume you..
I don't like her.
I don't like her face or her teeth.
Yes, she is a little girl but once you read this you will totally feel the same.
The Fanning was cast in a movie entitled My Sister's Keeper.
The movie based on a book by the same name, is about a girl who sues her parents to stop them from using her as lab rat for her sister who has cancer.
According to Crazy Days and Nights, the director Nick Cassavetes took Fanning to a children’s hospital for cancer patients.
You can read the rest here.
Let me warn you that I am ready with my stake and holy water cause this chick has no soul.

On a happier note comes news of a possible sequel to Anchorman.
This my friends has made me pee my pants..

Picture Side Bar:

Um, okay.
Kidman.
You look shittastic.
You look like a claymation chicken.
Bad.
I'm putting it out there loud and clear…
Stop. With. The. Botox.

So the Swank.
She looks fabulous here.
No heavy man dude face.
Hair looks good, dress is fab.
Thumbs up Swank.
Thumbs up for not looking like a dude with a five head and teeth that can take down a forest.

Ricci and Witherspoon.
At a premiere for their movie about a girl with a pig face or whatever entitled Penelope.
Ricci looks good these days.
No bobble head.
Her five head looks more like a three or four.
Reece.
She can look so sassy some times and other times she looks like she wears mom jeans.
This pic = definitely mom jeans.
**Photos courtesy of Pagesix.com

Cate looking all cute and pregnant and shit.
Her husband Andrew Upton looking all..husband like?

The Portman.
I don't like the Portman for many reasons.
However, here she looks absolutely lovely.
Love the face, love the hair, love the dress love it all, love it.
***photos courtesy of Just Jared

I end with George on the cover of Time.
George.
Hott.
**photo courtesy of Pop Sugar

Sunday is the Oscars.
Watch it homies..
Until then, peaces greases..

I'm Kind of a Big Deal..

2008-02-06T18:33:00.000-08:00

Kiki Fangerton is in rehab.
'Nough said. ...
Wait, wait not enough said..
I wanted to say that maybe Fango went to rehab cause she went all vampiro and attacked someone with those fangoria's of hers.
But then I realized that that wasn't funny.

Eva Mendes, as we know, is already in and apparently out of rehab.
Coincidentally she will be at the same center as Kiki.
Maybe rehab is like the new exclusive discoteca that only the famous can get into.
Question: do you remember any famousos who have gone into rehab and came out addiction free?
Me neither..

Vanity Fair has decided to steal my soul and cancel their annual Oscar party.
dudes.
have a little faith that the strike will be ending soon.
i think someone got lazy and decided they weren't down with throwing this year's greatest kegger.
i mean, i totally understand.
i throw the occasional rager and go balls to the wall, so i can sympathize.
it's still lame though.

Speaking about the strike, it looks to be finito..
This is all well and good but we are in the middle of freaking February people.
There isn't enough time to produce new episodes and summertime will soon be upon us.
So thanks for nothing assholes.

Speaking again and again about Vanity Fair, their annual Hollywood issue features new and former "it" boys and girls, recreating famous scenes from Hitchcock films.
I love me some Hitchcock.
Strangers on a Train = one of my faves of all tizime.
Who is not one of my faves is the Zellweger.
Um, what in the hell happened to her?
She looks like a bit player in a Golden Girls episode.
Well I can't give her true Golden Girl status cause I love me some Blanche, Rose, Dorothy and Sophia.
Don't want to disgrace the GG's with scrunchy face.

how bout some photos, no?

my two dads..

Gwen, Kingston and her pregnancia pooch..
....**
**Us Weekly

**
Um.
What in the hell is she wearing?
I mean this outfit is just unacceptable.
Did she stop by Chico's to get her shop on?
Terrible.
**Us Weekly

Rose.
Look, she looks better.
Maybe a bit like a Smurf but whateves.
The plastic surgery has settled and she is marrying the dude that she had an extramarital affair with, who will keep her in the movie biz for years to come.
Nice.

Dudes.
**
Yeah.
It must feel weird to be bigger then your husband when pregnant or not.
It must also feel weird to be married to the super villain that is Skeletor.
It must also feel weird to have had some sort of sexual relations with that dude to produce these spawns of "The Evil Lord of Destruction"
I feel weird wasting time on these douches..
**People

Peaces Greases.

I Am, I Am Superman and I Can Do Anything..

2008-02-04T18:14:00.000-08:00

Word..

So Eva Mendes went to rehab this past week.
Why is that news?
It isn't, but according to your friend and mine crazydaysandnights.net, homegirl ended up there cause her addiction caused her to lose her baby.
Was Eva Mendes pregnant?
This dude said she was.
Mind you this is a blind item but how perfect is Eva Mendes for the answer...
I will throw in the other two for your guessing pleasure.

#1 You definitely go to rehab when your addiction costs you your baby.

#2 On Friday night this star pro football player was not recognized by any of the women he was hitting on, and so on Saturday night he brought a stack of trading cards and offered to autograph them for women when he gave them one. This time it worked and he got some action. Too bad he left his wife home. I'm sure she would have understood. OK, OK, he is a quarterback. That is all you are getting.

#3 You would think after the 2nd or 3rd abortion he has paid for this B+/A- cable television actor would stop using the line that he is sterile to women just so he doesn't have to use a condom.

The annual Vanity Fair Hollywood Issue will be in stores soon and the ladies on the cover are pretty in pastels.
Ferrera looks weird, Ellen looks uncomfortable, Blunt's teeth annoy me and Biel looks like a classy lady.
Enjoy

Let me get this right.
Lily Allen had a miscarriage and then her boyfriend dumps her ass.
Nice.
What a class act that one is.
I gotta wonder if he would have stayed if she had had the baby.
I'm not going to wonder too much, I have plenty to worry about, like who in the hell #2 is in the blind item.
douche

If you have not read it yet, and this is the last i will write about this, Michelle Williams released a statement on Friday.
...

Need something to make you happy?
I sure as hell do.
Now, if this is incorrect information, I'm going to become a never nude and make a huge mistake..

Peaces Greases

sweet jesus let this be done..

2008-02-03T14:43:00.002-08:00

Strike May Be Ovah

UPDATE!
Rad

2008-02-03T14:43:00.001-08:00

Hasta Lasagna, Don't Get Any On Ya..

2008-01-30T20:24:00.000-08:00

good evening.
it's about that time folks.
that's right, it's go time.

first off, Vagina Heigl strikes again.
did I mention how I loathe and despise this woman?
look, My Father the Hero was a decent flick and I think I liked her for about a second.
but now I wish she would go the way of the dinosaur.
her latest grievance was during her promotional tour for the hideous 27 Dresses.
during her interview with the hott piece that is Letterman, Vagina ripped her new husband a new one, dissed her film and came out looking like a complete pirate hooker.
defamer seems to loathe the Vagina as much as I do and has footage of the interview so that you can join in the hate club

Us Weekly is confirming reports that the Jolie is pregnant.
I think the confirmation is all a ploy to excuse Jolie from answering for the hippie jam festival dress she wore to the SAG Awards.
Read more aquí

five head threw Jessica Alba a baby shower.
this worries me.
i would not want five head near my unborn child, it would be like voluntarily sleeping with herpes.
look at the photos of Alba all pregnant like and wearing the unholiest of unholy...stretchy pants.

Some blind items.. what's your guess?

Crazy Days and Nights

#1 Our HIV+ singer was asked by her local health department who she had sex with so they could be notified. There are some rumors that this list is up for sale.

#2 This aging Academy Award nominated actor is really starting to show even more signs that he may not have all his faculties. Lately he has been trying to make purchases with gold coins instead of cash. No one knows if he is truly crazy or a genius since the past few times he has attempted to use the coins, the owners of the store just let him have his purchases for free after he threw a fit about how he didn't believe in cash or credit anymore and that he was returning to the past. Uh huh.

#3 This A list actor/actress married couple. How does the couples thing work? I think that if one is a B+ lister and the other is probably a B+ lister but formerly A list, and they both have A list name recognition, that they should be an A list couple. That was a long way to go for telling you that it seems that our actor recently got the actress pregnant. I think it does usually work that way except in the movie Junior. Our actress miscarried, and since then our actor has gone off the deep end. It looked like he was headed off the deep end before the miscarriage, but he has been using it as an excuse to justify his behavior and his absences.

#4 He is an A list actor by definition, and he is certainly paid up towards the top of the acting list. It is a good thing he is getting paid a lot because he is not getting laid a lot. Oh, he tries, but our funnyman has a real problem getting the party started so to speak. The women usually try their best, but our actor inevitably sends them on their way with an apology and gets back to doing what is causing the problem in the first place.

A gimme..

Page Six:
Which model-turned-actress, who is on her second actor husband, relaxes between shoots with a bong made from an enormous two-liter plastic soda bottle?

(Rebecca Romijn anyone?)

Defamer Privacy Watch 2008!!
bring it

how bout some scoop from the SAG Awards?
Crazy Days and Nights has a spy who attends these award shows, blogs about them and the guess is that it's Christina Applegate.
if this is the case, then Applegate has seriously gained some cool points..
read her recap la derecha aquí

Christopher Nolan, director of Batman Begins and the upcoming The Dark Knight, paid tribute to Heath Ledger in the latest issue of Newsweek.
You can read an excerpt here

Um, if this is true I am going to shit twice and die.

Um, if this is true, someone up there likes me. I mean really, really likes me.

Michael Ausiello over at tvguide.com, has some scoop on the strike and a possible end being near.
He had this to say in his Ask Ausiello columnt:
Question: I hear that the strike is over! Is it true?— Danouk
Ausiello: Nothing's official, but the buzz is that a tentative agreement has been reached, with an announcement coming as early as tomorrow. But it's hard to tell what's solid intel and what's just spin. To wit: In the past 24 hours, one source close to the negotiations insisted that talk of a resolution was way premature. "There's no deal," maintained my spy. "That's just misinformation put out by the AMPTP to pressure the WGA." But moments before I put this column to bed, I heard from another very plugged-in source that the deal is done. Short story shorter: There's cause for optimism, but not celebration. Yet.

Sweet bro's..

usted desea mirar las fotos?
que bueno!

Courtesy of Us Weekly..

Biel.
not liking the blond hair.
washes her out.
I like her, she doesn't bother me and she isn't a terrible actress.
actually since she is with the JT, his magic has rubbed of on her and she can do no wrong.
plus the Diaz hates her and I despise the Diaz so good times..
SIDE BAR: his magic and rubbing off on her was a poor choice of words and I apologize for that.

Liv.
I miss her.
she is so lovely and seems like a normal person and mom.
i want her hair.
um, you're a weird hair stalker.

Drew and her boyfriend for the next couple months or 1 to 2 years tops, Justin the Mac dude.
this will all end in tears.
i'm not hoping or wishing for it but it will.
this girl can't keep a man and for some gosh forsaken reason she hangs with the Diaz and her pizza face.

Stefani.
hiding her belly of love.
i heard a rumor that the gavin was not aware of the trying to get pregnant.
i mean, like he didn’t know that the stefani was taking a breaky poo from the whole birth control thing.
i wonder if those dudes from the no doubt knew about it?
cause the stefani is their freakin meal ticket and now that she is embarazado, aint no way in heck she is going to be jammin the ska.
no way.

alrighty folks that is it for me this evening.
enjoy the news and keep on being the big deals that you are, handsome devils..

Someone is pregnant...

2008-01-28T18:43:00.000-08:00

pregnancia

2008 SAG Awards

2008-01-27T19:36:00.000-08:00

SAG Awards were tonight.
Kinda lackluster but people dressed up and that should count for something.
Um, did I tell you how much I love the Daniel Day Lewis?
The dude is a freaking amazing and humble actor.
A couple of days ago he was on Oprah for the 2008 Academy Award Nominees show.
He spent his time praising Heath Ledger and mourning his loss.
Tonight in his acceptance speech, he honored Heath Ledger again and dedicated his award to him.
Here is the speech in its entirety:

DANIEL DAY-LEWIS: Thank you. I’m very, very proud of this. Thank you so much for giving it to me. And I’m very proud to be included in that group of wonderful actors this year.

You know, for as long as I can remember, the thing that gave me a sense of wonderment, of renewal, the thing that teased me with the question, how is such a thing possible, and then dare you to go back into the arena of one more time, with longing and self-doubt, jostling in the balance. It’s always been the work of other actors, and there are many actors in this room tonight, including my fellow nominees who have given that sense of regeneration and…

Heath Ledger gave it to me. [applause] In “Monster’s Ball,” that character that he created, it seemed to be almost like an unformed being, retreating from themselves, retreating from his father, from his life, even retreating from us, and yet we wanted to follow him, and yet we’re scared to follow him almost. It was unique. And then, of course, in “Brokeback Mountain,” he was unique, he was perfect. [applause] And that scene in the trailer at the end of the film is as moving as anything that I think I’ve ever seen. And I’d like to dedicate this to Heath Ledger. So, thank you very much. Thank you so much. [applause].

What a classy dude.

Another classy dude is Ryan Gosling.
Yep, he is totally a hott piece and a good actor too.
He and his sister, his date for the evening, wore black ribbons in remembrance of Heath Ledger.

I guess other stuff happened like some other people won in the other categories.
Here is the list of the winners as well as a brief rundown of the show.

I know, I know, what the hell were they wearing?

Well, rumor has it that Angelina is pregnant with twins.
The dress she wore tonight did nothing to dispel those rumors.

The dress is vintage Hermès and no me gusta.
This looks like a really expensive hippie dress complete with tie dye and the ability to make me want hide in the fetal position in a corner.
I loathe hippies.
She does look happy and that's better then looking like she smells poo as she has been known to do in the past.

During the show, Brad and Angie were practicing their sexy time moves.

The photo above is very reminiscent of the Critics Choice Awards where the two were totally scamming at the table.
Angelina and Brad remind me of Caroline Mulford and Jake Ryan.
Remember that scene in 16 Candles where Randy and Samantha are in the locker room ogling Caroline?
You don't?
Well lookey what I got here to jog your memory!

Samantha:
I swear to God, Caroline Mulford
had to flunk about nine grades.

Randy:
Truly makes me ill.

Samantha
She's perfect.
Practically impossible to cut up.
She's supposedly real sweet.

Randy:
Brother's deaf, and everybody
in the world worships her.

Samantha:
And she's going with Jake.
Oh, I'm gonna kill myself.

Switch out Caroline for Angelina and add something about saving Africa, then switch out Jake with Brad and it all makes sense.
Do you see it?
I totally do.
Totally.

America Ferrera was at the awards too.
She looked very perty wearing Monique Lhuillier, whose name I cannot pronounce to save my life.
I loved the dress and hair and have to say this was much better then last year's green number, which I thought made her look frumpy.

Oscar nominated actress Ellen Page was present at the SAG Award for her work in the Juno.
She looked all right, wearing Zac Posen, who mi gustaria mucho.
I think she looks like she feels a bit awkward wearing dresses and just learned how to walk in the heels for the first time.
I mean, I guess I should cut the girl a break, she is Canadian.
Yes, that is the last time I will make a comment about Ellen Page being Canadian and that somehow makes her a complete retard or something.
I think she's swell.

My girl Tina Fey looked smokin' hot tonight in an Alberta Ferretti cocktail dress.
She won an award too and I think I saw Ryan Gosling giving her the sweet eye.
Nice.

The Beckinsale wore a Luisa Beccaria gown and I think looked very pretty albeit a bit pale.
Beckinsale is a knock out though and according to Claire Danes not so cool.
During the filming of Brokedown Palace, Danes said that she hoped to make friends with Beckinsale but “That was wrong. We didn't. She's complicated. She's prickly".
At the time, I was Team Danes.
I now realize that I was drinking the My So Called Life Kool-Aid, was all up in Claire Danes' grill cause she was freaking Angela Chase and that Kate Beckinsale probably saw what a skeezer Danes would become and stayed clear of that hose beast.
Okay.
Um.
Yeah, so here's Kate looking sassy...

Does Michelle Pfeiffer ever age?
Ever?
She wore a Versace dress with matching Christian Louboutin shoes and I am so a fan of that Christian Louboutin.

Cate Blanchett.
Girl is preggers and I do not like the dress.
Blanchett is my girl but this dress just ain't happening.
I feel like it looks like a comforter that was on sale at Ross.
She will step it up at the Oscars, I mean throw me a freaking bone Blanchett.

Dude, welcome to my favorite sandwich.
The Bardem and The Mortensen.
Delish..

Really, that was it.
Remember, The Academy Awards are on February 23.
There will be someone wearing something super craptastical, there just has to be….

**Photos borrowed from People.com with the exception of the Jolie/Pitt scamming session and Gosling, which was borrowed from PageSix.com

Three for the Price of Uno

2008-01-26T12:30:00.000-08:00

Quick recaps of The Runway..

Episode 7- What A Girl Wants
The Challenge: Some bitches from a prep school have the designers make their prom dress.

Christian had the worst of the lot, some ho who thought she was all up in the game and critiqued every bit of the monstrosity that was created for her.
Christian was not without blame, as he totally gave into the major bratitude and almost quit.
I think he secretly created the piece of poop the girl was stuck wearing just to make her the Carrie of the prom set.

All of the dresses were really craptastical.
The girls looked super matronly and could have purchased something better at Chicos for shit's sake.
Chico's, it's my jam.

Anywho, the least craptastical in the judge’s eyes was Victorya's blue, bedazzler.
I can't say I had a favorite as I thought all of the dresses made me want to vomit.

The most vomitous of all was I'm Not Gay.
Dude, girl looked like she was mother of the freaking bride in a Vegas shotgun wedding and the only store that was open was Burlington Coat Factory.
Bad.
Because of this and all of I'm Not Gay's many atrocities, he was aufed.
But not before he told all who would listen that they would see his collection one day and he was gonna reach for the stars and catch em.
I was waiting for some random in the audience to yell, "You suck!" in the stunned silence that followed this declaration of lunacy.

Episode 8- En Grade!
Randomly selected team challenge.
Each team had to create an avant-garde outfit based on their model's hair.
Yep.
I said based on hair.
The teams were later told to create a second, ready to wear outfit, based on the avant-garde design.
This one actually ended up being kinda cool.
Except that Kit was paired with Crytardo and that = all kinds of bad.

Rami also ended up looking like complete turd as he took Sweet P to the mat.
Although Sweet P is kind of pusstastic.
She doesn't stand up for herself and is really, very passive.

Anywho, her ready to wear dress was super cute and got an A+ from the judges.
Since Rami decided to take on the avant-garde piece, for the most part by himself, the judges gave him a thumbs dizown.

Chris and Christian.
Lordy, lordy, lordy.
The avant-garde dress was somethin', somethin'.
Ridiculous, really.
I wanted that dress for my high school reunion.
Andie freaking Walsh wanted that hott piece to bug out Blane.
Christian is a genius bitch of a designer, plain and simple.
Chris helped but you know it was all that little midge with the Japanese Harajuku Lovers haircut.
The judges agreed and gave those dudes the high five and Christian immunity for the next challenge.

Dudes.
I know I hate Jillian with a severe passion but the coat she created was dope.
That is all I am going to say about that.

Kit.
Muy, muy triste.
I don't understand what she was trying to do but whatever it was it did not translate into good.
I can't even blame the dress on Crytardo.
Everything else yes, but the dress was all Kit.
It was bad.
Like Holly Hobbie, Strawberry Shortcake and Scarlett O'Hara's dresses morphed into one and out came a poop patchwork.
So sad.
Kit got the boot and that blows cause I liked her.
In her interview with Entertainment Weekly, Kit took responsibility for the poop patchwork but she also said that she never received any direction from the judges.
I agree.
They never praised her nor did they give her constructive criticism.
Read more here.

Episode 9- Even Designers Get The Blues

The challenge this week was to have the designers create an iconic look using Levi's and white cotton all the while giving props to the Levi's 501 legacy.

Christian.
As usual the dude blew my mind.
He made a jean biker type jacket, took some jeans, made new jeans and used the old jean jacket's sleeve to make the bottoms of those jeans.
Priceless.
Totally ruled.

Sweet P really surprised me.
She created a dress that did not look like it was made out of jean.
It was chic and simple and really cuuute.
Credit Tim with letting Sweet P know that making a jean wedding dress a la Stevie Nicks circa 1983, would not have been great idea.

Okay.
Um.
Crytardo was in my good graces for two seconds by making a very decent design.
There, I said it.
Then I lost the love when he cried for the nine billionth time this season.
Stop. fucking. crying!
Just like your variety of clown hats, it does no one any good at all.

Jillian.
When asked about Christian, Jillian said that he was immature.
Half way through the show, Jillian cries because she keeps poking herself with needles.
Then she cries cause she was too ambitious because she decided to make a jacket. Again.
Then she continues with the zero personality tour.
Immature. Why don't you wake up and smell what you shoveling?
At the runway, The Poodle gets berated by the judges for her poor judgment and design and I am happy for two seconds cause I cannot stand her.
She is, in a word, boredom.
She can design and dress (with the exception of the overalls), but she is absolutely void of anything.
Am I done, hells no.
No me gusta the poodle, no me gusta por vida.

In the end, Victorobot is out.
I can't say that I am not pleased.
Crytardo won and cried.
I can say I was pleased by the design but not by the crying or the hat.
Or his teeth.

Next week, six are left and I see Christian taking this thing to the bitter end.

For nothing now can ever come to any good...

2008-01-23T18:30:00.000-08:00

More on the Heath Ledger.
New York Times
Gawker answers some questions..
Q & A
People, TMZ and US Weekly are posting photos of Ledger's body being wheeled out of the apartment building where he was found as well as photos of Michelle Williams and Matilda Ledger leaving the airport in Sweden and then arriving in New York.
Oh by the by, these photographers and these freaking morally bankrupt websites will burn, burn, burn in hell.
Dude.
I know that I am eating up this gossip because it is so shocking and so sad and so unnecessary.
But I don't think it's appropriate to have paparazzi hounding a woman who lost someone who was the father of her baby, and I'm speculating, possibly the love of her life, to catch a tear or a distressed glance.
These people are springing the news on other celebrities at Sundance just to get their shocking reaction and dissecting every bit of this dudes life in order to win the pissing contest.
I know I am bit hypocritical relaying all of these stories but I truly am trying to separate the tasteless from the informative.
And all of this is just sad poop.
I mean I don't know the guy, he could have caused this by taking too many drugs but all and all this does = lame.
I am going to get off the soapbox and try and recap some Project Runway cause I wanna be as shallow as humanly possible..
Also, reading this, makes me feel like I am taking things a bit too seriously.
I totally need some Tim Gunn time.

I am sure you all have heard..

2008-01-22T20:03:00.001-08:00

Heath Ledger passed away today.
This is all kinds of sad.
There have been varied reports on the who, what, when, where and why.
The Daily Mail has a synopsis of Ledger's last months and it seems that he was abusing drugs and very, very depressed.
It also appears that the dude had pneumonia and was having trouble sleeping.
A bottle of perscription drugs and over the counter medicine was found at the scene.
This is all super lame cause he had a daughter and a promising career.
An autopsy is scheduled for tomorrow however it will take several weeks for the cause of death to be revealed.
You can read the article here
Page Six has more info on the drugs that were found on scene and The Ledger's mental condition at the time of his death.
E! Online has reactions from friends and family, here
The New York Times has the most comprehensive coverage.
Side Bar: Earlier reports said that the apartment that Ledger was found in was Mary Kate Olsen's.
This has been proven to be a load of bunk.
The Olsen connection was through the masseuse who found Ledger AND CALLED MARY KATE TO ASK WHAT TO DO!
What in the fuck do you think you should do?
Unless Mary Kate is freaking God or the Devil and she can bring someone back from the dead, one has no business calling the bitch for advice.
I mean, CPR?
Or call the paramedics for shits sake..
Anywho, sorry to bring it way down.
Peaces Greases..

DUDES! NO FREAKING WAY!

2008-01-22T14:30:00.000-08:00

Aw Crap
Totally Sad

Academy Award Nominations..

2008-01-22T09:00:00.000-08:00

The List

Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns.

2008-01-19T13:27:00.000-08:00

You want the good gossip or the bad gossip first?

We will start with the bad..

Lily Allen has had a miscarriage.
That blows.
More info can be found here

Looks like Nicole Kidman sucks as a mom.
According to this dude who wrote a tell-all book about Tom Cruise, Nicole could care less about her adopted children, Isabella, 15, and Connor, 12.
I dunno, I am not a Kidman hater.
Tom Cruise.
That is a whole different story.
I loathe him.
But Kidman seems like she cares about her face, being that she is addicted to the botox, so why not her kids?
Hold the phone.
Side bar: Have you seen Kidman lately?
Her face is starting to scare me big time.

I hope she doesn't blame the new baby about her failing face.
Anywho, the whole story is here for your perusal.
Photo borrowed from Pagesix.com.

Amy Winehouse is a crack smoking chicken head.
Well maybe not that last part.
The Sun, the British tabloid that broke the Kate Moss coke snorting story of the year, has photos of Wino smoking crack.
Yes, crack.
I suppose this all makes sense.
Wino looks tore up, is hurting in so many directions and reminds me Ms. Crabtree on South Park.
,
If you would like to see the self destruction that is the Wino, you can read about it Here
Whitney ain't got nothing on this one.

**Ms. Crabtree borrowed from Wikipedia, The List of Staff and South Park Elementary

This may be bad bews for you but good for me.
If you have read this fine blog, you may have noticed that I have a trifecta of hate for some Hollywood ho-bags.
The hate has grown to a fivefecta.
Not a word, I know, but in my land it is.
As you may know, Kiki Fangerton, Kate I Loathe You Hudson and Gwyneth Pooptrow were the original trifecta.
Added to the list were Eva Longhoria and Sienna Run of The Miller to create the fivefecta.
Well, I now have a sixfecta by adding Katherine Heigl to the ever growing list.
This girl is a piece of fucking work.
I mean you don't get on my list for nothing..
Her many offenses include: The props she gave to herself for coming to the defense of her friend T.R. Knight when he was outed and dirty name called by his costar, the bitchy correction of the announcer who said her name wrong at the Emmy's, the TMI in every interview, the diss of the movie and television show that made her a star and of course her husband that totally wears makeup and looks like a woodland creature with
severe chest hair.
I see her career, as well as the others on the sixtecta, going the way of the Pooptrow and her hospital visit last week.
Reading between the lines, the shitter people, the shitter.

Photo of the chest hair borrowed from People.

Now on to happier news.

Looks like Scarlett is getting hitched.
According to the New York Daily News via Dlisted, ms. thing and the man with the abs of steel, are planning to make it legal.
If I were Alanis I would be losing it in a corner and then write a song about it and then get all Lilith Fair on Johanson.

Tomorrow the Academy Awards will be announced and it looks like the strike could be over

Finally, I leave you with some tips from Dr. Steve Brule. Enjoy, be happy and peaces greases..

The Emancipation of Elyse Sewell

2008-01-13T22:25:00.000-08:00

Did you want an update on Domestic Violence Hipster Watch 2008?
Well, Ms. Sewell has left us the juicy update and vows to never discuss Marty or their relationship on her Livejournal again.
Damage has been done ANTM.
Let the bodies hit the floor.
Everyone hates your wanna-be hipster, midget man hands, carni of an ex-boyfriend.
Taken from Elyse's Livejournal that you can find here is a recap.
Whateves.
The pout should say it all.
In case it doesn't..no me gusta.

Some Golden Globe Winners, Gossip and a Baby..

2008-01-13T17:45:00.000-08:00

Dudes.
Gossip.
Sorda.
Not that good.
But whateves.
I mean, you can decide.

Golden Globe winners were announced today during a freakin press conference.
Total cheap style.
Stupid butt hole strike.

The winners:

Best Motion Picture, Drama
Atonement

Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama
Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood

Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama
Julie Christie, Away from Her

Best Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy
Sweeney Todd

Best Actor, Musical or Comedy
Johnny Depp, Sweeney Todd

Best Actress, Musical or Comedy
Marion Cotillard, La Vie en Rose

Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture
Cate Blanchett, I'm Not There

Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture
Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men

Best Director
Julian Schnabel, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Best Screenplay
Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, No Country for Old Men

Best Foreign Language Film
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (France/U.S.)

Best Animated Film
Ratatouille

Best Original Score
Dario Marianelli, Atonement

Best Original Song
"Guaranteed," Into the Wild

Best Series, Drama
Mad Men

Best Actor, Drama Series
Jon Hamm, Mad Men

Best Actress, Drama Series
Glenn Close, Damages

Best Series, Comedy or Musical
Extras

Best Actress, Comedy or Musical Series
Tina Fey, 30 Rock

Best Actor, Comedy or Musical Series
David Duchovny, Californication

Best Supporting Actress, Series, Miniseries or TV Movie
Samantha Morton, Longford

Best Supporting Actor, Series, Miniseries or TV Movie
Jeremy Piven, Entourage

Best Miniseries or TV Movie
Longford

Best Actress, Miniseries or TV Movie
Queen Latifah, Life Support

Best Actor, Miniseries or TV Movie
Jim Broadbent, Longford

Um.
Okay.
Was the fix in or what!
Did anyone see Longford?
Queen Latifah wins an award?
Julian Schnabel beat the Cohen's and Paul T. Anderson?
I love me some Ricky Gervais but Extras for Best Comedy?
David Duchovny wins Best Actor in a Comedy? Really? Over Baldwin and Carell? Really?
Jeremy Piven! Again!
This is awful!
I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

Hoping to not have to repeat the press conference boredom of the Golden Globes, Jorge Clooney has taken matters in his own hott and capable hands,
The dude and some of his elite Hollywood homies are gang banging the WGA and Hollywood producers into ending this douche of a strike.
Clooney is totally radical.
You can read all about Guitarmageddon here
This totally reminds me of the Spanish Language News Team in Anchorman.

Those dudes were balls to the wall.
One just hopes that Clooney and crew saw Anchorman, bring machetes and brass knuckles to the party instead of smiles and handshakes and wrap this shit up.
Source

It looks like Adam Brody has a new Summer.
Brody is a hott piece.
Serious.
I gotta say, I did heart the Bilson and Brody match up.
They were the couple in high school that you wanted to hate but couldn't cause the dude was hot and the lady dressed really well.
It helps that the Bilson is super pretty too. Says some dumb shit but she's pretty.
Anywho, Brody is dating an Aussie and you can check her out Here

Christina Aguilera and her unfortunate but very sweet and loving husband had their offspring on Saturday.
The bambino has been named Max Liron Bratman.
Side bar: Um, is Max’s middle name pronounced Lee Ron?
Good times for the Aguilera/Bratman clan.
If you want to pretend that you and Christina are friends, a video has been made for her fans and a letter thanking everyone for well wishes can be found here

I'm done.
Tomorrow is Monday and I need to revel the sweet scent of freedom for a few more hours.

Peaces Greases.

Make Me the Winner of Another Realty Program Where My Career Will End Two Weeks After the Show Ends.

2008-01-09T19:56:00.000-08:00

so I finally got around to watching Make Me a Supermodel on the Bravo.
whateves.
nothing else is on, okay.
anywho, Tyson Beckford and Niki Taylor host the show that promises to find the next male and female supermodel.
five head must be pissed
first, Niki Taylor.
girl, time has not been kind.
she was so lovely and I envied her and there still might be a little somethin somethin there.
but her face is looking a little tore up and plastic surgery has not been a girl’s best friend.
look, I revel in watching the bitch that is time slowly take the beauty and hotness from once great supermodels that were the shit.
it makes me feel better about me.
two, the judges of this fine program should be taking a look in the mirror and then getting their asses in the gym, to some doctors, a holy man and then my house for their final critique.
the lady judge from the modeling agency that gives the contract to the winner, has some teef, and by teef I mean girl looks like she smuggled more then the 28 plus 4 molars allowed.
teef slowly dismantled these girls I could not help but notice that perhaps she should have said no to that last donut or seven.
three, the Finalist and all the info.
my faves on the boy’s side are Perry and Ben.
Ben cause his story is pretty rad and he seems totally genuine. no, not like the rapper.
the girls are Holly and Jacki.
both are lovely but Holly is the cutest and her pops cried when she won.
sometimes that is all I need to melt my cruel, bitter heart.
until the office and 30 rock returns, make me a supermodel is looking pretty, pretty good.
Niki Taylor, not so much.

Critics' Choice Award winners, i guess...

2008-01-08T20:15:00.000-08:00

McNinja Source

Monday was the Critic's Choice Awards.
Wow.
Awesome.
Whateves.
Boring.
Blah, blah, blabcakes.

The winners were:

Best Picture
No Country for Old Men

Best Actor
Daniel Day-Lewis - There Will Be Blood

Best Actress
Julie Christie - Away From Her

Best Supporting Actor
Javier Bardem - No Country for Old Men

Best Supporting Actress
Amy Ryan - Gone Baby Gone

Best Acting Ensemble
Hairspray

Best Director
Joel Coen and Ethan Coen - No Country for Old Men

Best Writer
Diablo Cody - Juno

Best Animated Feature
Ratatouille

Best Young Actor
Ahmad Khan Mahmoodzada - The Kite Runner

Best Young Actress
Nikki Blonsky - Hairspray

Best Comedy Movie
Juno

Best Family Film
Enchanted

Best Picture Made for Television
Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee

Best Documentary
Sicko

Best Foreign Language Film
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Best Song
"Falling Slowly", Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova - Once

Best Composer
Jonny Greenwood - There Will Be Blood

Some folks showed up:

The Cloonster sans lady friend.
The boy can dress Cher.
He looks pretty, pretty good.
Emile Hirsch, the kid from Into the Wild and in the first pic with Georgey Boy, is a shorty.
I wonder if he has midget man hands like Hayden?
Maybe they attend MMHA or Midget Man Hands Anonymous meetings to get over the midget?

The new It Girl, Ellen Page.
Sometimes I like and other times, not so much.
A time I did like her was the other night on Letterman.
EP explained that she currently lives in a former whore house that happens to be haunted.
When she comes home late at night, she expects to a skanky ghost at the top of her stairs.
Her delivery was very dry and sarcastic and it made Dave laugh, which I like.
Anywho, this one is reaching for the stars and catching em.
I also read that she may play for the other team or whateves.
I mentioned this to a friend, yes I have them, and she said, "Well, she is Canadian."

Soccer Mom Holmes.
Love the dress, love the shoes, love the bag, love everything.
She looks good but where is that Joey that we all loved to hate to love.
Again, I blame Van Der Beek.
VAN DER BEEK!!
Sidebar: The other night on the Sci Fi channel, a made for T.V. movie entitled Eye of the Beast.
The movie was about a killer squid terrorizing a small town.
The dude who battles the the squid?
Van Der Beek.
Van Der Beek's career?
Ovah.

Priceless.
Source

The Bardem.
Dude.
Hott.
I have grown to heart this dude mucho.
Have you seen No Country for Old Men?
Good times and Bardem hit it out of the park.
I see an Academy Award in this piece's future.
If the Academy Awards happens at all that is. Dun, Dun, Dunnnnn...
Perhaps Bardem will bring the Penelope Cruz as his date, I mean he brought her to the beach I can't see why he won't bring her to an awards show.

So, I've been on the fence about these two.
Last year's Golden Globes did not put Jolie in my favor as I thought she looked like she smelled poo throughout the whole red carpet walk.
And the complete and total alienation and diss of Shiloh, I cannot begin to forgive.
However these two look happy and healthy here and the Jolie looks alive with no poo scent in sight.
I also give Brad high fives on the facial hair.

More pictures of other celebs not attending the Critic's Choice Awards, you ask?
You got it..

The Russell and the River looking rad in the NYC..

The Berry and her gorgeous spawn that is growing in her perfect yet not a terribly good actress womb.

Dude, I love this guy.
21 Jumpstreet por vida..

You know those kids on the back of milk cartons that are missing?
I think Russell Crowe ate them.

I am out homies.
Hope you are all happy, healthy and far away from Russell Crowe.
If you're not careful, you could become fourth meal.
Peaces Greases

***Any image not tagged with Just Jared was borrowed from People and Us Weekly..

yep, this just happened.

2008-01-07T19:10:00.000-08:00

No me gusta the HP and MV.
Have you looked at Hayden's hands?
She has midget hands.
So what's the big deal, you may say?
They are dudes. midget. hands.
She has dude midget man hands.
And she is 18 for Christ's sake.
MV went from Alexis Bledel to this ho?
What in the heck can they have to talk about other then Heroes, midget man hands and dolphins, which HP is trying to save but even the dolphins don't want her help cause of the midget man hands.
Freaks em out.
Throws off their sonar and shit.

Try saying midget man hands three times fast..

Source of the Carni

duh.

2008-01-07T18:11:00.000-08:00

Child of Botox

Not my day folks..

2008-01-07T18:07:00.001-08:00

first some bitches run me off the road then flip me off in their freakin clown car and then this Bullshit
this day will go down in history as the day that I confirm my hate for bitches, clowns and the freaking Writer's Strike.

Eye Thought This Episode Would Be Crappy But It Actually Was Sweet Like Candy #4.6

2008-01-06T14:59:00.000-08:00

This week's challenge found the kids creating a garment out of whatever loot they pocketed at the Hershey's Store in Times Square.
At first, I thought this challenge was complete and total garbage.
I mean crap.
Like someone ran outta ideas and was driven to boozing one night, then in a fit of alcoholic "clarity" came up with this gem.
Anywho, at the Hershey's store the designers had five minutes and zero budget to grab what they could and design fabulousness.
First off, the Hershey Lady was super freakin creepy.
I tend to despise folks who use "company kid speak" when speaking to adults.
Like you meet someone who works for Disney and they tell you to have a supercalafragalistic expialadocious day or whatever the hell.
This Hershey lady says something like a have a super ooey gooey chocolateey fun day or some shit and it annoyed the hell outta me.
Moving on, the designers get back to the school of design and get their ooey gooey on.

Christian of course comes up with something super badass.
I mean the dude has no shame and his designs don't either.
This thing was dope.
Christian took Reese's Peanut Butter Cup holder thingy's and created a gorgeous brown halter creation.
He made a freakin hat and bracelet to match.
Plus he was done in like five minutes.
I loved it, the judges thought it was aiight and Christian moved on to the next round.

Chris did a faboo job too if only cause he could have gone carni style and didn't.
Homeboy took Hershey pillows and Twizzler pillows and created a tube dress with the Hershey and Twizzler logos interspliced on the front of the dress.
I was happy to see that Chris took the judges advice last week and didn't go all bozo the clown.
The judges agreed, Chris stays, and that can only make me happy..

Kit made a punk rock shirt and skirt outfit.
The top was made from Kit Kat labels.
See, cause her name is Kit and she branded the outfit with her name all ovah it.
She used Hershey Bar covers for the skirt bottom.
This wasn't my favorite but the design showed creativity and hard work and I like the girl so me gusta.
The judges gave Kit a high five and she will live to see another day..

Rami.
At first I thought Rami's creation looked like a futuristic, Blade Runner, vinyl ho-town dress.
After a second look, I thought it looked like a futuristic, Blade Runner, vinyl ho-town dress.
But his piece was really detailed, fit the model perfectly, and he made a freakin clutch outta candy, that after a third look I could not help but love the ho-ness of it.
The judges agreed and Rami was the winner!!!

Jillian.
Is she awake most of the time?
Can she emote?
Am I picking on her?
Yes.
However as I have mentioned before, the girl dresses well 50% of the time and each week her designs continue to impress so that gives me some leverage.
This week it looked like curtains for our little poodle but she proved me wrong again.
Girlfriend made a bodice and skirt outta Twizzlers.
Except the Twizzlers kept falling off the skirt.
After much whining on her part, irritation on my part, and help on her model's part, Jillian's creation made it down the runway without a hitch.
The piece looked pretty rad so I guess I'll give her a semi-five, until next week when she will drive me to fits of rage again.

Elisa.
Homegirl is loopy, right?
Little did I know that the lady got hit by a car and was in a freakin coma for weeks.
Not to say that that is why she is the way she is but I'm sure it didn't help.
Yes, yes, I am totally a heartless bitch. I look at this as taking one for the team because I am sure you all were thinking the same thing so don't judge me.
So Elisa created a dress that looks like un grand piece of poo poo, no?
This thing was a disaster.
If she took the shiny armband pieces perhaps it would have looked better.
Actually no, no it would not have.
It would not have at all.
I will not go further because I don't want to bore you more then this dress did me. Aww snap!
The judges were in agreement, thought the dress was as crappy as I and millions of Americans did, and finally gave Elisa the boot.
Namaste Elisa, namaste.

Observations:

Sweet P is nice and all but she second-guesses herself and the stuff she makes ain't passing the muster.
The first dress she made in this episode was pretty awesome.
I liked the pieces of the glass on the bodice and the materials she picked were a hell of a lot more interesting that what she ended up with.
But as per usual she changed her mind and in Tim's words creates a dress that looks like a maxi pad.
A maxi pad.
That is the lowest compliment of lowest compliments.
Not a tampon or a panty liner but a maxi pad, the dinosaur of feminine sanitary products.
Sweet P you totally got burned by Tim.
Facial.

Roboticon Victoryacon has lost me forever.
No me gusta.
This creation was just a piece.
You know why it didn't work?
Cause girlfriend is completely and totally void of any emotion and is absolutely uninterested in people or life in general.
Did you see the way she made her model walk down the runway?
Totally how the peeps on her planet walk.
You gave yourself away Roboticon Victoryacon.
Game over man, game over.

How absolutely cuuute is Zac Posen.
I lurv him.
I wanted to take him and put him in my pocket.
(image borrowed from www.notablebiographies.com)

This challenge ended up being one of my favorites.
Not because Elisa was booted you vultures but because the designers showed the viewing public what they could do with out of the box materials and also what they were made of.
Balls to the wall folks.

Next week, Ricky Crytardo cries.
I for one cannot wait.

Domestic Viloence- Hipsters Watch 2008 Continues...

2008-01-06T14:03:00.000-08:00

more on the ANTM runner up and keyboardist to the Shins debacle..
Bring It

oh by the by, according to the Sewell, the douchster dropkicked her ass because she complained over having to carry three suitcases and some take out for the shinster to their hotel room.
I think ANTM might have made a crack about the shitsters tub and he flew off the handle.
have you seen the dude’s estómago? Looks like he ate some babies.
oh, and according to Ms. Sewell, this isn't the first time she has become this dudes ball buster.
i remember Sewell mentioning a break up a few years back cause the shitster cheated on her.
why did she take him back? i ask myself this same question.
so recap, the douche cheats on the runner-up, she takes him back, he's a short, fat, oompa loompa, with a terrible need to be the mayor of hipster village, who hits his girlfriend when drunk, ruins the first and second shins album, looks like a troll and doesn't like baby being put in a corner by his tall, thin, cupie doll looking, runner up of a gf, who at times can be pretentious and lame but does not deserve this shiznit.
oh and his music was present on the Garden State, of which I was not particularly fond of nor a fan of and have been told to go to hell for those very reasons.

So you kids remember Elyse from Season 1 of America's Next Top Model?

2008-01-06T12:57:00.000-08:00

well her boyfriend as we all remember was Marty Crandall from The Shins.
I was perusing my gossip sites and I came across This Shit
wow.
the dude from the shins must really be feeling the dark side of the hipster.
his wikipedia entry has been updated to reflect his domestic violence charge Crazy Shit
nice.
perhaps the heavy, Pantera-like, hippie jam festival that is the shins, really got to the guy and he had to take it out on his woman.
or maybe he's just a complete and total douche.
I vote for numero due...

I never been so happy in my whole life..

2008-01-04T20:26:00.001-08:00

Source

This blows dudes..

2008-01-04T19:54:00.000-08:00

maybe folks could just wear their flossy flossay's outside of their homes as if they were going to the Golden Globes, so that I can judge them with my big ol' harsh hate stick..
Lame

Happy New Year!!! A present for you..

2008-01-01T14:45:00.000-08:00

so this dude over at www.crazydaysandnights.net has revealed some of his blind items posted in the year 2007.
this guy rules the school.
most gossip sites throw out blind items and never deliver.
not this homie, these are juicy..
enjoy.

p.s. of course I cannot say if these are totally true or not, nor do I want to get sued for reproducing these, so take the reveals with a grain of salt and a high five.

#2 This celebutard (the male version of celebutante) with the prolific sperm has been trying to hide his relationship with this C/D list actress because her former boyfriend, a B list film star with A list name recognition has threatened to kick the crap out of the celebutard if he sees him with his ex. The c'tard acts tough but is scared out of his mind.

- Kevin Federline / Nicole Narain / Colin Farrell

#2 This male singer kept trying to hit on women at the VMA after parties but was having no luck. Apparently each and everyone made it a point to tell him he was an ass and that you should never kiss and tell.

- Adam Levine (not exactly sure why I made this blind except that I probably didn't have much that day. That day was the first JLS pregnancy blind though.)

#2 This dog loving B list film actor was shot down last night at a club by this A list (everywhere but America) performer when he tried to hit on her. She not only turned him down, but was heard to say, "I thought you were gay."

- Orlando Bloom / Kylie Minogue

#3 This B list film actor used to be famous for who he was with and now just can't get any respect. Recently he tried to get into a nightclub by moving to the front of the line. Neither doorman recognized him and was told to to the end of the line. He then pulled out his cell and called some of his friends inside the club to come get him in. After explaining for 15 minutes who he was there was still not entry. Then one of the friends mentioned the ex and the doormen opened the ropes immediately.

- Ryan Phillipe

#1 Despite their appearances together on recent talk shows and their public comments to the contrary, these two actors really don't like each other and what you see in public and what goes on in private are two very different things.

Chris Tucker / Jackie Chan

#4 What boy band group broke up not because of creative differences, but because one of the singers got tired of the sexual advances and lifestyle of one of the other singers. (No, it's not N'Sync)

- New Edition

#2 There is an A- film actress filming a movie with a B+ actress and they haven't spoken an unnecessary word to each other on the set of their latest movie. Seems the two don't see eye to eye on many issues and can't stand each other. The last straw was that the A- actress felt that the B+ actress was hijacking the movie by threatening to not do the part unless she got more money and perks than the A- actress. The B+ actress told everyone that she was the better actress, and definitely worth more to the film. The B+ actress didn't get the extra dough, but made a bad relationship even worse.

- Scarlett Johansson / Penelope Cruz

#2 The funny thing is this B list couple are going to stores together and buying things for his boyfriend's home not his home or her home as they want everyone to believe.

- Rachel Bilson/Hayden Christensen ( I totally called this shit)

Some very interesting news. It seems that this certain A list body with the B list resume has been sticking with her guy after everyone thought that all was said and done because they got married. Not recently and no one even in the family is the wiser. They did it on a lark, but now at least she understands that in order to get out of it, people are going to find out she was in it in the first place. He's just happy to be married to her.

- Jessica Alba/Cash Warren (This blind item was written in July, so this is very, very interesting)

#3 This A list actor is already very tired of his fairly new wife. The problem is his fans expect him to be a certain way and getting divorced from the mother of your child(ren) is not something they want to see. So, he puts on a happy face and tries to find other people to act as a buffer. (Drum roll, cause this is the juiciest of the juicy..)

- Ben Affleck

So this A list couple has been divorced for some time now. Each have moved on as divorced couples tend to do. My five ex-wives are grateful everyday they don't have to see me and the monthly checks I'm forced to send them keep them in Laboutin's and me in a basement. Anyway, there really was no reason given for the divorce. Just one day it was over. Out of the blue so to speak. Turns out that perhaps the lady in all of this was not really quite the lady we all thought. It's not that her husband minded because he really didn't. The problem was that our wife wasn't as discreet as perhaps she should have been and a huge secret was about to be revealed which neither the husband or wife really wanted. Seems that maybe the other man in this wife's life was not just some random guy off the street, but someone much closer. Each had their own reasons for keeping everything a secret. The wife really was happy being married to the husband which is why there were very few fireworks and instead just a resigned disappointment that she wasn't going to get to stay. The wife violated a rule and has slowly been eliminated from any contact with the ex and the ex's family.

- Nicole Kidman

Word.

oh and by the by..

2007-12-29T22:49:00.000-08:00

Fallon Found His Sugar Momma
Robin Wright Penn Got Wise

For those who love the SJP...

2007-12-29T22:45:00.000-08:00

It makes me happy to read that celebrities talk shit too..

Not A Fan of the Cattrall Either

To make up for the previous post..Michael Cera cures all..

2007-12-28T18:35:00.001-08:00

Thanks to You Tube and College Humor..
Awesome
Radical

Dude. Geeross.

2007-12-28T18:23:00.000-08:00

As reported by In Touch Weekly and http://www.imnotobsessed.com/:

"I guess Milo Ventimiglia’s recent quote of “It’s only natural that people are going to couple us together.” was just a cover up. Reports are out today that he confessed his love to Heroes costar Hayden Panettiere at a pre-Christmas Water Grill party in Los Angeles.
“He called her his girlfriend and said that he loved her.” The couple spent the rest of the party sitting together and holding hands.
No reps have confirmed this… so let’s wait a few hours before we start throwing ourselves in dark corners."

What's the Skinny? It Ain't Jack's Lip.. #4.5

2007-12-27T19:40:00.000-08:00

Hey dudes..

This week, each designer was paired up with a lady who had recently lost a significant amount of weight.
Their challenge was to create a new outfit using a pre-weight loss outfit of the ladies choosing.
The new outfit should show the skinny ladies style and personality along with the designer’s own style.

This episode was another bore.
Seriously.
Three exciting things did happen though.
One. Jack left the competition due to a Staph infection on his lip that made him look like I do when I eat a butt load of a lot of gum and shove that mound into my upper lip.
I liked Jack.
He was funny and quirky and he seemed to really enjoy himself.
Plus his designs were pretty rad.
I am bummed he left but happy to report that he is Staph free and humping Dale from last seasons Top Chef.

I heart the Dale mucho so this is good news.

Second exciting thing, the PR brought back Chris to replace Jack.
Chris was thrilled at a second chance.
He came in a day late so he was allowed to stay up 24 hours to complete the design that Jack started.
Chris came through, finished the design and made it into the biggest piece of cartoon, costume crap I have ever seen.
Dude, you got a second chance.
Tim told you to stay away from the costume design but you still go there like a whore to a pimp.
This woman should be showing of her new svelte self not cower in darkness at the thought of someone, anyone seeing this disaster.
The panel, including the hott piece that is Patrick Robinson, tore Chris a new one but let him stay around cause they didn't want to look like they made a bad decision bringing him back.

Third exciting thing, Christian.
This kid is fabulous.
I heart him.
His model had lost a significant amount of weight but not her bitter, somber attitude.
The woman brought nothing to help in Christian's design, except to tell him that all that she wears now is anything black and her jeans.
So homeboy takes in her old jeans to make them a size 2 , creates a super fabulous jacket, gives her an up do and relays to her that he cannot design an ass for her so be happy with what she has.
With that, Christian won the competition thank you very much and I was stoked.
Done and done.

The loser of this episode was Steven French Stewart.
The dude got f'd, sort of.
His lady wanted a new outfit created out of her 1980's lace, beaded, polyester, pooftown wedding dress.
Yes there was a lot of fabric.
Yes it was a challenge and a half.
But as the all-knowing Michael Kor's said on the PR blog, "One of the biggest challenges that any designer has to face is really appreciating the material that you’re working with. Regardless of what the lace was made out of, the possibility is that lace is a very versatile fabric. You can make a lot of different garments, whether its polyester lace or not. I think he showed a full lack of imagination, and I think he missed the whole mark of being inspired to feel a certain way when you look at something. A wedding dress, I don’t think you need to make another gown out of it, but my God, anything’s possible."
So Frenchy, you screwed yourself.
The outfit Steven created was a real piece off doo doo.
He lacked passion and creativity and his squinting was getting on my freaking nerves so I am oh so happy he was let loose.

A few observations:
I have a deep dislike for Jillian but aside from that and her koolats, the girl can dress.
Her outfit during the runway was faboo and I despise her all the more for it.

I love Kit, she seems like a good egg.
She is beginning to come out as my number one aside from Christian and Ravi.

Next week Christian seems to be getting on people's nerves.
Actually, next week is two weeks from this episode so we have to all wait till then to see why people seem to hate the young, fashion designer hobbit that I lurv.

Trendshitters PR 4.4

2007-12-27T19:32:00.000-08:00

I know I'm like a thousand episodes behind but who cares really..

This episode was whateves.
I'll make it quick cause it looks like something big is going down next week and that will be a hell of a lot better then this was.

Couple things:

At the beginning of the episode Christopher and Rami are chatting and decide that there should be a Project Runway perfume.
The dudes think the perfume would be a mixture of sweat, tears and Chinese food.
Chinese food?
Not a joke maker in the bunch.
Anywho, please tell me I was not alone thinking of Ricky Crytardo when the tears were mentioned?
Dude, Crytardo would be a freaking gold mine for Project Runway perfume.
Stick him in a room, show him pics of puppies and kittens and watch the waterworks begin.
Child labor.
Sweet.

The challenge this week was to update some really shitty trends over the past 10 years.
After each designer picks a design they team up and try to incorporate all three styles into a cohesive collection.
There were four teams of three and enough crap to go around.

Christian, Kit and Jack teamed up and made awesome, awesome poop.
Their trends were the zoot suit, pleather and fringe.
Totally sounds like a Bon Jovi outfit circa 1984.
These three are my favorites.
They worked well together and their designs were cohesive and the biggity bomb.
Of course they didn't win but whateves.

Jillian, I'm Not Gay and Ravi team up.
Their trends were overalls, 70's flare and the poodle skirt.
Hi, um Ravi? Loved, loved, loved the dress.
Hi, um Jillian? Hate, hate, and hate you and your whiney, baby talking, no faith, poodle haired, stupid face.
Yeah, I said stupid face.
Hi, um I'm Not Gay? If you want to convince the viewing public that you are not a gay, then you probably don't want to talk about things coming outta your ass.
I think you mentioned pulling a rabbit out of that part of your anatomy in the latter part of the episode.
These kids won and I personally thought Team Christian was much better but what the hell do I know.

Chris, Sweet P and Steven equals terrible.
Awful in fact.
Bad, bad and totally bad.
Their trends were shoulder pads, baggy sweater and dancewear.
Chris, who was the leader, decided to make a bolero jacket outta some old lady’s musty, British, curtain covers.
It was bad.
I won't go into how awful the other pieces were but they were downright shitty.
Shitty, shitty and shitty.
Chris was in the bottom two and I'm sad cause I kind of liked him but not as a designer or a friend or a hott piece.

Ricky, Elisa and Victorya
Their trends were neon, cutouts and underwear as outerwear.
Does anyone remember wearing any of these?
Okay maybe the neon when Wham! was the shit but I digress.
These three were a disaster together.
Crytardo was the leader and he was a bitchy and non-existent one at that.
Elisa was oblivious as usual.
Victorya showed her true colors and came out looking like a complete and total bitchtastic roboticon.
Girl has zero personality and does not understand the meaning of collaboration nor standing by your homies.
If I had a gang, I would have never jumped her in.
Their pieces looked like something dirty French mimes would wear.
Victorobot sold out Crytardo and in turn made herself look evil.
Crytardo was in the bottom two for his lack of leadership and ability to hold back the tears.

Sidebar:
Donna Karan was the guest judge tonight.
Girl is looking rough.
I also didn’t think that DK would sound and look just like a Jewish tranny.
I mean she has had a lot of plastic surgery and she still looks like a better version of the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz.
Let's have a side by side shall we..

So the final, final came down to Crytardo and Chris with Chris leaving the runway for his deplorable curtain cover.
Dude, Crytardo is good T.V, cause this is like the third time he has been in the bottom two.

Next week, drama,
Major.

Witch image provided by http://www.esoterically.net and DK http://www.cnn.com.

Some news before the new year...

2007-12-27T13:30:00.000-08:00

Thanks to People.com:

Mom-to-be Jessica Alba was spotted over the Christmas holiday with a rock on her left ring finger – and the rumors are true: She and boyfriend Cash Warren are engaged, her rep confirms to PEOPLE.

"I can confirm that they are engaged," says publicist Brad Cafarelli.

Earlier this month, the couple announced to PEOPLE that they are expecting a baby. Alba, 26, has been dating Warren, 28, since the fall of 2004, after they met on the set of her movie, The Fantastic Four, on which Warren was a director's assistant.

British singer Lily Allen is pregnant with her first child, her rep confirms to PEOPLE.

The 22-year-old "Smile" singer has been dating the Chemical Brothers' Ed Simons, 37, since September. "As the pregnancy is at a very, very early stage, the couple ask that you respect their privacy," her rep said in a statement. "The couple will be making no further comment but they are obviously both thrilled by the news."

Allen, whose 2006 debut album, Alright, Still, sold nearly 2 million copies, recently talked about her desire to step out of the limelight and start a family.

"Maybe I could retire at 25. I'm only going to do one more album, she told Britain's Sunday Times in November.

"It's a great job, but it doesn't leave time for what's important. Like having a family," she added. "I'd like to live in the country and have a walled garden, and chickens and pigs."

Despite the pregnancy news – first reported by Britain's The Sun – Allen's rep said, "Lily's new album will be released as planned next year."

MC Pee Pants is engaged!

They are known to bring good luck in the new year, but one Black-Eyed Pea got lucky early. After 3 years of dating, Fergie and Josh Duhamel are engaged, his rep confirms to PEOPLE.

"Fergie called a lot of her girlfriends today to tell them the news," a source close to the singer told PEOPLE. "She said they don't know what kind of wedding they want yet, but that she is the happiest girl on earth."

The Las Vegas star's rep would say only that they got engaged "recently," but not on Christmas. TMZ.com first reported the engagement news Wednesday.

Fergie was seen sporting a diamond ring on her all-important digit back in November, during the American Music Awards, but her rep denied the engagement rumors then. The couple celebrated Duhamel's 35th birthday last month with lots of love and little fanfare.

From the New York Post's Page Six:

"HEROES" star Kristen Bell doesn't want any events being promoted on the back of her latest relationship. Bell has been trying to hide from photographers while out in LA with latest fling, comic Dax Shepard. An insider told us, "Kristen is taking Dax as her New Year's Eve date to the Raleigh Hotel in Miami." Bell, who recently kicked her director fiancé Kevin Mann to the curb, is insisting that any promotions for the party don't list the duo as a couple. Our source said, "She told event people they can put either her or Dax on the party announcements - but not both of them."

Ticket-shy
DREW Barrymore and her new boyfriend, "I'm a Mac" guy Justin Long, will go all out to avoid paying a parking ticket. They were in Tampa last week when they were slapped with a ticket on their Vespa as they shopped. "Justin asked me where the ticketing cop went, and when I pointed, he took off down the street after him," said our source. "He was trying to talk him out of it while Drew stayed and watched the Vespa, but it didn't work."

Ryan Gosling was photographed last week with "Heroes" cutie Hayden Panettiere. But Tuesday night, he only had eyes for Heath Ledger's ex, Michelle Williams. The two had dinner at Piadina and were caught by onlookers having a cozy cigarette outside the West 10th Street eatery. The star of "Lars and the Real Girl" was "smiling and gazing at her," said our
witness. Reps for both said they weren't on a date, but just discussing an upcoming film project they're working on together. We'll see.

New York Daily News, Gatecrasher:

Annnd ... they're back on!
Leonardo DiCaprio and Bar Refaeli were spotted holding hands at the Polo Lounge in Beverly Hills last week, apparently sinking surfer Kelly Slater's recent relationship with the Israeli model.
Leo and Bar, "were never really 'off,'" a source tells Us Weekly.
"It was always a distance thing. Leo was making a movie in Morocco [this year], and Bar had her modeling career."
Oh, the hardships!

Us Weekly:

Leave the baby making business to Brad Pitt, not Jennifer Aniston.

The National Enquirer reported that Aniston, 38, is expecting and speculated that the father could be either Vince Vaughn, Paul Sculfor or Sex and the City hunk Jason Lewis.

But her rep tells Usmagazine.com: “She is not pregnant.”

An eyewitness told Us that the Friends alum sipped a martini at a Christmas Eve dinner with pals Courteney Cox and David Arquette at Mastro’s in Beverly Hills.

She also recently had her hair colored by Michael Canali — another pregnancy no-no — last week.

The star “is in a great mood,” a source told Us, despite the fact that she didn’t have a date and “left alone” after the Christmas Eve dinner. “There’s no drama, and that’s why she’s happy!”

I feel super guilty of putting this in the blog but:

Sources tell Hollyscoop EXCLUSIVELY that actress Mischa Barton was arrested in the wee hours this morning! She was handcuffed and arrested at 2:46AM last night and booked at 3:10AM.
Mischa was arrested on the corner of La Cienega and Santa Monica Blvd in Los Angeles late last night in her white Range Rover for Driving Under the Influence and driving without a license.
Her bail amount is set at $10,000.

Now for some photos thanks to www.celebutopia.net and the photographers who took them..

Kate Beckinsale and hubby Len Wiseman..

Gavin and Gwen in Soho, London..

Tina Fey, An Evening with 30 Rock event in NYC:

Milla Jovovich andPaul W.S. Anderson drinking cafe' on Rodeo. Not loving the outfit..

Kristin Bell and the biggest mistake of her life..

The lovely Keri Russell and son River strolling with Jennifer Garner and daughter Violet in the NYC:

The girl formerly known as normal and not grandmaish Katie Holmes, with sweet cheeks Suri, spending the pain away..

Rose McGowan. I don't know what to tell you kids.

Ms. Dita looking fabulous at the Cointreau Party in London:

I will leave you with this juicy albeit sad blind item from the dude at http://www.crazydaysandnights.net/.
I am breaking a promise I made to myself not mention certain names in this blog but this being a blind item, take your guesses..

"During a required physical last week this singer indicated she is HIV+. If you follow the partners and they were not safe, this could lead to some incredible revelations during the next year."
Followed up by:
"You know that required physical from yesterday? Reason for the physical? Abortion. Father? Unknown."

I'm out homies..
peaces greases..

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, all of the SAG Award nominees...

2007-12-22T09:29:00.000-08:00

14th ANNUAL SCREEN ACTORS GUILD AWARDS® NOMINATIONS

THEATRICAL MOTION PICTURES

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role

GEORGE CLOONEY / Michael Clayton Michael Clayton² (Warner Bros. Pictures)
DANIEL DAY-LEWIS / Daniel Plainview There Will Be Blood² (Paramount
Vantage)
RYAN GOSLING / Lars Lindstrom Lars And The Real Girl² (Sidney Kimmel
Entertainment)
EMILE HIRSCH / Christopher McCandless Into The Wild² (Paramount Vantage)
VIGGO MORTENSEN / Nikolai Eastern Promises² (Focus Features)

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role

CATE BLANCHETT / Queen Elizabeth I Elizabeth: The Golden Age² (Universal
Pictures)
JULIE CHRISTIE / Fiona ³Away From Her (Lionsgate)
MARION COTILLARD / Edith Piaf La Vie En Rose² (Picturehouse)
ANGELINA JOLIE / Mariane Pearl A Mighty Heart² (Paramount Vantage)
ELLEN PAGE / Juno MacGuff Juno (Fox Searchlight Pictures)

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role

CASEY AFFLECK / Robert Ford The Assassination of Jesse James By The
Coward Robert Ford² (Warner Bros. Pictures)
JAVIER BARDEM / Anton Chigurh No Country For Old Men (Miramax Films)
HAL HOLBROOK / Ron Franz Into The Wild (Paramount Vantage)
TOMMY LEE JONES / Ed Tom Bell No Country For Old Men (Miramax Films)
TOM WILKINSON / Arthur Edens Michael Clayton (Warner Bros. Pictures)

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role

CATE BLANCHETT / Jude Im Not There (The Weinstein Company)
RUBY DEE / Mama Lucas American Gangster (Universal Pictures)
CATHERINE KEENER / Jan Burres Into The Wild (Paramount Vantage)
AMY RYAN / Helene McCready Gone Baby Gone (Miramax Films)
TILDA SWINTON / Karen Crowder Michael Clayton (Warner Bros. Pictures)

Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture

3:10 TO YUMA (Lionsgate)

CHRISTIAN BALE / Dan Evans
RUSSELL CROWE / Ben Wade
PETER FONDA / Byron McElroy
GRETCHEN MOL / Alice Evans
DALLAS ROBERTS / Grayson Butterfield
VINESSA SHAW / Emmy Roberts
BEN FOSTER / Charlie Prince
ALAN TUDYK / Doc Potter
LOGAN LERMAN / Will Evans

AMERICAN GANGSTER (Universal Pictures)

ARMAND ASSANTE / Dominic Cattano
JOSH BROLIN / Detective Trupo
RUSSELL CROWE / Richie Roberts
RUBY DEE / Mama Lucas
CHIWETEL EJIOFOR / Huey Lucas
IDRIS ELBA / Tango
CUBA GOODING, JR. / Nicky Barnes
CARLA GUGINO / Laurie Roberts
JOHN HAWKES / Freddie Spearman
TED LEVINE / Lou Toback
JOE MORTON / Charlie Williams
LYMARI NADAL / Eva
JOHN ORTIZ / Javier J. Rivera
RZA / Moses Jones
YUL VAZQUEZ / Alfonse Abruzzo
DENZEL WASHINGTON / Frank Lucas

HAIRSPRAY (New Line Cinema)

NIKKI BLONSKY / Tracy Turnblad
AMANDA BYNES / Penny Pingleton
PAUL DOOLEY / Mr. Spritzer
ZAC EFRON / Link Larkin
ALLISON JANNEY / Prudy Pingleton
ELIJAH KELLEY / Seaweed
JAMES MARSDEN / Corny Collins
MICHELLE PFEIFFER / Velma Von Tussle
QUEEN LATIFAH / Motormouth Maybelle
BRITTANY SNOW / Amber Von Tussle
JERRY STILLER / Mr. French
JOHN TRAVOLTA / Edna Turnblad
CHRISTOPHER WALKEN / Wilbur Turnblad

INTO THE WILD (Paramount Vantage)

BRIAN DIERKER / Rainey
MARCIA GAY HARDEN / Billie McCandless
EMILE HIRSCH / Chris McCandless
HAL HOLBROOK / Ron Franz
WILLIAM HURT / Walt McCandless
CATHERINE KEENER / Jan Burres
JENA MALONE / Carine McCandless
KRISTEN STEWART / Tracy Tatro
VINCE VAUGHN / Wayne Westerberg

NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN (Miramax Films)

JAVIER BARDEM / Anton Chigurh
JOSH BROLIN / Llewelyn Moss
GARRET DILLAHUNT / Wendell
TESS HARPER / Loretta Bell
WOODY HARRELSON / Carson Wells
TOMMY LEE JONES / Ed Tom Bell
KELLY MACDONALD / Carla Jean Moss

PRIMETIME TELEVISION

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries

MICHAEL KEATON / James Jesus Angleton ³The Company (TNT)
KEVIN KLINE / Jacques ³As You Like It² (HBO)
OLIVER PLATT / George Steinbrenner ³The Bronx is Burning² (ESPN)
SAM SHEPARD / Frank Whiteley ³Ruffian² (ABC)
JOHN TURTURRO / Billy Martin ³The Bronx is Burning² (ESPN)

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Television Movie or
Miniseries

ELLEN BURSTYN / Posey Benetto ³Mitch Albom¹s For One More Day² (ABC)
DEBRA MESSING / Molly Kagan ³The Starter Wife² (USA)
ANNA PAQUIN / Elaine Goodale ³Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee² (HBO)
QUEEN LATIFAH / Ana ³Life Support ³ (HBO)
VANESSA REDGRAVE / Woman ³The Fever² (HBO)
GENA ROWLANDS / Melissa Eisenbloom ³What If God Were the Sun?² (Lifetime)

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Drama Series

JAMES GANDOLFINI / Tony Soprano ³The Sopranos² (HBO)
MICHAEL C. HALL / Dexter Morgan ³Dexter² (Showtime)
JON HAMM / Don Draper ³Mad Men² (AMC)
HUGH LAURIE / Dr. Gregory House ³House² (FOX)
JAMES SPADER / Alan Shore ³Boston Legal² (ABC)

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Drama Series

GLENN CLOSE / Patty Hewes ³Damages² (FX)
EDIE FALCO / Carmela Soprano ³The Sopranos² (HBO)
SALLY FIELD / Nora Walker ³Brothers & Sisters² (ABC)
HOLLY HUNTER / Grace Hanadarko ³Saving Grace² (TNT)
KYRA SEDGWICK / Deputy Police Chief Brenda Johnson ³The Closer² (TNT)

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Comedy Series

ALEC BALDWIN / Jack Donaghy ³30 Rock² (NBC)
STEVE CARELL / Michael Scott ³The Office² (NBC)
RICKY GERVAIS / Andy Millman ³Extras² (NBC)
JEREMY PIVEN / Ari Gold ³Entourage² (HBO)
TONY SHALHOUB / Adrian Monk ³Monk² (USA)

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Comedy Series

CHRISTINA APPLEGATE / Samantha Newly ³Samantha Who?² (ABC)
AMERICA FERRERA / Betty Suarez ³Ugly Betty² (ABC)
TINA FEY / Liz Lemon ³30 Rock² (NBC)
MARY-LOUISE PARKER / Nancy Botwin ³Weeds² (Showtime)
VANESSA WILLIAMS / Wilhelmina Slater ³Ugly Betty² (ABC)

Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series

BOSTON LEGAL (ABC)

RENE AUBERJONOIS / Paul Lewiston
CANDICE BERGEN / Shirley Schmidt
JULIE BOWEN / Denise Bauer
SAFFRON BURROWS / Lorraine Weller
CHRISTIAN CLEMENSON / Jerry Espenson
TARAJI P. HENSON / Whitney Rome
JOHN LARROQUETTE / Carl Sack
WILLIAM SHATNER / Denny Crane
JAMES SPADER / Alan Shore
TARA SUMMERS / Katie Lloyd
MARK VALLEY / Brad Chase
GARY ANTHONY WILLIAMS / Clarence/Clarice Bell
CONSTANCE ZIMMER / Claire Simms

THE CLOSER (TNT)

G.W. BAILEY / Det. Lt. Provenza
MICHAEL PAUL CHAN / Lt. Tao
RAYMOND CRUZ / Det. Sanchez
TONY DENISON / Lt. Andy Flynn
ROBERT GOSSETT / Commander Taylor
GINA RAVERA / Det. Irene Daniels
COREY REYNOLDS / Sgt. David Gabriel
KYRA SEDGWICK / Deputy Police Chief Brenda Johnson
J.K. SIMMONS / Asst. Police Chief Will Pope
JON TENNEY / FBI Agent Fritz Howard

GREY¹S ANATOMY (ABC)

JUSTIN CHAMBERS / Alex Karev
ERIC DANE / Mark Sloan
PATRICK DEMPSEY / Derek Shepherd
KATHERINE HEIGL / Izzie Stevens
T.R. KNIGHT / George O¹Malley
CHYLER LEIGH / Lexie Grey
SANDRA OH / Cristina Yang
JAMES PICKENS, JR. / Richard Webber
ELLEN POMPEO / Meredith Grey
SARA RAMIREZ / Callie Torres
ELIZABETH REASER / Jane Doe/Ava/Rebecca Pope
BROOKE SMITH / Erica Hahn
KATE WALSH / Addison Montgomery-Shepherd
ISAIAH WASHINGTON / Dr. Preston Burke
CHANDRA WILSON / Dr. Miranda Bailey

MAD MEN (AMC)

BRYAN BATT / Salvatore Romano
ANNE DUDEK / Francine Hanson
MICHAEL GLADIS / Paul Kinsey
JON HAMM / Don Draper
CHRISTINA HENDRICKS / Joan Holloway
JANUARY JONES / Betty Draper
VINCENT KARTHEISER / Pete Campbell
ROBERT MORSE / Bertram Cooper
ELISABETH MOSS / Peggy Olson
MAGGIE SIFF / Rachel Menken
JOHN SLATTERY / Roger Sterling
RICH SOMMER / Harry Crane
AARON STATON / Ken Cosgrove

THE SOPRANOS (HBO)

GREGORY ANTONACCI / Butch DeConcini
LORRAINE BRACCO / Dr. Jennifer Melfi
EDIE FALCO / Carmela Soprano
JAMES GANDOLFINI / Tony Soprano
DAN GRIMALDI / Patsy Parisi
ROBERT ILER / Anthony Soprano, Jr.
MICHAEL IMPERIOLI / Christopher Moltisanti
ARTHUR NASCARELLA / Carlo Gervasi
STEVEN R. SCHIRRIPA / Bobby ³Bacala² Baccalieri
MATT SERVITTO / Agent Dwight Harris
JAMIE-LYNN SIGLER / Meadow Soprano
TONY SIRICO / Paulie ³Walnuts² Gaultieri
AIDA TURTURRO / Janice Soprano
STEVEN VAN ZANDT / Silvio Dante
FRANK VINCENT / Phil Leotardo

Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series

30 ROCK (NBC)

SCOTT ADSIT / Pete Hornberger
ALEC BALDWIN / Jack Donaghy
KATRINA BOWDEN / Cerie
TINA FEY / Liz Lemon
JUDAH FRIEDLANDER / Frank Rositano
JANE KRAKOWSKI / Jenna Maroney
JACK McBRAYER / Kenneth Parcell
TRACY MORGAN / Tracy Jordan
KEITH POWELL / Toofer
LONNY ROSS / Josh Girard

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES (ABC)

ANDREA BOWEN / Julie Mayer
RICHARDO A. CHAVIRA / Carlos Solis
MARCIA CROSS / Bree Van De Kamp Hodge
DANA DELANY / Katherine Mayfair
JAMES DENTON / Mike Delfino
NATHAN FILLION / Adam Mayfair
LINDSY FONSECA / Dylan Mayfair
TERI HATCHER / Susan Mayer
ZANE HUETT / Parker Scavo
FELICITY HUFFMAN / Lynette Scavo
KATHRYN JOOSTEN / Mrs. McCluskey
BRENT KINSMAN / Preston Scavo/Porter Scavo
SHANE KINSMAN / Porter Scavo/Preston Scavo
JOY LAUREN / Danielle Van De Kamp
EVA LONGORIA PARKER / Gabrielle Solis Lang
KYLE MacLACHLAN / Orson Hodge
SHAWN PYFROM / Andrew Van De Kamp
DOUG SAVANT / Tom Scavo
DOUGRAY SCOTT / Ian Hainsworth
NICOLETTE SHERIDAN / Edie Britt
JOHN SLATTERY / Victor Lang
BRENDA STRONG / Mary Alice Young

ENTOURAGE (HBO)

RHYS COIRO / Billy Walsh
KEVIN CONNOLLY / Eric Murphy
KEVIN DILLON / Johnny Drama
JERRY FERRARA / Turtle
ADRIAN GRENIER / Vincent Chase
REX LEE / Lloyd
JEREMY PIVEN / Ari Gold
PERREY REEVES / Mrs. Ari

THE OFFICE (NBC)

LESLIE DAVID BAKER / Stanley Hudson
BRIAN BAUMGARTNER / Kevin Malone
CREED BRATTON / Creed
STEVE CARELL / Michael Scott
JENNA FISCHER / Pam Beesly
KATE FLANNERY / Meredith Palmer
ED HELMS / Andrew Bernard
MINDY KALING / Kelly Kapoor
ANGELA KINSEY / Angela Martin
JOHN KRASINSKI / Jim Halpert
PAUL LIEBERSTEIN / Toby Flenderson
B.J. NOVAK / Ryan Howard
OSCAR NUÑEZ / Oscar Martinez
PHYLLIS SMITH / Phyllis Lapin
RAINN WILSON / Dwight Schrute

UGLY BETTY (ABC)

ALAN DALE / Bradford Meade
AMERICA FERRERA / Betty Suarez
CHRISTOPER GORHAM / Henry
MARK INDELICATO / Justin
ASHLEY JENSEN / Christina
JUDITH LIGHT / Claire Meade
ERIC MABIUS / Daniel Meade
BECKI NEWTON / Amanda
ANA ORTIZ / Hilda
TONY PLANA / Ignacio
REBECCA ROMIJN / Alexis
KEVIN SUSSMAN / Walter
MICHAEL URIE / Marc
VANESSA WILLIAMS / Wilhelmina Slater

SAG HONORS FOR STUNT ENSEMBLES

Outstanding Performance by a Stunt Ensemble in a Motion Picture

300 (Warner Bros.)
THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM (Universal)
I AM LEGEND (Warner Bros.)
THE KINGDOM (Universal)
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD¹S END (Walt Disney Studios Motion
Pictures)

Outstanding Performance by a Stunt Ensemble in a Television Series

24 (FOX)
HEROES (NBC)
LOST (ABC)
ROME (HBO)
THE UNIT (CBS)

Screen Actors Guild Awards 44th Annual Life Achievement Award

Charles Durning

14th ANNUAL SCREEN ACTORS GUILD AWARDS®
NOMINATIONS FACT SHEET

ACTORS WITH MULTIPLE NOMINATIONS - THEATRICAL MOTION PICTURES
AND PRIMETIME TELEVISION

QUEEN LATIFAH (2)
FEMALE TV MOVIE OR MINISERIES ³Life Support²
CAST ³Hairspray²

ACTORS WITH MULTIPLE NOMINATIONS - THEATRICAL MOTION PICTURES

JAVIER BARDEM (2)
MALE SUPPORT ³No Country For Old Men²
CAST ³No Country For Old Men²

CATE BLANCHETT (2)
FEMALE LEAD ³Elizabeth: The Golden Age²
FEMALE SUPPORT ³I¹m Not There²

JOSH BROLIN (2)
CAST ³American Gangster²
CAST ³No Country For Old Men²

RUSSELL CROWE (2)
CAST ³3:10 To Yuma²
CAST ³American Gangster²

RUBY DEE (2)
FEMALE SUPPORT ³American Gangster²
CAST ³American Gangster²

EMILE HIRSCH (2)
MALE LEAD ³Into The Wild²
CAST ³Into The Wild²

HAL HOLBROOK (2)
MALE SUPPORT ³Into The Wild²
CAST ³Into The Wild²

TOMMY LEE JONES (2)
MALE SUPPORT ³No Country For Old Men²
CAST ³No Country For Old Men²

CATHERINE KEENER (2)
FEMALE SUPPORT ³Into The Wild²
CAST ³Into The Wild²

ACTORS WITH MULTIPLE NOMINATIONS - PRIMETIME TELEVISION

ALEC BALDWIN (2)
MALE COMEDY ³30 Rock²
ENSEMBLE COMEDY ³30 Rock²

STEVE CARELL (2)
MALE COMEDY ³The Office²
ENSEMBLE COMEDY ³The Office²

EDIE FALCO (2)
FEMALE DRAMA ³The Sopranos²
ENSEMBLE DRAMA ³The Sopranos²

AMERICA FERRERA (2)
FEMALE COMEDY ³Ugly Betty²
ENSEMBLE COMEDY ³Ugly Betty²

TINA FEY (2)
FEMALE COMEDY ³30 Rock²
ENSEMBLE COMEDY ³30 Rock²

JAMES GANDOLFINI (2)
MALE DRAMA ³The Sopranos²
ENSEMBLE DRAMA ³The Sopranos²

JON HAMM (2)
MALE DRAMA ³Mad Men²
ENSEMBLE DRAMA ³Mad Men²

JEREMY PIVEN (2)
MALE COMEDY ³Entourage²
ENSEMBLE COMEDY ³Entourage²

KYRA SEDGWICK (2)
FEMALE DRAMA ³The Closer²
ENSEMBLE DRAMA ³The Closer²

JOHN SLATTERY (2)
ENSEMBLE DRAMA ³Mad Men²
ENSEMBLE COMEDY ³Desperate Housewives²

JAMES SPADER (2)
MALE DRAMA ³Boston Legal²
ENSEMBLE DRAMA ³Boston Legal²

VANESSA WILLIAMS (2)
FEMALE COMEDY ³Ugly Betty²
ENSEMBLE COMEDY ³Ugly Betty²

THEATRICAL MOTION PICTURES WITH MULTIPLE NOMINATIONS

INTO THE WILD - 4
MICHAEL CLAYTON - 3
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN - 3
AMERICAN GANGSTER - 2

PRIMETIME TELEVISION PROGRAMS WITH MULTIPLE NOMINATIONS

30 ROCK - 3
THE SOPRANOS - 3
UGLY BETTY - 3
BOSTON LEGAL - 2
ENTOURAGE - 2
MAD MEN - 2
THE BRONX IS BURNING - 2
THE CLOSER - 2
THE OFFICE - 2

NOMINATIONS BY STUDIO FOR THEATRICAL MOTION PICTURES

PARAMOUNT VANTAGE - 6
WARNER BROS. PICTURES - 6
UNIVERSAL PICTURES - 5
MIRAMAX FILMS - 4
LIONSGATE - 2
FOCUS FEATURES - 1
FOX SEARCHLIGHT PICTURES - 1
NEW LINE CINEMA - 1
PICTUREHOUSE - 1
SIDNEY KIMMEL ENTERTAINMENT - 1
THE WEINSTEIN COMPANY - 1
WALT DISNEY STUDIOS MOTION PICTURES - 1

NOMINATIONS BY NETWORK FOR PRIMETIME TELEVISION

ABC - 11
HBO - 9
NBC - 7
TNT - 4
AMC - 2
SHOWTIME - 2
ESPN - 2
USA - 2
LIFETIME - 1
FOX - 1
FX - 1

NOMINEE SAG AWARDS HISTORIES (Note: ³Total² tallies include this year¹s
nominations)

THEATRICAL MOTION PICTURES

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role

GEORGE CLOONEY / ³Michael Clayton²
Total nominations in this category: 1
Previous Actors®: 4
Total Actor® nominations: 10
Previous Actors®:
1999 ENSEMBLE IN A DRAMA SERIES ³ER²
1998 - ENSEMBLE IN A DRAMA SERIES ³ER²
1997 - ENSEMBLE IN A DRAMA SERIES ³ER²
1996 - ENSEMBLE IN A DRAMA SERIES ³ER²
Previous Actor® nominations:
2006 - MOTION PICTURE CAST ³Good Night, And Good Luck²
2006 - MALE SUPPORT ³Syriana²
1997 - MALE DRAMA SERIES ³ER²
1996 - MALE DRAMA SERIES ³ER²
1995 - ENSEMBLE IN A DRAMA SERIES ³ER²

DANIEL DAY-LEWIS / ³There Will Be Blood²
Total nominations in this category: 2
Previous Actors®: 1
Total Actor® nominations: 2
Previous Actors®:
2003 - MALE LEAD ³Gangs Of New York²

RYAN GOSLING / ³Lars And The Real Girl²
Total nominations in this category: 2
Previous Actors®: 0
Total Actor® nominations: 2
Previous Actor® nominations:
2007 - MALE LEAD ³Half Nelson²

EMILE HIRSCH / ³Into The Wild²
This is the first year he is a nominee.
Concurrent nominations this year:
MOTION PICTURE CAST ³Into The Wild²

VIGGO MORTENSEN / ³Eastern Promises²
Total nominations in this category: 1
Previous Actors®: 1
Total Actor® nominations: 4
Previous Actors®:
2004 MOTION PICTURE CAST ³Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The Kind²
Previous Actor® nominations:
2003 MOTION PICTURE CAST ³Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers
2002 MOTION PICTURE CAST ³Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring²

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role

CATE BLANCHETT / ³Elizabeth: The Golden Age²
Total nominations in this category: 2
Previous Actors®: 2
Total Actor® nominations: 11
Concurrent nominations this year:
FEMALE SUPPORT ³I¹m Not There²
Previous Actors®:
2005 FEMALE SUPPORT ³The Aviator²
2004 MOTION PICTURE CAST ³Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King²
Previous Actor® nominations:
2007 MOTION PICTURE CAST ³Babel²
2007 FEMALE SUPPORT ³Notes on a Scandal²
2005 MOTION PICTURE CAST ³The Aviator²
2003 MOTION PICTURE CAST ³Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers²
2002 MOTION PICTURE CAST ³Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring²
2002 FEMALE SUPPORT ³Bandits²
1999 FEMALE LEAD ³Elizabeth²

JULIE CHRISTIE / ³Away From Her²
Total nominations in this category: 1
Previous Actors®: 0
Total Actor® nominations: 2
Previous Actor® nominations:
2005 MOTION PICTURE CAST ³Finding Neverland²

MARION COTILLARD / ³La Vie En Rose²
This is the first year she is a nominee.

ANGELINA JOLIE / ³A Mighty Heart²
Total nominations in this category: 1
Previous Actors®: 2
Total Actor® nominations: 3
Previous Actors®:
2000 FEMALE SUPPORT ³Girl, Interrupted²
1999 FEMALE TV MOVIE OR MINISERIES ³Gia²

ELLEN PAGE / ³Juno²
This is the first year she is a nominee.

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role

CASEY AFFLECK / ³The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford²
This is the first year he is a nominee.

JAVIER BARDEM / ³No Country For Old Men²
This is the first year he is a nominee.
Concurrent nominations this year:
MOTION PICTURE CAST ³No Country For Old Men²

HAL HOLBROOK / ³Into the Wild²
This is the first year he is a nominee.
Concurrent nominations this year:
MOTION PICTURE CAST ³Into the Wild²

TOMMY LEE JONES / ³No Country For Old Men²
Total nominations in this category: 1
Previous Actors®: 0
Total Actor® nominations: 2
Concurrent nominations this year:
MOTION PICTURE CAST ³No Country For Old Men²
Previous Actor® nominations:
1996 MALE TV MOVIE OR MINISERIES ³The Good Old Boys²

TOM WILKINSON / ³Michael Clayton²
Total nominations in this category: 1
Previous Actors®: 2
Total Actor® nominations: 5
Previous Actors®:
1999 MOTION PICTURE CAST ³Shakespeare in Love²
1998 MOTION PICTURE CAST ³The Full Monty²
Previous Actor® nominations:
2002 MALE LEAD ³In the Bedroom²
2002 MOTION PICTURE CAST ³In the Bedroom²

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role

CATE BLANCHETT / ³I¹m Not There²
Total nominations in this category: 4
Previous Actors®: 2
Total Actor® nominations: 11
Concurrent nominations this year:
FEMALE LEAD ³Elizabeth: The Golden Age²
Previous Actors®:
2005 - FEMALE SUPPORT ³The Aviator²
2004 - MOTION PICTURE CAST ³The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King²
Previous Actor® nominations:
2007 - FEMALE SUPPORT ³Notes on A Scandal²
2007 - MOTION PICTURE CAST ³Babel²
2005 - MOTION PICTURE CAST ³The Aviator²
2003 - MOTION PICTURE CAST ³The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers²
2002 - FEMALE SUPPORT ³Bandits²
2002 - MOTION PICTURE CAST ³The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the
Ring²
1999 - FEMALE LEAD ³Elizabeth²

RUBY DEE / ³American Gangster²
This is the first year she is a nominee.
Concurrent nominations this year:
MOTION PICTURE CAST ³American Gangster²

CATHERINE KEENER / ³Into the Wild²
Total nominations in this category: 3
Previous Actors®: 0
Total Actor® nominations: 5
Previous Actor® nominations:
2006 MOTION PICTURE CAST ³Capote²
2006 FEMALE SUPPORT ³Capote²
2000 MOTION PICTURE CAST ³Being John Malkovich²
2000 FEMALE SUPPORT ³Being John Malkovich²

AMY RYAN / ³Gone Baby Gone²
This is the first year she is a nominee.

TILDA SWINTON / ³Michael Clayton²
Total nominations in this category: 1
Previous Actors®: 0
Total Actor® nominations: 2
Previous Actor® nominations:
2003 MOTION PICTURE CAST ³Adaptation²

PRIMETIME TELEVISION

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries

MICHAEL KEATON / ³The Company²
This is the first year he is a nominee.

KEVIN KLINE / ³As You Like It²
Total nominations in this category: 1
Previous Actors®: 0
Total Actor® nominations: 2
Previous Actor® nominations:
2002 MALE LEAD ³Life As a House²

OLIVER PLATT / ³The Bronx is Burning²
This is the first year he is a nominee.

SAM SHEPARD / ³Ruffian²
This is the first year he is a nominee.

JOHN TURTURRO / ³The Bronx is Burning²
Total nominations in this category: 2
Previous Actors®: 0
Total Actor® nominations: 3
Previous Actor® nominations:
2003 - MALE TV MOVIE OR MINISERIES ³Monday Night Mayhem²
1995 MALE SUPPORT ³Quiz Show²

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Television Movie or
Miniseries

ELLEN BURSTYN / ³Mitch Albom¹s For One More Day²
Total nominations in this category: 1
Previous Actors®: 0
Total Actor® nominations: 3
Previous Actor® nominations:
2001 - FEMALE LEAD ³Requiem for a Dream²
1996 - MOTION PICTURE CAST ³How to Make An American Quilt

DEBRA MESSING / ³The Starter Wife²
Total nominations in this category: 1
Previous Actors®: 1
Total Actor® nominations: 8
Previous Actors®:
2001 COMEDY SERIES ENSEMBLE ³Will & Grace²
Previous Actor® nominations:
2005 COMEDY SERIES ENSEMBLE ³Will & Grace²
2004 FEMALE COMEDY SERIES ³Will & Grace²
2004 COMEDY SERIES ENSEMBLE ³Will & Grace²
2003 COMEDY SERIES ENSEMBLE ³Will & Grace²
2002 COMEDY SERIES ENSEMBLE ³Will & Grace²
2001 FEMALE COMEDY SERIES ³Will & Grace²

ANNA PAQUIN / ³Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee²
This is the first year she is a nominee.

QUEEN LATIFAH / ³Life Support²
Total nominations in this category: 1
Previous Actors®: 1
Total Actor® nominations: 4
Concurrent nominations this year:
MOTION PICTURE CAST ³Hairspray²
Previous Actors®:
2003 MOTION PICTURE CAST ³Chicago²
Previous Actor® nominations:
2003 FEMALE SUPPORT ³Chicago²

VANESSA REDGRAVE / ³The Fever²
Total nominations in this category: 3
Previous Actors®: 1
Total Actor® nominations: 3
Previous Actors®:
2001 FEMALE TV MOVIE OR MINISERIES ³If These Walls Could Talk 2²
Previous Actor® nominations:
2003 - FEMALE TV MOVIE OR MINISERIES ³The Gathering Storm²

GENA ROWLANDS / ³What If God Were the Sun?²
Total nominations in this category: 1
Previous Actors®: 0
Total Actor® nominations: 2
Previous Actor® nominations:
1997 - FEMALE LEAD ³Unhook the Stars²

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Drama Series

JAMES GANDOLFINI / ³The Sopranos²
Total nominations in this category: 7
Previous Actors®: 3
Total Actor® nominations: 15
Concurrent nominations this year:
DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE ³The Sopranos²
Previous Actors®:
2003 - MALE DRAMA SERIES ³The Sopranos²
2000 - MALE DRAMA SERIES ³The Sopranos²
2000 - DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE ³The Sopranos²
Previous Actor® nominations:
2007 - MALE DRAMA SERIES ³The Sopranos²
2007 - DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE ³The Sopranos²
2005 - MALE DRAMA SERIES ³The Sopranos²
2005 - DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE ³The Sopranos²
2003 - DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE ³The Sopranos²
2002 - DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE ³The Sopranos²
2002 - MALE DRAMA SERIES ³The Sopranos²
2001 - MALE DRAMA SERIES ³The Sopranos²
2001 - DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE ³The Sopranos²
1996 - MOTION PICTURE CAST ³Get Shorty²

MICHAEL C. HALL / ³Dexter²
Total nominations in this category: 2
Previous Actors®: 2
Total Actor® nominations: 7
Previous Actors®:
2004 - DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE ³Six Feet Under²
2003 - DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE ³Six Feet Under²
Previous Actor® nominations:
2007 MALE DRAMA SERIES ³Dexter²
2006 - DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE ³Six Feet Under²
2005 - DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE ³Six Feet Under²
2002 - DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE ŒSix Feet Under²

HUGH LAURIE / ³House²
Total nominations in this category: 3
Previous Actors®: 1
Total Actor® nominations: 3
Previous Actors®:
2007 - MALE DRAMA SERIES ³House²
Previous Actor® nominations:
2006 - MALE DRAMA SERIES ³House²

JON HAMM / ³Mad Men²
This is the first year he is a nominee.
Concurrent nominations this year:
DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE ³Mad Men²

JAMES SPADER / ³Boston Legal²
Total nominations in this category: 2
Previous Actors®: 0
Total Actor® nominations: 5
Concurrent nominations this year:
DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE ³Boston Legal²
Previous Actor® nominations:
2007 - MALE DRAMA SERIES ³Boston Legal²
2007 - DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE ³Boston Legal²
2006 - MALE COMEDY SERIES ³Boston Legal²
2006 - COMEDY SERIES ENSEMBLE ³Boston Legal²

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Drama Series

GLENN CLOSE / ³Damages²
Total nominations in this category: 1
Previous Actors®: 1
Total Actor® nominations: 2
Previous Actors®:
2005 FEMALE TV MOVIE OR MINISERIES ³The Lion in Winter²

EDIE FALCO / ³The Sopranos²
Total nominations in this category: 7
Previous Actors®: 3
Total Actor® nominations: 14
Concurrent nominations this year:
DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE ³The Sopranos²
Previous Actors®:
2003 - FEMALE DRAMA SERIES ³The Sopranos²
2000 - FEMALE DRAMA SERIES ³The Sopranos²
2000 - DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE ³The Sopranos¹
Previous Actor® nominations:
2007 - FEMALE DRAMA SERIES ³The Sopranos²
2007 - DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE ³The Sopranos²
2005 - FEMALE DRAMA SERIES ³The Sopranos²
2005 - DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE ³The Sopranos²
2003 - DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE ³The Sopranos²
2002 - FEMALE DRAMA SERIES ³The Sopranos²
2002 - DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE ³The Sopranos²
2001 - FEMALE DRAMA SERIES ³The Sopranos²
2001 - DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE ³The Sopranos²

SALLY FIELD / ³Brothers & Sisters²
Total nominations in this category: 2
Previous Actors®: 0
Total Actor® nominations: 6
Previous Actor® nominations:
2001 FEMALE DRAMA SERIES ³ER²
2001 FEMALE TV MOVIE OR MINISERIES ³David Copperfield²
2000 FEMALE TV MOVIE OR MINISERIES ³A Cooler Climate²
1996 FEMALE TV MOVIE OR MINISERIES ³A Woman of Independent Means²
1995 FEMALE SUPPORT ³Forrest Gump²

HOLLY HUNTER / ³Saving Grace²
Total nominations in this category: 1
Previous Actors®: 0
Total Actor® nominations: 2
Previous Actor® nominations:
1995 FEMALE SUPPORT ³Thirteen²

KYRA SEDGWICK / ³The Closer²
Total nominations in this category: 3
Previous Actors®: 0
Total Actor® nominations: 5
Concurrent nominations this year:
DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE ³The Closer²
Previous Actor® nominations:
2007 - FEMALE DRAMA SERIES ³The Closer²
2006 - FEMALE DRAMA SERIES ³The Closer²
2006 - DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE ŒThe Closer²

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Comedy Series

ALEC BALDWIN / ³30 Rock²
Total nominations in this category: 2
Previous Actors®: 1
Total Actor® nominations: 8
Concurrent nominations this year:
COMEDY SERIES ENSEMBLE ³30 Rock²
Previous Actors®:
2007 MALE COMEDY SERIES ³30 Rock²
Previous Actor® nominations:
2007 - MOTION PICTURE CAST ³The Departed²
2005 - MOTION PICTURE CAST ³The Aviator²
2004 - MALE SUPPORT ³The Cooler²
2001 - MALE TV MOVIE OR MINISERIES ŒNuremberg¹
1996 - MALE TV MOVIE OR MINISERIES ŒA Streetcar Named Desire²

STEVE CARELL / ³The Office²
Total nominations in this category: 2
Previous Actors®: 2
Total Actor® nominations: 5
Concurrent nominations this year:
COMEDY SERIES ENSEMBLE ³The Office²
Previous Actors®:
2007 MOTION PICTURE CAST ³Little Miss Sunshine²
2007 COMEDY SERIES ENSEMBLE ³The Office²
Previous Actor® nominations:
2007 MALE COMEDY SERIES ³The Office¹

RICKY GERVAIS / "Extras²
This is the first year he is a nominee.

JEREMY PIVEN / "Entourage²
Total nominations in this category: 2
Previous Actors®: 0
Total Actor® nominations: 4
Concurrent nominations this year:
COMEDY SERIES ENSEMBLE ³Entourage²
Previous Actor® nominations:
2007 MALE COMEDY SERIES ³Entourage²
2007 COMEDY SERIES ENSEMBLE ³Entourage²

TONY SHALHOUB / ³Monk²
Total nominations in this category: 5
Previous Actors®: 2
Total Actor® nominations: 5
Previous Actors®:
2005 - MALE COMEDY SERIES ³Monk²
2004 - MALE COMEDY SERIES ³Monk²
Previous Actor® nominations:
2007 - MALE COMEDY SERIES ³Monk²
2003 - MALE COMEDY SERIES ³Monk²

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Comedy Series

CHRISTINA APPLEGATE / ³Samantha Who?²
This is the first year she is a nominee.

AMERICA FERRERA / ³Ugly Betty²
Total nominations in this category: 2
Previous Actors®: 1
Total Actor® nominations: 4
Concurrent nominations this year:
COMEDY SERIES ENSEMBLE ³Ugly Betty²
Previous Actors®:
2007 FEMALE COMEDY SERIES ³Ugly Betty²
Previous Actor® Nominations
2007 COMEDY SERIES ENSEMBLE ³Ugly Betty²

TINA FEY / ³30 Rock²
This is the first year she is a nominee.

MARY-LOUISE PARKER / ³Weeds²
Total nominations in this category: 3
Previous Actors®: 0
Total Actor® nominations: 7
Concurrent nominations this year:
COMEDY SERIES ENSEMBLE ³Weeds²
Previous Actor® nominations:
2007 - FEMALE COMEDY SERIES ³Weeds²
2007 - COMEDY SERIES ENSEMBLE ³Weeds²
2006 - FEMALE COMEDY SERIES ³Weeds²
2004 - FEMALE TV MOVIE OR MINISERIES ³Angels in America²
2003 - DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE ³The West Wing²

VANESSA WILLIAMS / ³Ugly Betty²
Total nominations in this category: 1
Previous Actors®: 0
Total Actor® nominations: 3
Concurrent nominations this year:
COMEDY SERIES ENSEMBLE ³Ugly Betty²
Previous Actor® nominations:
2007 COMEDY SERIES ENSEMBLE ³Ugly Betty²

Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series

BOSTON LEGAL
Total nominations in this category: 2
Total Actor® nominations: 3
Previous Actors®: 0
Previous Actor® nominations:
2007 - DRAMA SERIES ENSEMBLE
2006 - COMEDY SERIES ENSEMBLE

THE CLOSER
Total Actor® nominations: 2
Previous Actors®: 0
Previous Actor® nominations in 2006

GREY¹S ANATOMY
Total Actor® nominations: 3
Previous Actors®(1): in 2007
Previous Actor® nominations(1): in 2007

MAD MEN
This is this ensemble¹s first nomination.

THE SOPRANOS
Total Actor® nominations: 7
Previous Actors®(1): in 2000
Previous Actor® nominations (5): in 2007, 2005, 2003, 2002, 2001

Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series

30 ROCK
This is this ensemble¹s first nomination

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES
Total Actor® nominations: 4
Previous Actors® (2): in 2006, 2005
Previous Actor® nominations(1): in 2007

ENTOURAGE
Total Actor® nominations: 2
Previous Actor® nominations:(1): in 2007

THE OFFICE
Total Actor® nominations: 2
Previous Actors®(1): in 2007

UGLY BETTY
Total Actor® nominations: 2
Previous Actor nominations®(1): in 2007

WEEDS
Total Actor® nominations: 2
Previous Actor® nominations(1): in 2007

a thought..

2007-12-17T18:36:00.000-08:00

how awesome would it be if pseu-pseu pseudio were the universal panacea?
like your friend is all, “I think I might be pregnant by that dude that had herpes and has like a thousand other babies."
and you’re all, "dude. I'm sorry to hear that but pseu-pseu-pseudio."
and then your friend was all, "I am totally going to have this baby and one day it will cure venereal diseased people everywhere. I will raise the other thousand babies and they will each become geniuses in their own right and all will be well in the world."

just think about it for a while.
then try it out and see what kind of reaction you get.

keep me posted.
or don't.
but always remember, pseu-pseu pseudio.

Merry Golden Globe's Nominations Everyone...

2007-12-13T20:47:00.000-08:00

The GG's are January 13 with folks showing off their fanciness @ 3:00.
Show starts at 6:00.
I recommend TiVo the first hour or two and then you can fast forward through the longwinded douchebag speeches..

p.s. Where in the hell is Josh Brolin for No Country for Old Men?
Um, Hollywood Foreign Press Association has some sand in the vagina for sure...

The list:

Best Motion Picture - Drama
American Gangster
Atonement
Eastern Promises
The Great Debaters
Michael Clayton
No Country for Old Men
There Will Be Blood

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Drama
Cate Blanchett - Elizabeth: The Golden Age
Julie Christie - Away From Her
Jodie Foster - The Brave One
Angelina Jolie - A Mighty Heart
Keira Knightley - Atonement

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Drama
George Clooney - Michael Clayton
Daniel Day-Lewis - There Will Be Blood
James McAvoy - Atonement
Viggo Mortensen - Eastern Promises
Denzel Washington - American Gangster

Best Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy
Across the Universe
Charlie Wilson's War
Hairspray
Juno
Sweeney Todd

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy
Amy Adams - Enchanted
Nikki Blonsky - Hairspray
Helena Bonham Carter - Sweeney Todd
Marion Cotillard - La Vie en Rose
Ellen Page - Juno

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy
Johnny Depp - Sweeney Todd
Ryan Gosling - Lars and the Real Girl
Tom Hanks - Charlie Wilson's War
Philip Seymour Hoffman - The Savages
John C. Reilly - Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture
Cate Blanchett - I'm Not There
Julia Roberts - Charlie Wilson's War
Saoirse Ronin - Atonement
Amy Ryan - Gone Baby Gone
Tilda Swinton - Michael Clayton

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture
Casey Affleck - The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Javier Bardem - No Country for Old Men
Philip Seymour Hoffman - Charlie Wilson's War
John Travolta - Hairspray
Tom Wilkinson - Michael Clayton

Best Animated Feature Film
Bee Movie
Ratatouille
The Simpsons Movie

Best Foreign Language Film
4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
The Kite Runner
Lust, Caution
Persepolis

Best Director - Motion Picture
Tim Burton - Sweeney Todd
Ethan and Joel Coen - No Country for Old Men
Julian Schnabel - The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Ridley Scott - American Gangster
Joe Wright - Atonement

Best Screenplay - Motion Picture
Diablo Cody - Juno
Ethan and Joel Coen - No Country for Old Men
Christopher Hampton - Atonement
Ronald Harwood - The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Aaron Sorkin - Charlie Wilson's War

Best Television Series - Drama
Big Love
Damages
Grey's Anatomy
House
Mad Men
The Tudors

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series - Drama
Patricia Arquette - Medium
Glenn Close - Damages
Minnie Driver - The Riches
Edie Falco - The Sopranos
Sally Field - Brothers & Sisters
Holly Hunter - Saving Grace
Kyra Sedgwick - The Closer

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series - Drama
Michael C. Hall - Dexter
Jon Hamm - Mad Men
Hugh Laurie - House
Jonathan Rhys Meyers - The Tudors
Bill Paxton - Big Love

Best Television Series - Musical or Comedy
30 Rock
Californication
Entourage
Extras
Pushing Daisies

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series - Musical or Comedy
Christina Applegate - Samantha Who?
America Ferrera - Ugly Betty
Anna Friel - Pushing Daisies
Tina Fey - 30 Rock
Mary-Louise Parker - Weeds

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series - Musical or Comedy
Alec Baldwin - 30 Rock
Steve Carell - The Office
David Duchovny - Californication
Ricky Gervais - Extras
Lee Pace - Pushing Daisies

Best Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee
The Company
Five Days
Longford
The State Within

Best Performance by an Actress in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Bryce Dallas Howard - As You Like It
Queen Latifah - Life Support
Debra Messing - The Starter Wife
Sissy Spacek - Pictures of Hollis Woods
Ruth Wilson - Jane Eyre (Masterpiece Theater)

Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Adam Beach - Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee
Ernest Borgnine - A Grandpa for Christmas
Jim Broadbent - Longford
Jason Isaacs - The State Within
James Nesbitt - Jekyll

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Rose Byrne - Damages
Rachel Griffiths - Brothers & Sisters
Katherine Heigl - Grey's Anatomy
Samantha Morton - Longford
Anna Paquin - Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee
Jaime Pressly - My Name Is Earl

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Ted Danson - Damages
Kevin Dillon - Entourage
Jeremy Piven - Entourage
Andy Serkis - Longford
William Shatner - Boston Legal
Donald Sutherland - Dirty Sexy Money

It's Beginning to Look A Lot like Gossip...

2007-12-12T18:31:00.000-08:00

Hey dudes,

hope you are well and healthy and happy and there are actually people reading this besides me..
some interesting gossip has come about as late so let us celebrate this poop and get busy..

Jessica Alba is preggers.
I'm sure you heard but I gotta put it out there.
Her boyfriend will now be known for two things, being Jessica Alba's boyfriend and being Jessica Alba's baby's daddy.
No me gusta the Alba.
But she is pretty and she dresses well.
Anywho you can read all about it Here

I swore I would not mention Eva Longwhoria but this is just too good if it's true.
Some Frenchy model is saying that she made sexy time with Tony Small Balls Parker.
That's Longwhoria's hubby and a basketball player for a lame team or whatever..
Anywho here is the Scoop
I totally believe this.
Even if it wasn't true, I still believe it.
As evil as it sounds, I would be more then happy for this to be true.
Did I mention that this should be true?
I want Longwhoria to fall off the face of the earth so I never have to see her just about anywhere.
She looks like she wears dirty underwear and according to this story, had an affair with A.C. Slater, whom I saw at Tower Records once and he was the size of Screech.

So Ethan Hawke did cheat on Uma Thurman.
The woman in question or douche happened to be the Thurman/Hawke nanny.
Nice one.
I remember when Hawke was semi good looking, around Reality Bites.
But then his teeth started to look like an 80 year-old British man who never heard of a toothbrush or Crest or floss or a dentist or hygiene.
He also became incredible pretentious, could not handle his wife's fame and decided to write shit books that only 80 year-old British men who have never heard of a toothbrush or Crest or floss or a dentist or hygiene read.
Anywho's you can read all the nasty Here

This post seems to be about cheating spouses or break ups or my happiness.
Gwynnie Pooptrow and Pussy Martin seemed to have gone through a rough patch and are now on the up and up.
The story is Here
Good for them.
Really.
I despise them both with the whole heart of my being but I mean I wouldn't wish the worst on them.
Eva Logwhoria, yes.
Pooptrow has enough issues.
She hasn't made a decent film in years and her career is in the crapper.
Her children will straight up murder her ass when they get older because she named one a fruit and the other has to live up to the name of a holier then though dude who God thought was the bizomb.
She ruined her husband and his band.
Brad Pitt lost cool points when he was with her.
She stole the Oscar from Blanchett.
She ruined Ben Affleck por vida.
So, basically, she's the kiss of death and her husband has sand in his vagina and sings about it and all is right in the world.
High five.

Um, on a happier not Uma Thurman is on the cover of Bazaar and she looks lovely and is just about awesome.
No sand in this vagina folks she left that up to her ex-husband.
Faboo

Have we talked about the Cloonester and his lady friend?
Girlfriend is very pretty.
They met when she was a go go dancer/waitress in Vegas, so bitch is lucky.
She was also on Fear Factor or whateves.
George rules the school in my opinion.
He's hot and humble and down to earth and no sand in this vagina..
Hottt

homies.
that is all i've got tonight.
keep it real and the sand outta your vag..
peaces greases...

fashion giant who has a wife with a midget sized personality- PR #4.3

2007-12-04T21:35:00.000-08:00

So this week’s challenge was to create a three-piece outfit for former NFL dude Tiki Barber.
Tiki is a correspondent on The Today Show and would wear the winning piece on air.
The designers shit their pants cause most have never designed menswear and the ones that have, have little experience.
Except for I'm Not Gay Kevin who thought he had this one in the bag.
By bag, I don't mean gay cause Kevin isn't gay.
Did you know that?
The super fabulous twist was that the designers were randomly assigned male models.

Anywho, this challenge was, in a word, craptastical.
Slave labor midget mole people children, who have not seen the light of day, are blind, deaf and dumb, had to have made the poop that came down that runway.
I mean what the heck bro.

The only saving grace was Kit, who I have grown fond of.
The girl can sew, create some sweet designs, dresses well and is all around a swell gal.
She also seems to be less drama and I just read that she is a stylist over at E!, so that's cool, I guess.
I'm going to give her thumbs up.
Her suit looked good on the model and was three pieces as was asked for by the Tiki.

Jack ended up winning the challenge.
His two-piece, not three mind you, stripetastic suit was okay.
It fit the model well but I was not having the stripes.
Tiki was cool with it and really what does he know.

I mean he basically told all of America that his wife owns him.
She picks out his clothes.
Hold up, I'm paraphrasing.
Tiki said that he and his wife go shopping and she helps him.
Helps him spend his money on crap that she picks out and he shakes his head in a yes fashion, in fear of being beaten.
I only make this assumption about the wife cause she, Ginny, showed up later in the episode to pass judgment on the designers.
Christian said she was fabulous and tan.
He also shared that he loves Asians and that they are fierce.
I would and will totally agree on that front.

Anywho, Ginny Barber is a straight up tool.
There is nothing going in that old noggin.
Woman looked like someone just woke her ass up, threw on some overly expensive and unattractive dress on her and pulled a string to make her talk.
I fell asleep during most of her airtime but I woke up when she got to Carmen.
Somehow the thing that died in Ginny came alive and the fierce that Christian mentioned was awakened.
She ripped Carmen and her design a new one.
Straight up called Carmen's jacket a Members' Only replica.
Now if Carmen were dressing a dirty hipster, this would be a good thing.

This episode did show the designers personalities a bit more and that was refreshing.

Christian has seemed to lose the ability to walk from his apartment to Parsons so Jack carries him as part of his man bag.
I thought that that was kind of cute.

Sweet P could not design a freakin man's shirt but girlfriend tried and I dig that.
Being that Victorya and Carmen, who were as unfamiliar with men's wear as Sweet P, asked if they could use Jack's pants as a pattern and Sweet P just went for it, gives her an extra gold star.
She kinda got reamed on the runway but took it in stride and was in complete agreement with the judges.
Me likey that Sweet P.
Good name too.

I'm Not A Gay had to mention that he was not gay, again.
Most of the dude designers were beyond stoked to have the male models walking around half naked.
But Kev had to point out that he was not interested.
Thanks for clearing that one up moron, I don't think we heard you the first 1,000 times you said it.
Me no likey the Kevin.
Or his stupid goatee face hair thing.
He looks like the ugly one in a boy band.

Elisa is a complete and total prude.
She tells her model to undress as she turns her back as not to look at his hott piece.
She explains to the viewers at home that she has been with the same dude for a while and only has eyes for his sweet bod.
I bet they met at the Ren Faire.
Probably over some mutton and ale.
He in his natural leather sandals, blowsy shirt, leather vest and snug fitting pants, without pockets if possible.
She in a blowsy dress and flowery headband with her tatas hanging out, ready to play some D & D.
Me throwing up in my mouth a little and holding myself in the fetal position waiting for the Ren Faire to pass through town and not rub its cooties on me.

As I said before Jack won.
Kit was in the top with I'm Not Gay.
Sweet P, Ricky Crytardo and Carmen were at the bottom.
Crytardo did the unexpected and cried but was spared.
The dude took way too much on even enlisting the help of his model to finish the outfit.
However the design was not as bad as say, Carmen's.

Um, yeah.
That thing was all kinds of bad.
The design was not that cool either.
Ha!
Did you catch that?
I made a joke and a call on Carmen at the same time.
High five!
Did I mention that homegirl forgot to make the frickin shirt?
Anywho, CW got the boot and I can't say that I'm bummed.
Now she can go back to that deluxe kiosk in the sky and design some t-shirts for the masses.

With that, I bid you goodnight.
I also would like to apologize for the Ren Faire comment.
I totally didn't mean to give you all nightmares.
The Ren Faire is like that clown in IT for me dude.
For reals.
Peaces Greases..

If you have not..

2007-12-04T19:53:00.000-08:00

seen Hot Rod, do so.
immediately.
like now.
i still see you.
go.
now.

The Truth was that this episode was filler the Consequence was that I won't be giving a full recap #2.10

2007-12-03T18:10:00.000-08:00

Yo, yo, yo.

So Junk in the Trunk chose Sylar over her bro and in turn signed his death warrant.
By death warrant I mean Sylar stabbing Twin Brother American Me style.

Cheertator said goodbye to her pops by dumping his ashes in the ocean a la Big Lebowski and then threatened Powder by punching a window in her car rental.
She also told P that she and her family were not going to run anymore and were going to expose The Company and blah, blah, blah get rid of David Copperfield.

Hiro Nakagoodstoryline and HottAndo do some Scooby Dooing into Hott Monroe's past.
They find out that Hottroe was incarcerated by poppa Sulu back in the day.
So Hiro travels to the 70's and finds out that Hott Monroe had tried to release a deadly virus.
Hmm, sounds familiar.
That one lady from The Company photo that Bitchy Patrelli gave up in last episode stopped Hottroe.
Her name is Victoria but we will be calling her That One Lady.
Anywho, she tells young version of Sulu that if that virus is let loose everyone in the whole freakin world will die and that he needs to destroy it.
Sulu tells That One Lady that that might be a good idea in theory but he would rather ship off the deadly, death to thousands virus, to Texas where it will be safe but actually it won't.
That One Lady tells Sulu that she is out like Casino.

Meanwhile Hottrelli and Hottroe visit That One Lady in the present, to find out where the Shanti virus is.
She pulls a gun on them.
She tells Hottrelli what we all know, that Hottroe is a liar and using him and that he wants to release the virus not save the world from it.
Hottrelli gets that hott yet wide eyed puzzled look on his face and tells That Lady to go f' herself.
But not before using his mind reading power and finding out the virus is in Texas.
Hottroe gets over That One Lady and kills her and leaves his "S" or "F" joker card.
Hottrelli is all, "Why'd you do that?"
Hottroe is all, "Cause she was going to try and kill you by shooting you in the head. Duh."
I'm all, "I think that since Hottrelli has the same power as Hottroe then the only way for Hottroe to die would be to shoot him in the head too."
I also said, "Foreshadowing?"

Retardhinder Raj tells Ned that he has found the cure to Niki's virus.
It happens to be Cheertator's blood that saved ODB's life that Raj the retard has left to rot in a jail.
Die Raj, die.
Anywho, Ned gets all fakey excited.
Raj then lays it out on the line by telling Ned that he needs to help Raj destroy all of the virus' The Company has in their arsenal.
Ned's all, "Oh sure, sure," and Raj is all, "Okay, great!"
Then Ned says, "Douche."
I say, yes indeed.

Ni one K i and Sol Glo are hanging.
Sol Glo's Good Burger cousin steals his backpack with his comics and his pops medal and tries to sell it to some homies.
Good Burger got the shaft from the homies.
Sol Glo threatens to shake off his hair sweat on Good Burger if he doesn't get his crap back.
Good Burger says no dice and so does Ni one K i when Sol Glo suggests using their super powers.
So Super Cousin, who does the weird mouth thing, says she will help the Sol.
She sneaks him out in the middle of the night in a ninjaesque velour sweat suit to go get the goods at some gangster’s house.
Well I won't keep you in suspense, the homies come home find Super Cousin and throw her in some van then they drive away with their guns in the air, cheering.
Sol Glo sees this all and then starts to walk home in a really fast manner saying, "Oh shit, oh shit."

Raj calls Ni one K i and tells her he's got a cure for her and will be on the first plane out.
Ni one K i is stoked and wants to share the news with her glistened haired son but he is at some homies house getting in deep doo doo.
Raj's call waiting happens and Butt Powers, (Sylar) gives him the great news that the call is coming from inside Raj's house.
Butt Powers strokes Poltergeist Molly's hair and marvels at those chompers all the while winking at goofy grinning Junk in the Trunk and telling Raj that they will patiently wait for his return at his house.
Um, where the f is Porkman?
Ahh, eating, right.

Hottrelli and Hottroe get to Texas to find the Shanti virus.
But not before HiNo stops time, finds out that Hottrelli has teamed up with his arch nemesis and then challenges Hottrelli to a battle royal.

Next week, a season finale will happen that may just be a fall finale and not a whole season finale, cross your fingers.
Also, some folks will die.
Is it bad that I am hoping one of those peeps is Junk in the Trunk?
Is it even worse that I have been praying to the Heroes writing dudes to kill of Raj at the hand of ODB?
No?
Good. Good.

guess who..

2007-12-02T22:31:00.000-08:00

will have a spring collection at the Target?
Hmm